I am determined to be successful. I'm hell bent on the shit. At one point, it was all about the awards. I had a teacher at Hampton who had 5 Emmys. I said, "Oh yeah, that's what I want." I want 5 Emmys by age 30. When I decided I wanted to be a photojournalist, it was Pulitzers. Now its the success that will make me happy and change the face of Black America. That's what I want. I want to propel us to new heights. To inspire children to reach for the best when all or most of their immediate influences are subpar.
You know when the Powerball was at an astronomical level and people were talking about what they would do if they won the lottery? Well, I thought hmm... I would start a production company and start making movies. Mostly documentaries about Black people. Well... I guess that's just what I should do. And then there are all these things I love to do and am good at. I know that sounds ridiculously vain but its true. You have to know your strengths in order to achieve. Otherwise you'll find yourself chasing failure and I'm not down with that. Why chase failure when you can chase success? Sometimes I get tired of being the familial model, though. I feel like both of my parents look to me to be the most successful person in the family. That shit is a burden sometimes. And that's not to say they don't want my sister to be successful, but I'm the oldest. So they expect me to do it first and lead the way. Be the shining example.
So the other day I'm walking the scripts up to the studio and I say to myself, I love to argue, research my point and win. What career is that? Duh. An attorney. But I just don't know about that. I did have an offer to go to law school for free though. I love school, but if it means I'll have to stay in Pittsburgh, no thanks.
BZ is talking about moving to Miami b/c she loves Florida. She said when she's there she just feels at home. I know its strange, but that's how I feel about DC. People always look at me like I'm crazy when I say that. But its my favorite city. I have to drive through/around DC to get to Hampton from here. Every single time I go through, I always think, damn. I don't want to keep driving. I want to stay here. I love that city. I don't know what it is. It just feels like home. And it doesn't even have to be in the city. Just on the outskirts and I'm already happy. I love that there are a minimum of 3 radio stations playing music I like. You know what else does it for me? That there is always something to do and a lot of people.
And then I love writing. I really do. But only non-fiction. I can't do the whole novel thing. That just ain't for me. So I'm also on this whole what is my life goal thing. And what will I do with my life. Its kind of fun. I'm glad to be 23 with a moderate level of success and little responsibility. And you know what, I really love my job. I love being in news. But I cannot live in Pittsburgh for more than 3 years. And I think even that is a stretch. A big one. I would have to have a significant raise and promotion to do that. I heard about an opening as a producer at one of the other stations here. I didn't apply because I am horrified at signing a contract requiring me to stay here for a minimum of 3 MORE years. That is appalling. So like I said, I'm still working on it. I don't know what I want, but I love that. I have plenty of time to "find" myself. Self! Where are you?!