You are so EMBARASSING!!!

By you, I mean myself of course. And not myself now, because I mostly go to work, with a recent sprinkling of more church. That means I don't have the opportunity to irritate myself with foolishness! I know this may lower me from the lofty pedestal you've put me on (lolololol), but in a retrospective, it's so funny!!

Respect my sexy.
Dudes do, but mostly when I'm not paying attention. It's cool to have effortless attractiveness. When I was younger (21, 22... lolol), I used to try to take it a bit further. And in doing this... I used to RUN INTO THINGS!! TVs, furniture. The bigger and more obtrusive, the better! More than twice this happened. So lame!! I'd be practicing the sexy, really concentrating it and forget to pay attention to where I was going. Luckily, it always happened with someone I was comfortable with so I would just go ahead and fall on the floor with laughter. HILARIOUS(ly embarassing)!! Good times!!

Look up!
I've always been a bibliophile even though my mom was all about libraries over buying books. My mom used to make me put them down to eat or walk. I would put them in the car every single time I went somewhere. That's why when I started driving, I didn't know how to get almost anywhere. The simplest places were like Greek to me. And forget asking me for directions unless you hate street signs and like landmarks (the only way anyone in Pittsburgh will ever give you a direction). It was pitiful.

I like magazines, too. And I love that my gym has lots of them I wouldn't have read. But perhaps I should have listened to my mother when it comes to walking and reading. I always read and walk around the track. It takes your mind off of it and I can only be on the bike for so long before I want to kill someone. I can't read on the elliptical (the whole point is to use your hands) and can't stand the treadmill.

The other week I'm walking around the track minding my business, reading intently, listening to the ipod when I look up. There's a guy heading straight for me pointing for me to turn around. I'd started going the WRONG DIRECTION!! WHAT?! Who does this?!!? I started laughing uncontrollably, walked for maybe 20 paces, then got off. I was too scared I start doing it again! It was like my body had a mind of its own. How do you turn in the opposite direction and have no idea you were doing it??? SO FUNNY!! That doesn't mean I've stopped doing it, though. I just try to pay more attention. Lololol. Don't pray for me to do it again just so you can point and laugh!

Accidental Deprecation
Back at Hampton there was this dude I thought was so gorgeous. Not this one, another one. (I just re-read that. It's another HILARIOUS post. Worth another look!) There were lots. Me and Stace have some HILARIOUS stories surrounding my experiences! I've been boy crazy my entire life to let my mom tell it. I used to see this dude everywhere. He had locks and though I saw him everywhere, it was always somewhere random. Like the ATM or a basketball game. I'm a basketball fan anyway so me and CC used to go all the time with some combination of our friends, even the ones who weren't basketball fans, but it was like, ok now I have to look decent to go. Lol.

Even though he was suddenly around, he never noticed me. Oh yeah, he had locks, too. I used to be huge into locks. He was from Boston and a huge Celtics fan. This was back when everyone wore jeans, a jersey, matching fitteds and if they really were hot, matching shoes. This was him. We'll call him B (get it, B, Boston?). The apartment complex across from campus was the always the hotspot. We used to have some bangin parties at 28B!! Man I will forever have great memories of that apartment. Lookin for somewhere to just chill? Listen to music? Record music? Talk? Any time of day? 28B. That's where I got the nickname Sexy Cookie Lady. My big sister lived there so one day I was walking around the complex with milk and cookies. Hence the nickname. Hahahahaha.

So 28B had a party. Me and Stace of course rolled through since this was our spot. He's there! I get excited. But there's of course some thirsty dude who is all up in the grill. Every time I turn around he's in my space. FACE!! Back. Up. If some girl is looking at you like something smells, keep it moving. Just a hint. B notices me. Ooh la la! And I looked cute this night because one of the regulars at 28B always caught my eye. He had a girl so there was nothing there but it didn't hurt to look cute anyway. You never knew who would roll through there. It was that kind of crib.

B slides up next to me and we start talkin. HOLLA!! You know I was crunk but calm. I'd been eyein this dude for months without so much as a glance in my direction. Dudes rarely make me nervous and despite this, he didn't either. He's making jokes, I'm making jokes and we're both laughing. Re-enter thirsty. Sigh. He says, "Yo. You talkin to the hottest girl in the party." I say, "NO. He's just stalking me." WHAT???? I immediately realize the ridiculousness of that statement (as does he) but we both ignore it. He requests my presence at the after party. I say only if Stace comes. We both ride out and go watch Drop Dead Fred. Hilarious only because B was so funny. We kept in touch but he was one of those, "I'll be honest, I have no interest in a relationship" people. I know that's how dudes do their game now and girls get geeked like well, at least he's honest. PLEASE!! This is game! Yeah. That does not mean I'll compromise my position. You got to put in work to spend real time with me! So for B it was let's watch movies and laugh together. Still lots of fun.


Chris said...

LOL, this reminds me of a delightfully embarrassing situation in which I was still catching public transportation when I was trying to be cute for this girl and hop on the bus...and I missed a step. OUCH. And Sexy Cookie Lady is so a fitting nickname for your silly self, so I can see it working out.

Complex Simplicity said...

Aww...the Hampton men with locs. I had my eye on one too...but he DID have a girlfriend. Can't remember his name but I remember his ride and where he was from...wonder where he is now;-)

Southerner in Suomi said...

"If some girl is looking at you like something smells, keep it moving. Just a hint."


Tasha said...

I'm LMAO ignorantly at you walking around the track the wrong way. I'm so sorry, but the image in my head is just too much!

Anonymous said...

The notion of People giving landmark directions in Pittsburgh stems from the fact that all those blue signs you see now? Those are about 20 years old...and there really WERENT signs before then.

Don said...

Sexy post. You appear to have great personality. I enjoyed the read.

1969 said...

Why are you so fabulously dorky? LOL

Love this post....cookie lady.

Uh, did you watch Heroes last night?

Jameil said...

chris... haahahaha!! great to share embarassing moments!!

complex... if we're thinking abt the same guy, i have the answer!

v... hahahaha.

tasha... i know!! it was even more ridiculous in person!!

dp... why does that not surprise me??

don... sexy in an embarassing way i guess!! hahahahaha. i have no idea how that spastic post could be misconstrued into sexy.

69 aka tv crackhead #2. anything that comes on primetime mon tues or friday doesn't get watched by me. i have to get up too early so i'm firmly asleep by then. so never seen heroes. i'm gonna assume fabulously dorky is a compliment tho its slightly offensive!!

Anonymous said...

Women love locks!!! Im glad I have them lol. Thats not the reason I have them. Its like icing on the cake though.

Sha Boogie said...

I know who your talking about!! No..I don't..lol Mmm..nothing like a fine sexy thang with locs! Ohhhwee!! And the cock blocker to go along with him, ughhh..

Still Patrice said...

LMAO @ you going the wrong direction!! Too funny :) @ least you can laugh @ yourself. Lol

LoveMyselfFirst said...

hte "he's just stalking me" comment was so awkward and hilarious.. i dated one dude with locks for a year, but i'm not into that.. clean cut ftw!

Don said...

don... sexy in an embarassing way i guess!! hahahahaha. i have no idea how that spastic post could be misconstrued into sexy.

Your eccentricity.

Jameil said...

epsi... riiight. that's not why. *wink wink*

sha... you're funny.

paj... it was so sad!! lolol

love... i can still do the locks. i've never seriously dated anyone w/them, tho. at least we moved past the awkwardness! lolol we just ignored it.

don... hahahahaha

La said...


Oh Jam, I live for you, lol.