"Thank You God for This Stupid Food!"

Remember that line from Ashley's prayer on the FreshPrince? Will had just moved there and was teaching her all this slang she'd never used, and how to rap. So she busted out in a rap prayer to her parents' dismay. (No, I couldn't find it on youtube.) I would like to use this line, reminding the uninitiated that stupid meant dope, hot, fantastic, wonderful or amazing back in the day. Last night, I had a religious food experience at Kaya in the Strip District. I want to thank God for giving me another place to take visitors and for another getaway in Pittsburgh. I have yet another place I can go to just disappear and forget I'm in this city.

First we'll start with what my dad. He started with an A.yinger beer. The bartender said it had 9.2% IPA! That's an outrageous IPA. Most beers are around 5.5 to 6. 7 is on the high side and may or may not make the beer unpalatable, particularly for those unfamiliar with beer, but this one was good. My dad said beyond the sampler it was a bit bitter. They had several delightful beers on tap that I'd never had. PLUS I love anywhere that has Stella on tap! Fab!! I did want to give their special beers a try, several of which are not anywhere else in Pittsburgh, but tonight I was about the drinks! I started with Brazil's national cocktail, the caipirinha! MMMM!! It was sooo good. Why doesn't the U.S. have a national cocktail!?! After that I had a mango mojito made with mango puree. Loved it. Kara suggested A.kineyle for a Krispy Kreme song when I last spoke of the fat tour so I shall use it here to describe my drink. "You can lick it, you can sip it, you can taste it! I'm talking every dri.p drop don't you waste it!" Yes I knew all the hood and/or inappropriate songs in college. Are you happy Kara? Lol. Crazy man.

On to the food. They change their menu daily. I don't know how much they vary, but, though small, the menu did not feel limited. With the few choices available, I still had difficulty deciding what to get. My dad had a Cuban sandwich: pork, turkey, ham, Swiss cheese, whole grain mustard, chipotle aioli, and sweet fries. Yes, I kept with my Lenten challenge and did not eat even one fry! That was part of the reason I didn't get that sandwich. I want to get whatever experience the chef wants me to have, no subsititutes, so I left that one for another trip. Aren't you proud? Me too!

Now my food. Oh my food. My delightful, delightful food. I had the Kaya angus burger: tomato, pickles, Manchego cheese, bacon, local sunny side up egg, secret Kaya sauce, Kaya chips. Let's stop and do a praise dance for that! And celebrate FoodNetwork with IronChefAmerica and RachaelRay, and we cannot forget TopChef!! Without these shows, I may never have had the chutzpah to try a burger with an egg on it, despite my unabiding love for eggs. The sauce was orangey-pink, sweet but tangy. Very nice. I'm getting RAVENOUS just thinking about this burger! Pardon me while I go eat my hand. Tastes like chicken.

Aaaand... we're back. Yes, I did check to make sure the chips weren't some sly way (you know how the British do) of saying fries. It's not. They're potato chips made from plantains and yuca. Again. So excited that my foodieness requires me to know what all this means!!! My mom asked if this was cheating. How are potato chips cheating? I didn't give up all potato products, just fries. Trust me. As a fry queen, its not the same. Moving back to the center of my delight. This burger was so good I was just silent. Jameil. Silent. Wow. Let's take a moment for that as well! A.MA.ZING. But only for a moment and I did dance. You know how I do. Wiggle and hum when the eating is good. Close my eyes. I said to my dad, "Now I can die happy!" He didn't like that. I guess parents take you literally and get all alarmed. It's an expression. I have no desire or plans to die but if I had to, that's an amazing last meal!!

I've finally used my new reason to become anti! Now you can *REJOICE!* and hear my voice. After I first posted, I thought, is this too much? Maybe I'm becoming "Jameil... THE BRAND!"? Did you do that like "Just Jack!" on Wil.l&Grace? Because you should have. Lol. My dad just asked me what I do when people are out of order commenting on my blog. I said, "I just say, 'You are off topic.'" And he started cracking up. "This blog is concerning the hair growth of mice, it has nothing to do with railroad tracks. Please stay on the subject," he says. He's so funny.


Rashan Jamal said...

Cant wait til nobody is around so I can check out the utters. Opinionated Diva posted her voice today. It's strange hearing people's voices that you been reading for awhile. And didn't even have to beg.

I wanna go to Kaya!

Anonymous said...

Pittsburgh has come so far...

First Sonic and KK, now this.

I remember when.

Ima have to check that place out.

Of course that would necessitate leaving Braddock and I rarely get too far from momma's house.

the joy said...

Had fries last night and thought of you. Tried to send good vibes your way. That song made my stomach wiggly. I did NOT hear you talking about beer in that sentence, lol.

Adei von K said...

"This blog is concerning the hair growth of mice, it has nothing to do with railroad tracks. Please stay on the subject"

HAHAHAHAHA!! Your dad is tooooooo funny!!!!

kaya is another word for weed. I'm guessing the food is sooooooooo good, its like you're HIIIIIIGH. That place sounds sooooo AWESOME!!

CNEL said...

Ok since 100's are tomorrow maybe I'll have a beer in your honor even though I may pre and post game to get real drinks.

A burger with egg on it, I'll take your word it was good.

OMG the voice, the voice.
"I know some of you will save this and play it for your children one day... Hi kids, bye kids."

LoL. Dying over here.

shani-o said...

Eating fries RIGHT NOW and thinking of you! Muahahaha! But yeah, your dad is funnnnny. And I haaaate Stella, but I love places that have their own beers. My spot right now is Triumph Brewery!

Sha Boogie said...

Oh, how I heart thee!! I love when you do food posts *drool* - as a foodie myself, that burger made me drool with dessireee! And so did those beers! Yum, I had beer and burgers last night, fabulous!!

Dead @ you eating your hand and saying it tasted like chicken, LOL!

Momisodes said...

Whoa! So proud of you. Those fries in those Cuban sandwiches are irresistible *drool*

I loved Ashley from Fresh Prince....I'm guilty of watching reruns at 2am

Jameil said...

rj... check ch check check check a check it out. kaya is fab. you HAVE to go if you ever go to pittsburgh. i must warn you, its not a typical pgh restaurant but its one you won't find everywhere so fits the travel food bill.

ink... i'm glad i wasn't here in the bad old days!! you should check it out. quite delish.

joy... aw! that's so sweet! i didn't freak out too much over the fries. did you give up beer for lent?

stace... lol. he's funny. weed? yuck! i was DELIRIOUS after that burger!!

cnel... just remember: beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer, in the clear. and don't overdo it. you like? lol.

shani... why i oughta... you don't like stella?! wow... that is muy saddo.

sha... everything tastes like chicken! thanks! you're so darling!

sandy... I KNOW!! i deserve something else magnificent for that kind of strength! i watch those reruns daily. i'm thisclose to having seen every single one.

Sparkling Red said...

You're making me hungry.
And your dad is making me laugh.

You're such a long way away, and yet you have such power over my life!

the joy said...

I don't drink beer and I don't do lent. So... No.

Jameil said...

red... wooooooooooo!! power!! lol

joy... buzz kill.

yet another black guy said...

you are killing me with that description. i laid back and started imagining that burger. don't you know i actually opened my mouth for a bite?! madness!