Au Revoir de L'Histoire

Coretta Scott King died today. I don't know why, but it affected me more than the death of Rosa Parks. I think perhaps because she just made an appearance at a remembrance for Dr. King. I'm probably a lot more realistic than most when it comes to the issue of death. I dealt with a lot of it very early. So its not like I saw her and thought she would be around forever. I guess because it was either her only or one of a few appearances since her stroke and mild heart attack in August. She appeared stately. To me that was a sign of recovery.

However I think the greater issue is what the title suggests. Saying good-bye to our history. One of my greatest fears is that more of our history will disappear along with the history makers and recorders and the people they lived their lives with. That's why this is one of my favorite sites. Its an opportunity to capture our history before the stories die with the people. Granted Coretta Scott King and Rosa Parks were two of the most well-known Black women of the Civil Rights Movement. For the most part, their stories have been told. But how many other stories are dying untold every day? How many countless stories have we already lost?

It keeps me up at night. I know that's crazy but if I'm passionate about nothing else, its about Black history. It is very appropriate that I write this today on the eve of Black History Month. A lot of people have jumped on the "I hate Black History Month" bandwagon because its very chic to hate BHM now. You're not a truly forward thinking negro unless you boycott the idea of Black History Month. Let's not forget the history. Black History Month came to be because too many Black children were going through life with history books which included merely a paragraph or chapter about slavery in a 350 page history book. In most cases slavery was depicted as a benevolent event where slaves were rarely beat, enjoyed themselves, and had wonderful relationships with their masters. That's if there was any mention of the people who built this country with their blood, sweat, and tears.

Carter G. Woodson created "Black History Week" to try to overcome the disparity between our history and the books in hopes of delivering our history to our people. So we would know how much Black people have accomplished and invented and who we are beyond 400 years of forced labor. The week was later expanded to Black History Month. That's why its in the shortest month of the year, not because of racism. Do you think in the 1960s, 1970s and possibly even 1980s, there would have been a lot of white willingness to accept ANY month as BHM, regardless of its length? Now think back to 1926 when the week was created. Take the time to really comprehend that. How many books and dolls and stores do you think had black faces? The ones about criminals? Sound familiar? Seen anything like this today?

One things that pisses me off is that my mother attended her first integrated school in the 10th grade. My mother was born in 1955. One year after the Brown v. Board of Education decision. That means my mother should have never attended a segregated school. These schools were separate and inherently unequal. Junior year in high school, my AP American History teacher told me he doesn't remember any racism growing up in Asheboro, NC. He's the same age as my mother. Then he proceeded to tell us how he had a black friend who took him to the gym at the black school. He saw the old, beat apart books, the raggedy gym with holes in the floor, and all the other subpar materials Blacks were supposed to use to get an equal opportunity. How that does not constitue racism I'll never know. But that also goes back to the whole slavery thing. I knew a lot of white people growing up in the suburbs. I grew up in a neighborhood with 500 homes where you could count the number of Black families on one hand. We were one of the first 50 families in the neighborhood. Every white person I've ever known who has spoken to me about the issue of slavery claims their family (if they admit to have slaveowners in their ancestry) treated their slaves well. I just don't think its possible. EVERYone treated their slaves well? I don't think so. We will never be able to escape the pain of our collective history as Americans until we are willing to own up to the mistakes.

Yes, my mother was born in Mississippi, and yes my teacher was born in North Carolina. But the South wasn't much slower or less willing than the rest of the United States to allow race mixing. Please do not fall into the naivete that is required to believe Northern whites were so much more willing to allow integration than Blacks. Integration was not well accepted anywhere for a long time.
The day I graduated from high school was an eye opener for me. Not for the obvious reason. I think graduation ceremonies are a ridiculous waste of time. I do not care to hear what some random person whose name I will most likely forget before the graduation money is spent, has to say. It was an eye opener because there was a white guy I considered my friend. He seemed reasonably aware of life and its realities. First he pissed me off because he asked me why I would go to a 4-year university when I could just as easily go to a 2-year school and get the same degree. Don't question my motives. We were never that good of friends.

Then he tells me he can go to his school, graduate, and come out making more money than me. I said, "Well, you're a white male, so you would come out doing that anyway." He said, "Don't say that. That's not true anymore." I said, "Excuse me?" He repeated himself and tried to argue me down. Yes, the gap has shrunken, but Black people generally still make only 80% of their white counterparts. And women do not make what men do, although Black women ordinarily make more than Black men. Somehow in all of his interactions with Black people, he still managed to miss the point. Racism and prejudice are not dead. Its a problem that may never be solved. But if we are not working toward it, who will? If we are not willing to document our history, why should anyone else? So today in saying good-bye to Coretta Scott King, I hope we are not also saying good-bye to our greatest responsibility in knowing our legacy. Not just the legacy of the King family but more importantly, the legacy of people of African descent, as widely varied as that term is across the diaspora, and Blacks in America.


Cat Like Reflexes

*******THIS JUST IN*******
Oh hell no. Do you know this fool called me Friday night? Sigh. I apparently must be rude. I didn't return the call, but I'll have to see him today. Ugh.

I called it cat-like reflexes for no reason really. Just that I wanted to say I should've trusted my damn instinct. My instinct told me Jake was no good. This was before me and the b.f. got together. I found him annoying, pompous and lacking that je ne sais quois. Actually I do know what. CLASS!! All previous references to throne man are about him!! Geez. I just went back and read that. I should've read it before I got so desperate to hit the streets that I called him!! Ugh.

The point is I've met various people in the city who are either no longer here (at least 3 in this category) or who I've called and arranged to go out w/to no avail, or were just wack. One person fell into the last category because I didn't respond the way he wanted me to when he hit on me. EW! To quote the ever hilarious K to the B, "Wait a while!" Geez. This is pre-the b.f., too. Just because I don't jump on you the first time you try, you don't want to ever talk to me again? Ok whatever. Keep it moving.

So anyway. The last post was quite interesting to the people and yielded some very interesting comments. Yes, its true. I absolutely should have listened to "my first mind" like n said. I never thought he was cool. Like hmmm, I'm not interested in a hubba-hubba type way, but he seems cool. Uh uh. None of that. He was so less than interesting to me. The sitting there and beckoning me to come talk to you, the hypersensitivity about your sub-par education, NOT MY FAULT!! Lolol. Speaking of which, when I went to visit my peeps at my home by the sea this week, I saw one of my fellow former Student Leaders. DeShawn is TOO hilarious. Lolololol!! So my girl Wy was talking about dating some guy from Norfolk State. He goes, "Why would you wanna date beneath you?" Lololol!!!! Crackin me up!! He's from Philly so he's like the last person I would expect to say that. I mean we allll know how grimey that city is. Didn't they come up w/the word grimey? Lol! (How on earth do you spell that word? I'll just pick a spelling and stick with it).

Anyway. So spchrist asked how my man was cool with the outing. Because we trust each other. Not the naive I trust him (I think) but not really. The trust that comes from years of knowing each other and guarding each other's secrets. He doesn't have to worry about me going out w/another guy. Its not a date, I make that clear, whatever. Ashli cussed me out for not going out alone. GEEZ! I'm sorry! Lolol. But I guess she would after this nonsense! Oh the hilarity!!

But I think my favorite point was brought up by SoWiseSista (apt name). Girl. You sound like the b.f. did when I told him the story. Except I didn't expect him to laugh!!! That jerk! He was supposed to be as indignant as I was! But he was like, "Ok... He did everything I expected him to except go in for the good night kiss." Ooh I wish a n^99a would!! He would still be seeing stars. Ugh! I'm gettin pissed just thinking about it!! BTW, no people don't call it the P. Lolol. He offered to show me the city, but so did a lot of other people. But I should've followed my instinct even when the b.f. was like just go, tell him you have a man, but go have fun. I thought, yeah, um... no. I know how men are. Like you said (SWS) I knew he would be thinking the DL was a-ok. Negro please!! Get that outta here!! I knew he wanted more than to "show me around." That bullshit. That's like the wackest line EVER!!! Especially when you don't come correct and take me to possibly two of the worst places in Pittsburgh. So Rumshakers wasn't that bad, but the other joint? Get outta here. And you're planning second dates? I'll let EnVogue take over here....

"Neva gonna get it, neva gonna get it, neeeeeeeva gonna get it, neva gonna get it, neeeeeva gonna get it, neva gonna get... neva gonna get! woo woo woo wooooooo!!"

Everybody now! Lol. So yeah, Jake will never see me alone again. EVER!! There will be no more meeting you at a bar b/c you don't know how to control yourself. You find it necessary to hit on me even when I make it abundantly clear that I'm not interested. I don't know how I could make it more clear that I'm not interested. Perhaps by ignoring you for another five months. Well, one week down, 19 to go. Follow your instincts people!! I will not be going out with anymore unattached men. If you don't have a girl you're committed to, don't expect me to go out with you. I can't deal w/people who don't respect my relationship. Oh but this was hilarious!! When he was like, "Tell your man he's lucky." Lololol. That has to be one of the lamest lines EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! Men, don't use this. Its wack. I think he had "I gotta man, whatcha man got to do w/me, i gotta man, I'm not tryin to hear that, see?" playing in his head. Po thang. NO SOUP FOR YOU!!


Fresh AzImIz

I know its wrong and uncharacteristic for me to quote lil Bow Weezy but work with me here people. I'm just sayin. Pittsburgh ain't fresh az i'm iz. It just ain't. I'm sayin. So this dude from a place i frequent but don't really interact with the people has been tryin to get me to go out with him damn near as long as I've been here. I was bored out of my mind and I finally cracked.

Don't worry guys. I'm not ruining the relationship. I talked it over with the b.f. first. So the dude, we'll call him Jake. Lol. Jake. That's a funny name. So yeah, Jake and me decide to meet up at this place called "High Rollers, Inc." I looked it up on the internet. Sounds hot right? But it doesn't have a website. That's already a no no. Call me siddity or whatever, but I'm somewhat internet savvy and I just expect a place that wants my patronage to have a website. That's all I'm saying. (btw I said siddity around some white people and they gave me the blank look. How hilarious is that?! I didn't know that was a black word! Lolol.) So then I'm looking for the place. I call Jake like what does it look like, what am I looking for? He says, "There's no sign out front." I'm like, "Wait, you do know I went to Hampton right? So you know my standard?" He agrees but then we get to this bootleg hole in the wall place and I'm just so less than pleased its not funny. There are about 15 people in this place that I can see the back of when I walk in the door.

Everyone's at the bar, the dance floor is empty, and the sound system is like someone's stereo hooked up to a big speaker. I mean damn. My dad had a better sound system in his house in Charlotte. Matter of fact, we have a better sound system in this little ass apartment we live in right now. We could blast them out w/the quality. Without a doubt or breaking a sweat. So whatever. Me and Jake head to the bar. I get a Tanqueray and tonic w/a lime. Not the tastiest drink, but I at least need to be able to taste my liquor. Its cute and people are always impressed when you order it. When you don't know what kind of bartender you're working with, that's what you have to do. Get something that you know you can taste and is pretty hard to mess up. You already know how I feel about Long Islands. Not cute. So me and Jake are talking. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. (I had already asked him to stop sitting so close to me). That's regardless.

Men, let me give you a little hint. Personal space is very important. I don't want you invading mine when I don't know you. I'm not giving you any clues that I want you that close to me. I know I'm not. Here's some help. These are clues that I want you close. 1) I'm looking in your eyes with "the look." You know the one. Where my eyes are half-lidded and you're pretty sure I want to get you home. 2) I'm leaning toward you. Body language is so important its not funny. If we're sitting down and my legs are crossed away from you, bad body language. That says I'm still not that comfortable with you. Arms crossed? Same thing. If I'm leaning away from you, not making eye contact... I do not want you making body contact of any kind. DON'T TOUCH ME!! Don't listen to Amerie. DO be afraid to touch. I just don't like strangers touching me anyway. If we've never had a conversation more than an hour, you're a stranger. Get away! So obviously he's breaking these rules because I have given him none of these clues. Very bad body language. And conciously.

If I have to ask you to give me some space, that's bad. I had to tell this dude at Hampton to get away from me. If you're a nerd before you join, you're still a nerd to me! Male or female. You are who you are, letters don't change that. So anyway. I was like, "Geez. You're such an invader of personal space!" He was always touching me w/his clammy hands talking about, "Heeeey Superstar! How are you? You're number one!" Ugh! I know you know my line name and number. Now please stop touching me!! But do you know what he said when I said that to him? "I know! Isn't it great!?" Heeeeeeeeeell no negro, or I wouldn't have said anything. Ugh. Stop invading my space!! Filthy McNasty.

Anyway. So partway through the time at the alleged High Rollers, he asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. He asks how long. I say we've been best friends for 3 years, known each other for 5 and been together for a month. (Hursh I know it makes no sense). So that's out of the way. He knows. Then he starts with the comments. Well, let him know he's a lucky guy. Yeah he knows. And some other typical bullshit men say when you have a man and they're still tryin to get at you. Look here little man. I love my man. What don't you understand about he's been my best friend for THREE YEARS? Three years? That's no bullshit. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to. So what fresh HELL makes you think any whack game you kick can do anything to make me want you? It can't. I'm not going anywhere. So back off.

I want to see Pittsburgh, but not that bad. Ugh. STOP TOUCHING ME!! I just wanted to scream that. But then I'd be overreacting. Bitches. And its 153 as I'm finishing this. I've been typing for how long? I've been home for at least a half hour. That's ridiculous. Jake also took me to "Rumshakers." Has a website, but is soooooooooooo small. You see how ghetto the website is? And the dj? Damn ridiculous. Awful. No thanks. I'll pass on that again. So the moral is... I will go out in Pittsburgh again, but not with Jake unless I can get him on the same page (i.e. you have NO chance unless pigs begin to fly in hell without turning into bacon). And I will not be heading to either of those "establishments" (I use that term loosely) again. There are enough in Pittsburgh that I can try about 5 more that I've heard more about.

And another thing, I was accused of being too serious. The atmosphere you're exposed to me in is a serious one. WTF? You want me to be shuckin and jivin in there? I don't get it. Shut up. Ugh. I'm gonna shake someone. Its time for me to go to bed. How sad. Lolol. Actually, in retrospect, it wasn't THAT bad (the places). But I definitely could have had better music. I was just glad to get out the damn house. But I still don't want him touching me. We've already established I ain't got no southern hospitality. I'm rude.

I had originally planned to go out alone (see post below). Stay with your instincts people!! Also lol. i can't believe i titled a post fresh azimiz. How ghetto is that? i should've gone out by my damn self. but i'm glad I did this b/c I now know that i could've had way more fun by my damn self. I could've had a great damn time alone. So from here on out, expect a crazy story once a week about my adventures in Pittsburgh. I'm not waiting for no more boring ass people to remember I'm here.


Oh Happy Day!!

I would just like to say again for the people who weren't paying attention the first time, GO PANTHERS!!!! Hey! I just figured out this link thing and I'm so excited!! Shut up y'all.

My mommy sent me a long sleeved Panthers tee in honor of our win over the Chicago Bears on Sunday and in preparation for our win in Seattle against the Seahawks. Whoo hoo!! Damn that Shawn Alexander for getting healthy and Julius Peppers needs to shake it off! Maybe if he could stay out the streets his shoulder would be ok. I used to see him (#90) every time I went out in Charlotte. Like accidentally. It was almost like, are you stalking me? Speaking of which, Charlotte has a lot of athletes. For all the gold diggers out there, go to Liquid Lounge on Wednesdays. Its lots of fun and you'll find plenty of large watches w/diamond bezzels. Wow. I can't believe I just helped out groupies. That's terrible. Lolol. But if the dudes are stupid enough to believe the girl that approaches him and can't stop staring at him like a meal ticket really wants him, then they deserve each other. Oh and here they call them black and gold diggers. Lololol. Is that not hilarious?!! All the Pittsburgh teams are black and gold (Steelers, Penguins, Pirates). Like anyone would stalk a Pirates player. Lololol.

I've decided to say forget the haters and go out by myself tonight. I'm tired of being bored and boring people. Maybe I'll accidentally find someone fun. If not, oh well. I'm gonna have a good time anyway. Matter of fact, I need to go take a nap. Remember in college you used to take a nap before you went out so you could stay up all night? ahhh. The good old days! Who knows some 21+ hot spots every day of the week in Pittsburgh? Anyone?


I'll Drink to that! or The Luscious Duchess Strikes Again

So in college, DJ Boughetto Stace used to call me the Luscious Duchess. And with good reason. I mean I was not playing. I had a drinking partner (excuse me for the southerners and youngblood fans, drankin patnah) and all. It started sophomore year. First semester me and the d.p. had fridays off. That's right. No class on Friday. The weekend started after Cotton's class. Cotton was the best. Real hard on you so after class you needed a cold something. (or during, but that's another story) 445, time to find the one who would contribute to the delinquency of minors. Amazingly enough (or not so amazing) it was easy to find.

But by the time senior year rolled around, all the cleaning up other people's vomit, keeping the drunk people away from phones, alleged biting incidents, fights, machetes outside parties and just general debauchery, I decided to join Chinagirl as group bartender. But it was hard to find people to drink my drinks unless they wanted to be out with a quickness. I liked to call myself the "one hit wonder." Yeah! That was great! Ahhh good times, good times. Plus hangovers? Yeah not that fun. Plus when its so accessible because we're all 21, I mean what's the big deal right? Lolol. It was hilarious.

So D (that's my dad) has swollen lymph nodes. Ew right? And he sounds NASTY! Please stop coughing around me. I don't want your ebola. I really don't. So he comes downstairs rubbing his throat and says, "I need something for my sore throat." I had prescribed o.j., others suggested Gatorade and hot tea. But I know D. I see him go to the cabinet and grab one of the short glasses. I said, "Uh uh! You're not getting wine are you?" He gives me this crazy look and shakes his head (he's on the phone). I say ok. Then I hear the cabinet open. I'm like, wtf? I know... I say, "I gotta check on you... D! How is tequila gonna help your sore throat????" I tell you... black people. Lololol

Oh yeah. And there are a lot of people who are so hard on tequila. That's because you're probably drinking it straight (only for the strong, not the fake strong, the really strong. like the regular drinkers) or that bottom shelf crap. You ain't gotta go for Patron (although I do recommend it b/c the flavor is SUPERB!!!) but 1800, Jose Cuervo Especial and Tradicional are also excellent choices. A good rule of thumb: If it comes in a plastic bottle, it will most likely have you grasping the porcelain bowl. Any questions???


What Say You?

I thought I'd highlight some people that have me literally SCREAMING with laughter. Now I won't act like it doesn't happen often, because it does. And honestly, I crack myself up sometimes. I mean sometimes I think I'm hilarious. But you have to because if you don't give yourself due props sometimes, then who will? Speaking of which, I had the MOST hilarious convos with one of my peeps about tattoos and piercings.

Friend: I am trying to figure out where to place this new one so no one can see
Me: have you run out of places? how about the crook of your arm or the back of your neck under your weavelolol
Friend: crook?
Me: the bend in the elbow silly or you could do your left ass cheek. ooh! shave your head, put it there and wear wigs until your hair grows back!
Friend: ooohhhh.... enough!!! lol
Me: lololol. i'm just trying to be helpful. geez. so ungrateful
Friend: I want to put it somewhere where i can't put it now but it won't be horrible when I am old
Me: i'm goin w/ass cheek... do you know how funny old folks homes will be in like 50 years w/all the tats
Friend: I can put it there now... that is hilarious... hopefully they will take out the piercings
Me: miss michelle, i'm gon turn you over sweetie and... well i didn't know they called you "i'm rick james bitch."
Me: ah!!! people will be trained to recognize eyebrow, lip, vaginal, nipple and tongue piercings Me: or the holes where all of the above used to reside... as well as belly button

I mean how funny is that? Nursing homes are gonna be hilarious in like 40 years. Rappers and actors and grunge people, oh my! I can't wait. I really can't.

"I've never wanted to help so much in my whole damn life." -- Stacey London "What Not to Wear." That's one of my favorite shows!! I'm such a fashion junkie. I'm the crack whore of fashion. This girl that Stacey was talking about was truly a mess. Like for no reason. Hilarious!! Honey! There are old ladies that wouldn't be caught in a CASKET wearing your daily attire! You give elderly people a bad name!! There's this lady at the station I feel like that about. There are several people that I'm like... honey. I can tell your clothes are outdated. I'm not asking you to be a fashion guru (see me), but I am asking you to look like you are on television for a living. Is that so much to ask? You make waaaaaaaaay more than I do. I know you can afford it.

"I don't care if you have to cry and cut, but you better cry and cut." --Zulema, "Project Runway" (PR) Another one of my fave shows! [(Do you see the smack? Maybe I'm the smack whore of fashion. What's smack? Is that heroin? I think so. For some reason we had this convo at the station one day. (Don't ask)] Anway. On PR, they were partnered up for the most recent episode. Zulema (of course Black) was paired up with this girl Kara Janx that was crying because their original design was tow up. I mean truly a mess. And she's like bereft and unable to focus. There was a time crunch, and that's what Zulema says. It was funny on the preview, and even funnier in context!! Lololol!! Just cut bitch! You know that's what she wanted to say!! Lololol!! I DIED!! DIED with laughter!! Lolololol!!

"alicia keys has recently replaced mariah carey as official branch chanteuse, as ms. carey has been recently deemed unfit to remain affiliated with the coalition after her 15th music video where she sings to, dances with, and runs from coalition members only to land in the arms of a former oppressor at the conclusion of the video. as ms. carey had been previously warned, this type of behavior is counterproductive to the aims of the coalition and will not be tolerated by its members" --Karamale "Ghetto is As Ghetto Does" response on... my blog! Karamale CRACKS me up!!! Like for no reason. This is just an excerpt of the hilarity!!

"What are you talking about? She's just like me. She looks like me...only not as cute. She talks like me...only not as eloquently. She thinks like me...only not as intelligently. The issues we had are the same issues they have. He's basically doing our whole relationship over again..only not as well. It's like "Us: The Remix" only with a poorly mixed sample. She's the cheap knockoff version of me. She's like "compare to Lauren" perfume. It's sad really." --Lauren on Ex-Boyfriends. I was DYING laughing when I read this. I really had to pass it around the world. Lauren has become one of my favorite bloggers. And I mean come on. This is so me! Lololol!! Us... The Remix. Lolololololol!!

"I'm... pretty tiny. So even if it's Aisha approved fur, if it's furry and envelopes me from my neck to my knees, I look like a giant ferret. My scrawny little face with big eyes poking out over animal skins is just not very flattering. Maybe to a hunter but, not for urban trekking." --Aisha T on fur. This girl CRACKS me up!!! I mean for no reason. I literally fell out laughing!! Lolololololol.

"Wow! WOW! That's like fashion as religion! That's like... that's like... televangefashilism." --Isaac Mizrahi about Finola Hughes traveling 8 hours in a car to go to H&M. Lolololol. People. I really don't want to have to say this again. But if I will I must. You HAVE to watch this show!! He CRACKS me up! I almost poked my eye out on the credenza because I was literally, LITERALLY convulsing with laughter!! Lololol!! There's no way you can't find it funny. He's so ridiculous! It comes on like a gazillion times a day now on the Style Network. Yesterday it was on from 5 to 8 and again at 11. But its normal times are at 7 and 11. Go watch this show!! Tonight!!!

Now this is one of the most hilarious things I've read in about my whole life. It makes no sense. Clay Cane. Most of you are familiar with the hilarity. Too hilarious!!!!!! http://claycane.blogspot.com/2005/08/beyonce-sucks.html Go there. I'm tellin you. Even if you are a Beyonce fan (like my line sister) you will see humor in this. Although there was also a hilarious comment where this dude bout threatened Clay's life for Beyonce "slander." Lolololol!! Some excerpts if you will...

"Everywhere I turn I am forced to look at Beyonce, see her perform, or God forbid see her try to form a complete sentence! She is overexposed and it drains my spirit - being a lover of music I can't get away from her ... on the Oscars, which I only watched because of Chris Rock - I was violated by THREE performances of Beyonce and ONE in French! I NEVER thought I'd be asking for CELINE DIONE!" oh and there's this...

"Every awards show she is throwing her body around as people fall to their feet begging to lick her Popeye Chicken stained fingers! SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Popeye's stained fingers!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!! Lolololol!! But wait! There's more!

"Many people wondered if Texas Christians would condone her being half naked on stage (she was the most unclothed person of the night) and being slayed by Jay-Z with no signs of marriage? Is Beyonce popping her heat-seeking coochie on stage for Jesus???????? Does she hope the pelvic thrusts she taught Oprah will somehow inspire people to be a good Texas Christian like herself, George Bush and her pappy who is currently getting sued for sexual harassment?" Lololol!! Heat-seeking coochie on stage for Jesus!!!! LAWD!! I had to do a good ole Southern SCU-REEEEEM on that one!! God bless Clay Cane. Too much!!!

I had way more links on this one. I really did. But my ISP should be shot(!!) for logging me off mid genius!! Ugh!! I was linkin like a crazy person. But alas. Here it is. The hilarity I had to share. It was bursting from my SOUL!! I'm sure there were more. Thanks for giving me something to obsess over guys!! I read toooo many blogs. How many? I have (wait let me count)... 63 on my favorites. Luckily some of you are too lazy to post more than once or twice a month. Kisses!!!


Let's Get Ready to Rrrrrrrrrumble!!!!

Aight so this here post is dedicated to all my sports heads. First and foremost I want to give a shout out to the Duke Blue Devils for being voted unanimously to the number ONE spot in the AP poll after 14 consecutive wins. Do the DAMN thing!!!

I also want to give a shout out to the University of Kentucky for constantly giving me something to make fun of Kyle for!! Go Wildcats you suck, keep losing, i love it!! Whoooo!!

Shouts to Jerome Mathis for being one of two rookies selected to the NFL Pro Bowl. Check out my fellow Hamptonian in action on February 12 in hot bubblin Hawaii. Maybe next year the Texans will get Reggie Bush (they did play the Bush bowl) and do something worth talkin about!

BIIIIIIIIG shouts to Howard University for LOSING to the real HU last night. I'm just glad you know your place. Its about time. I don't settle for 2nd best. That's why I'm a HAMPTON alumna. You already know the deal. Ok it was on ESPNU, right? Umm... I'm gonna pose this question again since I got no responses the last time. Where fresh hell do I find this alleged channel? I'm convinced I need HDTV, cable, 2 satellite dishes, direct tv, DVR and TiVO concurrently to watch it from my couch. Do I? Answers people!! From my COUCH!!

Because I'm just tryin to get some HBCU sports action. Is that so much to ask? I think not. I would've loved to have watched my Pirates take it to the whole schedule going UNDEFEATED in football. Get it Pirates. Iiiiiiif yourrrrrrrr... teams alright, alright! Let me hear you say yeah... (everybody now) YEEEEEEEEAH whoo! If your team's alright, alright. Let me hear you one time.... UH! My team's alright two times... UH UH! They're outta sight, three times, UH UH UH! They're reeeeeeally great four times... UH, UH, UH, UH! Shake it, shake it, shake DEEEEEEEEZ!

Yeah you know you liked that. Stop hatin. Pirates EAT bison meat!! Ok I'm gon stop pickin on the poor little bison fans out there right now. I couldn't help it.

Shouts to the CAROLINA PANTHERS rolling to victory over the New York Giants AT Giant Stadium. The road to Detroit... is your town the next stop? If you are a Chicago Bears fan, the answer is yes. Yes, I am aware that the Bears beat us earlier in the season. I am also aware that Lovie Smith has received Coach of the Year honors. However, when you are in the post season, NONE of that matters (as evidenced by the dismal performances by both the Giants and the Jags in the opening round of the playoffs). But I'm gon need DeShaun Foster to get his toe together. You kind of need that for football.

Speaking of Lovie Smith, let's get a round of applause for that guy and all the black coaches in the NFL. Tony Dungy came in 2nd in the votes for coach of the year. Marvin Lewis managed to transform the Bungles into the Bengals, who despite their first round loss made quite an impression on the league in the regular season kickin ass and takin names. Herm Edwards rackin up the dollars nearly doubling his salary by leaving the head coaching position w/the Jets to take over for the Chiefs.

As much as I don't like the Steelers, just for principle, let me say this, that "razzle dazzle" as they're calling it? Wow. I hope you saw that. I know they replayed it on ESPN. You should've been watching anyway. Its the playoffs. You didn't hear? Anyway. Antwaan Randle El took the snap and threw it to quarterback Ben Roethlisberger who sent it 34 yards to a wide open Cedric Wilson for the touchdown to seal the deal against the Cincinnati Bengals. Now THAT'S a play.

Ok and now to pseudo-sports news. Can someone please get Denise Austin a new work-out tape deal please? I don't want to see her in them cheezy arse Idaho potato commercials NO MO! But I would like a potato right now.


Ghetto is as Ghetto does

When will the rampant over usage of the term "ghetto" stop? I can't take it. Really. I mean am I truly supposed to believe that you, a little white girl from suburbia, have the slightest clue what a ghetto looks like? "It was soooo ghetto." If I hear this one more time I'm gonna scream. Ok I shouldn't say that. Because I hear it no less than 5xs a day. You know I'm prone to slight fits of exaggeration and drama, but that is a fact. Today I will count. We're already at two and its only 6 a.m. Four hours left in the day. That's only 3 left. I will absolutely give el update-o (you love my spanish, i know).

Here's my deal. Now I know that black people don't have the ghetto on lock, but when your only image of the ghetto and "ghetto people" is what you see in a Jeezy video, I beg of you. Stop with the ghetto. Seriously. If you don't know what you're talking about, just shut up. I'm finishing this book called Its the Little Things: Things that Get Under the Skin of Blacks and Whites or something to that effect. And its about workplace/school/life things that irritate blacks and whites about each other. That's definitely one of them for me. I just always wonder if by ghetto you mean black. And if you also think that everything bad is black. And if all things black in your mind are backwards, poorly done and dysfunctional. Of course someone out there thinks I'm overreacting but I have issues with that train of thought, too.

Overreacting. How can you tell someone what should and should not offend them? This girl I have the misfortune of being around said she didn't get why something she said was offensive. She claims she has a black friend that she says it around and the girl doesn't care. Umm... FYI, your "friend" cannot be your black spokesperson. She cannot tell you how every black person (all 15 or so million of us) will think, react or feel to any given subject at any given time. You know why? Because its not possible!! And because if she's hanging around you, she probably ain't that black anyway. OOOOOH! I know that hurt. I'm just saying tho. If you hang around someone and call them your friend and they have such questionable taste in racial matters, I will reserve the right to call your blackness into question.

Which brings me to another thing. The "stupid negro questions." You know the ones. Like, "So are Black people really as mad about the confederate flag thing as they seem on tv?" Hmmm. Wait a minute, we at the black coalition haven't discussed that yet. I will use my smoke signal and african drums to contact them. Together we will follow the drinking gourd to funga alafia ashay ashay.


Free Chad Butler

Lolololol!! Why do rappers have such dork names? Percy Miller, Christopher Wallace, Chad Butler??? That's "Pimp C" and he has been freed. Chad Butler. Lololol. You should call yourself Pimp Chad. I think that's way more effective. I used to know Beanie Siegel's name too when it was all over the AP wires, but I can't remember it. I do however, know that it was worth making fun of!! Lololol! Ahh good times, good times. The article about his release is in the title. Click on it. Have you a chuckle at the opening sentence. It'll be grand.

Oh and I have to make fun of my friend b/c her ex-boo brought her back a record player b/c she has records, but no player. And she was gassed!! Like gasping and exclaiming! The whole nine! LOL!! Do da hol' nine now! Anyone from the STL? Anyone know that song/dance? that ish was hot. But yeah. People were amped to get ipods and she's all geeked b/c she got a record player!! Hahahahaha!! Lololol. Oh the hilarity. She's gonna be so mad at me. Hahahaha. Next topic... ghetto.


Breakfast? What's that?

So breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. I LOVE it. Anytime of day... until now. This job has ripped out my brekky love and killed it. I wake up at either 1145 PM or 315am to go to work. By the time you've been up four hours, what do you want to eat? Real food right? Its so funny how everyone on the morning shift never eats breakfast unless the company buys it. Who has time for breakfast? I need some sustenance by 7 am. Real food. Like sandwiches (not pb&j, yuck!, and pasta. They always make fun of me b/c I don't eat grilled cheese. Ick. First of all, I hate American cheese. Its the nastiest, least flavorful cheese. I mean seriously, who eats this crap? And Kraft American singles make me want to vomit. Seriously. I threw up off of cheese toast once. Just nasty. Plus if I'm eating a sandwich, I need some meat! Some turkey, ham, something. And put that good cheese on it, too. Make me a siddity sandwich. That's why I love Panera Bread. Too damn expensive, but I'm always happy. Gouda, mixed baby greens, horseradish sauce. Mm, mm, MM!! Now that's some good ish!

When I was in college, I used to eat breakfast as much as possible... without actually having to get up and to the cafe at the crack of dawn. Anytime of day was game for breakfast. The best? Going to the club, then going out to get some breakfast!! Yeah! I can't eat anything else at that time. I mean, I guess I could, but who wants to? Me, the b.f. and the ex-best friend were... the Breakfast Battalion!! Lolol. We would get together, buy food at like 2am on a Tuesday or something and I would cook bacon, eggs and toast while they stood behind me and "supervised." Do I look like I need supervision? My ish was delish EVERY time! Lol. And don't forget the glass of o.j.! J'adore jus d'orange!! That was most def one of my fave HU memories. Good ole breakfast battalion. Ahhh good times, good times.

Did you know there's a site called mrbreakfast.com? Who knew?! I've learned more about random ish than I will ever need since starting this blog. My first posts always had a random link in the title. So I guess this is an old school post. A throwback if you will. Hey guys. You're making me want breakfast. Mmm... omelets! Mmmm... bacon! MMM... grits!! Ooh I love grits! God bless grits!! Yesss!! Oh yeah BTW being that you see my obsession w/meat, please tell me you don't consider donuts, bagels (ugh), fruit and cereal breakfast. That's like a breakfast appetizer. I hate bagels (too much bread). And I only like Krispy Kreme glazed donuts, unless its one of those bangin' ass cinnamon/sugar donuts. That has to be my fave!! Yum-o! Does anyone know where I can get like a whole box of those? Its like they're only at pastry shops or something. I don't know. But I need them delivered weekly.

Back to the matter at hand. If I'm creatin whole faux clubs off of breakfast I mean come on people, I LOVE brekky!! And now that love has been destroyed. Smashed to smithereens! The only time I want it if someone makes it for me. And only on Sat/Sun when I get off around 10 or 1030. Or maybe on my day off. Day off? What's that??? Sigh. So sad. I love you breakfast!! I'll be back!! Don't forget me!! You're gone but not forgotten!! Kisses!!


BET was right?

Ok guys. I know this is so against everything I stand for, but did anyone see BET's "'05 Rewind The Good, the Bad and the Real Ugly??" That ish was hilarious!!! I liked to died!! (that was a southernism for you) Too funny!! Lololol. It was like Chappelle Show/Negro Best Year Ever/ Daily Show/Race-O-Rama rolled in one. Truly the negro best year ever. Clearly I used to love Best Week Ever. I think things go downhill through overexposure. That show's too overexposed now. Its not as funny.

Did anyone see Race-O-Rama? One of the best series VH1 has ever done. No joke. It was hilarious!! Me and Michy used to sit on the phone (I in Charlotte, she in Indiana-- ooh that was grammatically ugly!) and watch it together and fall out laughing. And everytime the reruns came on I ran to the phone to call her, Kyle, Stacey, and Nichole. TOO funny! The BET thing included people from that so you know I was too happy. And Paul Mooney was on there too. You know he cracks me up. But he was definitely wrong for ruining Tracey Ellis Ross' night at the awards. It was funny, but damn he ruined her night and i think she's so cute (not facially, but as a person). Yes I said facially lolol. You know another funny thing we used to say in undergrad (doesn't that sound so cool?? lol ooh undergrad)?? "She has a notty body.... her body should NOT look like that." That sounds so harsh but when you shove yourself into clothes that are too big or too small for you, it does horrible things to your body and body image. Please people. Try clothes on with people you trust. Speaking of which, when are more of my friends coming to visit to me so I can do this???? Geez!

Ok I know I've said this before but this Issac Mizrahi character is hilarious. There are chunks of his show that I can't stand (like where he says, "I'd like a delicious coffee, would you like a delicious coffee? giovanni!" and this gay black guy says yes? and then Issac and his guest give their coffee orders and he makes it. WTF??? that single-handedly set the race, and gay people, back at least 5 years. i know it did.) But he says these ridiculous things!! It cracks me up. Like "clap for her!" and "you have about a week to wear this" and more. Anyway.

So the New Year thing. God Bless January!!!! J'adore Janvier!! Did I tell you I'm boycotting all holidays? All of them. I worked Christmas Eve & Day and New Year's Eve and Day. The first holiday under my injunction was Thanksgiving. I really do not get the big deal. It made me know that I will NOT be cooking for a holiday ever again until there are at least 5 people to eat all that ish. I either ordering or going to someone's house. I can't do it. I can't look at the left-overs and I don't like turkey. I did enjoy spending it w/my soror and her family. Her aunt threw down!!! Ugh! For no reason.

Guys! I just bought some cowboy boots and I'm so excited!! I love them. Issac says they never go out and they never come in. Shee-it! I love them hoes and I'm wearin em for like the rest of my natural born life (as opposed to my false-born life right?) Anyway but he claims you can wear them however. I want this white dress (like a strapless) to wear w/them. How unnecessarily sexy would I be? TOO unnecessarily sexy. I love how I don't necessarily conform to other people's style options. Its great.

Ok sorry guys. Holidays. I'll focus. Then you read how "great" *read awful* Christmas was for me and I've never been a big New Year's person. What fresh hell is the big deal? Midnight happens every day. It does. I've seen it before. Many times. I hate resolutions. What the hell is the point? So I'm boycotting holidays. I like to spend time w/my people, eat, and celebrate all year long. So f the holidays!! And yes I will continue to growl when people ask me if I have a New Year's resolution! Tata!