Fresh AzImIz

I know its wrong and uncharacteristic for me to quote lil Bow Weezy but work with me here people. I'm just sayin. Pittsburgh ain't fresh az i'm iz. It just ain't. I'm sayin. So this dude from a place i frequent but don't really interact with the people has been tryin to get me to go out with him damn near as long as I've been here. I was bored out of my mind and I finally cracked.

Don't worry guys. I'm not ruining the relationship. I talked it over with the b.f. first. So the dude, we'll call him Jake. Lol. Jake. That's a funny name. So yeah, Jake and me decide to meet up at this place called "High Rollers, Inc." I looked it up on the internet. Sounds hot right? But it doesn't have a website. That's already a no no. Call me siddity or whatever, but I'm somewhat internet savvy and I just expect a place that wants my patronage to have a website. That's all I'm saying. (btw I said siddity around some white people and they gave me the blank look. How hilarious is that?! I didn't know that was a black word! Lolol.) So then I'm looking for the place. I call Jake like what does it look like, what am I looking for? He says, "There's no sign out front." I'm like, "Wait, you do know I went to Hampton right? So you know my standard?" He agrees but then we get to this bootleg hole in the wall place and I'm just so less than pleased its not funny. There are about 15 people in this place that I can see the back of when I walk in the door.

Everyone's at the bar, the dance floor is empty, and the sound system is like someone's stereo hooked up to a big speaker. I mean damn. My dad had a better sound system in his house in Charlotte. Matter of fact, we have a better sound system in this little ass apartment we live in right now. We could blast them out w/the quality. Without a doubt or breaking a sweat. So whatever. Me and Jake head to the bar. I get a Tanqueray and tonic w/a lime. Not the tastiest drink, but I at least need to be able to taste my liquor. Its cute and people are always impressed when you order it. When you don't know what kind of bartender you're working with, that's what you have to do. Get something that you know you can taste and is pretty hard to mess up. You already know how I feel about Long Islands. Not cute. So me and Jake are talking. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. (I had already asked him to stop sitting so close to me). That's regardless.

Men, let me give you a little hint. Personal space is very important. I don't want you invading mine when I don't know you. I'm not giving you any clues that I want you that close to me. I know I'm not. Here's some help. These are clues that I want you close. 1) I'm looking in your eyes with "the look." You know the one. Where my eyes are half-lidded and you're pretty sure I want to get you home. 2) I'm leaning toward you. Body language is so important its not funny. If we're sitting down and my legs are crossed away from you, bad body language. That says I'm still not that comfortable with you. Arms crossed? Same thing. If I'm leaning away from you, not making eye contact... I do not want you making body contact of any kind. DON'T TOUCH ME!! Don't listen to Amerie. DO be afraid to touch. I just don't like strangers touching me anyway. If we've never had a conversation more than an hour, you're a stranger. Get away! So obviously he's breaking these rules because I have given him none of these clues. Very bad body language. And conciously.

If I have to ask you to give me some space, that's bad. I had to tell this dude at Hampton to get away from me. If you're a nerd before you join, you're still a nerd to me! Male or female. You are who you are, letters don't change that. So anyway. I was like, "Geez. You're such an invader of personal space!" He was always touching me w/his clammy hands talking about, "Heeeey Superstar! How are you? You're number one!" Ugh! I know you know my line name and number. Now please stop touching me!! But do you know what he said when I said that to him? "I know! Isn't it great!?" Heeeeeeeeeell no negro, or I wouldn't have said anything. Ugh. Stop invading my space!! Filthy McNasty.

Anyway. So partway through the time at the alleged High Rollers, he asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. He asks how long. I say we've been best friends for 3 years, known each other for 5 and been together for a month. (Hursh I know it makes no sense). So that's out of the way. He knows. Then he starts with the comments. Well, let him know he's a lucky guy. Yeah he knows. And some other typical bullshit men say when you have a man and they're still tryin to get at you. Look here little man. I love my man. What don't you understand about he's been my best friend for THREE YEARS? Three years? That's no bullshit. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to. So what fresh HELL makes you think any whack game you kick can do anything to make me want you? It can't. I'm not going anywhere. So back off.

I want to see Pittsburgh, but not that bad. Ugh. STOP TOUCHING ME!! I just wanted to scream that. But then I'd be overreacting. Bitches. And its 153 as I'm finishing this. I've been typing for how long? I've been home for at least a half hour. That's ridiculous. Jake also took me to "Rumshakers." Has a website, but is soooooooooooo small. You see how ghetto the website is? And the dj? Damn ridiculous. Awful. No thanks. I'll pass on that again. So the moral is... I will go out in Pittsburgh again, but not with Jake unless I can get him on the same page (i.e. you have NO chance unless pigs begin to fly in hell without turning into bacon). And I will not be heading to either of those "establishments" (I use that term loosely) again. There are enough in Pittsburgh that I can try about 5 more that I've heard more about.

And another thing, I was accused of being too serious. The atmosphere you're exposed to me in is a serious one. WTF? You want me to be shuckin and jivin in there? I don't get it. Shut up. Ugh. I'm gonna shake someone. Its time for me to go to bed. How sad. Lolol. Actually, in retrospect, it wasn't THAT bad (the places). But I definitely could have had better music. I was just glad to get out the damn house. But I still don't want him touching me. We've already established I ain't got no southern hospitality. I'm rude.

I had originally planned to go out alone (see post below). Stay with your instincts people!! Also lol. i can't believe i titled a post fresh azimiz. How ghetto is that? i should've gone out by my damn self. but i'm glad I did this b/c I now know that i could've had way more fun by my damn self. I could've had a great damn time alone. So from here on out, expect a crazy story once a week about my adventures in Pittsburgh. I'm not waiting for no more boring ass people to remember I'm here.


Chris said...

Quoting Bow Wow...yes the Steel City is getting the best of you, LOL

CNEL said...

Siddity is most definitely a black word. LoL and I don't think that you're siddity, just that you have standards. It's the word my best friend quite often uses to differentiate between sororities, I won't say which one is more siddity. I feel ya on the personal space, it is very necessary. Mmm hope the weekend adventures take a turn for the best. But grownup Bow Wow is so much better than kiddie Bow WoW LoL.

Sherlon Christie said...

your man was cool with that?

Jameil said...

sp... yes. he's great. first b/c i've talked about how this dude has no chance back when me and the b.f. were just friends. 2nd b/c he trusts me. 3rd b/c he wants me to go out and have fun. he's sick of hearing me complain about how bored i am and how much i want to jump off a bridge b/c of it. however, i'm sure he won't be cool with ol buddy touchin all up on me and will not want a repeat performance. i don't want that shit either so yeah its a wrap for "jake."

chris oh no you didn't!! i have a post forthcoming on that, tho.

cnel... little known secret. i've actually been a bow wow fan for a long time. lolol. i know it makes no sense but his songs always make me wanna drop it like its hot. i'm always down for that!

accomplice.. yeah and he was like i can't believe you finally used the number, why? i said, b/c i was soooooooo bored. is that not a sign? dumb ass. and you know i was a ok w/tellin him to back up!! but i really don't have any southern hospitality. lolol

Anonymous said...

I believe you are siddity!!! Lol!!! Many establishments do not have a webiste. Anyways... Homeboy needs an importamt lesson on personal space. I have a friend who invades my personal space a whooooole lot. I want to choke her at times.

Also, you gotta let a brother know what are some good places to hang out at in Pittsburgh. I am going down next weekend and I am curious.

PS: You are in the right city if you wanna jump off a bridge!! Hahaha j/k

Jameil said...

epsi... oh yeah! more bridges than any other city in the world, three rivers. i'm on it! the panthers are trying to make me choke and shake myself right now.

and all i'm sayin is, i don't care. i need you to have a website. esp. in pittsburgh. i'm tryin to tell you. my theory was proven MANY times over by last night.

pitt spots? yeah i'm still workin on that myself but here are the places i hear about the most. matrix (station square), halo, tequila willie's, deja vu, level and touch, all in the strip. i've never actually been to any of them but hey, they're on the action adventure list.

CNEL said...

LoL u and GWill aka Epsi are both out of control. LoL I almost went to a school about half an hour from Pitt Washington & Jefferson, but it wasn't to be.

Thanks for the advice as always that you left on my blog. I will definitely be keeping in touch with you,who knows you may be my first boss.

theurbanista said...

lmao @ " Filthy McNasty", girl i gotta use that one. this is a crazy story. i hate guys like that. i kinda like the bow wow quote.

Superstar Nic said...

"Fresh Azimiz" - sorry but I love the title cause I'm feeling that song, LOL.

Yep, we have got to learn to follow our first mind. Trust me I'm so guilty of not doing that myself.

Rell said...

Seriously, I'm with accomplice the "i just want to get out of the house dudes" are terrible.

Man, like my old girl got attacked (not violently) by one of those triflin dudes.

Oh yea, What happened to your Blue Devils? :-)

T Dot said...

You sound like you're having as much luck on the social scene there as I am in Providence. Let's pray that it gets better - for both our sakes.

Karamale said...

i'm damn sure glad you repeated the title, cuz it was a bitch to try and pronounce. lol, i was like "fresh azulululz," what the f*k is that?

Karamale said...

sorry...azulumulz. heh heh.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Good Lawd…I mos def need to address the personal space issue. Dudes kill me with that! You’re soooooo right.

…but I must ask…you got a man…this dude was obviously interested in you when he asked you out…seems like his behavior, while annoying, was quite appropriate. By agreeing to go with him, no matter how begrudgingly…you sent him a signal that it might be on and poppin, as Bow Weasel might say. [can’t stand that little shit] And by telling him you have a man signals him that it might be on and poppin under the right DL circumstances. I know you just wanted to see The P. [never been there, does anyone call it that?], but is that what HE REALLY wants? Hmmm…

Elle Willa said...


you had me at....Pittsburgh ain't fresh az i'm iz.

ahleks said...

Since you seem to be even more absent than Pats fans allegedly were when you were talking trash, let me take the time to say...


Does is still hurt, hm? That 34-14 shellacking? I mean it must since you pretty much said the Panters were going to win last Sunday!


It must suck not being able to be able to console yourself with three previous Super Bowl titles.


Have a nice offseason!

Karamale said...

dod dedos, "hossiditty" is a corruption of "high saditty", which just means extra saditty.

Jameil said...

ok I will address this topic that has become another topic in itself tomorrow. So fun! I've been out of town for several days.

rell... i think i can deal w/17-1. i always expect a loss around this time of year. there is no way i would want them going undefeated into the tournament to lose in the first round. carolina still ok? lolol :) i knew you were gonna say something. i was just waiting!!

ahleks... sweetie. dear. honey. football is not my life. i will, and can survive. sports is an addendum. since pats fans take it soooooooooo seriously, (part of the reason why i just stopped conversing over there) let me help you out. i will not die b/c the panthers didn't win. they're still my team. i'm a loyal fan. the only thing that makes the loss painful (certainly not the pats being in detroit, b/c they're not-- that makes it easier), is that i'm a writer in pittsburgh. for AT LEAST the next two weeks i will not be able to escape the superbowl. other than that, i'll be ok. but thanks for the concern.

karamale!! crackin me up again!! what's wrong with you??!! lololol. too funny!!

Supa said...

ok J, didn't read this post - I got caught at the title.

"fresh as I'm is..."

That goes against everything I'm teaching my children, but...damn if I like to say that. lol

Sherlon Christie said...

why doesn't your man just move to where you are?

Jameil said...

sp... he works at espn. i would never ask him to do that. i would love it, but i wouldn't ask him to do it. but wouldn't it be so much more convenient? we'll live in the same city again eventually. i'll survive. now i'm just happy that i've been able to see him about once a month. that's better than i thought it would be.

supa sista... i know girl. so against everything i stand for, too. i can't stand how many children can't read but can recite BET all day. sigh. but the ish is just hilarious!! lololol