ALIVE.

I'm re-reading EatPrayL.ove since it was so helpful the last time. I'm pretty sure I can continue to read it once a week and still find new things to love about it. I won't. But if I did, I could. I have a stack of books on my bed. Yes, there is a mini bookstore in my bed.

Some are books I'm re-reading (first two on the left stack), others I'm reading for the first time (bottom of stack one, 2nd on stack 2), one is a daily devotional (top book), and the bottom two on the right stack are my new purchases. Yay!! And of course the tissue box since I'm Miss Allergies, but not nearly as bad as they used to be. I used to be continually snotty the first 17, yes SEVENTEEN years of my life. I couldn't sneeze without needing at least 2 tissues ALL.YEAR.LONG. It was horrendous and my cousins loved to make fun of me for it. Brats. The first time I sneezed without needing even one tissue, I was in college. I tell you no lies. It was SUCH a momentous occasion that I called my mother to tell her about it! Lol. I don't remember her reaction but I'm sure it was like, "Ok, whatever." It's happened many times since, but I still always have tissues in my car and in my room. My parents always have them in their cars as well. That's a non-negotiable.

Anyway, I woke up at 4:30 this morning and started reading. It happens nearly every Thursday and Friday. This means I'm up at 4:30 in the morning 7 days a week and not because I had such a wild night that I haven't been to sleep. No. My sleep pattern is THAT jacked up by the hours I've had for the last two years that I usually go to bed by 7 p.m. and am up by 4:30. This is a great part of the reason I've become very comfortable being alone. I'm home alone a lot. At first, when I actually knew people here, I made sure I got out of the house regularly. Now that they've all moved away, I don't force the issue. Growing up I didn't mind being alone because my sister liked to play outside and play games. I preferred to be indoors (didn't like to sweat and it was always hot) and reading a book.

Away from home I was a social butterfly (shocking, I know). Loved crowds and had lots of friends. On the playground in elementary school and at lunch in middle and high schools, I would flit from group to group. None of them understood how I liked the other. In college, same thing. I would dorm hop and room hop in the dorms visiting all my friends. I became close to the drankin patnah (yes you must spell it like that) because 1) we had 6 of our 7 classes together and 2) we were always up at 3 in the morning. I already told you walking through the union with me was for some a nightmare, others a chore and still others just a day in the life of Jameil! Lol. For those who were wondering and don't know yet, it's pronounced ((juh-mell)). (We put parentheses around pronouncers at work.) Everywhere I go, I know people. And that's how I like it.

That's why living in Pittsburgh has been, to say the least, a challenge for me. I only know people I work with and my dad (who doesn't know many people here either and he's lived here for 6 years). It's not as easy to make friends when you're an adult. But I've come to accept it and not really even care. I know the reason none of my friends lived in Charlotte until after I moved away is because if they had been there, I would've had a reason to never leave. I would've NEVER LEFT if all of the people who are there now had been there when I finally stepped out on a limb and moved somewhere I would've NEVER in a million years imagined I would live. Pittsburgh. What?!? Even the name sounds horrid. But it's not a horrible place. Some places are actually really pretty and I'm even finding my own little spots that I love and feel comfortable in. But it's still not me. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here... and yet I do.

I feel the same way about Atlanta but for different reasons (obviously). And now that I've lived in Pittsburgh, I actually might be able to live in the A. Matter of fact, now that I've lived here, I'm pretty sure I could live in any top 10 market except Beantown. Too cold and the people are too obnoxious. Especially Pats fans. GO GIANTS!! And I could care less about their team but I can't stand their SuperB.owl opponent. I'd definitely visit because I liked it when I went but no thanks on living there. I know Chicago is cold but it's so fabulous, who cares?! I've never been there, but a city with a TWO WEEK food fest? I'm there.

In EatPrayLo.ve, the author and a friend determine every city and every person has a word that defines who they are. For Rome, they said it was SEX, for New York, ACHIEVE, for L.A., SUCCESS. And on and on. I think my word is ALIVE. Because I just love it. I love living and going and doing. Life is exciting! Especially because I'm single and full of FABULOSITY! Which could clearly also be my word. I would've never thought I'd actually like to shop alone, watch movies alone and even eat alone, but I do! I told Stace I was going to do a post about not being social and she got offended. Like how dare you call yourself anti-social!? Lol. So cute. She said, "It's not you, you live in Pittsburgh." I know and I would never go as far as to say I'm anti-social but like La and Rashan (except he really is admittedly anti! lol) have said, being alone lets you know how much you enjoy your own company. Allows me to wallow in the fabulosity. Can't you feel the life bubbling out of my every post and comment? But maybe I have two words at this juncture. Some days I hate being alone for everything and not knowing anyone anywhere. And other days, like today, I wake up from a dream about being shot at and instinctively dodging every bullet before it was fired, only being grazed by one, and it makes me not think of almost dying, but happy to be ALIVE. What's your word?

Who's the beautiful baby, you ask? ME!!! Awww!

Pop Bottlesssss!

"It's the weeekeeeeeeeeend baybay, baybay! Unh!" They used to say that (just like that) every Friday night on my favorite radio station in Charlotte. Their website is such garbage. Why do all local television and radio stations have the worst webpages?? It's ridiculous. Man I miss and my fave djs or the djs with the best songs. "It's Mr. Incogniiiito! It's the i-n-c-o-g-n-i-t-o, it's incooooooog... niiiiiiitoooo!" Sigh. The phat 4 at 4 (yeah I know they know that name is dated), the top 9 at 8. *Tear* I know its odd that I do, but I love this song (even though the video is wack), hence the title! I put it on my gym playlist but it's coming off because it's sooooo slow. I can't take it.

My beloved mommy is so terrible about mailing stuff. So bad that I don't even get upset about it. I got my Christmas gift on Saturday. Lololol. She's so cute. It was supposed to come back with my dad but he left without getting it. She was pissed. My parents have been divorced since I was 17 (separated since 13), but they get along which is very helpful. They get on each others' nerves, but they're better friends than spouses. They're not BFF or anything but are amicable and can definitely be in the same room without bringing out weapons. My mom even hangs with his sisters.

She got me this book I'd been wanting that she gave me a long time ago and I ignored and lost (wasn't ready), THE PREACHER.S WIF.E SOUNDTRACK!! (y'all know how I feel about Christmas!), and an itunes gift card. SCORE! I bought Rah.eem Dev.aughn which I love!!, an old New L.ife Comm.unity Choir gospel cd circa 1997, the aforementioned song, Janet's newest (love!) and an old(ish) Luda song that reminds me of my homie Mor b/c we were rockin out to it at homecoming 3 years ago. So fun!! How excitable am I today? Very.

Everything was crazy today because we had 50+ mph winds which means 30,000 power outages, downed trees and power lines, roads closed. And the temps dropped 25 degrees in 3 hours. Now the wind chill is in the single digits and got as low as 10 below zero. NO THANKS! People get all crazy over weather at work. You know what it's like to watch the news when the weather is acting up. Now imagine being the people behind that hysteria. Lol. Yes sometimes its very extra. Anyway after that all died down it got boring again but one of my fave coworkers who I haven't seen in at least a month (we work opposite shifts) was there so that was fun. And now I'm done. Yes I am obeying the title. It's so necessary.

Split Dat?

Uh... I don't have anything to talk about. (You know that means another mindspace post!)

I kept having 3 or 4 post ideas a day, prompting days and days of multiple posts per day and posts in the drafts and everything, some of which need too much work to finish today). I started feeling like it would continue forever! But I should've split the last post just in case. Because today... my brain is just giving out. I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, was infinitely bored at work today. But bright spot... I went to the bookstore. IT HAS TWO FLOORS!!

*choir of angels*

Ok heaven is so a bookstore. I didn't even make it to the 2nd floor because I was so enamored with the first. I sat down in the African-American section and just picked books with the most interesting titles and started reading them at will. Then I moved to the Christian section, wash, rinse, repeat. Then I saw the requisite Black History Month section with buy 1 get 1 half off books. Then it was time for bible study. The pastor said about sweets, sugar and bread, "That stuff isn't good for you." Like I thought, you're on Atkins and we all have to suffer. Right. I'm giving up french fries. Y'all know I don't like people telling me what to do.

After bible study I went to the gym. Yes, G(ym guy) was there (isn't he always?) but he was in the sauna. Pretty sure he didn't see me. If he did, he's avoiding me, too. Much better that way, yes? Yes. What did I buy at the bookstore? I had a 40% off coupon so I bought the hardcover (let's 'em know I'm so sincere) of my homie Rocky's first book. Wanna know why I shall now call him Rocky? Because Conan O'B.rien said, "The president likes to give people nicknames. Does he have any for you?" His response, "Well I don't know if they're nicknames or he just doesn't know how to pronounce my name. Some times he calls me Bama [like short for Ala.] and sometimes he calls me Rocky." HILARIOUS!! I was dyin laughin. And that's now his name for the rest of my life. I also bought a classic. I can't wait! Scrubs is muy funno. It cracks me up. I can watch this incessantly. And after Joy's recap? I NEED MAKING THE BAND 4!! Ok I'm done. I've forced a 91st day of posting. Are you happy you Blog365 masochists?? ARE YOU!?!?

Blog Beef!

"Yo kid I love you kid but don't ever talk to me like that again in your life son!"
"Break yo'self fool!"
"If --- wanna act, we can act! If --- bust gats we bust gats! If --- wanna ride we ride!"

Bloggers have been coming with it the last few days. I mean y'all are hitting me with blog ideas left and right, right and left! I'm feeling very very inspired of late, not to mention me actually beginning to get a life!!! WOW!!! It's amazing. I should try, I don't know, GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE, more often. It's a good look for me. I'm such a social person and actually benefit from *gasp* human interaction. I went to breakfast with one of my fave coworkers today and we get along so well! We chat like crazy AND I had a brie & apple omelette with potatoes and wheat toast and bacon. I know that's a lot of food but yum! Actually the apples were tarter than I wanted and didn't go with the saltiness of the meal so I pulled them out. The rest was delish. Afterward we went to Trader Joe's. Mmmm. Yes I bought more chipotle salsa. Stace... I also bought sushi!

How about my pastor wants us to give up sweets, sugar and bread for lent. The first two I shrugged. Those aren't my vices anyway and y'all know I like to test myself with things like that. I mean really, what's 40 days? Nada. I've been consecutively blogging for more than twice that long (90 days and counting). I thought I'm not really a bread girl, either, I can do that. Except then I realized I LOVE BURGERS AND SANDWICHES!! He said if you don't want to give up those things or they're not your vices, pick something else. My mom said, "You should give up burgers and fries. Or fast food." Hater. Do you know I eat fries almost every single day? When Stace was here we bought 5-pound bag. Son. We only ate maybe 15% of that bag. Less than a month later, by myself it's gone. And that's with me still getting fries from outside sources. (Sometimes you have to outsource your fries. Add some competition. Make em act right.) I will eat just about anyone's fries. And if you try to get gourmet I will get excited. Mmmm fries. So maybe I should. That would be an actual challenge.

But please believe I will be calling the pastor out in bible study tomorrow when q&a comes around a la our investigative reporters. "So pastor are you really just on a diet and don't want to do it alone?" "What made you pick those three particular things to give up?" "Sunday you said 'If you have special dietary needs you can be excused but as far as I know, no doctor has prescribed a chocolate cake diet.' Have you met my doctor? Because he did. Do I need to bring in a note?" (I actually don't like chocolate cake (or chocolate) that much. When I crave it once every 5 months, I have maybe 4 bites and am done.)

Before I get into the actual post (Stop groaning. If your attention span isn't long enough, click the x.), I want to thank one of my post inspirations, Sparkling Red. Ever since I read her post on sleep paralysis, I discovered I HAVE THAT, TOO!! I never knew what it was called, I've just always been aware that sometimes I'm awake and know I'm awake, but can't get my body to realize that. My limbs feel extra heavy and it takes a ridiculous amount of concentration to move any part. It's scary. For years and years it's happened every once in a while. I can't tell you with what regularity because I try to block it out when it happens. Now that I think about it, it must have been at least once a week, maybe more. And when I'm in a room with someone when it happens, i.e. once when I was 12 or so at a sleepover that I can vividly remember, I can't actually talk. I'm trying to talk to ask them to just move my arm (because once I get one part to move, the rest of my body "wakes up") but all that comes out is a moan. Very frustrating but some people also have smothering sensations which HOW SCARY IS THAT?! Glad not to have that particular side effect.

It turns out one of the ways to prevent it is not sleeping on your back-- which I love to do but I stopped. One time in the last month I almost fell asleep on my back and felt my body falling into that sleep paralysis. I panicked a bit, which another tip is you're not supposed to do that, but I hurried up and woke myself up and rolled onto my side. Other than that, I've been okay. Life-changing I tell you and I'm not being facetious. I was honestly thinking this morning, that is one of the most helpful blogs I've ever read in the thousands I've read in more than 2 years. Amazing. THANK YOU SO MUCH SPARKLING RED!!!

So the point of this post-- BLOG BEEF SON! Rashan was talking about it the other day: things that tick you off about blogging/bloggers. Some of these will be repeats and my version of his but you know I have some!

When you come to my blog to promote yours: Don't do that. That is so rude. If I want to come to your blog, I will, but don't do that. If you're commenting on my blog, I'm going to read your blog. HOWEVER, if you specifically try to direct me to your blog, I will make you wait or not go at all.

Comment love: When people come to my blog and don't comment I get a bit heated. I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR MY HEALTH. Actually I am. It increases my mental sanity for me to get this all out. BUT YOU'RE ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS YOU COULD LEAST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK! DIDN'T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANY MANNERS?!?! Lol. Sorry for yelling but I just had to get that off of my chest. Also if I'm commenting all up and through your blog and I don't get so much as a peep out of you? That makes me mad.

You're out of pocket. Stace tell 'em. "GET BACK IN!!": Yo. Don't come over her off topic. If I'm posting about apples, don't come talking about the hot Mustang you saw yesterday that was canary yellow. Make some sense. If you didn't read it, what exactly is the point of your comment? (I don't care if that contradicts the previous one.)

Don't not post for 8 months and not tell somebody you're back until you've stacked 40 posts: *ahem, Shani. Lolol.* This will be full of contradictions so get ready. On the one hand, y'all not posting for three weeks mugs LOVE to say, "I'm back" then post 2 days and disappear for 3 more weeks. That makes me extra mad. On the other, you know I delete y'alls blogs from the roll when you don't act right so when you come back, put a little whisper in the interweb (how hilarious is that word?) ear. Comment on more than one post and at the end say "BTW-- GUESS WHO'S BACK!? Guess who guess who guess who guess who guess who's back? Yoooo what's up?!"

Supersecretspykit!: Sitemeters scare me. They're so invasive! All I-know-what-you-did-last-summer. Ol' go-go-gadget-sitemeter self. Remember what I said about peekin in my window!! Get your internet eyes off of my anatomy!! Mostly I don't have one because I don't need another thing to be obsessed with. If you have one, YES I CHECK MANY OF YOUR BLOGS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. Stop stalkin me!

But I need you to update, though.: Hey man. I know I change my blog name 8xs a week, but I usually change the header and/or the color as well so can you pleeeeeeease update your blog roll to reflect said changes? I will sooo love you forever. I didn't like "Unabashedly Me" because its so eh and also because it puts me at the bottom of blog rolls. That's why "All Me All the Time" was great. I was at the top! That means Rell can keep his blog roll as is! Lol. Oh yeah I know I saw this more than one place but I specifically remember Liz updating my name so thank you for subscribing to my madness ($98.95/month)!!!

6'1, 220, muscular, chocolate, chocolate skin (yes, double chocolate), locks, dimples, sparkling eyes to match the sparkling wit: This is mostly for Rashan. crybaby He doesn't like it when women but men specs on their page because he thinks there's a blog double standard i.e. if a man were to do this women would be up in arms! (Some would.) Hahahaha. I think this is hilarious. You know I don't care about that. Men can like whatever they want. I have enough confidence in my FABULOSITY to know some dudes will like me and some won't. You like it, he loves it, honey. Trust and believe. *sashay*

Don't get mad: This isn't beef but it needs to be said. They call me the blog prude for a reason. I don't want to hear about you getting ran all up and through or how you did that to someone else and blah blah blah save it for the locker room. Your wack poetry (scroll about halfway down the screen for the faux poetry in italics. Hilarious!!)? I know you think you're deep. You're not. And when every other word in every single post is a curse word? I can't read your blog. Sorry. I'm not at that place in my life anymore. I'm not saying don't curse. That's your choice. I'm saying if you don't know how to form more than 5 consecutive sentences without using 15 curse words, your meaning is lost and I'm not gonna read it. You don't have to read mine, either if you wanna "show me." (Hmph! I'll show her!!! *snaps and neck rolls*)

Got beef? SPILL IT!

Ugh

My father has this thing about wanting to get on my nerves. He likes to rile me up. I know this and usually try not to give him the pleasure but some days.... You know how when you walk in the door you don't want anyone messing with you? That's so me. I don't want to talk, I don't want to be bothered. I don't want you touching my hair, I don't want you messing with me. Rattling off the prices of flights I can't take for 3 minutes set me off. STOP TALKING!!

While leaving church today I decided what I'm going to give up for Lent: talking about people's clothes. It's a hot mess. I just see so much horridity walking the aisles. So many fashion NO, NO NOOOOOOOs!! It's just so hard for me to hold my tongue and not describe in pain-staking detail how horrible someone looks... before I even get in my car after church I want to do this. Church is the place I come in contact with a dizzying array of bad fashion. So I'm giving it up for Lent. I cannot tell you what the next week or so will be like until Lent. Mardi Gras I may just start talking about every white leather calf-high with matching white leather jacket clomping alongside her girl in the red pumps with no stockings even though it's snowing and 25 degrees. See what I mean? No more for Lent!

He Won

He won! He won, he won, he won! Take THAT Billary!!

Pump Ya Brakes Playa

I ordinarily don't like to go to the gym on Saturdays-- too many people. Y'all know my schedule makes me believe I'm entitled to my choice of gym equipment and every other life amenity without wait or too many people. The parking lot was packed. I knew I had to go in, do my business and GET OUT!! I hoped I didn't see G(ym guy). As I mentioned in the comments yesterday, he called to apologize for offending me. Riri! Handle my light work. Eh eh eh.

As soon as I walk into the gym area I'm getting shouted out. Bah!
"You following me?" he asked.
"Of course," I replied.
Yeah right. I get on one of the new elliptical machines. Okay I have a new favorite machine. It's right next to the mirror. Yes I was staring at myself in it as I worked out. I'm shrinking!! My waist is teeny tiny which is cool but my black womanness is shrinking, too! This will never do!! As I'm on the elliptical, I see this guy with a Howard Alumni shirt on. You know I had to say, "You couldn't get in to Hampton?" Hahahahahahahahahaha. He just looked shocked. Close your mouth, boo. And please trim that box to a fade. La is that really how y'all do? Boxes?

Next, the track where G was running his face off. I lapped these two black dudes in their 40s-- 3xs. If you're on the track, I'm racing you even if you don't know it. I'm trying to beat you!! I MUST WIN!! It's actually funny. Plus I dance while I walk and sing and snap and even clap if I'm not reading a magazine. Yes, I'm that girl. The first time I lapped the dudes they didn't say anything. The second time, it was, "You can't pass us." My response, "Then walk faster." They said, "You sound like that old ball coach." Hahahaha. Time number three, I say, "Come on fellas! Let's speed it up!" As I'm about to pass them a fourth time, they say, "Oh no! You ain't gon pass us this time!" And finally speed up. Hahahaha. Hilarious!!

G and I finished around the same time and he asks if I'm ready for round 2. I say, "Oh working out? Yep." He thinks I mean today. I'm like "Not today, I'm doing abs today." He says, "This is what I'm talking about. Consistency." Whoa. Not me, not the kid. You do NOT know me like that. If I go on Saturday it's my short day. This is why I don't talk to people at the gym. They get in your business and get too comfortable, too quickly. I don't need anyone stalking me about how much I work out. I'm never going to be in there 6 days a week, 3 to 4 hours a day. I have other things, more pressing things to do with my life. LIKE BLOGGING!! PUMP. YA BRAKES. My dad tries it, my mom tries it. I don't need it. I motivate myself. I've been doing it for the last 14 months. To quote Stace, "Don't do me." It's her way of saying PUMP. YA. BRAKES.

My dad is finally back. He's been on a business trip for 3 weeks. Yep that long in Longview, TX. I didn't tell y'all because I don't know how much y'all are peeking in my window (pow! nobody now!) and I can't be encouraging stalkers. You know how y'all get. Me and D(ad) went to breakfast after I left the gym. Yum. Y'all know how I love brekky. And now we're having beer. Lol. Before 2 in the afternoon. See where I get it from? Represent!!

I know I ordinarily don't get into current events on my blog. This is mostly because I have to deal with it enough at work, but this must be said. Billary!! Bill and Hillary. I'm talking to you. I DO NOT appreciate you making this a race issue. That tells me when you see a black person, you don't see a person, you see a BLACK person. You play dirty. That means me, my father and anyone else I can find and convince WILL NOT BE VOTING FOR YOU UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. BILL!! I expected better from you. I liked you as a president. Mostly because my parents liked you. Now I'm thoroughly disgusted. Don't call my house this election. Oh yeah and don't think we don't all know you would SO be in Obama's corner if Hillary wasn't in this.

Barack. Stop falling into their traps. Stay above their trash talking and do what you came here to do: win the Democratic nomination. By letting them drag you into race crap-- and THE PRODUCERS AT CNN KNOW THEY'RE WRONG FOR ASKING YOU IF BILL CLINTON WAS THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT-- you're letting them win. I bet Toni Morrison never thought those words would come back to bite so hard. Tongue in cheek or not. How many times will that piece be spun out of control for the rest of time? Over it. Oh yeah and Rudy? Go ahead and drop out. It's over. THANK GOD!! You were never my mayor. If your constituents can't stand you, there's a reason. Talk about a biting article? Wow!! The NYTimes can't stand you, honey, which I'm sure is not a surprise.

Date Number 2

Didn't know it would come so soon did you? Me either. I was taking a nap around 2 yesterday afternoon with G(ym guy) called me to see if I wanted to meet up with him and his friends because they were playing darts at this bar in Oakmont. I said sure. When he got off work at 10, he called me and of course I'd already researched the place which, score one for them, has a website. We meet there and luckily as soon as I walk in I see him. That would be because the place was closed down to one room dominated by the huge three-sided bar. Plus he was the only person there who might have been black. No, I don't know his racial makeup. He's extra pale.

I had on a teal v-neck long-sleeved t-shirt with a skinny black belt with grommets on it tied instead of buckled (very spring '08 and super adorable) under a black quilted motorcycle jacket with tight skinny jeans tucked into calf-high flat suede boots. I put that look together to be casual and still smokin hot. Score! And still, like everywhere else I ever go in this town, I was overdressed. Ask me if I cared. *yawn*

In the last post did I tell you he never wants to leave Pittsburgh? Oh buddy. We are so on different pages already. His friends are two dudes he grew up with. I immediately noticed they were the corny guys in the corner when they were younger giving each other titty twisters. You can just tell. Again I'm looking at him like these are your friends. Nice guys, but very goofy and not people I would regularly hang with. Within the first 5 minutes of meeting his friends I thought about him, "Perhaps we should only be gym friends." Men. Be careful of the guys you introduce girls to. They will judge you for them whether its right or not. Some nice girls will take them with a grain of salt but when the only two she meets are odd and a bit anti-social? It does not bode well for you.

To make this as not drawn out as possible here are the things I found out in the course of the night. He could be going to jail in two weeks once he has his hearing (no I don't know what for other than he's not a sex offender and its not for murder. You bet I looked him up.). He has 2 children, ages 9 and 7. I did ask if he was married and he said no, marriage is sacred and he wouldn't be here if he was married. He seemed offended that I asked. Like I care. I don't do married men and one of my friends already got caught up in a dramatic situation a la the wife bustin up in a restaurant parking lot losing her mind talking about she already had to run one off before. Stop. the madness.

He likes what he calls "hippie music" and Dave Matthews Band. This made me even more confused about his racial background, but it's so rude to ask "what are you?" Not that it matters terribly, I'm just curious. He also works out 3-4 hours, 6xs a week, not 2 hours. That is obsessive and you know I told him as much. Side note: Rejoice because I do not feel nearly as sore as I thought I would. As a result I'm quite happy to learn I'm more fit than I thought I was. If it wasn't Friday (which means I go to work at 11:30 p.m.), I would go to the gym today. However, today is my day where I don't go anywhere.

I drank 2 Yuengling drafts. He had 3 courvoisiers and two shots. After the 2nd drink and before the shots, he asked me if he should get another one. I said no. He kept going. Gentlemen. Here's a tip from a lady. Do NOT out drink her and not be able to handle it very well. I don't care if you're showing off and your boy is egging you on. If she says don't drink more AFTER YOU ASKED HER OPINION, it would behoove you to follow suit. One of his homies kept asking me about my lip gloss. "It's so shiny. I like it. Did you put more on? Your lips are just so..." Then when as he was telling G to drink more, he's putting devil's horns next to his head (I told you they were corny) so I circled my hands over my delightfully fluffy afro and said (for the second time), "Don't drink more." The friend goes, "OMG that was like the hottest angel I've ever seen." (Quite likely.) And yet G did. Stupid.

At the end of the night I hadn't had a drink for at least 90 minutes. I was super sober and he was a bit not. (Not to brag but clearly 5 drinks was not a drunk night for me in college. I really don't think that's anything to brag about but my point is, if you can't go hard and still be chill, you should know your limit and stop. Plus you're an adult now. Let's act like it.)

He wanted to continue the night and I opted out. He asked for a hug and as I was leaning in he said gimme a kiss and STOLE IT!!! Just a peck and then I turned my face and he got some cheek, too. DRUNK PUPPY! All I could do was snicker because I was just so shocked! Who does that?

And I didn't throw a single dart. Pause. Wow... He is quite pretty but that empty-like head is quite a problem. It would also be nice if didn't have all of the aforementioned issues.

As I got on the turnpike I realized Sonic was just 5 minutes away, wondered if it was open at 2 a.m. and nearly kicked myself for not thinking of it earlier! I SO should've gone there and then met him at the bar later. Would you like to know why I love my stuck-up Hampton friends so much? Because when I told one of them this story, she said, "Didn't I tell you to run after I found out he had braids? Men with braids over 21 are no good. A 29 year old braid wearin, cake makin, alcoholic, Pittsburgher, kiss stealin, non-marrying baby daddy criminalistic hippie." Hilarous! Stace wasn't quite as hard on him but still less than impressed. You know how I feel about it... *yawn* uninspired.

*I'm quickly approaching 400 posts! Is everyone excited?! YAY!!*

Am I Alive?

Because I think my gym date tried to kill me. He goes 6xs a week for at least 2 hours. Yeah... I don't even aspire to your level of dedication. He got there an hour before me and ran 4 miles. I thought I was fit. I know I'm cute and tiny but wow. We walked on the track for 40 minutes, then did 20 on the bikes. I was good and sweaty after that. Not cute but oh well. It was your idea to workout together. I guess it was nothing to him. He's all relaxed. Then we do free weights to work the chest, then a pec machine, squats, hamstrings and triceps. And you know how normal people to sets of 8 or 10 or 12? No. Sets of 20. He was like, "You have to do a lot of reps so you can build up your endurance." Me, "Right. But I also need to be able to walk the next day." We were there for 2 hours.

He also called me last night (of course I was sleeping) to see if I wanted to bring a swimsuit to go sit in the sauna. I don't own one pieces. Stace was cracking up at the thought of my Rosa Chas or my cute Vickie's Secret bikinis in the gym sauna. Hilarious, I'm sure. My arms! My legs! Am I gonna die? He said the sauna helps with that. Does that mean I'm supposed to go buy a one piece or wear the 3 bikinis I own, two of which I've never worn? Decisions decisions. Oh yeah he's about to turn 29 next month and is apprehensive about it because "30 sounds so old." I was crackin up. We had a good time AND have set a tentative 2nd gym date for Saturday as long as I can walk. Ooh! He used to be a baker. Like bread and dessert. Yum!! Can you whip up some focaccia for me? That would be great.

For lunch I had bologna and Mexican-style 4-cheese blend on a spinach flour tortilla with a side of chips and chipotle salsa (yes I'm obsessed and ok with that. I even told him about it while on the bikes) and a glass of orange juice. That roll up was bangin! I had to stop myself from getting another! I think I'll make baked spaghetti tonight. Wanna come Stace? (She can eat spaghetti 8xs a week.) Good day so far. Too bad Grey's is a repeat. Boooo. Scroll down for Project Runway!

Project Runway: Denim Delight??

I'm scared of this episode because I know they have to do something with denim. I love jeans... but I don't like them anywhere but on the legs. It is so difficult to find a denim jacket or dress that I will want to wear!! It's just so much. Plus its been so poorly done for hicks and less fashionably advanced people. Sigh.

LMAO @ Vic calling Sweet P "Kit" over and over again. LMAO!!! Oh that's so funny. You are so unmemorable that your odd name doesn't get you recognition. And for you to be a grown 46(?) y.o. woman correcting someone, "My name is Sweet P!"? It sounds stupid.

That's because you're not good enough Ricky. Sorry. Stream of conciousness. That was on my mind and needed to come out immediately. He said, "It's hard to go to judging when every week you're told you're not good enough." Yeah. About that. GO with that. Make it work.

Field Triiiip! Rami stop. You could totally make a dress out of a garbage can.

Christian: are we gonna meet someone fabulous?
Me: Sorry Christian. I couldn't make it.

See look at this Levi's woman's jacket. No thanks. I love how slowly the garage door is rising. It's cracking me up. Especially because they're ducking trying to peek under. White cotton and denim. OOh. Maybe. Iconic denim look. Why does Vic always look like she's pissed to be there? Christian. Like you had to tell us you grabbed everything you could find. We know your steeze. And he called Rami greedy!! LMAO!!

Ricky. We knew you made your HIDEOUS HORRENDOUS HATS!!!! Ugh. But his idea is intriguing. "Because I'm not from the US my ideas are a little more edgy and fashion forward"? Rami. You know all Americans are like THEN LEAVE MR. FASHION FORWARD!!!! Don't come over here on an American show and wax nostalgic about how you, Sir Drape A Lot are sooo much better than us dowdy Yanks. You got the wrong one baby. Uh huh.

"I think Christian is very immature." "Someone needs to give him a bottle and send him to bed." "Christian is like a cartoon character... if I had hair on my head I would want to rip it out." 1969... I know Prince Christian the Small is your fave but he's getting on my nerves with his ridiculous desire for face time. We get it. You know the reality show rules: be the most controversial, get the most face time. Vic, "I would sketch and my mom would make everything I wanted." Which explains who you are. But you know I wanted that person in my life. A personal tailor!? I'm so having one of those one day.

And frizzy curly hair girl who... JILLIAN! Couldn't remember her name for a minute. She's getting mad because Vic is making a coat, too... because y'all worked on a coat together in the last challenge. But I'm mad that you both made a coat the last challenge AND ARE MAKING ON THIS CHALLENGE!! "I feel so manly working with denim," says Christian. First time you felt that punkin? Denim wedding dress Sweet P?? Wow and no. Ricky you worked for Vera Wang, OSCAR DE LA RENTA AND VALENTINO (who just ended his fashion career today... *TEAR!!*)!?!?! I have never liked Vera's designs terribly much) but the other two?????? LOVE LOVE LOVE!! Tell me you clicked on those pages and didn't immediately see me in those clothes. I'm appalled that they employed him. I know it was for lingerie but still! I just don't understand!

How does Christian know how crackheads talk? I'm dying at Chris muttering and chattering to himself... and "to THE GARMENT." This guy at work talks to himself, smacks himself in the head and slams thing on the desk. We all look at him like he might pull a gat out of the trunk. He's been working there for 2 weeks. I'm thinking I should be nicer... head him off at the pass so I'm not the first one he comes looking for. Not my fault I have high standards and you don't know how to follow directions unless you've heard them multiple times. I'm not going to lower my standards. So maybe, just maybe, I'll just get right with God and not worry about the rest.

Sweet P your thing is scaring Tim and it's scaring me too!! "Happy has it home granny circle"!??!?!? DYING!! DYING!! HE ACTUALLY SAID THIS!!! I just covered my eyes and SCREAMED with laughter. Oh my. I don't even know what that MEANS but could you have said anything funnier?? Hilarious. Jill you never think there is time to do the work. Ever. Don't sit up there and cry. In the words of the great Zulema of PR of yore, "If you have to cry and cut, then you better cry and cut!!" DYING LAUGHING!! "I'm bleeding everywhere" says J and then Rami says "I don't see it." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You are so dramatic. Get your life together if your competitors are having to spur you on.

"I was sewing so fast I wasn't even talking to people." Christian. I know everyone was overjoyed about that!

Why is Rami misting his face? AND RICKY IS WEARING THAT MESH SEE-THRU HAT!! Ooh Jillian's skirt!!!!!! The one she wore to judging? I need it!! Denim is such a tacky challenge. No matter how much you love denim, there's no way you also love this challenge. "Murphy have another drink." Stace!! The hilarity of Chris saying that with a bizzare accent! Sweet P's has turned out cute. Vic. The inside out denim? I'm not understanding. No one wants to see all those seams. The bottom of the pant is a JACKET SLEEVE Christian?!?!?! I'm dying!! So in love are we twoooo. Fantastic.

"I should've simplified my design." Jillian. Do you really need to say this weekly? Chris... from first look... that looks hideous. I really don't want you to go home for you are entertaining... but this is a design show... make it happen.

Love Heidi's dress!!! Shiny shiny!! I'm obsessed with sequined dresses right now and that one is particularly fabulous. Her hair is cute, too. Chris' is okay. I hate the scarf draped and tied around her neck and trailing down her back to her knees. SP's did come out better than I expected. So did Vic's. I like the belt made of waistbands. Rami's is interesting but he's still on my list for that American comment. Christian... full jean outfits are not sexy. Jillians is way more interesting than Vic's coat. I didn't hate any of them. I also didn't really love any of them either. Again. Denim bores me beyond a jean. But I do love an overcoat.

Again. Up close Chris' is yucky. Sigh. I so didn't want you to go home. Love the zipper outlining the dress on Rami's. That is amazing. Nina called Rami out about not draping. HE WAS FORCED NOT TO!! So excited about it.

Wait. Ricky's crying because he's happy. He's such a girl. Except I have never... EVER... in my life cried this much. I have not cried in the last 4 years as much as he's cried in the last 9 weeks. MK just said he'd wear SP's dress with the right shoe! Love it. It's adorable. I'm shocked. I'm not a patchwork lover but that's cute. The two coats got the most trash talk. How about you don't repeat the last challenge.

Heidi says "I think a lot of people would be into that jean." With sleeves on the bottom? YOU JAM RIGHT!! I need some tomorrow! Nina doesn't think Vic had fun with this. Hmmm. You think Type Aer didn't have fun with denim. Hello! She doesn't want anyone messing with her restrictions!! SHE makes the box and stays firmly inside! Lol.

Hmmm... can't call this one. I think between Vic and Chris. Oh Chris.

Jesus keep me near the cross. Ricky just won and his dress will be sold online. I wonder how much it costs. Let's see if its up there. I bet they got millions of hits in the last 2 hours. Wait Chris is in?? Wow!! Between Vic and Jill? Type A and Type Aer? Sorry Type Aer (Vic). They think you gave up. You're going home. KNEW IT! So didn't think she was leaving this early. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS DRESS ONLINE UNTIL 11PM PACIFIC!?! I blame Liz. Two more hours?? I'm gonna have to update this before the gym. I'm going to bed. Ooh. Millionaire Matchmaker. BUT NO P.R. FOR TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!!

So I update it now, 2 a.m. eastern. $168 for a designer I don't like and a dress I can only tolerate? No and no. Where's a Michael Knight design when you need one?!?!

The Fat Tour

This morning one of my coworkers asked me if I knew what fastna.cht is. (Same one who was boosting my head up.) Some PA D.utch tradition that's essentially the same thing as Mardi Gras but you eat doughnuts instead of a king cake. Whatever. Yesterday we were talking about our childhoods and she told me they used to go to the south every summer including Mississippi and South Carolina. I was like "Mississippi!?!? You grew up in PA! What are you doing in MS!?" "My mom loves plantations."


SKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!


Stop the record. Er what? Yo. How do you look a black person in the face and tell her your mom likes plantations? I would rather you lie to me. OR since after that you told me she had friends in Natchez (one of the places my mom lived), you could've just left it at that. But no, you had to tell me about your mom's love of plantations. PLANTATIONS?!?! You mean that place where my ancestors were forced into unpaid labor for centuries, not allowed to read and repeatedly raped? Just making sure.

My response other than raised eyes, "Wow. My mom's from Mississippi and I've NEVER been to a plantation." Considering the fact that I'm from North Carolina, and not far from the SC border, I probably grew up not too far from some. Still never seen one. You know how I feel about Colonial Williamsburg. Then today same coworker said, "My father has one of those cars [Duke.s of H.azzard] with a Dixie flag on it." This time I just raised my eyebrows and walked out of the room. And I've met her parents. It just makes me wonder what they were saying about me behind my back. Bet it started with an n.

What I've previously said about the confederate flag: "it's a symbol of racism in that it was proudly waved when fighting to keep Black people enslaved, burn and bomb Black homes and crosses in Black yards as intimidation and during the lynchings of Black men. It is also currently used by skinheads and members of the KKK. If that's the "history" you want to remember and the legacy you want to uphold, please allow me to distance myself from you. Thanks."

Ugh.

Anyway while looking at her little Dutch tradition, they referenced Krispy Kreme and suddenly I had to have some. YUM!!! But they're so out of the way here that you have to PLAN to go to them. So I said to myself, "Self! It's my Friday; let's do a fat tour!! Go to the fattening places and eat fattening food!" Mmmmmm. First I got my case of Honey Brown. Then I headed to out of the way KK for my half a dozen glazed donuts (polished 2 of those bad boys off in the car), then out of the way SONIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had neither of these in many many months. They just added Sonic to Pittsburgh in the last few months and I hadn't been yet. Cheeseburger, tater tots and limeade!!!!! YAY!!

You know how I have this psycho schedule, right? I go to bed around 4 p.m. and wake up around 11:45 Monday through Wednesday. Off 'days' are Thursday and Friday. Except I have to be there by 11:30 Friday night so I usually go to bed around 1:30 p.m. Laaaaaaaaaaame! It has turned me into a very boring person. (I read some of my old posts yesterday. Ouch. Very painful. The complete reason I didn't do a recap of 2007. Even some from 2006.)

Anyway, I put my phone on vibrate and stick it outside my closed door when I go to sleep. For some reason there is no silent on my phone. This way I don't miss any calls and the phone doesn't disturb me when people call. Yes I can hear it vibrate if it's in the room. I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as a light sleeper but I'm definitely not a heavy one unless I'm extremely sleepy. AND no matter how deeply I'm sleeping I can always hear my name. I used to scare my friends in college because in the dorm I never locked my door when I was in the room unless I was getting dressed so they would usually just walk in. If I was sleeping, they'd just call my name and I'd immediately wake up. That's on the off chance I didn't hear the door open. OR if I was sleeping and they were in there and it was time for the end of my nap. Crazy times man. College was so fun.

"Last night" aka around midnight, I woke up and checked my missed calls. I had one from G (gym guy)! He wanted to see if I would work out this afternoon or evening. I called him back this morning to say sure but we changed it to tomorrow morning. So I have a morning gym date... hence today's fat tour! Lol. Actually the fat tour was already in place when I thought we had an afternoon workout. I said, "I'll just eat until my heart's content and then go show off." Except he keeps testin my gangsta!! He's like, "Yeah I usually run on Thursdays but I don't know if you can keep up." Woooord?!?! He knows I don't do running but I said, "Well maybe I'll do it anyway just because you think I can't!!" Hahahaha. He liked that. I'm lying. I'll do it a little... well we'll see. He goes extra hard. You work out 6 days a week to my 3. You have fun with that.

Flattery Will Get You Everywhere

One of my coworkers started a question with this, "Being that you are the food impresario..." I think I'm in love. Who cares what the rest of the question or the answer are.

I Have A Dream

"I have a dream that one day I will see a Martin Luther King special that talks about more than the 'I Have a Dream' speech," I say.
"But it's such a monumental speech," she responds.
"But he has more stuff," I say trying unsuccessfully to prevent the exasperation from creeping into my voice.

Sigh. I may as well have been talking to myself. Sometimes I feel like a little black island unto my little black self. Oprah again. She had this special on yesterday. So touchy-feely-let's-all-hold-hands. Very movie-esque even down to the camera shots and the children running up a hill and down a hill and reciting different parts of the 'I Have a Dream' speech. What? No I'm not joking. Huh? No I also don't know why no one else thought it was cliche. It just felt overdone. (In case you were wondering, yes, Oprah replays at 2 am in Pittsburgh which is why I always see it even though I'm usually asleep by the time it comes on in the afternoon.)

I know they don't exactly teach black history in schools beyond slavery and MLK but I was hoping the person I was talking to would be able to understand. I don't assume because you're white that you don't know anything about black people and MLK. I mean come on. He has his own holiday. I can't even get a little "Letter from a Birmingham Jail"? Is that not powerful as well and still pretty well-known? It has its own wikipedia page! I do not profess to be an MLK expert, but perhaps, just once, we can, I don't know EDUCATE SOME PEOPLE, and get something about him ON HIS DAY outside of that famous speech. I know. I'm sooo picky.

Tomorrow is TGIF and I'm buying a whole case of Honey Brown and seeing how long it takes me to drink it. A week? Cross your fingers.

Ummmm It's Snowing

That means all I want to do (and therefore will do) is eat chipotle salsa and organic tortilla chips (how laughable) and raspberry sorbet. I know what you're thinking if you're a good southerner. It's too cold for sorbet! I'm in my nice warm house AND it was 26 this morning. That's a 20 degree improvement over yesterday morning. I took a few pictures since all LaStaceyontay wanted when she was here was a picture of snow. You can't really see it that much but why not? But first a picture of me walking up the steps in the fab shoes with a red dress and a navy coat.

How very American. I actually wore these shoes today! That's not gonna work! Satin, suede and snow do NOT mix. I'd actually brought a change of shoes in case I did some walking before bible study (which I'm not going to. Hibernate from snow when possible. Oh look it stopped just like the meteorologist said it would. I know she's doing the cabbage patch right now.). I had to run to the car to get them so my coworker temporarily traded shoes with me. Lol. I can be so high maintenance sometimes. No smart comments. Despite my high standards, I'm medium maintenance.

Hope someone somewhere is getting what I never do-- a snow day. Enjoy.

Wrap It Up!

So I've brought some semblance of conclusion to two, yes TWO open issues brought up in the blog.

1) Text fiancee [(c) Jameil 2008]: I talked to the homie who sent me the text wedding invite. I said, "I know we haven't spoken in a while but how did we get to this point!?" She met him on April 28th... yes 2007. They've lived together since August. Her mom is excited about the wedding. Her father is indifferent. The wedding is at H.einz Hall. The reception is at the C.arnegie Art Museum (or vice versa). SO not what I think of as a Pittsburgh wedding. She asked, "Are you gonna come?" What? Am I gonna boycott? We ain't that close that all that is necessary. Not like if one of my homies married their deadbeat currents/exes. I still wouldn't boycott but I wouldn't be pleased. But this is at a fab location. How can I not go? It's your life. If your parents aren't trying to talk you out of it... what really can I do? We're supposed to go to lunch soon to talk about wedding stuff, etc. so we'll see.

2) Gym date: Remember how I saw him once and all we said was hi and happy new year? I also saw him last week but he was in what I call "testosterone room." That's the room dedicated solely to weights that's mostly just guys. The woman who showed me around the gym didn't even show that to me when I joined. The upstairs area with the circuit training and cardio machines and the indoor track above it is pretty much it for me. There are indoor and outdoor pools as well. But I don't use those either. You know how black women are about their hair. Even with natural hair I'm just so used to avoiding pools that I still do it. But I'm not obsessed with umbrellas anymore so that's fun. I won't be umbrella-free in a downpour, but drizzle or a sprinkle? I'm good. First time I did that was so FREEING!!

I see G (gym guy) today on the bikes and there's an open one next to him. I say hi, grab the current AllureMag from the rack (score!) and sit down. I say, "I want to explain about what happened that day we were supposed to work out. I was doing the noon and the white house caught fire... so sorry." He says, "Oh... well we never exchanged numbers so let's do that now." So we did. Fixed 1969. Are you happy? :) I am. I feel so accomplished right now. A month later. Lol.

And you know how I get about people working out outside of their normal times because it's a holiday. I work holidays. If it falls on my day off, I'm off. If not, I'm working. The news goes on no matter the day of the week. I have to ignore holidays to keep from getting crazy about missing the ones I usually celebrate with my family. That means I often don't realize its a holiday (other than whatever closings we mention) until I go to the gym and am bombarded by TOO MANY PEOPLE!! It was ridiculous in there today. I'm not claustrophobic but I think I just caught it in the gym today. You didn't know it was contagious? Well it is. And I now partly have it. I just had to GET AWAY FROM ALL THE PEOPLE!! I think its only at the gym. When I'm sweaty I don't want an audience of dozens. This ain't NY. GET AWAAAAY!!

Bonus: Why is there this dude from college whose muse I wanted to be who found me on myspace, right? Not odd. We have 24 friends in common including someone some of you know... bizarre. I just realized different aspects of my Hampton life cross paths way too much and perhaps I should be more vague. Except I don't care. Anyway. This dude has had a girl since forever (at least 4 years-- hush. Yes I know 4 years isn't forever but for a relationship that has yet to culminate in marriage, that's a long time.) who also went to the crib (college). One "ex" and 2 crushes from college found me, including the source of endless embarrassment back in the day. (Ooh! I've been free for a year and a half!) Lol. In retrospect that whole period of my life was hilarious. At the time, NOT AT ALL!!!

So this guy who found me whose muse I wanted to be. He's taken to sending me random messages having nothing to do with nothing. I don't care if that's not grammatically correct. You have 3 years of grad school left and you're asking me if I'm from Charlotte (yes) and if it's a good city (YES!!) because you've heard mixed reviews (they're jealous). Ok random. Why do y'all do that. Why is it when we're completely ignoring you and moving on you POP up. I know the answer. Because you're selfish! You always want people thinking of you. Keep it to yourself partner! Lol. He's actually a funny guy (and I'll still be his muse because I bet he'll be on Oprah one day for the book club and I wanna come!!) but the random questions every 3 months are just so bizarre.

*Completely unrelated bonus. "Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant" is just as hilarious as "Scott Baio is 45 and Single." Except before he told his fiancee how he feels about this soul-crushing fear of being a father, I was ready to kick him for being such a big baby and not saying something. JUST SAY IT!! (I've been known to yell this at people taking to long to get to the point. One of my fave professors in college used to say, "Gimme the soundbite." HUHlarious.) Then he manned up. Ooh! And Celeb Rehab? I don't like celebrity news but I love this show. Did you know alcohol withdrawal is commonly fatal?! Thank Dr. Drew for that little tidbit! Makes you want to never drink again doesn't it?





Eh... not quite. But it definitely makes me not ever want to be an addict. (I'm sure no one wants to be an addict.) This is a great show to have on tv. People need to understand what this life is like.

My coworker told me her baby rolled over today. Granted it was because her hubby the stay-at-home dad (that's kinda hot... I may need one of those when I get rich and famous and start popping out kids.) called while I was standing there. But then she goes, "Isn't that exciting?!" "Hey. I got out of my bed today and I did NOT get a party." I know its a milestone but I'm not a mother and we're not that close. That means I don't care enough to celebrate your baby's every achievement. But congratulations... ish.

I've now talked about what X told me not to-- the gym-- and only half of what La told me not to-- tv and food. Let me go ahead and round that out. I drooled all over chipotles on the Record Dish and it's quite funny. hahahahahaha. (There were so many tangents and links today it took me more than an hour to write this blog!!! Insanity.)

Pictorial! Excitement!

Look at this hideous gift someone gave my father for Christmas. I know it was a woman and she should be ashamed. Yes I'm callin folk out.We are so mature at work. I threw a balled up piece of paper at my coworker. I came back to my desk and found this. Hahahahahahaha. So I boxed them up and dumped them on another coworker's desk. Hilarious! Yo! Why is it sooo cold here. SPARKLING RED THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! Canada pushes that air down and now its 12 degrees, feels like -3. STOP IT!! I had to fill up my gas tank. WOW!! Why did I decided kill time time in Trader Joe's today wandering around the store. I got some chipotle salsa. YUM!! Why is it super deliciso!!

The other day I went to the gym and was sooo excited about my fabulous outfit! So I took pictures of myself in it. So sunny and Florida-like. Ward off those super cold temperatures.
Then I was listening to this song by Stace's bf's band and started gettin my dance on! And this song.... Shawty Get Loose! Don't mind if I do!

And let's not forget Miss Jackson if ya nasty with Feedback! Love it!! Super hot! (For some reason its not letting me embed. Grrrrr...)

Those songs get me like that and will soon be added to the work out playlist! Work it out!! And church was bangin today!! So much so that I won't talk about people's outfits. They haven't grown yet. Growth!

Eat with Gusto!

Mmmm. Fooood. It's no secret I love to eat. I don't eat to live baby I live to EAT! I noticed most chefs do either. You know how hefty people like to say, "Never trust a skinny cook?" Well Rach is neither skinny nor fat but definitely one of those hefty-eatin girls! AND I LOVE IT!! Eat like you mean it sis! Did you know Rach comes up in my everyday life? I like to be really into things. You know how there are people who collect things like stamps or whatever? I don't have the sort of gusto for that. I would like to collect yellow tea roses, my sorority flower. I'll take a picture of the gorgeous porcelain one my Hampton homies gave me when I crossed. Other than that, my current, and much more easily accessible obsession is Rach. Better her than drugs, right? I agree. Blame Ash.

So the other day me and Ash are chatting online. You know what black folk call "the itis"? Did you know some people call it a food coma? That's what Ash wanted to share with me. I started dying laughing. Then when watching 30 minute meals this a.m., guess what Rach referenced? A food coma!! LMAO!! I started screaming. Too bad Ash doesn't read anymore. More work for me because now I have to tell her in addition to the blog. Bah humbug. I need her to get her life together.

My coworker started laughing when I was planning my trip to Houston. She said, "You and your friends are so funny! You plan your trips based on food!" Hello honey! Is there any other way?? Gimme the goods! Shopping... ehhh...yes. Beach...oooh! Food? SIGN ME UP NOW!!

I'm watching Simply Delicioso right now. Mostly because she does Tex-Mex/Cuban/Spanish foods. Mmmmm. Y'all know how I feel about those. She's making pulled pork quesadillas and they look so good!! I loooove Mexican/Cuban/insert-Latin-cuisine-here. This chick took a bite that was a quarter of the tortilla! Dang big mouth! Lol. Eat with gusto, girl! Eat with gusto! For dessert, fried apple chimichangas topped with vanilla ice cream. She's garnishing them with mint and serving them to boys home from college. Girl. If you don't quit with that! You know they don't care! Man I need to marry a Mexican or something! (She's Colombian.)

Let's Not Mince Words

Are you on drugs?

"I'm getting married July 11th- Be there or be square!"

Did you really? Really? An "I'm getting married" text?!? Text messaging has gone too far. Honey, let me break it down for you. People think of you as flighty. I think you're a nice person... who errs toward flights of fancy perhaps a bit more than the average person. You fueled my Grey's Anatomy obsession which definitely boosts you in my book. We've hung out a few times which is cool. But you already know your dating history is shaky. You're 24 and your new text fiance(?) is 38. I'm not saying it's NOT going to work but you've been dating for all of 6 months... maybe 8. If it's been longer, correct me. Is it so much to slow down and THINK?! Sigh. I know your parents are pissed. That's not necessarily a reason to break it off but they're not irrational people so perhaps you should take their opinions under consideration.

BUT isn't it ironic that the last old dude you dated treated you like crap and dumped you repeatedly, partly because he thought you were too young to get married and is SO desperate to get married, is still single? That's kinda funny since he was such a jerk to you. But you've shown him just by your willingness to get married. Now let's go ahead and call this thing off for a while, huh punkin? Thanks.

Hello Dahling!

She's here! Sydnee Denese is now one week old. She arrived in Houston, TX last Friday, weighing 5 lbs., 4 oz. and measuring 18.5 inches. Yes, a teeny tiny baby. Look at some of the pictures her mommy (fave roomie) sent me-- with my captions of course!

"Noooo!!!! Don't make me do it!! WHYYYYYYYYY!?!?"

"Ahhh.... much better. Thanks." There are no words. How cute is this one?! All scrunched up.

I get to meet her face to face in just two short months! La & V ready your resources, we goin' out!

I'm Gonna Chop It All Off

I'm so over my hair I can barely breathe. Something must be done!! And it needs to be relatively low maintenance because I work out too much to be messing with my hair all day everyday. What if I just shave my head? But then I'd have to get huge earrings because I wouldn't be wearing wigs. Go hard or go home I say. If you shave your head, have the cojones to walk around with the baldie. The first time I cut all my hair off I said that would be the last time my hair was that short. Sigh. That's the easiest way to make something happen again. Saying its the last time. Hair is such a hassle. I can't find the last time I posted about that but know that this is at least the 3rd time in the last year that I've been righthere on just choppin it all off. ARGH!!!

Project Runway: On Garde

I already know the challenge is to create an avant garde look based on their models' hairstyles. I'm in love with that idea. It's all about pushing boundaries. *jumping up and down squealing and clapping!! yay!!!*

"I shouldn't have been in the bottom two." REALLY CHRISTIAN?? REALLY?? They should've shown a reminder of that horrid dress and flashed it repeatedly on the screen like a horror movie with the slasher music in the background. Rrrant! Rrrant! Rrant! Rrant!! as the dress comes ever closer in its lace, flowered, brown organza, super short in the back monstrosityness. Ricky says he knows he has a lot of work to do to stay. Ya think? Chris... I also am surprised you are excited about this challenge being how you like to dress yourself in drag with these outRAGEOUS outfits. *giggling maniacally* Christian was about to cut Sweet P when she picked his model... but nice recovery. Again, I think its stupid that this is a model competition also. No one cares.

Make me vomit on teams of two!! I want 8 dresses not 4!!! Oh Kit dahling. I'm so sorry you have to work with Ricky. You know I'm gunnin for him. "I don't wanna be leader because I don't wanna be eliminated." -1969's Prince Christian the small. Skirt down! Glad he manned up anyway. HOW praytell is it that of all people SWEET P'S mind doesn't automatically go to avant garde?? Riiight. And Victorya & Jillian are together. Type A and Type Aer. Greeeeat.

50 YARDS OF ORGANZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH FABRIC THAT IS!? If you don't, a men's XXL shirt might use a yard and a half. They want almost 2 times that amount of fabric. Giant neckpiece on the Chris...tian team (that's their new name which I love)? Totally totally excited about. LMAO @ Rami freaking out about the pants not being done 29 hours before the end of the challenge. I'm one of those "Let's work furiously now so there's no crunch at the end people" BUT he's definitely always the one in the groups who is quietly losin it because people aren't working at his pace. WHICH is why people always call the quiet ones crazy. Because y'all be sittin in a corner seeming like you're thinking when you're really plotting how to take over the world. YOU'RE NOT SLICK!!

Loooove tatt tatt tatt tatt tatt tatt tatted up Sweet P being a bit scared of secret flip out Rami (SFOR). Was he in the army in his homeland? OOh Tim Gunn!! Another look walking down the runway?! Day 2 they must also have a ready to wear look. YES!!! Have a high end look translate into ready-to-wear (r-t-w). Love it! 15 minutes to shop, too? Suuuuper excited. 14 hours left in the day. SFORami. Honey. I'm seeing your mind. I... am going to need YOOOOU to do something, ANYTHING other than a drape. Sweet P is not being at all forceful in this challenge. I'ma need her to step up.

And she's extra calm about his micromanaging. Chile please. I would be like I need you to get up off me!! Ummm.... Vic & Jill... excuse me A&Aer... why are you moving so slowly!!!??

"I hope when our model comes out people's jaws drop on the floor and they never forget it." --Chris. I think you're about to have that wish on lock! I'm soooooo excited about this monstrosity that will be on her shoulder. I really can't wait. Like a lot. "Sweet P gets defensive." Rami for real? You are being a crazy soldier psycho! Get it together!! They've gotta be RamiP because he is bulldozing her so much she only gets a letter. Honey grab an identity and hold on to it. You don't have to be a fighter but you do need to speak up instead of crying in the corner as your model consoles you seeing as how I don't know YOU COULD GO HOME!

Lead hairstylist makes them cheer when he walks in? O... k. Again. I only care about the clothes. 4 hours until the end of the day and here Tim comes to wreck the day. Hahahaha. Love it. Wow. Tim on "Team Fierce" as he calls them (Chris...tian), ready to wear piece "Looks cheap." Yikes. RamiP needs to for real get it together. Tim says its not big enough. Rami. If you don't add that bustle she asked for!!! BTW despite my black woman anatomy (or maybe because of it), I looooooove bustling. LOVE IT!! Build it up, baby. Build it UP!! A&Aer... how is it possible for you to work this slowly? Seriously. HOW is it possible? I just don't get it!!

Sweet P you know you're gonna get got for not asserting yourself. That's how people get played on the runway. Kitcky's (Kit/Ricky) read-to-wear fabric is horrendous. OUCH! It pained me to agree with Ricky. Chris...tian's? I'm beyond excited. I can't WAIT for that to go down the runway. I know you may not believe this about me, but I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic. I KNOW! So surprising. RamiP's avant garde is not over the top enough. That is essentially ready-to-wear and the pants bore me.

Runway:
Chris...tian's? I love it all. ALL OF IT!! A.mazing. No, I can't say that enough. Kitcky's def looks costumy AND she just pushed her strap back up. So it doesn't fit either? Wow. I really can't stand the ready-to wear. That is so ugly and boring. OOOOOOH!! A&Aer... that jacket!! GIMME NOW!! And this is their avant garde piece! (Their r-t-w is not at all inspiring.) I have this thing about outerwear. It delights me like no other. I think Heidi should be using my names when she calls them forward. Kitcky, RamiP, you have the lowest scores. Please leave the runway. YES Chris...tian, that avant is sooooo cover of Vogue. Love it! I KNEW Nina was going to ask if Rami can do anything other than draping. Did I call it or did I call it? Kit's going home. Those pieces are not in any way fun. But they're gonna let Rami sweat.

MKors just called the Kitcky fabrics "poor." Hilarious!! They do look straight out of Ellie Mae Clampett's closet. Like WHAT were you thinking? Do I really even need to finish this episode? I've already called it. Chris...tian won. Yay!! You can see their looks in a Tresemme ad in Elle. Fabulous. Like I said, I called it. Holla Kit. Not like you really made that much of an impression anyway. Sorry kid.

Confession

I steer clear of old white men. They make me uncomfortable. I read a lot and know my share of civil rights history. My mother is from Mississippi. My great-great uncle (a white man) owned his nephew (my half-white great-grandfather). I have a relative who was committed to an asylum for decades because he was accused of looking at a white woman. To escape death he shot his foot and jumped in a pond. My father never went to a segregated school. My mother, though born after Brown v. Board, didn't go to one until high school. I still hear "off-color" remarks that let me know people think of me as different and "not one of them" no matter how cool we may seem or how well we supposedly get along.

So when I see an old white man, I think of the people who were responsible for these things. Kind of like some people see a young black man with a white t-shirt and baggy pants and instantly clutch their purses and walk a little faster. That's how old white men make me feel. Like I need to lock my door, clutch my purse, and drive a little faster. (It's Oprah's fault I thought of this. She was talking to a 92-year-old white man on her show yesterday and holding his hand. I was amazed. She's from the sip, too. (Mississippi) I guess you can't get far in life by being fearful. But a dose of wariness doesn't hurt.)

*New Project Runway tonight.

Batch.

"You should totally write about something other than tv and food."

-La.

Who else agrees? And drop your suggestions if you're soooo much smarter than me about what to write about on MY BLOG! Scroll down for the post that had me crackin up. (My own of course.)

*Light bulb!*

Since the Panthers had such a dismal season they should just cancel the Super Bowl so I don't have to be bothered. As a close second I will take the Steeler.s losing. What'd you say? I got that last week? Oh yes, you're right. Score! Sorry T.omlin. We all agree around the newsroom that you seem like a really great guy, but I ain't from here so I can only root for you so much. And did your team really lose to the j-e-t-s? I just had to bring that up because I mean really.


Next!


"Guess what Stace?!"
"What?"
"I just got my instyle!"
"Ooh!"

*Light bulb!*

Stace says, "Who's on the cover?"


*curses!*

Jameil replies, "I knew you were going to ask that as soon as I said I got the magazine... and yet I didn't look."

I always know and I never look!! I always forget she's gonna ask until I tell her I got the mag. Like the words are coming out of my mouth, like word vomit ("no wait, that's actual vomit." name that movie and i shall love you forever). I want to shove them back in but it's too late. I know she's gonna ask. BAH!! And sometimes I'll realize that I just gave the cover a cursory glance but the mag is not nearby, i.e. I'm in the car and it's at home, so I can't even grab it and look like I did this month. It's ridiculous.

I have this thing about reading magazines. I never read or even really look at the covers. The table of contents, either. There's too much crap on there and *light bulb!* it's essentially the same magazine every month. I'm gonna read it cover to cover anyway. Rach has recipes and a segment I find I love called B, D, L where a celeb talks about their meals for the day. THEY'RE LYING! EVERYONE eats that healthily the day Rach is following them? Right. But I still like it. And I like when they raid the celeb's fridge. I'm gonna show y'all what's in my fridge on Friday for fridge Friday. It's one of those things the crazies Blog365ers like to do to make the 365 go by faster. It almost feels like cheating but I guess it's no more cheating than posting 4 lines about why you don't feel like posting today, huh?


FYI (no *light bulb* required): Instyle is about fashion. More is about 40+ers. I haven't found another copy of that one at the gym but whoever left it the first time should feel free to lose some more there. The health mags get stolen quickly along with Glam.our (sex and fashion) and Co.smo (sex only). I could read Black En.terprise since it's always there but honestly, when I'm coming from work as I almost always am, the last thing I want to read is something "smart." I did look at the J.et mags on my coworker's desk since Doll said there were some Hamptonians in them in the wedding pics. I saw a former M.iss Hampton who was in my s.tudent leader (SL) group. Love her!! She's so sweet.


"Walk tall SL just as tall as you can, you're the best SL in the whole blessed land! So walk tall my lovely sister! Walk tall my brother man! Walk tall SL just as tall as you can. Walk walk! Walk walk, walk, walk!" Want more? "You have a friend in meeee at Hampton Universityyyy, no matter the sorority or fraternity you have a friiiiend in meeeeeee. As SL (wooo!) we will always bee." I don't remember the rest. Something about strength and unity... the time is now for both you and me. I just remember everything had multiple parts so you're saying that and I'm saying this and it's hot fiyah together! Bubblin magma. (I dated a guy once who said that. He was one of the most hilarious people I ever dated. He dumped me after a month and a half because I wasn't ready to get married. (last paragraph explains) Ok psycho.)

I was only a SL for a year b/c I didn't have time AND they made us go camping in the woods for orientation. Honey. Say it with me now. Jameil. (Jameil) Does not. (Does not.) Do woods. (Do woods.) You could only shower for 3 mins and then you were instantly dirty and sweaty again because it was I don't know VIRGINIA in AUGUST which means 95 and humid every! single! day! 85 and humid at night. DISGUSTING!!! I will now thank a moment to thank my mom for refusing to let me be a girl scout. That would not have been all good in the hood ('burbs whatever. Don't start with the semantics.). As you can imagine, I didn't want to go back the next year. I was probably on probation, too for lack of participation. Who can remember? Also, I cannot tell a lie. I joined SL for the songs. And THAT is no *light bulb!* moment.

Jameil & the Very Bad Super Horrible Terrible Horrendous Day

It was fine until I got home and found TWO MORE EVITES TO EVENTS I CAN'T ATTEND BECAUSE I WILL BE SLEEPING OR ABOUT TO GO TO WORK IN JUST A FEW HOURS.

oh. and pictures of one of those events I've already missed featuring cameos from friend one and friend two and some very nice looking gentlemen!


*insert every expletive you have here on my behalf since I have cut back so severely on cursing. LET 'ER RIP!! please also kick and stomp. i've already banged on the table repeatedly so hard i hurt my hand.*

Dedicated Jacking

That's how I shall describe me doing the noon this week. My sleep schedule is shot all to hades and I have things to do!! I'm a list girl. I love making lists. Lists, lists, lists. I even have a new planner to make it all happen! Except I never follow through to finish everything on them in one day. Sometimes I make the lists knowing I won't accomplish everything today but sometimes I just don't care. I'm horribly sleepy and I still need to go to the gym, return a skirt that didn't fit, a dress that's too matronly, and a gift I bought that I don't need. I also need an oil change badly. Well, not me, but my car. Oh! And cook! How could I forget cook!? I didn't make that taco salad I was supposed to make for the coworker because I just got so tired and church was a bit boring which made me even more tired. It's pitiful.

One of the Steeler.s was there with some chick who was clutching him tightly with her cute thousand-dollar F.endi bag and not cute outfit. Typical Pittsburgh girl. Doesn't know how to MATCH. (Burn) I was mostly annoyed, though by her clutching. We're at church. You already got him and convinced him to come, relax. Sooo not a fan of people who don't know how to act around a man.

I also haven't told the gym guy what happened. I've only seen him once since the date that wasn't and all we said to each other was hi and happy new year. I know, I know. I chickened out and haven't seen him since. Pitiful. So next time I see him, I will explain. 1969 told me I need to fix that. Yes ma'am!! Que sera sera.