3.31.2006

Just Pee On Him Already! or It Ain't Fun til You Split Your Pants

I know it is quite ironic that the title of this post would be as such considering my last post, but its too appropriate for me not to use that title. I mean, come on. Doesn't that just sound like the beginning of a classic post? exactly. being lazy again today. recovering from a hangover so you may or may not get mixed capitals. i'm bombarding my system with water so hopefully i'll be good to hit the streets again tonight (again, not in the streetwalker kinda way).

so last night went out with a coworker who always knows the thursday nite hot spots. remember the one with the crazy girlfriend? yeah him. and i don't know if she planned to be there the whole time, but she sure as hell wasn't missin this night once she heard i was riding with him. 5 words. IN. SE. CUR. I. TY. does that count as five words? so anyway, we hit up this place called nakama that's a sushi bar by day for drinks. the largest tanqueray and tonic i've ever had in my life. i got the drink and was like ok who serves "adult beverages" in the regular coke or water glass?!! i shoulda known right there i was in for one hell of a night.

so we're standin around talking, (me and said co-worker), and his friend R shows up w/his gf Wendy right. Wendy and I start talkin b/c her and R are about to start up a long distance relationship and they don't know if they can do it or how hard it'll be, whatever. i'm like, you can do it you got it in you (dun dun dun, no eggs, dun dun dun, no baloney!-- sorry random brown sugar moments abound w/me, mostly b/c i watch it at least twice a month. already watched it 1 and 1/2 times this week. i'm thinkin about puttin it in right now. its like background noise for me. you know how most people have music? too distracting. i have brown sugar.) anyway. i was like yeah it'll be hard, but it won't be that bad b/c they'll see each other every weekend and they've been together for years already. come on now. if me and the bf can deal w/seeing each other only once a month, you can do every weekend for a little while. chill.

so anyway we're all havin a good time and in walks the gf. we'll call her "miss i." she walks in w/a friend who she's obviously been bad-mouthing me to, b/c she's all givin me the once over and shit. i'm like bitch don't try me, i ain't from pittsburgh. i'm from matthews bitch and we don't play that. HAHAHAHA!! you would be fallin out laughin if you saw where i grew up. two-story house in the suburbs of charlotte. hilarious!! but for real. i have a real nasty streak and i can be a bitch if i need to. don't try me. don't do it. so the g.f. gets all up in my bizness when wendy and i are talkin about my man askin all kinds of questions but still trying to be superior, esp. when she finds out how old i am. BITCH!!! STOP BEING SO INSECURE!! you ain't got to do all that!! i mean damn! wouldn't it just be easier to pee on him?! it would. then you wouldn't have to waste all this time kissing up on him or holdin him tight. whatever you were doing b/c i sure as hell wasn't paying you any attention while you were doing that. and he was kind of confused by it. so anyway then she buys me a cosmo. hey. i'm always good w/free drinks. but that bitch was tryin to patronize me and i don't take to kindly to that.

so whatever we head over to another club district. btw if you are a bar head/alcoholic/club rat and not too picky, pittsburgh is the city for you. this place has so many club areas its not even funny. south side, carson street, the strip district (one of my favorites, and no its not a bunch of strip clubs. i don't even know that there's one), station square. i'm sure i'm missing something. and then bars EVERYWHERE. But anyway. So we headed to this club Matrix (ignore the techno on the website! lol). Big fan of Matrix. But it could be the 3rd free drink I got. This time it was a cranberry and vodka drink. A cape cod. Yesss! (I'm working on learning drink names).

So I'm loving it up in there. There are 3 rooms. An 80s room, a techno room and a top 40s (meaning mostly negro music) room. You know where I stayed. Ok maybe you don't. the negro music room. not a big fan of the old school. its too hit or miss for me. plus i like to hear the newest shit possible. not quite the right club for that but you get what i'm sayin. so whatever. "marcus" (co-worker) takes me on the tour of the place to show me all the rooms. and that's when i split my pants. you know that fat man scoop song "drop"? yeah that shit came on and you know i had to show off. split the pants but no one knew. i just tied my jacket around my waist and kept it moving. it was great!

we go get the rest of the crew to bring them into the room. i start dancing and i danced w/this dude for mad long b/c it was just dancing. there was no, what's your name, can i hold your hand, inappropriate touchin. none of that. just do it. that's how its supposed to be. like a one night stand on the dance floor. see how i'm not even looking into your face? i have no idea what you even look like. names are immaterial. i'm not going home w/you tonight anyway and you're not getting my number. lolol. so yeah, i was having a good ol time showin out dancin w/ol buddy. then we stopped dancing and i was dancing by myself for about 3 seconds when some other random dude comes up breaking all the rules. asking my name, do i got a man, you not from here, you here for the nsbe convention (nat'l society of black engineers). why are you asking me all these questions?!! damn! is this an interview? i already got a job! just shut up and dance. and he couldn't even get down like the last dude. it just made me miss my baby. definitely one of my favorite people to dance with even before we were together. that's what i'm talking about!! i can always take you to the club! lol. the foundation of a good relationship, right?

miss i is still showin out. pee already!!! do it. just mark your territory. then if i get within smelling distance i'll get a whiff and know, oh ok that one's taken. i'm ignoring her ass. so ridiculous. esp. since everyone else is chillin and she's on 10. i need you to take that down to about a 4 1/2. don't nobody need all that. see? she done got me breakin all my english down so maybe she can understand it. and she had the nerve to tell me accounting's fun.... right. like a root canal. ain't that right michelle? lololol at the end of the night, i'm sure she gave me some trite good seeing you again bullshit. like i said i wasn't payin her ass that much attention. about as much as you can ignore that gnat buzzin around your ear. to an extent but its always on the periphery until finally you have to smack that ho. lolol. the good news is the hangover is gone and i am ready for more debauchery tonight. i killed it with water. fyi drink an entire glass of water (force yourself) after a night of too much drinking where the room is doing crazy things when you lay down, get up and get that water. it will cut that hangover in half or eliminate it all together. its great. that's all my lovelies! see you soon! if you didn't read the last installment on the state of black america, head over there. just scroll down. see it? good. now start reading.

17 comments:

Miss Ashli said...

Its a Cape Coder homey, see the ER at the end. Its ok, you're still learning.

I'm on the floor dying, I can't believe you split your pants. Oh the hilarity.

I got something for that hangover, take alka seltzer morning relief. Its made especially for hangovers. Drop a tab in your water before you go to sleep. Plop Plop Fizz Fizz oh what a relief it is.

jameil1922 said...

lolol. thanks madam bartender! i know! it was hilarious! but i was only sad b/c they were formerly my favorite express jeans, the sarulas, which they no longer make. so sad. i loved those damn jeans. they were damn i'm so sexy w/my tight stretch jeans, jeans. poo. girl i'm bout to hit up that alka selter! you're fab!! you would know this, btw.

Peabo DeBarge said...

when you split your pants, believe me, somebody saw it. how i do know ? i'm usually that dude:

"look at her, looking around to see if anybody noticed...i did, i saw it all"

jameil1922 said...

hahahaha!! oh well! its pittsburgh! i don't know anyone here anyway. it'll be ok. i ordinarily see shit like that, too. at least the booty wasn't ashy or anything.

Butterfly Jones said...

LOL! Bussin' up at the trouser splittin' incident. Me and you could hang, cos I love to dance and make mine and vodka cranberry. Why do certain gyal have to go on like everyone is lookin' their man? She best mind her man ain't lookin' you!

So...Wise...Sista said...

My brother says...and I actually tried it with him a few weeks ago...pickles and season salt will pre-empt a hang over. Something about absorbing the alcohol. I didn't believe it either, but I will say, my azz wasn't a mess the morning after.

My trick is BC Powder. Find it near the aspirin in the drug store. It's like powered Tylenol, and you take one before you start drinking. Never fails...ok except that one time, but that doesn't count cuz...;)

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

I don't want you to ever split your pants J-Meezy!!!! Someone did see you! Besides Miguel, I saw you!!!!!!!! And I told my homegirl "OMG, did you see her try to drop when fat-man-scoop said 'drop'? That's why she split her pants!!! Ha ha ha ha, ho ho ho ho, hee hee hee hee (sigh)" and we both had a good time at your expense. LOLOLOLOLOL That is great...splitting of the pants...

Cape Codder? Without the extra consonant, the vowel (o) becomes a long sound a la Code with an 'r'. Just say "thank-you madame kotei for our phonics lesson!"

Epsilonicus said...

You should write a book:

"101 Way To Fight A Hangover"
By Jameil

Lol

spchrist said...

So, you have no single male co-workers you can hang out with?

jameil1922 said...

butterfly you betta repeat that. no joke. you busy worryin about me instead of concentrating on yourself.

so wise... uh uh. the vomit. its here. pickles and seasoning salt? that's nasty. and i don't think you're supposed to mix alcohol and pain killers. doesn't that erode your stomach lining.

stace... f you yo!! some friend you are! and quit actin like you're not in tally. and i don't like all that laughing. disowning you trick.

epsi... i don't know anything really, which is why i wrote all that w/the poundin head!! but the peeps you see they droppin all the knowledge.

sp... uh NO!! the white people don't invite me and the black people are old, married or have children. he's the only cool young one. and i only hang w/him as a last resort b/c i don't have the patience for his chick. she's ridiculous. the shit is annoying. and why should i not have friends/acquaintances b/c of someone else's insecurities? f that. and clearly the only other one that was young couldn't keep his hands to himself.

Duck said...

Young, black and employed child-free black people who are hang-out-worthy? In Pittsburgh?

Interesting concept.

Ha.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

Ooooh look!!!!! She tried to get her 'eagle' on and bust her pants right open!!! Ha ha ha, hee hee hee, ho ho ho! (sigh) That was funny.

jameil1922 said...

duck... girl... yeah....

stace... that's why you're a ghetto bitch who goes to fam and didn't know it was daylight saving time. watch the news skank.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

Ouch.
That was way harsh J. I lost more than an hour, I lost my mind and the lost and found said no-one has turned one in...=(

Mrs A. said...

oh my, that was all over the place...LOL!!! don't you HATE silly girls like that!?!?! and random dudes who approach you in the club?!?!?! BARF on both of them!!!!!!

Mrs A. said...

you have been TAGGED!!

jameil1922 said...

stace... hahahaha!! you are foolish! and miss a... AAAAMEN!