3.24.2006

Chasing Me

I am determined to be successful. I'm hell bent on the shit. At one point, it was all about the awards. I had a teacher at Hampton who had 5 Emmys. I said, "Oh yeah, that's what I want." I want 5 Emmys by age 30. When I decided I wanted to be a photojournalist, it was Pulitzers. Now its the success that will make me happy and change the face of Black America. That's what I want. I want to propel us to new heights. To inspire children to reach for the best when all or most of their immediate influences are subpar.

You know when the Powerball was at an astronomical level and people were talking about what they would do if they won the lottery? Well, I thought hmm... I would start a production company and start making movies. Mostly documentaries about Black people. Well... I guess that's just what I should do. And then there are all these things I love to do and am good at. I know that sounds ridiculously vain but its true. You have to know your strengths in order to achieve. Otherwise you'll find yourself chasing failure and I'm not down with that. Why chase failure when you can chase success? Sometimes I get tired of being the familial model, though. I feel like both of my parents look to me to be the most successful person in the family. That shit is a burden sometimes. And that's not to say they don't want my sister to be successful, but I'm the oldest. So they expect me to do it first and lead the way. Be the shining example.

So the other day I'm walking the scripts up to the studio and I say to myself, I love to argue, research my point and win. What career is that? Duh. An attorney. But I just don't know about that. I did have an offer to go to law school for free though. I love school, but if it means I'll have to stay in Pittsburgh, no thanks.

BZ is talking about moving to Miami b/c she loves Florida. She said when she's there she just feels at home. I know its strange, but that's how I feel about DC. People always look at me like I'm crazy when I say that. But its my favorite city. I have to drive through/around DC to get to Hampton from here. Every single time I go through, I always think, damn. I don't want to keep driving. I want to stay here. I love that city. I don't know what it is. It just feels like home. And it doesn't even have to be in the city. Just on the outskirts and I'm already happy. I love that there are a minimum of 3 radio stations playing music I like. You know what else does it for me? That there is always something to do and a lot of people.

And then I love writing. I really do. But only non-fiction. I can't do the whole novel thing. That just ain't for me. So I'm also on this whole what is my life goal thing. And what will I do with my life. Its kind of fun. I'm glad to be 23 with a moderate level of success and little responsibility. And you know what, I really love my job. I love being in news. But I cannot live in Pittsburgh for more than 3 years. And I think even that is a stretch. A big one. I would have to have a significant raise and promotion to do that. I heard about an opening as a producer at one of the other stations here. I didn't apply because I am horrified at signing a contract requiring me to stay here for a minimum of 3 MORE years. That is appalling. So like I said, I'm still working on it. I don't know what I want, but I love that. I have plenty of time to "find" myself. Self! Where are you?!

18 comments:

D. Sands said...

Being the oldest myself, I know firsthand the pressures of dealing with folks and family viewing your success as a measuring bar. It is a pressure cooker. What I've tried to do is define what I think success is for myself. Then go after it. Sounds simple, right? But think about how many people in our lives see success for us in a different way than we do.

Gotta feel you on DC. The cities that feel like home for me have to be DC or Philly. I just feel like I belong. Dang, I thought I was the only one.

Epsilonicus said...

I always feel like I should change my major and do something new. I love my major but it is because I am soooooooo interesting in alot of other stuf. I wish I could do it all. So I am stil trying to find myself. I do think that I have an ultimate goal: to teach. I dont care how I get there, I just hope to reach my goal.

CNEL said...

Lawd, sometimes it's like you could write my life story. I so feel you on this meditation about achieving success. I'm contributing to a book about the black college experience (black in the sense of being a black student, not necessarily attending a black college) and one of the questions was, if you had it(choosing college) to do all over again would you do it? And my answer was tempered by my understanding of what it is that I want to do with my life. In a sense, I've always known what I wanted to do, and that is help people. I could see myself helping people by being an attorney, an educational administrator (director of diversity, director of admission, director of community and multicultural development), or a journalist (broadcaster, no doubt). At the heart of it, at the core of me I have always wanted to be in a position where I could either advocate for others, or to inform and inspire them so that they could speak up for themselves.

My Mega Millions earnings (we don't get Powerball in MD) would be spent on helping the schools which have put me where I am, starting my own company (a production company and I ain't jocking), and starting a nonprofit scholarship foundation in honor of my grandmother.

You'll undoubtedly be successful at whatever it is you decide to do, wherever it is you decide to go, why? Because you know about three of my favorite things the three D's to succeed Desire, Discipline, and Dedication.

People like us excel at life because we work hard, and we play hard.

You goin get it.

I'm goin get it.

We goin get it.

CNEL said...

Oh yeah I keep forgettting to mind you to tune into the show if you have time:

"Chris Has Issues"
Sundays 6pm-7pm
News, Talk, and Interviews
www.wloy.org
Click Listen In and follow the instructions
www.chrishasissues.blogspot.com

DP said...

I did 11 years in the DC area. My sons live there and as much as I love them, I could NEVER be happy there. Just as I will never move back to Pittsburgh, I will NEVER live in the Washington, DC metropolitan area again. I won't litter your blog with detailed reasons, I will just say 1250 for a nice two bedroom apartment or 395K for a nice townhouse in a substandard school system with outrageous local taxes is not how I wanna cruise into adulthood.

That said...Pittsburgh will suffocate you if you stay more than 4 years. Its like hanging out with a bunch of kids who have the flu. It is a really small big city with a fear of progressive thought and an affinity for good old days that never existed.

Chase your dreams and reach as HIGH as you can...I know I will be watching.

You need to tell me offline what show you work on so I can make my momma watch up there and I can peep ya when I bring the babies to visit this summer.

and YES the WHOLEYS fish sammitch is on me when I get up there.

DP said...

let me mention that I thoroughly enjoy VISITING DC and do it often...just cant live there anymore.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

I guess I need to chase Stacie...where you at b!tch??? 1st grade teacher? Pharmacist? Pediatrician? Politician's doting wife? Austin socialite? All of the above? That's my problem...

Peabo DeBarge said...

i just want out of l.a.

the whole time i was gone, i couldn't wait to get back...now that i'm here i want to leave. i just need to decide if it's gonna be vegas or somewhere else.

spchrist said...

If i won the lottery...I would pay off all my debts...buy my parents each a house...give my sister a car...and then spend the rest of my life touring the world

Duck said...

"Why chase failure when you can chase success?" That's SO going on my Facebook page. :-)

DC is fantabulous, isn't it? Especially coming from Pittsburgh. It's funny... it wouldn't be until I RETURNED to DC after summer break when I would exhale, smile, and breathe, "I'm home!" My parent still don't understand, but it's something about this city....

jameil1922 said...

dl... yeah... and i know they're so proud and all but sometimes i just want to jump off a bridge. there are like 70 something to chose from here.

epsi... that's hot. i love teachers.

cnel... lolol. i'm sayin tho. i wanna get up on that book. i have a lot to say about the black college experience. i thought i was gettin some of them mega millions, too. you forgot about me? aight. i see how you do. lol. i don't know when i'll be able to listen. gotta be at work at 3 monday morning. maybe i'll be able to listen tonight tho. we'll see.

dp... i knew it!! i knew this city would kill you. i can just tell by talking to people who've been here for a long time. they don't seem to have that spark. and i can always get w/free food. lol.

and i know... that's the most horrible thing about dc. the cost of living is ridiculous. but i expect to be pullin in the dough when i live there. how else could you survive? i could live in md, too. as long as i'm about a 30min drive i'm good. esp since i love bmore, too. i just like big cities.

poor stace.. lol. can i get on yo plan? school school and more school?

miguel... what's wrong w/la? the bf is hell-bent on ending up in cali. what's the deal?

sp... ooh la la! touring the world!

duck... ah yes... inspiring facebooks all over the world. lol. i would visit dc from hampton and just be drooling. it was real sexy. lol

CNEL said...

Jameil it goes without saying that after I hit off the fam, and Epsi, you'd of course get a cut of the Mega Millions and then we'd start the production company, and we'd start our own network BET/TV One/Black Family Channel meets CNN meets Style meets HBO, but it'd be way better than what we have now! E-mail me and I'll send you the author's info. I'm going to try and put one of my shows on the station website for people to get a taste of the flavor!

jameil1922 said...

yesssssssssssssssssssss

DP said...

Duck,

DC is the anti-pittsburgh, its like everything Pittsburgh isn't. Im just odd and funny like that.

Yes...Pittsburgh will kill you...not dead...but just kill your desire to grow beyond what you are immediately capable of.

jameil1922 said...

dp damn i can see that! that's why i'm like i have to get out before i get too comfortable.

Peabo DeBarge said...

l.a. is aight, but i was born and raised here, so my perspective is a little different. it's just hella corny these days.

Peabo DeBarge said...

yeah, i said hella

jameil1922 said...

born and raised?? in l.a.?? that's so strange... who does that?