Finally Free!!

For the much of the last 6 years I was "in love" with this guy from Hampton. Not in love, in love or anything like that. But I thought he was like the most beautifulest thing in the world!

I guess I should explain some other things first. My mom swears I've been boy crazy since I exited the womb/birth canal. I don't doubt it because as long as I can remember, I've liked boys. I remember having a crush on several guys in kindergarten. I absolutely remember loooooooving my neighbor Nathan. Good ole Nathan. There was a song my cousin re-made for me, "All. she. wants is.. Nathan!" All the time it was Nathan this and Nathan that. I think he was 13 or something. I was in first grade. Hahahaha. CRAZY! And he was white.

His father was racist. He was bullied at work for allowing his family to be friends with the niggers next door. His daughter Adrienne was my best friend. His wife was friends with my mom. Even the dog deserted his bigotry. How sad. So they moved to the country. The next county over was very rural and a different school district. Sufficient to regain his family.

There was also my mom's best friend's son Tony. I now know he's about 10 years older than me, too, maybe even 15. I have no idea. Way too old for me at any rate. He was probably my first crush at around 3. You can see me looking at him adoringly in older pics. Hilarious!! When he had a kid and got married, it broke the spell.

I could seriously go on forever. My favorite times were at Hampton, though. Ahhh good times, good times. (Speaking of good times.... did anyone else know "Newsradio" was on dvd?!! Love that show! Hilarious!!) Anyway. At Hampton, my friends and I had secrets. I had the most because I can be a bit of an overachiever. What's a secret? Well its a secret to him. We also had freshmen. The dudes we would give a chance even though they were young as all get out. So senior year, this guy named "Jamel" was my freshman. Not b/c he has a bangin name, and not because all people w/my name are fly, but because he ran track and had locs. Ooh la la! I was obsessed w/locs. Still think they're gorgeous. Before the bf became the double bf, he was convinced I liked anyone w/locks. Ok no. You can be ugly even if you have great hair. Please don't trip.

I had a secret boyfriend, named Dave. I liked him because he was quiet. I had a secret lover I called SButter b/c he was obsessed w/Shea Butter. He had hats, a license plate, he sold it. It was everywhere. Coincidentally, he also had locks. He was nice, had gorgeous skin and a beeeeyoutiful body! ow! My l.s. called him "that SButter boy." But he did give off an impression of being not quite the brightest bulb in the box. I think I may have had a secret baby daddy, too but I'm not sure.

So I know you're wondering why would you have a "secret loveeeeeeeeeer?" I'll tell you why. Because the guy I was "in love" with for most of 6 years, we'll call him Andrew. Gorgeous. My secret husband. Now he knew I liked him because my so-called friends, many of them, took the liberty of TELLING HIM!! BITCHES!! And appalling. My roommate sophomore year told him. My then drinking partner was feenin for the attention of his buddy. So when I hooked them up, she got tipsy and spilled the beans. Then she was "shocked" when he told him. So I'm like what a loser do I look like when EVERYONE is telling this man stuff?!!

Oh and did I neglect to tell you how we were introduced? My friend Joi was his little sister. She said to me, "I have to go give him this video game back, he's in the car downstairs, wanna go meet him?" Extra crunk, "OMG! Yes!! *insert jumping and squealing* What am I gonna wear?" Her: Wear what you got on and lets go. So I head down there in my tye-dyed shirt w/a red windbreaker jacket over it and sweatpants *cringe* and do you know what she says? "Andrew, this is Jameil, another member of your fan club." They heard me gasp in the next county. He said, "Whatever Joi." and asked for the movie. I slumped back upstairs dejected to lament to Wynel. She empathized. But her turn was to come. She would out me to him a multitude of times over the next 5 years.

Another time. Homecoming or Hampton-Howard game. Some huge game where he would return (he graduated my freshman year). I knew where he sat everytime (all the way at the top, and he never sat, he stood) so I would be able to just look in his direction and know whether or not he was there. He always was. This was the year after the former drankin pahtnah outted me. Matter of fact, come to think of it, it may have been the very next day. Anyway, we walked around the back of the bleachers so I could stare at him without being spotted. But his buddy spotted me, turned around, tapped A, leaned over and POINTED! *GASP!* And what did I do? I ran. Show did. I was like omg, let's go! So we scamper away as I'm cursing and omging all over creation. I decide we'll walk all the way around to minimize any additional embarassment. Then I decide to man up and go back the way I came. I say, "Ok... don't look... WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOOK!" She says, "I don't even know where they were sitting." I say, "Ok. Whatever. Just don't look." Of course... she looks. BITCHES!! You know how I found out? Because she goes, "Oh shit, they're looking." Glance up, cringe, grab her arm, quicken the walk. So. Sad.

Same day. A and buddy are up on the stairs in the student center (aka union) and he points at me AGAIN! Only this time I'm only like 15 yards away. Sons of bitches. Needless to say me and buddy were NOT cool after that. Although I gave him a big hug when I saw him at Kenny's funeral. And I did talk to him when I joined myspace. Anyway so why am I free? I'll tell you why I'm free. ANDREW CUT HIS HAIR! Yessssssss!! Because the bf was there the whole time, he wasn't so sure I was over A. And really I thought I was but I didn't know. I mean damn, I've thought I was before and then it was a wrap when I saw him. I was a spaz again.

Ok so those last couple of paragraphs made me look like a loser. I was so cool around everyone but him. I've never been afraid of guys. I would absolutely have no problem talking to the finest guy on campus. For what? I'm fly. But w/him I was such a nerd. So wack. I wouldn't have given me more than a hug and a how are you out of deferrence to his little sisters, either. So I'm finally free! He cut his locs after 6 years and I was shocked. Very shocked. Shocked enough to call Wynel to call him to confirm what I saw on Myspace. She did and I broke into smiles. Because the spell is broken. I'm free to love the bf without that lingering nagging in my ear. YESSSS!


Ms.Honey said...

LOL...as first I wondered if there was an ugly man on earth with locs...I now know there are.

Jameil said...

oh hell yeah!! hahahahahahahah! hilarious.

CNEL said...

LoL this is hilarious. I need to become free, I guess first I would have to consider what keeps me in bondgae besides my own self. Maybe it's nutella (haha) aka coffee colored skin, but I'm sure it's less physical and more that other stuff. But then again I do go cuckoo when a girl is petite and an athlete. I have a thing for pretty hot and tempting girls who run track. Maybe I need to stop watching track, but its difficult when some of my best friends run track. Oh well another thing to add to my to do list.

Thanks for the story btw.

Jameil said...

ooh cnel. you bet not see stace. you'll be sppppppprung! lololololol. glad you liked it!

oh yeah and honey libra, do you think busta is sexy? and if you do, is it b/c of his hair, or his look (the eyes), and his body? and i've seen guys in person i was not impressed w/tho i luuuuuurved their hair. lol. plus it helped i went thru a phase where every dude i talked to had locs. so that ended my whole idealization phase. lololol

Cece said...

No matter how fly I am I always turn into an ass around guys I "really" like. Its soo sad, and at 22 I'm not sure I'll ever grow out of it.

Don't Oppress Me said...

While reading this I could not get these two songs out of my head.
'...Go ahead and free yourself.'
'...Shake dem dreads.'

Wow, I can identify with crushin' on folks. *Sigh*
Wait a minute that don't sound right worth a damn.

Anonymous said...

Dont feel bad. I believe I am fly but there are still females I refuse to say I am attracted to. I just get all shy around them. I start to get that weird smile (since I cant blush bc im too dark i get this dorky lil smile).

Chris said...

crushes are almost an exercise in torture, because you think the world of that person, and then you spend most of your time wondering if they are that deal, then come to find out they're not. Eh, c'est la vie.

Ladynay said...

I love shea butter....LOL That's all imma say!

Veronica Marché said...

Is this the crush post you were supposed to give us oh-so-long ago? LOL!

Girl. Cute boys make me stupid. Honest-to-goodness, vapid, insipid, dumb-as-a-doornail stoopid. I can never get it together around a guy I'm crushing on.

Oh, and I analyze and over-analyze every interaction with said crush until my head hurts from being tied up in knots, or until my friends finally get fed up with my extensive analysis and scream, "Veronica, SHUT THE F*$@ UP!"

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.

But yes, it does feel good when *that* guy doesn't do it for you anymore. Intelligence and common sense return and you are FREE!


Southern Girl said...


Jameil said...

cece and epsi... no seriously! it was only him. and i used to be so upset. not even other guys i had crushes on. this one dude i was the flirt queen. it drove me insane!!! i would want to stab myself w/small rusty things after most encounters.

oppress...crushes were great. this will sound assinine, but part of the reason i loved school was because there were boys. most of the reason i didn't even apply to spelman is b/c there were no men. i don't care if morehouse is across the street. how am i supposed to focus on school w/no guys in CLASS? i just couldn't fathom that.

the first class i had w/o guys was my af-am literature class freshman yr. 13 women. the first week i looked forlornly at the door waiting for a man to come inside. so sad! lolol. thank God it was the only one w/o guys. wait, no i had another one. w/sean p. i forgot the name of it. this time there were 23 of us tho. the teacher was the only white person and the only male. we really opened up so it wasn't as bad. plus he was hilarious.

chris... actually... i ordinarily put no one on a pedestal b/c they didn't bother me. with this guy i wasn't able to do it. and i actually never could get anyone to tell me any sordid details about him even though I KNOW some of them knew some that could make me not like him for that reason. so annoying.

miss ashli.. i know! lol. you were there so you know how ridiculous i was!

lady... hahahahahaha!! he swore up and down that was the only way you could have great skin. lmao!!! i know he tried to sell me some. i think i used that as an excuse to touch him. like wow, you have some great skin, is that what it does? lmao!

duck... i actually started another one but this just came free when he cut his hair. someone on his myspace pg asked him who was delilah!! i fell out laughin. it was great.

oh yeah and oppress.. the whole time i was singing "freeeeeee!" by freeway. hilarious. esp. b/c i wasn't really a fan of that song.

southern... i know! its like these mandingo warrior looking men are all of a sudden just... normal. ah well!

Sherlon Christie said...

Awww...nothing like true confessions on the blog...

Mo said...

obession seems to be the underlying theme here, eh? LOL. No seriously, great post. I'm a new comer to your blog, but it's great.

"I had a secret lover I called SButter b/c he was obsessed w/Shea Butter..."



Dreamlover said...

lmao, I am totally going through this right now and can you say tongue tied 5 times without looking like a fool??


Adei von K said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! I am DYING IN COLEMAN!!! tye-dyed shirt w/a red windbreaker jacket over it and sweatpants *cringe* and do you know what she says? "Andrew, this is Jameil, another member of your fan club." They heard me gasp in the next county." ROFL!!!!!!! I am dying FOR YOU!!!!! I know it was clearly years ago but DAMN!!! WTF were you doing with tie-dye and a red windbreaker!?!? LOLOLOLOLOL This is tooooooooo funny!!! This is the BEST!!!!

BTW- Andrew????? ANDREW???? Word?? Bet.

Hey cnel (wink, wink)

There's one more person with locs J...he drives a big one! We hauled ass for him! LOL

Cluizel said...

Andrew?!? LMAO...

You know I can't talk shit about anyone and their crushes...lol. clearly.

I am glad the Jameil - "Andrew" saga is over.

Cluizel said...

Oh wow...I just looked at "Andrew's" picture...I see what you mean. He looks kinds normal now.

Jameil said...

dreamlover... doesn't it suck! lolol but its so hilarious in retrospect.

stace.. i'm glad i could amuse you. andrew was the first name that popped in my head. and it wasn't the same w/kareem. i could flirt w/him. i wasn't a spaz. i was, to quote the best man, a charmin mofo. thanks!

wilder... YOU'RE glad? i'm overjoyed.

Karamale said...

"you can be ugly even if you have great hair."

i thought gorgeous hair was the best eh-revenge.

Karamale said...

oooooooh, don't you hate tattlin' friends? i had one friend tell some dude i was hung-up over "i can't do anything with you because karamale still likes you." i was like, nigga, how you gon put me out there like that? you can fuck him for days for all i care...we ain't together. using me as an excuse and i come off looking like a fucking loser. FUCK ALL Y'ALL (got me sounding like "victory is personal")

Jameil said...

omg karamale we are so HERE!! damn them! damn damn damn!!! know they wrong.

Don't Oppress Me said...

But speaking of crushes.

*cough* Karamale