Guide to Drinks

This is like candy. "What's my favorite drink/girl can I sip on you, sip on you." --A Twista song. Now my boy Cee-Lo Green has a song about drinks. And despite myself, I kinda like it. Altho I can do w/o Jazzy Pha. Please people. I really like that you are creative. I even like that you can take one subject and twist it beyond repair. However, there are some things that disturb me. Don't compare me to a drink! It's weird!

You are probably wondering, where did this come from? And didn't she already do this with candy? To you I say this... if you know me, then you know I was one of our resident lushes at HU. Some liked to call me the "luscious duchess." I know how to enjoy a good drink and how to make one, too. I like to call myself the "one hit wonder" because I want my drink to be strong enough to give you a buzz. If I make you a drink, you should never need more than 3. And that's if you're a dude. And they will still taste good. If I can take it, then you need to drink it. I tasted it and it tastes alright to me!

Long Island Iced Teas. Yuck. Crap in a cup. SO many people claim this is their favorite drink. I think that's because they haven't been exposed to good drinks. A long island had to have been created by some high school kid raiding his parents' liquor cabinet. "Let me just put a little of everything... And some coke." Come on. The main reason I don't like this drink is because I don't like iced tea. And after going to England, I dislike iced tea even more. Shut up. Yes I am the only real Southerner that doesn't like iced tea. (The little Cuban doesn't count b/c she's from Florida. Everybody knows that ain't the real south. Especially not PBC. Lol. Close your mouth, your golds are showin.) I think I also don't like this drink b/c its unoriginal. If everybody's drinkin it, I don't want it. Give me something different. I like to make my bartender earn his or her tip. Make something up.

Anyway. The tastier version of crap in a cup is a Blue Motorcycle or Purple MF-er. Deee-lish! I prefer the Blue Motorcylce though. I'm a fan of Blue Curacao. And I'm gonna make fun of one of my friends real quick. She called Peach Schnapps "peach snaps." I liked to died! Lol! You can no longer call yourself a drinker when you can't pronounce schnapps. For the slow people, its "shnops." I still love you though. Oh yeah and that other word in this paragraph that you can't pronounce is "cure-a-sow." Lol.

And for the record, my favorite drink is ever-changing. It adapts to my surroundings, outfit, mood, or drinking partner. These are the tops on my list w/the ingredients, in no particular order, w/shouts to the people that introed me to them:

1) Tequila Sunrise- tequila, oj, grenadine (Chinagirl)
2) Parrot Bay and Pineapple (Johnny, 21st b-day, WOW!!)
3) Bailey's and Hennessey (Big Kyle, Senior Sip and Bowl, Thank you sir may I have another!)
4) 151 and Coke- not anymore because I grew up, but I had to add that to the list for old times sake. This is one of those drinks you take when you just want to get tow up and you don't care how it gets done. Or the consequences.
5) Tanqueray and Tonic w/a lime- please be advised that any old gin won't do (my cousin Kim, New Year's, the ultimate grown and sexy drink)
6) Rum and Coke- another standby you can't go wrong with. Its a classic. (Who haven't I shared this one with?)

If you haven't tried all of the above, you need to "diversify yo bonds" (that quote brought to you courtesy of the Dave Chappelle Show. May it rest in peace).

Now, when it came to #5, I specified that any old gin won't do. That applies to all liquor. Stay away from anything that comes solely or principally in a plastic bottle. Stay away from Aristocrat. Stay away from "well drinks." You'll do well to spend your money on a better class of drink. If you can afford top shelf, go for it! I LOVE Patron (tequila) as expensive as it may be. I guarantee you will taste the difference. Smooth as my skin. Yum. If you stick to the bottom shelf, your head and stomach will have hell to pay in the morning. Most importantly, people, stay away from anything you know you can't handle b/c I'm not cleaning up anymore vomit!!


Chris said...

Thanks for the quick guide, because I've never had a drink a day in my life and I've always wondered what the deal was. Still not sure if I'll ever drink or not, LOL

Jameil said...

You definitely need a human guide, then. One who knows their way around a bottle, but won't have you falling down the first time you drink. Pick a retired lush.

Chris said...

LOL, sounds like a plan. I think we should keep in touch. Mind if I add you to my links?

Jameil said...

Sure, why not.

Jameil said...

But I heard about you! Lol. Luscious girl, luscious. I was in a past life. Now I just drink with my daddy. Lol. Until I get with my girls which is less often than I would like. But I can be persuaded to resurrect the luscious duchess if the need arises. So come on!