Shut it Down

My uterus is closed for business.  I wasn't looking to have kids until at least a year after I got married anyway but staying at Rashan's mom's (RM) house enforced that.  Two children under the age of 10 (3.75 & 9) live there full-time.  Lots of screaming from the children and some directed at the children for misbehavior.  Jesus be an earplug!!

I realized as we were headed to RM's that it would be my first time staying in a house with children that young probably since I was a child that young.  My mom's side lives in Mississippi and the youngest never stayed at the house.  On my dad's side the youngest included me.  Only my sister and cousin were younger than me and they were 2 and 3 years younger respectively.  I was already nervous about heading to RM's house because Rashan had warned me on multiple occasions the unruliness I had ahead of me.  It wasn't enough.  Ummmm.... WHY ARE YOU SO LOUD!?!?

Awakened before 9 a.m. by continuous wails over video games, "NATE KILLED ME!!! WAAAAAAAH!!" ad nauseum... on a game where you have unlimited lives... SOMEONE SHUT IT UP!!   GIVE IT WHAT IT WANTS!!  PLEEEEEEASE!!  Thanksgiving day was awesome because there was an additional child or four under 10... yes... FOUR MORE UNDER THE AGE OF 10 not including the sweetest baby!  Two of those under 10 were quiet, the others were egging on the terrors. 

I'm not ready for motherhood!!!  As I kept saying no children, Rashan told me I don't want children who don't listen.  Right now I don't want ANY.  And then those of you with children keep talking about being awakened at 6, 7, 8 a.m. on your days off... all the time?  Uhhhh.... I'm not good with that kind of stuff.  At. all.  I read a funny fb status yesterday, "Newborns need to come equiped with a snooze button on top of their heads. I've never been a snooze button user, but at this rate, I'm almost converted. #1am4am7am"  Funny in a nervouslaughterpleasenotmenotnowJesusIneedlike2-4moreyears kind of way.  I will be very glad to be back in my childless house this week and my mom's childless house at Christmas.  PRAIIIIIIIIIIIISE JESUS!!

*I'm taking a Monday Mindspacing hiatus this week because it's too hard with daily posting.  If I'm not still posting daily next week, it may return.  You know two years ago Rashan & I couldn't stop posting because we got into a competition over who would stop posting first.  I want to remind you that I beat him by like 3 months.  I don't win, I CRUSH THE COMPETITION!!


Anitra* said...


Children and Dogs (I hate to compare a child to a dog but they are very similar - men too sometimes) are the most wonderful little beings in this world but they need to be disciplined and they actually want to have some type of order. I truly believe that Happy Children and Puppies - Know the rules and do their best to abide by them because they know if they don't it's all Hell to pay. At least that's how I plan to keep it in my house. Know and Abide by the Rules = Avoid a beating. LOL

DaniColoredGlasses said...

"My uterus is closed for business."--I knew by your first sentence that this was going to be a great post. All kids aren't created equal and while I don't want to think "child" for at least the next 5 years, I can promise that they aren't always loud. Mo-Mo(my mom) wasn't having it. Put your brother in a headlock? Fine but the both of you better be quiet.

I plan to follow suit.

Her catchphrase: "Those who won't hear will feel." (So Caribbean)

Mrs Count said...

My SIL always uses her own child as a reason why I shouldn't have children. Ummm, your child talks too much because you talk too much. Your child is wild because you are wild. That being said, I'm not having kids for a while either because of this waking up business. I don't do mornings and I'd hate for CPS to come take my kids because they walked to a restaurant because mommy wasn't awake to make them lunch yet.

Rashan Jamal said...

It was hilarious when we both told Orchid to give it what it wants at the same time. I wish you would have seen the other two. They would restore faith in your future child rearing. LOL

Not So Anonymous said...

When I read Jesus be an earplug I laughed out loud. I had to read this post to my homegirl.

Sounds like you fit right in, they didn't try to hide the craziness from you, lol.

Anonymous said...

I love that you referred to kids as It. *dead*

Miss Snarky Pants said...

LMAO @ this post!!! Giiiiiirl...I can't say I blame you one bit!!!!

Adei von K said...

ditto Anitra and Dani... if they know what NOT to do, all will be well. In our household, there weren't rewards, just consequences!

I can't do noise/hollering. If someone has decided to lose their mind and raise their voice in the classroom... it's bout to be on SO HARD!

Jazzy said...

lololololol...I giggled all through this. Dammit I'm still laughing.

I have three sisters and we were raised with three cousins. My mom had us on lockdown! There were no screams of "HE HIT ME...SHE'S LOOKING AT ME...WAAAAAH WAAAAH...I'M BORED." She had zero tolerance for that. Fighting meant everyone was in trouble...didnt' matter who started either. So yeah...we learned to just stop fighting and whining at an early age.

Something tells me...lol...you are going to be one of those mother's with the most well-behaved kids ever!

Ladynay said...


There are too many funny statements in this post to name!


Jameil said...

anitra... some women are like dogs, too. no matter how badly some humans treat them, they keep going back for more. but on the discipline tip, ahhhhhh!!! why won't you give it consequences for bad behavior??

dani... of course i know well-behaved children exist. that doesn't mean i want any right now. my sister and i weren't loud children & were always very well-behaved, particularly me. Lololol. i have a rather pesky honest streak.

tm... can you imagine your mom using you as an example like that??? YIKES!! we are so HERE on the waking as you see!! MAN!! i'm like, MOMMY NEEDS HER SLEEP!!

rj... lolol. oh i KNOW i will raise obedient children. i better!! or i know my parents will be all over me! and them!

nsa... lolol. they most certainly did not do anything to hide the crazy!! lolol.

espi... it it it! give it what it wants!! lol

ms. b... finally! someone w/kids! lol! oh yeah & aretha but you have plural!

adei... we didn't get rewards, either. my mom wasn't impressed by my cousin getting money for As. she was like As are expected, keep it movin. this is part of the reason why i think of graduating from h.s. and getting into college almost as gimmes. it was expected. and you can get in SOMEWHERE and learn SOMETHING. hollering makes me want to go hide. IMMEDIATELY.

diva... and i was so serious! lol. we never really fought until we got older strangely enough. i really plan to be that mother! i can't suffer rude, unpleasant children. i have to fight the urge to correct misdeeds in the seeds of others. i have to remove myself or i snap.

lady... lol. it makes me slightly nervous that the mothers among the commenters are all like lol girl and that's all! is it one of those things where y'all are like, just you wait!? lol.

1969 said...

Hey....I live this everyday and I too was never an early morning person and I still am not! LOL