Lessons in Film Viewing Pt. III

And so we pick up where we left off in our film lessons learned from watching 750 films in 2009.

24) I don't want to watch your uncut OR your unrated versions of your films!  You can keep that!!  No really.  Please keep that.  Uncut is way too long, unrated is almost always way too raunchy.  Pass.  Like can you imagine the unrated version of S.uperbad?????  There's probably not a single scene you would let anyone under 25 watch unsupervised.  Lol.
25) More and more I agree with Roger Ebert.  I feel aggrieved to learn this.  *sniff sniff*  I always heartily, fervently and rather harshly disagreed with him and prided myself on it.  Now I probably agree with him more than disagree.  LE SIGH!!
26) My disdain for reading synopses has only been slightly abated.  I don't like them because they give too much away.  The suspense would be higher and the scenes more interesting if you didn't tell all that in the blurb.  Now I'll read a sentence or two, and sometimes the whole blurb to make sure I actually want to see it.  If I can tell in the first sentence, let's proceed.  I could've saved myself from some terrible films if I'd only read at least a sentence!
27) Reviews are stupid.  There are times I wholeheartedly agree, but there are other times I just want you to shut up because you make no sense.  That said, I read reviews.  LOL!!  NOW.  I used to ignore them.  However, I've found if you read multiple, it's a lot easier to cut through the foolishness and get to the common thread which is usually the grain of truth.  That means getting rid of the outliers.  People who give 1 or 5 star reviews are usually too effusive in either direction to pay attention to but the 2, 3, and 4 star reviews are usually worth reading.  The critics are all over the place.  There are a couple indie publication reviewers that irritate me because they don't like ANYTHING so I ignore them, too.
28) It's really weird to watch people I've only known as old (or dead) people in my lifetime as young, sometimes passionate, sometimes n.aked people.  I begin to see them in a new light.  It brings out my interest in the elderly.  I always wonder what they were like when they were young.
29) I love watching movies with Rashan.  Through the course of our relationship we have to have already watched literally hundreds of films together, mostly on the phone.  We watch them almost entirely in silence, then rate & discuss.
30) I think it's strange when people say, "I know you didn't like that movie, but I still want to see it."  Good for you!  I think you should!  And I mean that completely.  These opinions are solely mine.  I've told you what I think is a waste of time but as subjective as films are, you should definitely not take my word for it if you think you'll disagree.  Far be it from me to save, I mean, keep (Lol) you from seeing something you'll really enjoy.
31) When I watch foreign films I get so caught up in blocking out or absorbing (if French or Spanish) the language and reading subtitles that I don't realize when they switch to English for a song or a few words.  The first several times I noticed that I was so disturbed!  How do you not realize your native tongue??  Lolol.  Rashan and I make a point when watching them together to say, "Hey! That's English!"  Lolol.  Yes, yes it is.
32) I like it when films  give me a preview of what's going to happen before I have to watch 3 minutes of credits.  By this I mean it jumps right into the action, then shows credits, then continues the film.  There was a period of time in the 1960s where there would be 3-5 minutes of credits before you saw a single face.  Terrible.
33) I cannot stand double endings.  This drives me INSANE!  Do not have a film come to a natural conclusion, then keep going.
34) I didn't expect the things I learned would transform how I view my previously favorite films.  That sounds strange now but it wasn't even a consideration at the beginning.  I still haven't seen any of my favorites in almost a year.  I think I'm kind of scared.
35) I HATE SPECIAL FEATURES!!!! H A T E T H E M!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVERRRRRRRR WANT TO SEE ANY THING ON THE SPECIAL FEATURES!!!!  I HATE IT!!!!  Okay okay that's an exaggeration.  Maybe sometimes I'll watch something on them but when I give them a try I'm usually like, who cares.  Next movie.  Even now.

In case you missed the earlier installments:
Pt. I
Pt. II


Mrs Count said...

I do not watch unrated films either- it's too much for me.

I don't like most reviews, and I don't like to read the synopses on movies or books. I just ask if the ending is happy and then I proceed.

I may be a bit slow, but special features like deleted scenes and stuff? That's my favorite part of dvd's. I like to figure out what made them cut certain things and keep others.

Trish said...

I don't know if I've mentioned before that I took a film class in undergrad. The worse part to me was the fact that he made us sit through the entire list of credits to "respect everyone who worked on the film." I now find myself watching to the complete end.

I also agree about uncut versions. Whenever I hear it I think of how sick BET uncut was.

Also very cool that you and Rashan watch films in almost silence. Now are you quiet watching them in person together too? Just thought I'd ask.

Sparkling Red said...

I appreciate your reference to Pepe Le Pew. Le Sigh.

I always go to www.rottentomatoes.com to get my film review summaries. I find that their percentage ratings are very reliable.

Anonymous said...

I say you should post a list of your top films.

Rashan Jamal said...

24. I'm actually okay with the unrated, but the uncut just seem to take all the parts we didn't need to see and make the movie longer.
25. I always thought your Roger Ebert hate was strange, although I don't like how he gives bad black movies a pass.
26. We are opposite on this one. Sometimes I find myself reading IMDB or wikipedia about the movie as I'm watching it.
27. I don't like amateur reviewers, or those that hate everything, or only like arthouse. It's like review the movie for what it is, not for what its not.
28. I've always been into old movies, so its strange sometimes to see them old when I'm used to seeing them young.
29. Me too, babe!
30. I def. don't have that problem. I can dig our different tastes without apologizing.
31. That is always hilarious. ENGLISH!!!
32. Semi related, when did they start doing all those credits at the end. the old movies say "THE END" and go away. Now everybody gets a credit.
33. I don't know what you mean here. Give me some examples.
34. What if Mean Girls sucks now? Or Superstar (which actually sucked to begin with. LOL)
35. You kill me with that. I like the previews to find new movies for my Netflix and I like some deleted scenes. Usually only comedy movies though.

Jameil said...

tm... me too. i so judge books by their covers b/c the synopses on books REALLY give too much away. why bother to build suspense in a book then ruin it on the cover? i definitely don't want to know anything about the end!! geez. yes, special features are deleted scenes. i used to try to watch them when they were first implemented and then i realized WHY the scenes were deleted. because they should've been. i prefer to read about movie background.

trish... my professor told us we should do that... i did it for about a month. we don't even do that in class so how are you gonna try to tell us we should do it in our free time? probably not. uncut is too long! we are usually very quiet watching them together in person too. lol.

red... thank you! lol. netflix compiles their critics ratings from rotten tomatoes.

epsi... such a difficult thing to do... i think i posted one from about the halfway point of the year.

rj... 24) word. 25) i couldn't stand that he was so effusive about so much. you can't like EVERYTHING. 26) i can't. i don't want it giving stuff away. 27) or only like indie. i'm SO with on review the movie for what it is. 28) lol! that's funny! 29) :) 30) for real. 31) hahahahaha 32) i've been wondering this for months. according to wiki around the 1970s tho it was done in a few films in the 50s and 60s. 33) when you're watching a movie and you're like, "wow... that was quite an ending" and then you realize there are still 55 minutes left a la 'The Changeling.' Or even if there are 10 more minutes it's still like for real? 34) those are both awesome movies and you know it!!! 35) i know. i wrote that when i was with you. lol.