Dumb and Sexy

In college I had this huge crush on this guy (no, not this one lolol! That post STILL cracks me up!) ... we'll call him Dave. Because all black Daves are sexy. I would aspire to marry one except I'm kind of holding out for the hot Mexican chef. Sorry black Dave.

*Side note: I just found a hilarious post about that wack "date" with G(ym guy). I think he may have gone to jail because I haven't seen him in at least six weeks. It doesn't help that I haven't been going to the gym on any sort of regular pattern. Maybe he just got a new job but doesn't it make it more interesting to finish that "date" story and all the other ridiculous ones about him with, "Oh and then he disappeared one day and I found out he went to jail"? You know it does so don't deny it.

One day I'm gonna call someone something and say, "We'll call him -- because that's his name." Today, however, is not that day.

Let's remember I was queen crush a lot in my heyday. (First linked post above.) Honestly, if I was in any city with successful black people I would probably still be that. Who knows. Maybe I would grow up and suddenly FOCUS (lol) but somehow I doubt it. Likely because my mother insists I came out of the womb liking boys. There was no awkward not sure if I like boys, would rather climb trees and have spitting contests with them phase. Oh no. Not the kid. I distinctly remember and there are pictures of me flirting with my god sister's older brother as young as 3. He is at least 12 years older than me. (He's Tony in that first post I linked to.) Aim high I always say.

So... what are we calling this dude again? Oh yeah, Dave. I called him Dave with the hair because he had this amazing long thick hair he would wear in a giant afro when he didn't have cornrows. Yes, folks, it was the era of the corn rows. Lol. I've always been big into hair... but only on guys. My own exasperates me to no end.

*Another side note: I couldn't go to the gym yesterday because I went to bible study so I used this giant wrench I found in the studio at work. It is at least 16 inches long and 12 pounds. I was doing curls and tricep extensions. My forearms are yelling at me! Which forced me to pay attention to them today. They're really skinny. Of all the skinny body parts to have, why that one? Who says, "Did you see Jameil? MAN she got some sexy forearms! Whooo! Make ya head blow!" That's right. No one.

I used to braid Dave's hair when he couldn't find anyone else. I knew how to braid hair but didn't broadcast that fact because there were so many guys with braids I didn't like it that much and didn't want to spend all my time dodging them like the O.R. had to do. That meant only friends were asking me to braid their hair every once in a while. That I can deal with. Dave with the hair was in the same major as me so we had lots of classes together and lots of opportunities for me to daydream about him. Lol. One day after class we were standing around talking about something and he said something outrageous. Wow... what a sentence. Hahahaha. What it was wasn't important but what came out of his mouth was so incredibly vapid it forced me to collapse into giggles and write on the board, "Dave is dumb," erase it and write "Dave es dum." He adds, "and sexy." DYING!! And that is how dumb and sexy became the term it is today.

Dumb and sexy guys are so not for me. You could be a model. You could be the unholy trifecta of Denzel, Blair and George... and I'll make an exception!! Wait no. You could be that hot Mexican chef. Sigh. But if you are dumb... we have a problem. I can't do it! I dated this guy we'll call L... because that's his name! Hey! I did it! Hahahaha. That's what he told me to call him anyway. He was quite attractive. And for our first date he made macaroni and cheese and fried chicken and something else for me. I don't remember what the rest of it was because those two were DELICIOUS!! We dated for about month but I wouldn't get extra fresh with him so he dumped me. I was about to dump him because he was dumb and sexy. We could never hold an extended conversation. It also didn't help that he had been to jail on drug charges (I used to give people chances so they wouldn't think I was stuck up. I don't care anymore.), admitted to selling crack to his friend's mom (his justification: so she wouldn't get some bad stuff from someone else that could kill her... I almost (I know the almost brings my sanity into question...) broke up with him on the spot), AND he told me he wanted to holla at my sister before he started talking to me. NO YOU DIDN'T. See where the dumb part comes in? You should be kicked. Swiftly and repeatedly. The moral of this story? Don't be dumb and sexy.


Rashan Jamal said...

Used to be Queen Crush A Lot... Now you are Queen Tangent A Lot. LOL

Dumb and sexy doesn't work for me either.

You flirting with old dudes? And you gonna judge me because 25 year olds dig me? Hypocrite!!! LMAO!

shani-o said...

Dumb? That ninja ain't dumb... he was brain damaged. Or he thought YOU were dumb, spitting that mess.

Ugh. I can't date dumb either.

Open Grove Claudia said...

I always figure, when guys disappear from the gym, that they are in Iraq. But I also live in Denver so... ;)

I'm not a great judge of smart vs. dumb. I look for kind vs. not so much. I'd rather have kind and dumb than sarcastic or cruel and smart.

Chris said...

LMAO@I sold it to my boy's mom because she could trust me. YOU STILL SELLIN' CRACK YOU STUPID MUTHA....*whew* Breathe, Chris, Breathe.

That's why I thank the Lord for being smart and a cuddly teddy bear. I don't want to be a fine dude if it means a loss of brain cells. Carumba.

Desy said...

hahahaha- i think i'm still in that crush o lot stage of my life... hence the lack of commitment; but i would really like to read that sentence that just put you on the 'no' status for this poor fool that didn't know he had just buried his chances with Ms. Fabulosity... I mean really, examples need to be presented so that future suitors can be directed here to NEVER say such things...lol

Jameil said...

rj... boy you're clever...

or not...

don't get all excited but i still like old guys.

shani... that makes it SO much clearer. lol.

claud... wow not iraq! well jail's a good assumption in pgh PLUS he told me abt a hearing several months ago. kindness is a given but i can't have a dumb sweet guy. that's not gonna work. he has to be smart.

chris... isn't that the most outrageous "logic" you've ever heard?

desy... crushes are fun. the sentence wasn't important. if a dude is smart one dumb thing isn't going to keep me from him. intelligence is very important to me. plus i don't want someone erasing one sentence from their lives and thinking that's enough. it ain't.

Southerner in Suomi said...

Yeah he woulda got knocked out with the quickness.

How about a Denzel, Mexican chef combo? Lol.

Jazzy said...

OMG…definitely Queen crush a lot! “Andrew, this is Jameil, another member of your fan club." They heard me gasp in the next county TOO FUNNY! LMAO…cruel!

Re: Daves…I think I’m going to have to co-sign that one. I have never met an unattractive Black man named Dave.

So with you on not broadcasting your ability to braid…everybody and their child be looking for you. It’s the main reason I grew my nails long.

Lmao @ dave is dumb…and sexy…and him thinking that makes it OK.

Sparkling Red said...

Smart is sexy. I've had the hots for some really nerdy guys, who were brilliant with a good sense of humour.

Queen Crush. I was Princess Crush in grade school. Once I fought with another girl over a boy (we were around 6 years old) and he chose me. I win! Then she pushed him off the top bunk of a bunk bed for revenge.

Jameil said...

v... lethal! don't tempt me!

diva... lol. tres cruel!! oh man black daves! not growing nails to get out of braiding. too funny. i think he was trying to minimize embarassment.

red... lol. smart and funny? FAB! love that crush story!! hahaha. too funny!

Nikita T. Mitchell said...

LMAO. hilarious and random, of course.

Remind me why I have been away so long...

Jameil said...

mm... i cannot.