"You Can Buy A New Couch!!"

"But what I'm 'posed ta do 'bout my legs, Charlie Murphy!!!"
--- Rick James in the Rick James skit on "Chappelle Show" (betta not bring yo kids!!)

Let the record show my father tried to kill me. But I'm too proud to let him know. Because then he will be walking around like a peacock. Like, "Ha! I showed that young whippersnapper." I called him when I got off on Sunday to say, "Hey, want to go on a walk this morning?" He said sure so I get home and off we go to the park. Two of the "routes" have two giant hills. We traverse up the first one and he says, "I want you to run backwards down that hill." Challllllllllllllenge!

So I start but then the hill is getting progressively steeper. Hold up! Then I start to worry. "Um... dad... I don't think this is safe." "Why not? All that can happen is you fall and skin your elbows." "What?! No. I'm too cute for skinned elbows." "Skinned elbows are a part of growing up." "When you're 5!!" Crazy man. I promptly slowed down and walked backwards down that ginormous hill, but at a brisk pace. Then we took another big hill, I paused to run to the swing set YAY!!! I'm tellin ya. If you're not letting out your inner kid, you've got a problem.

Then we walked up partway through our normal route when we go to this park and he says, "Let's turn around." I said ok quickly. He said, "I didn't have to twist your arm too much." I said, "I didn't want you to feel bad." Hahahahaha. He says, "Well I didn't want to get too far then have to send you for the car." Hilarious. Now at this point I'm already starting to feel my calves tighten up. By the time we get back to the house and he's cooking breakfast, I'm like, "Oh. $#%*!" I'm trying to think of every calf stretch I know. I'm pressing my toes to the edge of a wall with my heel on the ground. I went to the stairs with my heels hanging off... THAT'S ALL I GOT!!

Look folks, don't let the small stature fool you. I've never been an athlete. I don't like to sweat and I don't like to be outside. Sophomore year when I was hanging with my girl C, who was a high school basketball star and always schoolin guys who stepped to her, I kind of got over the no sweat thing and started working out with her on the regular. HOWEVER, my sister was the athlete. Tee-ball, softball, soccer, track, basketball, dance and cheerleading. No. Not the kid. And I thoroughly enjoyed having the house to myself while she was out lettering. I got my band letter and I'm good!! Lol. Band letter sounds so lame.

Yes, I worked out hard first semester sophomore year, but I crossed SGRho 2nd semester and didn't have time to go to the gym anymore. Junior and senior year it was very sporadic, though I LOVED the hap ki do class a set of twins (one Omega, the other Kappa) taught. I would always be nearly crippled after a class, only recovering in time for the next week! It was great. I never thought I would like martial arts, but hap ki do reminded me of dance with all the kicks. If I can do nothing else, I can kick!

I'm on this crazy schedule because the noon producer was off last week and the morning producer is off this week so I did the morning show yesterday and today. That means I work 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. HORRIBLE!! You have to sleep all day and as it is summer, when you wake up, IT'S STILL NOT DARK YET!!! Worst schedule ever. Yesterday I was strong. I'm walking around like I'm cool but I CAN'T WALK!! I wanted to go to the gym because I feel weird if I don't get there in 3 days (even if I've been on a walk) so I decide I'll go just for arms and abs. I'm looking wistfully at the track walkers and elliptical and even the hated bike. :( No bike for you!!

Today, my arms are like, "Word? The legs weren't enough? You want the full-body ouch? Whatever man, your funeral." They hurt, but a good hurt. A working new muscle groups hurt. My legs? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! When I tell you I decided not to even bother to try to mask the pain today, I walked around all day like "Oh. Oh. Oh. Ow. Ahhhhh! What I'm posed ta do about my leeeeeeeeeegs?!?!?" Oh I was crackin myself up!! And I looked a hot mess! It would be hilarious if I didn't have to hobble around and up and down stairs. By the way, down is worse. But I will survive!!! My mantras are crackin me up. I'm soooooo the self-help book of late. Positive affirmations and all that. It's great. Need some advice? I'm available! Lolololol. I just hope I can move in the morning.


Anonymous said...

*Points and laughs*

remember this post the next time you call me old.

Anonymous said...


Southerner in Suomi said...

LMAO @ "I'm too cute for skinned elbows."

And if you knew about my baby sis' high school, lettering in band was big stuff. They were a mini-HBCU band and out there doing push-ups and stadiums and ish.

When I was a sophomore in college, she ran three miles with me in the off-season. Serious stuff mayne.

PS: "through the storm goes hard"

GreatWhyte said...

YEAH!!! Don't you just loooooooooove that schedule? Welcome to my world- I feel like I'm sleeping my life away :(

Jameil said...


v... but i am tho! really! well... i went to a predomintately white h.s. granted i WAS drum major and i worked hard. but *shrugs* i def. couldn't and can't run 3 miles. but i did do pushups and all kinds of other stuff. my arms were gangsta. through the storm is my joint!!!!!!!!!

x... booooo. i have my own horrific schedule thanks. and i've been sleeping my life away for the last 2 years. regular sked: go in at 11pm fri until 1030am sat, sat night in at 1130pm until sun 10am, mon/tues 330am-1230am, wed 1am-10am. NO THANKS!! i've decided tho that i will no longer let sleep run my life. i'm going to have fun anyway.

Sha Boogie said...

Ouch. Them leg pains are the worst! I feel you on the skinned elbow, my gash from that spinning class is STILL healing!

Ms.Honey said...

Poor thing LOL

I tell ya about those good ole workouts

Adei von K said...

LMAO!!!!! Jameil, you know i'm dying right!?!? i love, Love, LOVE the part where your arms are like, "Word? the legs weren't enough?"

Jarrod said...

Ah yes...the dreaded morning show. I've been there. Thank GOD for doing the noon and 5:30...in at 9, off at 6:30. Except on weekends, then I'm in at 2pm and out at 11:30pm. Damned weekend evenings

1969 said...

Uh yeah....skinned elbows would lead folks at work to believe you partook in some major debauchery the night before :)

JustMeWriting said...

LOL... oh goodness, that was soo funny. I LOVE DAVE TOO... hahah! Wow, that's nice you guys bonding like that, but just put some 'tussin' on ya legs and let it seep in ya bones...you be aight...LOL.

Jameil said...

sha... giiiiiiiiirl. and here i was thinkin i was safe by not doing a spinning class EVER if i can help it.

stace... lolol. but today, thurs, i'm still sore from SUNDAY in the legs but the arms are good.

j... do you even know how much i am lusting after your sked right now?? so let it be known.

1969... and i'm sayin. if people are thinkin that then i better damn well be gettin into some!!!!!

just me... not the tussin! hilarious.

Miz JJ said...

I hate working out. Hate it. I know I need to get back into it, but man I wish I could avoid it!

the joy said...

i shur do miss commenting...

youre better than me. i was winded off three flights of stairs. id shake your hand but you lapped me.

La said...


Soooooo funny Jam!

yet another black guy said...

time to chill on that workout, sis! but i'd pay cash money to catch you hobbling down some stairs :D

*Tanyetta* said...

you are too funny! i just finally caught up on your blog. :)