Just Pee On Him Already! or It Ain't Fun til You Split Your Pants

I know it is quite ironic that the title of this post would be as such considering my last post, but its too appropriate for me not to use that title. I mean, come on. Doesn't that just sound like the beginning of a classic post? exactly. being lazy again today. recovering from a hangover so you may or may not get mixed capitals. i'm bombarding my system with water so hopefully i'll be good to hit the streets again tonight (again, not in the streetwalker kinda way).

so last night went out with a coworker who always knows the thursday nite hot spots. remember the one with the crazy girlfriend? yeah him. and i don't know if she planned to be there the whole time, but she sure as hell wasn't missin this night once she heard i was riding with him. 5 words. IN. SE. CUR. I. TY. does that count as five words? so anyway, we hit up this place called nakama that's a sushi bar by day for drinks. the largest tanqueray and tonic i've ever had in my life. i got the drink and was like ok who serves "adult beverages" in the regular coke or water glass?!! i shoulda known right there i was in for one hell of a night.

so we're standin around talking, (me and said co-worker), and his friend R shows up w/his gf Wendy right. Wendy and I start talkin b/c her and R are about to start up a long distance relationship and they don't know if they can do it or how hard it'll be, whatever. i'm like, you can do it you got it in you (dun dun dun, no eggs, dun dun dun, no baloney!-- sorry random brown sugar moments abound w/me, mostly b/c i watch it at least twice a month. already watched it 1 and 1/2 times this week. i'm thinkin about puttin it in right now. its like background noise for me. you know how most people have music? too distracting. i have brown sugar.) anyway. i was like yeah it'll be hard, but it won't be that bad b/c they'll see each other every weekend and they've been together for years already. come on now. if me and the bf can deal w/seeing each other only once a month, you can do every weekend for a little while. chill.

so anyway we're all havin a good time and in walks the gf. we'll call her "miss i." she walks in w/a friend who she's obviously been bad-mouthing me to, b/c she's all givin me the once over and shit. i'm like bitch don't try me, i ain't from pittsburgh. i'm from matthews bitch and we don't play that. HAHAHAHA!! you would be fallin out laughin if you saw where i grew up. two-story house in the suburbs of charlotte. hilarious!! but for real. i have a real nasty streak and i can be a bitch if i need to. don't try me. don't do it. so the g.f. gets all up in my bizness when wendy and i are talkin about my man askin all kinds of questions but still trying to be superior, esp. when she finds out how old i am. BITCH!!! STOP BEING SO INSECURE!! you ain't got to do all that!! i mean damn! wouldn't it just be easier to pee on him?! it would. then you wouldn't have to waste all this time kissing up on him or holdin him tight. whatever you were doing b/c i sure as hell wasn't paying you any attention while you were doing that. and he was kind of confused by it. so anyway then she buys me a cosmo. hey. i'm always good w/free drinks. but that bitch was tryin to patronize me and i don't take to kindly to that.

so whatever we head over to another club district. btw if you are a bar head/alcoholic/club rat and not too picky, pittsburgh is the city for you. this place has so many club areas its not even funny. south side, carson street, the strip district (one of my favorites, and no its not a bunch of strip clubs. i don't even know that there's one), station square. i'm sure i'm missing something. and then bars EVERYWHERE. But anyway. So we headed to this club Matrix (ignore the techno on the website! lol). Big fan of Matrix. But it could be the 3rd free drink I got. This time it was a cranberry and vodka drink. A cape cod. Yesss! (I'm working on learning drink names).

So I'm loving it up in there. There are 3 rooms. An 80s room, a techno room and a top 40s (meaning mostly negro music) room. You know where I stayed. Ok maybe you don't. the negro music room. not a big fan of the old school. its too hit or miss for me. plus i like to hear the newest shit possible. not quite the right club for that but you get what i'm sayin. so whatever. "marcus" (co-worker) takes me on the tour of the place to show me all the rooms. and that's when i split my pants. you know that fat man scoop song "drop"? yeah that shit came on and you know i had to show off. split the pants but no one knew. i just tied my jacket around my waist and kept it moving. it was great!

we go get the rest of the crew to bring them into the room. i start dancing and i danced w/this dude for mad long b/c it was just dancing. there was no, what's your name, can i hold your hand, inappropriate touchin. none of that. just do it. that's how its supposed to be. like a one night stand on the dance floor. see how i'm not even looking into your face? i have no idea what you even look like. names are immaterial. i'm not going home w/you tonight anyway and you're not getting my number. lolol. so yeah, i was having a good ol time showin out dancin w/ol buddy. then we stopped dancing and i was dancing by myself for about 3 seconds when some other random dude comes up breaking all the rules. asking my name, do i got a man, you not from here, you here for the nsbe convention (nat'l society of black engineers). why are you asking me all these questions?!! damn! is this an interview? i already got a job! just shut up and dance. and he couldn't even get down like the last dude. it just made me miss my baby. definitely one of my favorite people to dance with even before we were together. that's what i'm talking about!! i can always take you to the club! lol. the foundation of a good relationship, right?

miss i is still showin out. pee already!!! do it. just mark your territory. then if i get within smelling distance i'll get a whiff and know, oh ok that one's taken. i'm ignoring her ass. so ridiculous. esp. since everyone else is chillin and she's on 10. i need you to take that down to about a 4 1/2. don't nobody need all that. see? she done got me breakin all my english down so maybe she can understand it. and she had the nerve to tell me accounting's fun.... right. like a root canal. ain't that right michelle? lololol at the end of the night, i'm sure she gave me some trite good seeing you again bullshit. like i said i wasn't payin her ass that much attention. about as much as you can ignore that gnat buzzin around your ear. to an extent but its always on the periphery until finally you have to smack that ho. lolol. the good news is the hangover is gone and i am ready for more debauchery tonight. i killed it with water. fyi drink an entire glass of water (force yourself) after a night of too much drinking where the room is doing crazy things when you lay down, get up and get that water. it will cut that hangover in half or eliminate it all together. its great. that's all my lovelies! see you soon! if you didn't read the last installment on the state of black america, head over there. just scroll down. see it? good. now start reading.