I'm too crunk right now. The bf will be here in 6 hours and one minute. I CAN'T WAIT!! I got money, I baked a cake, got gas yesterday, washed dishes, cleaned the kitchen, dammit i forgot the candles! he'll be alright. i had to go to the store TWICE for that cake and buy two cake pans. today we'll just go to dinner. tomorrow we're going to legacy square (at pnc park-- home of the 13 game losing streak pittsburgh pirates) where there is a tribute to negro league players, to the roberto clemente bridge (formerly the 9th st. bridge) to look at the all-star game banners (the all-star game is here on july 11th), to kennywood amusement park (i got free tix from the job), and... to meet my dad. they've never met before. oooh! lol.
what's left? i still gotta pack and frost the cake. and i'm gangsta tired. like sooooo sleepy. i need a nap. aight y'all i gotta go. peace.
6.29.2006
6.26.2006
Bad Blood
this is not how i wanted to spend my 100th post. i wanted to do something miraculous. something amazing. something that would make the people wanna come back for more. something that would get more comments, questions, and concern than a little bit. i even consulted with stace. i mean i talk to her as much as or more than the bf. she's absolutely one of my closest friends. i said what should i post about? we batted a couple of ideas around. another state of black america. why i love the bf. something i've been withholding. and those are coming but it just wasn't time.
for a while now there's been something bugging me. really bugging me. and i don't feel i have the freedom to talk about it. but suffice it to say i'm feeling used and unappreciated and i need to go back to church. matter of fact i need to find a church here. but then my mom's been telling me that for the last year. on july 8th i will have been in pittsburgh for a year. but i still don't have any forever friends here. there's one girl at work i'm closest to who may be someone i keep in contact with when one or both of us leaves. but the other people, i know if we ever keep in contact, we'll eventually let it go. which doesn't bother me so much. but it does bother me i haven't really made a connection here. despite myself, i like pittsburgh. i just don't want to live here. i would love to visit. in preparation for the bf's trip here on thursday... yay! :) i asked people at work about stuff to do. they gave me 3 pages of ideas. so many i'm exhausted on top of the ideas duck gave me, many of which were the same.
and i miss him. immensely. i know he'll be here in three days, but i mean beyond that. he was one of my closest friends first. when i don't talk to him for one day it feels like forever. yeah, i know. i've got it bad. but he does too so its ok. sometimes its overwhelming. i'm used to being around a lot of people i know and love who love me back. to being the life of the party who always knows where the party is and who to party with. i don't have that here. its discomforting. and kind of scary. if my dad wasn't here i don't know what i'd do. july 8th marks a year. one entire year. that's amazing. and there are things i need to do. some re-evaluating. and that's scary.
so where does the bad blood come in? i'm just going to leave it at there is an unsettled part of my life that needs to be changed. when the time comes, i'll let you all in.
for a while now there's been something bugging me. really bugging me. and i don't feel i have the freedom to talk about it. but suffice it to say i'm feeling used and unappreciated and i need to go back to church. matter of fact i need to find a church here. but then my mom's been telling me that for the last year. on july 8th i will have been in pittsburgh for a year. but i still don't have any forever friends here. there's one girl at work i'm closest to who may be someone i keep in contact with when one or both of us leaves. but the other people, i know if we ever keep in contact, we'll eventually let it go. which doesn't bother me so much. but it does bother me i haven't really made a connection here. despite myself, i like pittsburgh. i just don't want to live here. i would love to visit. in preparation for the bf's trip here on thursday... yay! :) i asked people at work about stuff to do. they gave me 3 pages of ideas. so many i'm exhausted on top of the ideas duck gave me, many of which were the same.
and i miss him. immensely. i know he'll be here in three days, but i mean beyond that. he was one of my closest friends first. when i don't talk to him for one day it feels like forever. yeah, i know. i've got it bad. but he does too so its ok. sometimes its overwhelming. i'm used to being around a lot of people i know and love who love me back. to being the life of the party who always knows where the party is and who to party with. i don't have that here. its discomforting. and kind of scary. if my dad wasn't here i don't know what i'd do. july 8th marks a year. one entire year. that's amazing. and there are things i need to do. some re-evaluating. and that's scary.
so where does the bad blood come in? i'm just going to leave it at there is an unsettled part of my life that needs to be changed. when the time comes, i'll let you all in.
6.21.2006
State of Black America Part VI: Education
"If you want to hide something from a Black person, just but it in a book." How many times have you heard that phrase? How many times did you think it was true? The most offensive thing about that phrase is the truth. There are many people, Black and white who take pride in the fact that they don't read, or hate reading. Reading made me the person I am today. Inquisitive, argumentative, intriguing, wordy, you call it. You would be hard pressed to find me going anywhere without a book right through college. Not even riding to church was book-free.
I had my own ideas about reading and education. It probably helped I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood where I was never teased or berated for asking questions in class or preferring a book to playing outside. But who knows. I may have become the person I am no matter where I grew up. And yet there was still the underlying assumption athletes were way cooler than smart people. In elementary school I was in the Chess Club and the Computer club. In high school I was invited to the Honor Society, given the French I, II, and III awards for excellence, captain of the Debate Team, Vice President of the Physics Club, drum major in the band, Sophomore Board, and Junior Board. Nerd right? That's exactly what I said. I hated telling people younger than 25 my activities. I wanted people to think I was cool, too before they got to know me.
I should explain the Physics Club thing. I hated Physics. I had a horrible teacher who was "too smart" to teach anyone who couldn't grasp it through osmosis. That means me. She made the Vice Presidency like a bank. You know how banks have multiple VPs? You give $5 to charity, you could put Physics Club VP on your college application.
Remember the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air where Will hid his books in a pizza box? It was never that serious, but who wants to be that nerd? They want to be celebrated like the athletes. In other countries parents and students alike risk life and limb to educate themselves and their offspring. And even in America, in other cultures, education is far more highly valued. And its not just the affluent who try to give their children that extra push. We need to be doing the same things.
Two of my friends teach in "inner city" schools. One at a middle school in Greensboro, NC, the other at a high school in Baltimore, Md. Both schools have problems with student and parent involvement, extracurricular activities, math, science, and reading. They're both english teachers. Both have children who can barely read. BARELY READ. 11th grade students can't read. In America. In 2006. I asked her if she failed anyone. She said yes. I said, "Well, they can't go to the next grade, can they?" She said, "Technically, no, but they always find a way around it." Hmm... so social promotion is still alive and well? Oh yeah says my other friend who talks about all the hoops you have to jump through to fail a child. This is after the study sessions, letters to the parent begging for conferences, phone calls home, notes about lack of school work, any other way you can think of to try to drive home the importance of the child's education.
And how one student who has been in the 6th grade three times will just be promoted because he's getting too old to be around children that young. And what will we do when he has to just drop out because he doesn't understand it. And he has to sell drugs to make any decent money because he has no desire to work at McDonald's for $6 an hour for the rest of his life. And no one's ever told him he needs his education to avoid that life. And that better things are possible no matter where you come from or who your parents are. What about all the juniors in that Baltimore high school who don't believe they can go to college? Even the smart ones who work hard? Or what about the fact that the honors class includes students who have a C average or better? Or the fact there are no Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate programs in these schools and may never be? How long can we continue to not fight for equal education.
Swann v. Charlotte-Mecklenburg Board of Education started in my home school system in 1971. Its purpose was to enforce busing as a method to integrate schools since separate but equal was anything but. It was passed, helping Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools become one of the best public school systems in the state for all children. But you will still see a marked difference between the predominately black schools and the predominately white ones if for no other reason than they have better teachers they can retain, parental involvement leading to matching corporate funds for activities. About 6 years ago, a white parent complained the Swann ruling discriminated against her child because the child was kept out of some school because she was white. So it was overturned or re-worked to revert back to neighborhood (see segregated) schools. The decline has begun.
History is cyclical. If you don't know your past, you are doomed to repeat it. There are people in positions of power who have never had a Black person in their homes, never been to a Black person's home, would discourage their children from Black friends or dating Black people, and most famously, have used the phrase, "Some of my best friends are Black." And in some cases, they don't even know what they're saying and how their actions speak louder than their diversity words. One visiting professional to Hampton talked to us about how she was often the only Black person and sometimes only woman in boardrooms. She looked at a magazine and saw no Black faces. She asked if they wanted Black people to read the magazine and buy the products? Of course they said yes. She then pointed out there was not a single Black face in the entire magazine. Because they were all white, and all male, they hadn't noticed. It doesn't directly impact their lives so its hard for them to see. That's why we're a necessity. Not only in boardrooms, but in every other decision making arm of our nation that shapes our future. Attorneys, law enforcement, journalists, publishers, accountants, politicians, executives, TEACHERS. Our future is too important to but into someone else's hands. It starts in the classroom.
Previous State of Black America Posts:
Part I: The Athlete
Part II: Katrina
Part III: Hair
Part IV: Rapists and Child Molesters
Part V: Names
I had my own ideas about reading and education. It probably helped I grew up in a predominately white neighborhood where I was never teased or berated for asking questions in class or preferring a book to playing outside. But who knows. I may have become the person I am no matter where I grew up. And yet there was still the underlying assumption athletes were way cooler than smart people. In elementary school I was in the Chess Club and the Computer club. In high school I was invited to the Honor Society, given the French I, II, and III awards for excellence, captain of the Debate Team, Vice President of the Physics Club, drum major in the band, Sophomore Board, and Junior Board. Nerd right? That's exactly what I said. I hated telling people younger than 25 my activities. I wanted people to think I was cool, too before they got to know me.
I should explain the Physics Club thing. I hated Physics. I had a horrible teacher who was "too smart" to teach anyone who couldn't grasp it through osmosis. That means me. She made the Vice Presidency like a bank. You know how banks have multiple VPs? You give $5 to charity, you could put Physics Club VP on your college application.
Remember the episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air where Will hid his books in a pizza box? It was never that serious, but who wants to be that nerd? They want to be celebrated like the athletes. In other countries parents and students alike risk life and limb to educate themselves and their offspring. And even in America, in other cultures, education is far more highly valued. And its not just the affluent who try to give their children that extra push. We need to be doing the same things.
Two of my friends teach in "inner city" schools. One at a middle school in Greensboro, NC, the other at a high school in Baltimore, Md. Both schools have problems with student and parent involvement, extracurricular activities, math, science, and reading. They're both english teachers. Both have children who can barely read. BARELY READ. 11th grade students can't read. In America. In 2006. I asked her if she failed anyone. She said yes. I said, "Well, they can't go to the next grade, can they?" She said, "Technically, no, but they always find a way around it." Hmm... so social promotion is still alive and well? Oh yeah says my other friend who talks about all the hoops you have to jump through to fail a child. This is after the study sessions, letters to the parent begging for conferences, phone calls home, notes about lack of school work, any other way you can think of to try to drive home the importance of the child's education.
And how one student who has been in the 6th grade three times will just be promoted because he's getting too old to be around children that young. And what will we do when he has to just drop out because he doesn't understand it. And he has to sell drugs to make any decent money because he has no desire to work at McDonald's for $6 an hour for the rest of his life. And no one's ever told him he needs his education to avoid that life. And that better things are possible no matter where you come from or who your parents are. What about all the juniors in that Baltimore high school who don't believe they can go to college? Even the smart ones who work hard? Or what about the fact that the honors class includes students who have a C average or better? Or the fact there are no Advanced Placement or International Baccalaureate programs in these schools and may never be? How long can we continue to not fight for equal education.
Swann v. Charlotte-Mecklenburg Board of Education started in my home school system in 1971. Its purpose was to enforce busing as a method to integrate schools since separate but equal was anything but. It was passed, helping Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools become one of the best public school systems in the state for all children. But you will still see a marked difference between the predominately black schools and the predominately white ones if for no other reason than they have better teachers they can retain, parental involvement leading to matching corporate funds for activities. About 6 years ago, a white parent complained the Swann ruling discriminated against her child because the child was kept out of some school because she was white. So it was overturned or re-worked to revert back to neighborhood (see segregated) schools. The decline has begun.
History is cyclical. If you don't know your past, you are doomed to repeat it. There are people in positions of power who have never had a Black person in their homes, never been to a Black person's home, would discourage their children from Black friends or dating Black people, and most famously, have used the phrase, "Some of my best friends are Black." And in some cases, they don't even know what they're saying and how their actions speak louder than their diversity words. One visiting professional to Hampton talked to us about how she was often the only Black person and sometimes only woman in boardrooms. She looked at a magazine and saw no Black faces. She asked if they wanted Black people to read the magazine and buy the products? Of course they said yes. She then pointed out there was not a single Black face in the entire magazine. Because they were all white, and all male, they hadn't noticed. It doesn't directly impact their lives so its hard for them to see. That's why we're a necessity. Not only in boardrooms, but in every other decision making arm of our nation that shapes our future. Attorneys, law enforcement, journalists, publishers, accountants, politicians, executives, TEACHERS. Our future is too important to but into someone else's hands. It starts in the classroom.
Previous State of Black America Posts:
Part I: The Athlete
Part II: Katrina
Part III: Hair
Part IV: Rapists and Child Molesters
Part V: Names
6.17.2006
Crazy Week
So my mini-vacay starts Monday. I'm off for three days. But don't tell anyone b/c one of those days might disappear. You know how unsolicited (and solicited) days have a way of doing that when someone else is responsible for your schedule.
Why does Making the Band 3's Wanita's mama think <--------that is the correct way to spell Juanita. I know I can't talk since my name is Jameil and its pronounced "Jamel." But my mom spelled it the pretty way, not the way it sounded. So stop hatin. Raise your hand if you've been pronouncing my name wrong in your head. Go head. Put 'em up.
So... I'm tempted to see what's the earliest time I can start drinking this week. I have a beer right now. I started it at 11am. That's not good enough. I've been up since 930 last night so its not as bad as it sounds. But I'd like to see how bad I can get. I learned from my producer, "Its deceptively hard to find some place to drink at 9 in the morning." Fell out laughing b/c I definitely understand. Why do I need a drink today? Because I just finished producing my first full show. I produced last week, but it was a waaaaaaaaay abbreviated show at only 30 minutes. Today... 3 HOURS. That's right. The news marathon. Afterwards I wanted to teleport home so I could start drinking sooner.
OMG! Have you seen these MTV commercials where the kids are instructing the parents to use condoms/practice safe sex/etc.? Hilarious. Back to MTB3. I'm sittin here bawlin like a baby watching the portion in New Orleans. Sooooooooooo sad. I'm getting to the point where I hear New Orleans and feel ready to cry. But did y'all hear about people spending FEMA money on Girls Gone Wild tapes, football tickets, champagne at Hooters, getting their nails done (did), and here's the best... sex changes! That's right. Sex changes. Now its not funny b/c there are people who still need help who will have an even harder time getting it, but its hilarious that people would think to spend money on these things!! And that there were no restrictions! Wow... you know how they have guv'ment cheese? Do they have guv'ment sex changes? Are they discounted, cut rate sex changes? Do you get only half the process? Just wondering.
Some other things I was wondering. I saw the largest popcorn kernels in America on the ground near this bakery-type factory or something near my house. Now first I would just like to ask, if I live so close to this place, why doesn't it smell like cake everyday? It doesn't smell like anything. Do they bake this stuff far away, box it up without wrappers, then ship it to my house? Because I see Tastycake and something else trucks, but I smell no goodness. That's what you're eating? Stuff they box w/o wrappers and ship to be wrapped? Nasty. So the popcorn. I see this dude standing amongst it the other day and I'm disgusted. But then I decide he's there to clean up that mess. Today I see it again and I'm like WHAT'S THE DEAL?! Guys. I've never been here in spring. I had to look waaaaaaaay up to the top of the giant tree... They were flower petals. Word life. (the funniest phrase in the world to me) I have never, EVER seen a flower bearing tree that large. And though you now think my perception is severely skewed, let me just say this tree is at least 20 feet tall. Now imagine the flowers. Let ya mind go free.
Beer number too now. (And I PROMISE I had all these thoughts prior to a single drink, tho I am quite tired). Watching Rev. Run's House now. Nice. Love this show. LOVE! But not as much as I love el bf-o (yeah that's right Karamale and Cuban Stace, that's Spanish for "the bf"). He'll be here in 12 days, 8 hours and 2 minutes Whooooo hooooooooooo!! Next thought. I saw a dead raccoon on the way home. I thought to myself, is there raccoon peer pressure? Like the raccoon in the street. What possessed him to cross the street at that moment? Was he thinking, I can beat this. I know I can beat this. That big ass deer with the bright eyes growling up the hill at me can't touch this. (that's how they see cars) I'm goin for it. Raccoon friend, "Don't do it Billy." Raccoon Hater, "Do it. I bet you won't do it. I bet you're scared." Original Raccoon, "I bet I will, I bet I will." RH, "I bet you won't, I bet you won't." OR, "YES I WILL!! *BOOF!* @#@^%&#$%^" *RH walks away shaking head and laughing* "Stupid."
Now THAT'S imagination. Don't hate. I have an inquisitive mind. Its called genius. Get in my mindspace son. And I'm out. *swagger*
Why does Making the Band 3's Wanita's mama think <--------that is the correct way to spell Juanita. I know I can't talk since my name is Jameil and its pronounced "Jamel." But my mom spelled it the pretty way, not the way it sounded. So stop hatin. Raise your hand if you've been pronouncing my name wrong in your head. Go head. Put 'em up.
So... I'm tempted to see what's the earliest time I can start drinking this week. I have a beer right now. I started it at 11am. That's not good enough. I've been up since 930 last night so its not as bad as it sounds. But I'd like to see how bad I can get. I learned from my producer, "Its deceptively hard to find some place to drink at 9 in the morning." Fell out laughing b/c I definitely understand. Why do I need a drink today? Because I just finished producing my first full show. I produced last week, but it was a waaaaaaaaay abbreviated show at only 30 minutes. Today... 3 HOURS. That's right. The news marathon. Afterwards I wanted to teleport home so I could start drinking sooner.
OMG! Have you seen these MTV commercials where the kids are instructing the parents to use condoms/practice safe sex/etc.? Hilarious. Back to MTB3. I'm sittin here bawlin like a baby watching the portion in New Orleans. Sooooooooooo sad. I'm getting to the point where I hear New Orleans and feel ready to cry. But did y'all hear about people spending FEMA money on Girls Gone Wild tapes, football tickets, champagne at Hooters, getting their nails done (did), and here's the best... sex changes! That's right. Sex changes. Now its not funny b/c there are people who still need help who will have an even harder time getting it, but its hilarious that people would think to spend money on these things!! And that there were no restrictions! Wow... you know how they have guv'ment cheese? Do they have guv'ment sex changes? Are they discounted, cut rate sex changes? Do you get only half the process? Just wondering.
Some other things I was wondering. I saw the largest popcorn kernels in America on the ground near this bakery-type factory or something near my house. Now first I would just like to ask, if I live so close to this place, why doesn't it smell like cake everyday? It doesn't smell like anything. Do they bake this stuff far away, box it up without wrappers, then ship it to my house? Because I see Tastycake and something else trucks, but I smell no goodness. That's what you're eating? Stuff they box w/o wrappers and ship to be wrapped? Nasty. So the popcorn. I see this dude standing amongst it the other day and I'm disgusted. But then I decide he's there to clean up that mess. Today I see it again and I'm like WHAT'S THE DEAL?! Guys. I've never been here in spring. I had to look waaaaaaaay up to the top of the giant tree... They were flower petals. Word life. (the funniest phrase in the world to me) I have never, EVER seen a flower bearing tree that large. And though you now think my perception is severely skewed, let me just say this tree is at least 20 feet tall. Now imagine the flowers. Let ya mind go free.
Beer number too now. (And I PROMISE I had all these thoughts prior to a single drink, tho I am quite tired). Watching Rev. Run's House now. Nice. Love this show. LOVE! But not as much as I love el bf-o (yeah that's right Karamale and Cuban Stace, that's Spanish for "the bf"). He'll be here in 12 days, 8 hours and 2 minutes Whooooo hooooooooooo!! Next thought. I saw a dead raccoon on the way home. I thought to myself, is there raccoon peer pressure? Like the raccoon in the street. What possessed him to cross the street at that moment? Was he thinking, I can beat this. I know I can beat this. That big ass deer with the bright eyes growling up the hill at me can't touch this. (that's how they see cars) I'm goin for it. Raccoon friend, "Don't do it Billy." Raccoon Hater, "Do it. I bet you won't do it. I bet you're scared." Original Raccoon, "I bet I will, I bet I will." RH, "I bet you won't, I bet you won't." OR, "YES I WILL!! *BOOF!* @#@^%&#$%^" *RH walks away shaking head and laughing* "Stupid."
Now THAT'S imagination. Don't hate. I have an inquisitive mind. Its called genius. Get in my mindspace son. And I'm out. *swagger*
6.13.2006
Men Are Psycho or Why Men and Women Can't Be Friends
So you know how I've gone out w/box boy in groups several times. Never alone b/c you know how men are. You go out and then they think its like that and it just becomes so messy. Regardless of the fact you told them several times you got a man. Then they start singin old school songs, "Whatcho man got ta do wit me?" "I got a man." "I'm not tryna hear that see?" "I gotta man." "You gotta what? How long you had that problem?" Ridiculous.
So anyway. He brings that ish to work and now I'm really mad. He calls himself trying to spread rumors that we have something going on b/c he thinks its funny and makes him look good. Needless to say, I will not be going out with him again. I'm not trying to be a part of any work gossip mill. Especially when I'm NOT DOING ANYTHING!! Damn! I'm minding my own business and see what happens? Its so painful to be fly. It really is.
Now why is this an issue? Because I've always had male friends. Lots of them. It happens that way when you're boy crazy way ahead of your time. Plus I have just always had a lot of friends. So I'm used to being able to communicate with males and not have it go anywhere. I'm tired of people trying to come on to me when I've told them I'm not interested!!! Make it stop!! Obviously when you're grown you're not allowed to have male friends anymore because men are psycho!!
So anyway. He brings that ish to work and now I'm really mad. He calls himself trying to spread rumors that we have something going on b/c he thinks its funny and makes him look good. Needless to say, I will not be going out with him again. I'm not trying to be a part of any work gossip mill. Especially when I'm NOT DOING ANYTHING!! Damn! I'm minding my own business and see what happens? Its so painful to be fly. It really is.
Now why is this an issue? Because I've always had male friends. Lots of them. It happens that way when you're boy crazy way ahead of your time. Plus I have just always had a lot of friends. So I'm used to being able to communicate with males and not have it go anywhere. I'm tired of people trying to come on to me when I've told them I'm not interested!!! Make it stop!! Obviously when you're grown you're not allowed to have male friends anymore because men are psycho!!
6.09.2006
Finally Free!!
For the much of the last 6 years I was "in love" with this guy from Hampton. Not in love, in love or anything like that. But I thought he was like the most beautifulest thing in the world!
I guess I should explain some other things first. My mom swears I've been boy crazy since I exited the womb/birth canal. I don't doubt it because as long as I can remember, I've liked boys. I remember having a crush on several guys in kindergarten. I absolutely remember loooooooving my neighbor Nathan. Good ole Nathan. There was a song my cousin re-made for me, "All. she. wants is.. Nathan!" All the time it was Nathan this and Nathan that. I think he was 13 or something. I was in first grade. Hahahaha. CRAZY! And he was white.
His father was racist. He was bullied at work for allowing his family to be friends with the niggers next door. His daughter Adrienne was my best friend. His wife was friends with my mom. Even the dog deserted his bigotry. How sad. So they moved to the country. The next county over was very rural and a different school district. Sufficient to regain his family.
There was also my mom's best friend's son Tony. I now know he's about 10 years older than me, too, maybe even 15. I have no idea. Way too old for me at any rate. He was probably my first crush at around 3. You can see me looking at him adoringly in older pics. Hilarious!! When he had a kid and got married, it broke the spell.
I could seriously go on forever. My favorite times were at Hampton, though. Ahhh good times, good times. (Speaking of good times.... did anyone else know "Newsradio" was on dvd?!! Love that show! Hilarious!!) Anyway. At Hampton, my friends and I had secrets. I had the most because I can be a bit of an overachiever. What's a secret? Well its a secret to him. We also had freshmen. The dudes we would give a chance even though they were young as all get out. So senior year, this guy named "Jamel" was my freshman. Not b/c he has a bangin name, and not because all people w/my name are fly, but because he ran track and had locs. Ooh la la! I was obsessed w/locs. Still think they're gorgeous. Before the bf became the double bf, he was convinced I liked anyone w/locks. Ok no. You can be ugly even if you have great hair. Please don't trip.
I had a secret boyfriend, named Dave. I liked him because he was quiet. I had a secret lover I called SButter b/c he was obsessed w/Shea Butter. He had hats, a license plate, he sold it. It was everywhere. Coincidentally, he also had locks. He was nice, had gorgeous skin and a beeeeyoutiful body! ow! My l.s. called him "that SButter boy." But he did give off an impression of being not quite the brightest bulb in the box. I think I may have had a secret baby daddy, too but I'm not sure.
So I know you're wondering why would you have a "secret loveeeeeeeeeer?" I'll tell you why. Because the guy I was "in love" with for most of 6 years, we'll call him Andrew. Gorgeous. My secret husband. Now he knew I liked him because my so-called friends, many of them, took the liberty of TELLING HIM!! BITCHES!! And appalling. My roommate sophomore year told him. My then drinking partner was feenin for the attention of his buddy. So when I hooked them up, she got tipsy and spilled the beans. Then she was "shocked" when he told him. So I'm like what a loser do I look like when EVERYONE is telling this man stuff?!!
Oh and did I neglect to tell you how we were introduced? My friend Joi was his little sister. She said to me, "I have to go give him this video game back, he's in the car downstairs, wanna go meet him?" Extra crunk, "OMG! Yes!! *insert jumping and squealing* What am I gonna wear?" Her: Wear what you got on and lets go. So I head down there in my tye-dyed shirt w/a red windbreaker jacket over it and sweatpants *cringe* and do you know what she says? "Andrew, this is Jameil, another member of your fan club." They heard me gasp in the next county. He said, "Whatever Joi." and asked for the movie. I slumped back upstairs dejected to lament to Wynel. She empathized. But her turn was to come. She would out me to him a multitude of times over the next 5 years.
Another time. Homecoming or Hampton-Howard game. Some huge game where he would return (he graduated my freshman year). I knew where he sat everytime (all the way at the top, and he never sat, he stood) so I would be able to just look in his direction and know whether or not he was there. He always was. This was the year after the former drankin pahtnah outted me. Matter of fact, come to think of it, it may have been the very next day. Anyway, we walked around the back of the bleachers so I could stare at him without being spotted. But his buddy spotted me, turned around, tapped A, leaned over and POINTED! *GASP!* And what did I do? I ran. Show did. I was like omg, let's go! So we scamper away as I'm cursing and omging all over creation. I decide we'll walk all the way around to minimize any additional embarassment. Then I decide to man up and go back the way I came. I say, "Ok... don't look... WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOOK!" She says, "I don't even know where they were sitting." I say, "Ok. Whatever. Just don't look." Of course... she looks. BITCHES!! You know how I found out? Because she goes, "Oh shit, they're looking." Glance up, cringe, grab her arm, quicken the walk. So. Sad.
Same day. A and buddy are up on the stairs in the student center (aka union) and he points at me AGAIN! Only this time I'm only like 15 yards away. Sons of bitches. Needless to say me and buddy were NOT cool after that. Although I gave him a big hug when I saw him at Kenny's funeral. And I did talk to him when I joined myspace. Anyway so why am I free? I'll tell you why I'm free. ANDREW CUT HIS HAIR! Yessssssss!! Because the bf was there the whole time, he wasn't so sure I was over A. And really I thought I was but I didn't know. I mean damn, I've thought I was before and then it was a wrap when I saw him. I was a spaz again.
Ok so those last couple of paragraphs made me look like a loser. I was so cool around everyone but him. I've never been afraid of guys. I would absolutely have no problem talking to the finest guy on campus. For what? I'm fly. But w/him I was such a nerd. So wack. I wouldn't have given me more than a hug and a how are you out of deferrence to his little sisters, either. So I'm finally free! He cut his locs after 6 years and I was shocked. Very shocked. Shocked enough to call Wynel to call him to confirm what I saw on Myspace. She did and I broke into smiles. Because the spell is broken. I'm free to love the bf without that lingering nagging in my ear. YESSSS!
I guess I should explain some other things first. My mom swears I've been boy crazy since I exited the womb/birth canal. I don't doubt it because as long as I can remember, I've liked boys. I remember having a crush on several guys in kindergarten. I absolutely remember loooooooving my neighbor Nathan. Good ole Nathan. There was a song my cousin re-made for me, "All. she. wants is.. Nathan!" All the time it was Nathan this and Nathan that. I think he was 13 or something. I was in first grade. Hahahaha. CRAZY! And he was white.
His father was racist. He was bullied at work for allowing his family to be friends with the niggers next door. His daughter Adrienne was my best friend. His wife was friends with my mom. Even the dog deserted his bigotry. How sad. So they moved to the country. The next county over was very rural and a different school district. Sufficient to regain his family.
There was also my mom's best friend's son Tony. I now know he's about 10 years older than me, too, maybe even 15. I have no idea. Way too old for me at any rate. He was probably my first crush at around 3. You can see me looking at him adoringly in older pics. Hilarious!! When he had a kid and got married, it broke the spell.
I could seriously go on forever. My favorite times were at Hampton, though. Ahhh good times, good times. (Speaking of good times.... did anyone else know "Newsradio" was on dvd?!! Love that show! Hilarious!!) Anyway. At Hampton, my friends and I had secrets. I had the most because I can be a bit of an overachiever. What's a secret? Well its a secret to him. We also had freshmen. The dudes we would give a chance even though they were young as all get out. So senior year, this guy named "Jamel" was my freshman. Not b/c he has a bangin name, and not because all people w/my name are fly, but because he ran track and had locs. Ooh la la! I was obsessed w/locs. Still think they're gorgeous. Before the bf became the double bf, he was convinced I liked anyone w/locks. Ok no. You can be ugly even if you have great hair. Please don't trip.
I had a secret boyfriend, named Dave. I liked him because he was quiet. I had a secret lover I called SButter b/c he was obsessed w/Shea Butter. He had hats, a license plate, he sold it. It was everywhere. Coincidentally, he also had locks. He was nice, had gorgeous skin and a beeeeyoutiful body! ow! My l.s. called him "that SButter boy." But he did give off an impression of being not quite the brightest bulb in the box. I think I may have had a secret baby daddy, too but I'm not sure.
So I know you're wondering why would you have a "secret loveeeeeeeeeer?" I'll tell you why. Because the guy I was "in love" with for most of 6 years, we'll call him Andrew. Gorgeous. My secret husband. Now he knew I liked him because my so-called friends, many of them, took the liberty of TELLING HIM!! BITCHES!! And appalling. My roommate sophomore year told him. My then drinking partner was feenin for the attention of his buddy. So when I hooked them up, she got tipsy and spilled the beans. Then she was "shocked" when he told him. So I'm like what a loser do I look like when EVERYONE is telling this man stuff?!!
Oh and did I neglect to tell you how we were introduced? My friend Joi was his little sister. She said to me, "I have to go give him this video game back, he's in the car downstairs, wanna go meet him?" Extra crunk, "OMG! Yes!! *insert jumping and squealing* What am I gonna wear?" Her: Wear what you got on and lets go. So I head down there in my tye-dyed shirt w/a red windbreaker jacket over it and sweatpants *cringe* and do you know what she says? "Andrew, this is Jameil, another member of your fan club." They heard me gasp in the next county. He said, "Whatever Joi." and asked for the movie. I slumped back upstairs dejected to lament to Wynel. She empathized. But her turn was to come. She would out me to him a multitude of times over the next 5 years.
Another time. Homecoming or Hampton-Howard game. Some huge game where he would return (he graduated my freshman year). I knew where he sat everytime (all the way at the top, and he never sat, he stood) so I would be able to just look in his direction and know whether or not he was there. He always was. This was the year after the former drankin pahtnah outted me. Matter of fact, come to think of it, it may have been the very next day. Anyway, we walked around the back of the bleachers so I could stare at him without being spotted. But his buddy spotted me, turned around, tapped A, leaned over and POINTED! *GASP!* And what did I do? I ran. Show did. I was like omg, let's go! So we scamper away as I'm cursing and omging all over creation. I decide we'll walk all the way around to minimize any additional embarassment. Then I decide to man up and go back the way I came. I say, "Ok... don't look... WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOOK!" She says, "I don't even know where they were sitting." I say, "Ok. Whatever. Just don't look." Of course... she looks. BITCHES!! You know how I found out? Because she goes, "Oh shit, they're looking." Glance up, cringe, grab her arm, quicken the walk. So. Sad.
Same day. A and buddy are up on the stairs in the student center (aka union) and he points at me AGAIN! Only this time I'm only like 15 yards away. Sons of bitches. Needless to say me and buddy were NOT cool after that. Although I gave him a big hug when I saw him at Kenny's funeral. And I did talk to him when I joined myspace. Anyway so why am I free? I'll tell you why I'm free. ANDREW CUT HIS HAIR! Yessssssss!! Because the bf was there the whole time, he wasn't so sure I was over A. And really I thought I was but I didn't know. I mean damn, I've thought I was before and then it was a wrap when I saw him. I was a spaz again.
Ok so those last couple of paragraphs made me look like a loser. I was so cool around everyone but him. I've never been afraid of guys. I would absolutely have no problem talking to the finest guy on campus. For what? I'm fly. But w/him I was such a nerd. So wack. I wouldn't have given me more than a hug and a how are you out of deferrence to his little sisters, either. So I'm finally free! He cut his locs after 6 years and I was shocked. Very shocked. Shocked enough to call Wynel to call him to confirm what I saw on Myspace. She did and I broke into smiles. Because the spell is broken. I'm free to love the bf without that lingering nagging in my ear. YESSSS!
6.08.2006
Just onea them days
Chile puh-leaaaaaase! Rescue me from this week. Monica needs to retitle her song. Less than 24 hours from sanity. Geez. Producing again Sunday, this time completely solo. Ahhh yeah. Anyway. Yesterday I looked uber-fly. There's no reason for that. So today I toned it down. Still fly but not devastating. You can't harm people at work. There are sessions for things like that: harassment, violence in the workplace, things like that. I can't really work them into my schedule.
I made D turkey, spinach burgers for lunch. Then I listened to my messages. Guess who's coming to visit? THE BF! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! aren't you excited? I can barely contain my excitement! He's coming for his bday, June 29th. We're going to Kennywood amusement park. I also plan on taking him to Pittsburgh food institutions Eat N Park and Primanti Bros. And I'm also considering a meal atop Mt. Washington. It overlooks the city and its three rivers (I think. help me out dp and urban). What else should we do?
Watching Living Single (as I do daily). The most interesting thing to me right now is behind my eyelids. Holllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Oh yeah, I know I'm waaaaaaaaay overdue for a State of Black America update. I have several posts mentally in the works. Perhaps tomorrow. But I make no guarantees.
Ok here we go (no i don't have ADD). how about i was miss angry yest. when i left work. took me quite a while to calm down. so one of my coworkers who's off this week called yest. and asks how things went. i said, horrible but i don't want to talk about it. she said ugh! that bad! i said yep! thinking that'd be the end of it. no such luck she keeps going. my mom beeped in and it was like the color purple when squeak called miss sophia a heffa. "whatchu say?" " i saaaaaaaaid you ain't nothing but a big ole heffa. heffa, heffa, heffa, hahaha!" "whoop! time to go! *close the piano." that's how i was. when i ain't in the mood, i ain't now! gone! lol. why do people do that?
I made D turkey, spinach burgers for lunch. Then I listened to my messages. Guess who's coming to visit? THE BF! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! aren't you excited? I can barely contain my excitement! He's coming for his bday, June 29th. We're going to Kennywood amusement park. I also plan on taking him to Pittsburgh food institutions Eat N Park and Primanti Bros. And I'm also considering a meal atop Mt. Washington. It overlooks the city and its three rivers (I think. help me out dp and urban). What else should we do?
Watching Living Single (as I do daily). The most interesting thing to me right now is behind my eyelids. Holllllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Oh yeah, I know I'm waaaaaaaaay overdue for a State of Black America update. I have several posts mentally in the works. Perhaps tomorrow. But I make no guarantees.
Ok here we go (no i don't have ADD). how about i was miss angry yest. when i left work. took me quite a while to calm down. so one of my coworkers who's off this week called yest. and asks how things went. i said, horrible but i don't want to talk about it. she said ugh! that bad! i said yep! thinking that'd be the end of it. no such luck she keeps going. my mom beeped in and it was like the color purple when squeak called miss sophia a heffa. "whatchu say?" " i saaaaaaaaid you ain't nothing but a big ole heffa. heffa, heffa, heffa, hahaha!" "whoop! time to go! *close the piano." that's how i was. when i ain't in the mood, i ain't now! gone! lol. why do people do that?
6.04.2006
This post brought to you by the letter N
Sounds like an episode of Sesame Street! :) So Aisha T gave me the task of coming up w/ten things starting w/the letter "n." after i saw this post, i decided i can't wait! :)
1... news... ok this one was pretty obvious. i work in news. i love news. i want to revolutionize the news. i want to make docs which is just extended news on one subject. i love research and to learn which can make just about anything infinitely better. too bad knowledge doesn't start w/n. also i produced my first show today. very excited. next sunday i get to produce solo. today i just had someone there as my trainer. but i had control of the reigns. it was cool.
2... n is a black fiction book. it was nearly impossible to find it on amazon.com so you'll just have to take my word for it that it's pretty good.
3... nigga. you already know my thoughts on this word. conflicted but leaning closer to annoyed.
4... necrophilia. pretty nasty. sex w/dead people. gnarls barkley's cd has a song called "necromancer"... about necrophilia. the beat is kind of hot. i'm sure its supposed to be some sort of metaphor for something but i'm never very good at looking beyond the literal. that's why i couldn't be an english major. it was always like, can't i just like this? do i have to overanalyze it? so yeah... i don't know what your boy's talkin about but its making me quite wary.
5... n style. i hate when things are misspelled intentionally. one of my pet peeves: donuts. hate that faux word. that's why children can't spell today. nite. that and spell check. lol. but "in style" is one of my fave magazines.
6... natural/nappy. now this word is kind of strange to me as its always been used as a negative. but its not negative to me anymore. yeah i have nappy hair. so what? nappy is relative. hyper curled is another word. people always marvel my natural hair is soft... umm... does that mean "non-brillo pad-like?" one of the crew started a new blog about her natural hair journey that makes me want to talk about mine.
7... niagara falls... never been but its w/in 5 hrs of pittsburgh so i'm mentally planning a trip. i heard its gorgeous if a tad overpriced. never been to canada. "blame canada!"
8...new orleans... on my mind all the time. its like i'm obsessed. maybe its because i have family there who may never return or maybe its b/c my fave roomie is from there and much of her family will never return. maybe its b/c another one of my friends is from new orleans and she seems so dejected at the state of her city sometimes. maybe its because it looks the same in some areas as it did on august 30, 2005, the day after katrina suck. maybe its because for most, new orleans is the poster child for the destruction still evident in many coastal cities along the gulf from florida to texas. maybe because the 2006 atlantic hurricane season officially started thursday and no one's ready. don't believe the lies. there's a war to pay for.
9...napkins... ok this is soooo random. *to the tune of "nann" by trick daddy and trina.* "you ain't got no napkins (uh uh), not nowhere in this house, not even on the couch, i need to wipe my baby's mouth, you ain't got no napkins." you know those parodies? my fave radio station at home, power 98 has a dj "mr. incognito." "its incog.. NITO. its the i-n-c-o...g-n-i...t-o." see? been a fan forever. anyway so he does these parodies. he did that when this song was popular at least 8 years ago and it cracked me and my friends up. i don't think i'll ever get it out of my head. hahahahaha.
10...nonsense... hate it. stupid people exhaust me.
1... news... ok this one was pretty obvious. i work in news. i love news. i want to revolutionize the news. i want to make docs which is just extended news on one subject. i love research and to learn which can make just about anything infinitely better. too bad knowledge doesn't start w/n. also i produced my first show today. very excited. next sunday i get to produce solo. today i just had someone there as my trainer. but i had control of the reigns. it was cool.
2... n is a black fiction book. it was nearly impossible to find it on amazon.com so you'll just have to take my word for it that it's pretty good.
3... nigga. you already know my thoughts on this word. conflicted but leaning closer to annoyed.
4... necrophilia. pretty nasty. sex w/dead people. gnarls barkley's cd has a song called "necromancer"... about necrophilia. the beat is kind of hot. i'm sure its supposed to be some sort of metaphor for something but i'm never very good at looking beyond the literal. that's why i couldn't be an english major. it was always like, can't i just like this? do i have to overanalyze it? so yeah... i don't know what your boy's talkin about but its making me quite wary.
5... n style. i hate when things are misspelled intentionally. one of my pet peeves: donuts. hate that faux word. that's why children can't spell today. nite. that and spell check. lol. but "in style" is one of my fave magazines.
6... natural/nappy. now this word is kind of strange to me as its always been used as a negative. but its not negative to me anymore. yeah i have nappy hair. so what? nappy is relative. hyper curled is another word. people always marvel my natural hair is soft... umm... does that mean "non-brillo pad-like?" one of the crew started a new blog about her natural hair journey that makes me want to talk about mine.
7... niagara falls... never been but its w/in 5 hrs of pittsburgh so i'm mentally planning a trip. i heard its gorgeous if a tad overpriced. never been to canada. "blame canada!"
8...new orleans... on my mind all the time. its like i'm obsessed. maybe its because i have family there who may never return or maybe its b/c my fave roomie is from there and much of her family will never return. maybe its b/c another one of my friends is from new orleans and she seems so dejected at the state of her city sometimes. maybe its because it looks the same in some areas as it did on august 30, 2005, the day after katrina suck. maybe its because for most, new orleans is the poster child for the destruction still evident in many coastal cities along the gulf from florida to texas. maybe because the 2006 atlantic hurricane season officially started thursday and no one's ready. don't believe the lies. there's a war to pay for.
9...napkins... ok this is soooo random. *to the tune of "nann" by trick daddy and trina.* "you ain't got no napkins (uh uh), not nowhere in this house, not even on the couch, i need to wipe my baby's mouth, you ain't got no napkins." you know those parodies? my fave radio station at home, power 98 has a dj "mr. incognito." "its incog.. NITO. its the i-n-c-o...g-n-i...t-o." see? been a fan forever. anyway so he does these parodies. he did that when this song was popular at least 8 years ago and it cracked me and my friends up. i don't think i'll ever get it out of my head. hahahahaha.
10...nonsense... hate it. stupid people exhaust me.
6.01.2006
Cuz I'm Keepin it Real, Cuz I'm Keepin it Real. That's Why.
Ok so in honor of my 93 post, 93 things about me, Miss A style!! I will also be fulfilling the questions from So Wise's post.
1) the title is a line from one of my fave movies. name that movie and i'll give you an internet dollar! need more? "and i'd like to thank mcdonalds for those little egg mcmuffins without which i might never be tardy." "my book is fit or fat. mine is men are from mars, women are from veeeenus." "you're a virgin who can't drive." "rollin w/the homies."
2) i haven't seen a lot of movies.
3) why? because my mom didn't believe in letting us see r-rated or pg-13 movies for a very long time.
4) but i think that's part of the reason i'm not scared of movies.
5) i'm also hugely critical of movies. like they need not have a cinematographic (that could be a new word) error, plot problems, that little indescrepancy that shows you taped the same scene multiple times and spliced it.
6) brown sugar is one of my faves. its on tv right now and i'm watching it like i haven't already seen it like 6 times in 06. its true, i watch it about once a month, or when i get bored. "so whatchu gonna use your massager for? high speed low." "ketel one martini up with a twist." "the perfect verse over a tight beat." "we're gonna celebrate what? my divorce." "moo goo gai pan, from the best chinese restaurant in the land. whaaaaaaaat?"
7) i went thru one phase where i watched it like once a week.
8) i want to be a field producer for the today show so i can go on lots of trips.
9) i love spike lee.
10) i want to make documentary films about the lives of black folk.
11) i want to become international grand basileus of my sorority one day.
12) i have these amazing delusions of grandeur (not the actual psychosis that leads to irrational behavior). i think i can achieve anything.
13) that's from my parents. they always told me i could and i believed them.
14) i love cheese! yess!! all kinds. swiss, munster, monterrey jack, pepper jack, cheddar.
15) but i hate kraft singles. a lot. nastiness.
16) i think cigarettes are disgusting.
17) when i was in college i would date a weed smoker before a cigarette smoker.
18) i'm addicted to reading the ap wires.
19) if i could read them when i wasn't at work i would.
20) 112's been my fave musical group for like ever.
21) i like r&b better than rap.
22) due in part to the protectiveness of my mother and the lack of relationship w/my older half-siblings. wasn't really exposed to rap.
23) but i'm still fiercely protective of it.
24) i get pissed when i read folks blogs and comment and they never come visit mine.
25) i have stopped reading people who's blogs i enjoyed for this reason.
26) what? you didn't know i was a brat? oh yeah. a big one.
27) i have not had a perm in more than 3 years.
28) but it took me 3 months after that to get the guts to cut the permed part off.
29) when i did it i felt free.
30) then i gulped and got scared no man would ever talk to me again.
31) i wasn't even out the shop parking lot before someone tried to holla.
32) i see people w/locs and really really want them.
33) but then i think of the commitment/the fact you can never go back and reel myself back in.
34) sometimes i really hate spoken word b/c of its contrived nature. stop trying so hard.
35) racist or not, 9xs outta 10 i think white people shouldn't do it.
36) i mean call me crazy but its an expression of your experiences almost like a rap. i guess i should explain this..
37) white people have a history of infiltrating black art forms, stealing them, and claiming them for their own.
38) to the point where they are more successful than the original artist(s). that pisses me off.
39) i grew up in the suburbs in a predominately white neighborhood.
40) everyone i've known since kindergarten or first grade outside my family is white.
41) that includes one of the people i still consider one of my best friends, silas, who's a white male.
42) i would want to kick my daughter's ass if she thought she wanted to be a video hoe.
43) i think its amazing when they manage to parlay a career out of stick their finger in their mouth, giving a come hither look, twisting to the side, tilting their head and sticking out their largest physical asset.
44) i've always had a lot of male friends.
45) but not b/c i couldn't get along w/girls.
46) b/c when i was little (my mom says since birth) i've always liked boys and usually they didn't like me back.
47) didn't have my first kiss until i was 17.
48) that's about the time i started growing into my face and self. hahahaha that makes me sound like a mud duck. but i just improve w/age. by the time i'm 40 i'll have to lock myself in the house.
49) i love saying outrageously conceited things. it makes me laugh.
50) this is way easier than i thought. when i saw bet's mission statement, i couldn't get it out of my head that i need to be the one to get them there.
51) wise question: If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be? it changes almost daily. partly b/c conceited as it sounds, i'm pretty good at a lot of things. so i want to do what i'm good at and also makes me happy.
52) ooooh! i know! stylist for people who need to be on tv. or a media consultant. i see politicians w/good platforms who will never make it b/c they have no charisma and don't know how to really interact with the media.
53) sometimes i just know things and i don't know why. it makes people forget i'm only 23.
54) i was in a book club when i was in charlotte. i was more upset about leaving them than leaving my mother. mostly b/c i knew i could never come back to that. everyone was moving away.
55) i was the youngest person in the group by 20-40 years.
56) it was one of the most enlightening and fun parts of my book club. that and the fact we had white people. and eached picked a book, forcing each other to reach outside our reading comfort zones.
57) i'm OBSESSED w/books. until i went to college, there was never a single night where i went to sleep without reading.
58) i LOVE hampton. my wedding party would be incomplete w/o the closest people in my HU crew.
59) i love the bf. you already knew that. but i told him the other day i would be inconsolable if he married someone else. and he said he would be sad if i married someone else, too. and i thought it was like the cutest thing in the world.
60) wise question: If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be? hmmm... you know what? i don't really care about famous people. but if i have to pick one, i'd pick the majority of the lawmakers in PA. they're so out of touch w/their constituents. what? that's all politicians? oh... well in that case... all of them.
61) malcolm x is my favorite dead guy. now THAT is charisma.
62) wise question: What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years? that's hard for me to answer b/c i feel like everything i went through, it happened for a reason. i learn from my experiences.
63) wise question (wq): Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music. easy. sex. i've come up w/a harder question thruout life. give up your hearing or eyesight. i can't ever figure this one out. i don't know what i'd do w/o hearing voices and inflection, music, etc. and i certainly can't imagine not being able to read. books on tape is not the same. and no one reads as fast outloud as i can read it on the page.
64) one time i said to myself, who needs real friends when you have internet friends. then i said wow... what a loser. hahahaha.
65) i could hear about katrina every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.
66) wq: What's your biggest insecurity? never being successful and the akeelah and the bee quote, that i'm powerful beyond measure. i go between the two.
67) i'm hugely ambitious. when i say i want to take over/rule the world, i'm only half joking.
68) wq: What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? depends. i know miss a posts mon and thurs so on those days, her. i also read dp early and often b/c he does like 8 posts a day. stace. ashli. b/c they're from my hu crew and i got them blogging and their blogs crack me up and remind me of my college days. if karamale posted more often, it would be him.
69) wq: Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.) ok this was dp's answer, "GTFOHWTBS no way Im gonna answer that..." LMAO!!! i know that's right. esp. since there's a good possibility i'll see many bloggers at nabj this year. men don't know how to take those kinds of compliments w/o trying to get at you.
70) i have great handwriting. its true. people see it and always make comments. i write so little these days i forget how it effects people. i want to get it made into a font.
71) wq: Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check? first kiss. even tho it was on a bus w/an audience. no matter how dark, when people saw us sittin together, they were already tryin to be in the bizness. hahaha. but my first check was nothing.
72) i'm only at my 2nd job ever.
73) my first was at express the summer after my soph. yr. at hampton.
74) wq: Do you have kids? Want kids? TOO selfish to have kids right now. i do want them, tho b/c i think kids are cute. besides you can't take this flyness to the grave, it would be wrong! lol
75) but i also want to adopt. i don't know why, but i have a soft spot for adoption.
76) wq: Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails? you're kinda crazy homey. did you come up w/these? lol. definitely w/o brows.
77) but that's mostly b/c i have great nails. they've been one of my fave body parts for a long time. how crazy is that? but people have always loved my nails.
78) love, love LOVE duke bball!!!
79) stupid people make me want to jump off the hot metal bridge, drag myself to shore, then jump off the smithfield bridge. i hate it.
80) i want twins. (sorry back to the kids). i used to be obsessed w/twins. i used to check books out from the library about them.
81) on my trip to europe, i visited auschwitz. it made me want to learn more about black people's struggle.
82) i had a drinking partner at hampton. that's how serious it was. lol.
83) i have a list of at least 15 potential posts. some of them have been on the list a long time b/c they are too long to write. some stay there b/c they tire me out.
84) i love orange juice. a lot. i could drink it every single day.
85) cranberry juice is a close 2nd.
86) i was gonna say i love rachael ray and isaac mizrahi but if you don't know that, you've never read this blog. so i'll say... i love sanaa lathan movies.
87) instyle magazine is one my faves. it could come out biweekly (twice a week) and i would still read every issue.
88) i watch foxnews sometimes b/c i have to know what those wiley republicans are talkin about today. and sometimes i learn something interesting.
89) i hate being tagged on here. b/c i like to post what i wanna post. but if its something interesting and i'm not being forced or you shout me out properly, i might do it. (egomaniac)
90) the war in iraq makes me inordinately sad b/c so many people die daily, not just soldiers, but civilians. my sister's prom date is over there in the desert somewhere and i want him to come back in one piece.
91) i have a friend who won't eat any food not classified as solid or liquid and that CRACKS ME UP!!
92) i've always hated tattoos but now i'm thinking about getting one b/c i don't do enough young and dumb stuff.
93) what should i get and where? here are the criteria. i want something that means something. can't be anything stereotypical/hoodish i.e. hearts, stars, animals, paw prints, flowers, cartoons, words, anything in a language i don't speak/read. and can't be anything you could see if i wore a strapless/backless dress. can't be on my arm, calf, foot, thigh, wrist, (obviously) neck. help! go.
1) the title is a line from one of my fave movies. name that movie and i'll give you an internet dollar! need more? "and i'd like to thank mcdonalds for those little egg mcmuffins without which i might never be tardy." "my book is fit or fat. mine is men are from mars, women are from veeeenus." "you're a virgin who can't drive." "rollin w/the homies."
2) i haven't seen a lot of movies.
3) why? because my mom didn't believe in letting us see r-rated or pg-13 movies for a very long time.
4) but i think that's part of the reason i'm not scared of movies.
5) i'm also hugely critical of movies. like they need not have a cinematographic (that could be a new word) error, plot problems, that little indescrepancy that shows you taped the same scene multiple times and spliced it.
6) brown sugar is one of my faves. its on tv right now and i'm watching it like i haven't already seen it like 6 times in 06. its true, i watch it about once a month, or when i get bored. "so whatchu gonna use your massager for? high speed low." "ketel one martini up with a twist." "the perfect verse over a tight beat." "we're gonna celebrate what? my divorce." "moo goo gai pan, from the best chinese restaurant in the land. whaaaaaaaat?"
7) i went thru one phase where i watched it like once a week.
8) i want to be a field producer for the today show so i can go on lots of trips.
9) i love spike lee.
10) i want to make documentary films about the lives of black folk.
11) i want to become international grand basileus of my sorority one day.
12) i have these amazing delusions of grandeur (not the actual psychosis that leads to irrational behavior). i think i can achieve anything.
13) that's from my parents. they always told me i could and i believed them.
14) i love cheese! yess!! all kinds. swiss, munster, monterrey jack, pepper jack, cheddar.
15) but i hate kraft singles. a lot. nastiness.
16) i think cigarettes are disgusting.
17) when i was in college i would date a weed smoker before a cigarette smoker.
18) i'm addicted to reading the ap wires.
19) if i could read them when i wasn't at work i would.
20) 112's been my fave musical group for like ever.
21) i like r&b better than rap.
22) due in part to the protectiveness of my mother and the lack of relationship w/my older half-siblings. wasn't really exposed to rap.
23) but i'm still fiercely protective of it.
24) i get pissed when i read folks blogs and comment and they never come visit mine.
25) i have stopped reading people who's blogs i enjoyed for this reason.
26) what? you didn't know i was a brat? oh yeah. a big one.
27) i have not had a perm in more than 3 years.
28) but it took me 3 months after that to get the guts to cut the permed part off.
29) when i did it i felt free.
30) then i gulped and got scared no man would ever talk to me again.
31) i wasn't even out the shop parking lot before someone tried to holla.
32) i see people w/locs and really really want them.
33) but then i think of the commitment/the fact you can never go back and reel myself back in.
34) sometimes i really hate spoken word b/c of its contrived nature. stop trying so hard.
35) racist or not, 9xs outta 10 i think white people shouldn't do it.
36) i mean call me crazy but its an expression of your experiences almost like a rap. i guess i should explain this..
37) white people have a history of infiltrating black art forms, stealing them, and claiming them for their own.
38) to the point where they are more successful than the original artist(s). that pisses me off.
39) i grew up in the suburbs in a predominately white neighborhood.
40) everyone i've known since kindergarten or first grade outside my family is white.
41) that includes one of the people i still consider one of my best friends, silas, who's a white male.
42) i would want to kick my daughter's ass if she thought she wanted to be a video hoe.
43) i think its amazing when they manage to parlay a career out of stick their finger in their mouth, giving a come hither look, twisting to the side, tilting their head and sticking out their largest physical asset.
44) i've always had a lot of male friends.
45) but not b/c i couldn't get along w/girls.
46) b/c when i was little (my mom says since birth) i've always liked boys and usually they didn't like me back.
47) didn't have my first kiss until i was 17.
48) that's about the time i started growing into my face and self. hahahaha that makes me sound like a mud duck. but i just improve w/age. by the time i'm 40 i'll have to lock myself in the house.
49) i love saying outrageously conceited things. it makes me laugh.
50) this is way easier than i thought. when i saw bet's mission statement, i couldn't get it out of my head that i need to be the one to get them there.
51) wise question: If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be? it changes almost daily. partly b/c conceited as it sounds, i'm pretty good at a lot of things. so i want to do what i'm good at and also makes me happy.
52) ooooh! i know! stylist for people who need to be on tv. or a media consultant. i see politicians w/good platforms who will never make it b/c they have no charisma and don't know how to really interact with the media.
53) sometimes i just know things and i don't know why. it makes people forget i'm only 23.
54) i was in a book club when i was in charlotte. i was more upset about leaving them than leaving my mother. mostly b/c i knew i could never come back to that. everyone was moving away.
55) i was the youngest person in the group by 20-40 years.
56) it was one of the most enlightening and fun parts of my book club. that and the fact we had white people. and eached picked a book, forcing each other to reach outside our reading comfort zones.
57) i'm OBSESSED w/books. until i went to college, there was never a single night where i went to sleep without reading.
58) i LOVE hampton. my wedding party would be incomplete w/o the closest people in my HU crew.
59) i love the bf. you already knew that. but i told him the other day i would be inconsolable if he married someone else. and he said he would be sad if i married someone else, too. and i thought it was like the cutest thing in the world.
60) wise question: If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be? hmmm... you know what? i don't really care about famous people. but if i have to pick one, i'd pick the majority of the lawmakers in PA. they're so out of touch w/their constituents. what? that's all politicians? oh... well in that case... all of them.
61) malcolm x is my favorite dead guy. now THAT is charisma.
62) wise question: What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years? that's hard for me to answer b/c i feel like everything i went through, it happened for a reason. i learn from my experiences.
63) wise question (wq): Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music. easy. sex. i've come up w/a harder question thruout life. give up your hearing or eyesight. i can't ever figure this one out. i don't know what i'd do w/o hearing voices and inflection, music, etc. and i certainly can't imagine not being able to read. books on tape is not the same. and no one reads as fast outloud as i can read it on the page.
64) one time i said to myself, who needs real friends when you have internet friends. then i said wow... what a loser. hahahaha.
65) i could hear about katrina every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.
66) wq: What's your biggest insecurity? never being successful and the akeelah and the bee quote, that i'm powerful beyond measure. i go between the two.
67) i'm hugely ambitious. when i say i want to take over/rule the world, i'm only half joking.
68) wq: What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? depends. i know miss a posts mon and thurs so on those days, her. i also read dp early and often b/c he does like 8 posts a day. stace. ashli. b/c they're from my hu crew and i got them blogging and their blogs crack me up and remind me of my college days. if karamale posted more often, it would be him.
69) wq: Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.) ok this was dp's answer, "GTFOHWTBS no way Im gonna answer that..." LMAO!!! i know that's right. esp. since there's a good possibility i'll see many bloggers at nabj this year. men don't know how to take those kinds of compliments w/o trying to get at you.
70) i have great handwriting. its true. people see it and always make comments. i write so little these days i forget how it effects people. i want to get it made into a font.
71) wq: Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check? first kiss. even tho it was on a bus w/an audience. no matter how dark, when people saw us sittin together, they were already tryin to be in the bizness. hahaha. but my first check was nothing.
72) i'm only at my 2nd job ever.
73) my first was at express the summer after my soph. yr. at hampton.
74) wq: Do you have kids? Want kids? TOO selfish to have kids right now. i do want them, tho b/c i think kids are cute. besides you can't take this flyness to the grave, it would be wrong! lol
75) but i also want to adopt. i don't know why, but i have a soft spot for adoption.
76) wq: Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails? you're kinda crazy homey. did you come up w/these? lol. definitely w/o brows.
77) but that's mostly b/c i have great nails. they've been one of my fave body parts for a long time. how crazy is that? but people have always loved my nails.
78) love, love LOVE duke bball!!!
79) stupid people make me want to jump off the hot metal bridge, drag myself to shore, then jump off the smithfield bridge. i hate it.
80) i want twins. (sorry back to the kids). i used to be obsessed w/twins. i used to check books out from the library about them.
81) on my trip to europe, i visited auschwitz. it made me want to learn more about black people's struggle.
82) i had a drinking partner at hampton. that's how serious it was. lol.
83) i have a list of at least 15 potential posts. some of them have been on the list a long time b/c they are too long to write. some stay there b/c they tire me out.
84) i love orange juice. a lot. i could drink it every single day.
85) cranberry juice is a close 2nd.
86) i was gonna say i love rachael ray and isaac mizrahi but if you don't know that, you've never read this blog. so i'll say... i love sanaa lathan movies.
87) instyle magazine is one my faves. it could come out biweekly (twice a week) and i would still read every issue.
88) i watch foxnews sometimes b/c i have to know what those wiley republicans are talkin about today. and sometimes i learn something interesting.
89) i hate being tagged on here. b/c i like to post what i wanna post. but if its something interesting and i'm not being forced or you shout me out properly, i might do it. (egomaniac)
90) the war in iraq makes me inordinately sad b/c so many people die daily, not just soldiers, but civilians. my sister's prom date is over there in the desert somewhere and i want him to come back in one piece.
91) i have a friend who won't eat any food not classified as solid or liquid and that CRACKS ME UP!!
92) i've always hated tattoos but now i'm thinking about getting one b/c i don't do enough young and dumb stuff.
93) what should i get and where? here are the criteria. i want something that means something. can't be anything stereotypical/hoodish i.e. hearts, stars, animals, paw prints, flowers, cartoons, words, anything in a language i don't speak/read. and can't be anything you could see if i wore a strapless/backless dress. can't be on my arm, calf, foot, thigh, wrist, (obviously) neck. help! go.
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