One of my Hampton classmates e-mailed me the other day. She asked me how I got over my ex or if I was over him. Though I don't know if she reads my blog, I realized I may have been doing my readers a disservice. I stopped talking about what I was going through because a few people brought it to my attention that he was likely reading what I was writing. At first I was of the, "SO WHAT!!? He needs to know the pain he caused" mindset. Then I moved to, "If he's looking for his name in print, so shall he not see it." Now I realize, other people are hurting, too, and my holding back is not helping. So here was my response.
"Definitely still dealing with it. He was my best friend. I haven't spoken to the person who was my closest friend for the last 4 years in more than 2 months. But I think about him every day. Part of me died, but daily I think maybe it was a good part. I don't think either of us was ready for the power of that relationship, even though I thought I was.
It does get easier, though. At first I didn't think it ever would. Logically you know, but who thinks logically when something like that happens? Not me. I have a flair for the dramatic (believe it or not, lol). Going back to church helped, too. I've gone more in the last month than I did in the 2 years prior to the break-up. I know the only way I'll ever really get over this and move on is to give it to God. He knows why this happened and how I will recover FIERCELY!! That doesn't mean it's easy or that I don't get impatient or sad, even melancholy; but eventually I start to feel better. And now it doesn't take as long."
I banned my beloved bloggers from talking about him (you can let go now... until someone acts up) and would only respond to emails. I still can't read a lot of the posts I wrote regarding him. My stomach churns when I see his name. It was hell being in Norfolk when I wasn't doing wedding stuff and had too much time to think about the last time I was there. I didn't call him or text or email to tell him thanks for the "happy birthday" text (when he knows I hate texts) because I still can't communicate with him.
But I'm getting better.
Now I don't necessarily stop myself from telling a story if it would require me talking about him. One of my co-workers asked me if I "hooked up" with any cute guys in Florida. First, that's not me. I don't do the hook up thing. Second, my choices weren't that great. Third, and most importantly, I need to focus on me right now. I have a limited about of time to be single. Fly people don't stay alone for long. :) But I needed and still need the time to heal. To improve myself and to continue to press toward my goals. I cannot and will not let anything break me.
Rev. Ru.n's thought for the day:
Good morning. Be excited! 'Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.' -Ral.ph Wal.do Eme.rson 'He did it with all his heart and prospered.' 2 Chr 31:3 'It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it.'- General Douglas Ma.cArthur. 'Do it big or stay in bed!' -P Di.ddy. God is love. Rev. R.un
Can we agree to DIE laughing at that group? E.merson, the Bible, MacA.rthur, and DID.DY!!! Hilarious! Oddest quartet ever!! Personally, I think the best Di.ddy quote relates to him moisturizing his situation and preserving his sexy. Hotness! Lololol. Regardless of the messenger, know this, I WON'T GIVE UP!!