Blog Beef!

"Yo kid I love you kid but don't ever talk to me like that again in your life son!"
"Break yo'self fool!"
"If --- wanna act, we can act! If --- bust gats we bust gats! If --- wanna ride we ride!"

Bloggers have been coming with it the last few days. I mean y'all are hitting me with blog ideas left and right, right and left! I'm feeling very very inspired of late, not to mention me actually beginning to get a life!!! WOW!!! It's amazing. I should try, I don't know, GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE, more often. It's a good look for me. I'm such a social person and actually benefit from *gasp* human interaction. I went to breakfast with one of my fave coworkers today and we get along so well! We chat like crazy AND I had a brie & apple omelette with potatoes and wheat toast and bacon. I know that's a lot of food but yum! Actually the apples were tarter than I wanted and didn't go with the saltiness of the meal so I pulled them out. The rest was delish. Afterward we went to Trader Joe's. Mmmm. Yes I bought more chipotle salsa. Stace... I also bought sushi!

How about my pastor wants us to give up sweets, sugar and bread for lent. The first two I shrugged. Those aren't my vices anyway and y'all know I like to test myself with things like that. I mean really, what's 40 days? Nada. I've been consecutively blogging for more than twice that long (90 days and counting). I thought I'm not really a bread girl, either, I can do that. Except then I realized I LOVE BURGERS AND SANDWICHES!! He said if you don't want to give up those things or they're not your vices, pick something else. My mom said, "You should give up burgers and fries. Or fast food." Hater. Do you know I eat fries almost every single day? When Stace was here we bought 5-pound bag. Son. We only ate maybe 15% of that bag. Less than a month later, by myself it's gone. And that's with me still getting fries from outside sources. (Sometimes you have to outsource your fries. Add some competition. Make em act right.) I will eat just about anyone's fries. And if you try to get gourmet I will get excited. Mmmm fries. So maybe I should. That would be an actual challenge.

But please believe I will be calling the pastor out in bible study tomorrow when q&a comes around a la our investigative reporters. "So pastor are you really just on a diet and don't want to do it alone?" "What made you pick those three particular things to give up?" "Sunday you said 'If you have special dietary needs you can be excused but as far as I know, no doctor has prescribed a chocolate cake diet.' Have you met my doctor? Because he did. Do I need to bring in a note?" (I actually don't like chocolate cake (or chocolate) that much. When I crave it once every 5 months, I have maybe 4 bites and am done.)

Before I get into the actual post (Stop groaning. If your attention span isn't long enough, click the x.), I want to thank one of my post inspirations, Sparkling Red. Ever since I read her post on sleep paralysis, I discovered I HAVE THAT, TOO!! I never knew what it was called, I've just always been aware that sometimes I'm awake and know I'm awake, but can't get my body to realize that. My limbs feel extra heavy and it takes a ridiculous amount of concentration to move any part. It's scary. For years and years it's happened every once in a while. I can't tell you with what regularity because I try to block it out when it happens. Now that I think about it, it must have been at least once a week, maybe more. And when I'm in a room with someone when it happens, i.e. once when I was 12 or so at a sleepover that I can vividly remember, I can't actually talk. I'm trying to talk to ask them to just move my arm (because once I get one part to move, the rest of my body "wakes up") but all that comes out is a moan. Very frustrating but some people also have smothering sensations which HOW SCARY IS THAT?! Glad not to have that particular side effect.

It turns out one of the ways to prevent it is not sleeping on your back-- which I love to do but I stopped. One time in the last month I almost fell asleep on my back and felt my body falling into that sleep paralysis. I panicked a bit, which another tip is you're not supposed to do that, but I hurried up and woke myself up and rolled onto my side. Other than that, I've been okay. Life-changing I tell you and I'm not being facetious. I was honestly thinking this morning, that is one of the most helpful blogs I've ever read in the thousands I've read in more than 2 years. Amazing. THANK YOU SO MUCH SPARKLING RED!!!

So the point of this post-- BLOG BEEF SON! Rashan was talking about it the other day: things that tick you off about blogging/bloggers. Some of these will be repeats and my version of his but you know I have some!

When you come to my blog to promote yours: Don't do that. That is so rude. If I want to come to your blog, I will, but don't do that. If you're commenting on my blog, I'm going to read your blog. HOWEVER, if you specifically try to direct me to your blog, I will make you wait or not go at all.

Comment love: When people come to my blog and don't comment I get a bit heated. I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR MY HEALTH. Actually I am. It increases my mental sanity for me to get this all out. BUT YOU'RE ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS YOU COULD LEAST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK! DIDN'T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANY MANNERS?!?! Lol. Sorry for yelling but I just had to get that off of my chest. Also if I'm commenting all up and through your blog and I don't get so much as a peep out of you? That makes me mad.

You're out of pocket. Stace tell 'em. "GET BACK IN!!": Yo. Don't come over her off topic. If I'm posting about apples, don't come talking about the hot Mustang you saw yesterday that was canary yellow. Make some sense. If you didn't read it, what exactly is the point of your comment? (I don't care if that contradicts the previous one.)

Don't not post for 8 months and not tell somebody you're back until you've stacked 40 posts: *ahem, Shani. Lolol.* This will be full of contradictions so get ready. On the one hand, y'all not posting for three weeks mugs LOVE to say, "I'm back" then post 2 days and disappear for 3 more weeks. That makes me extra mad. On the other, you know I delete y'alls blogs from the roll when you don't act right so when you come back, put a little whisper in the interweb (how hilarious is that word?) ear. Comment on more than one post and at the end say "BTW-- GUESS WHO'S BACK!? Guess who guess who guess who guess who guess who's back? Yoooo what's up?!"

Supersecretspykit!: Sitemeters scare me. They're so invasive! All I-know-what-you-did-last-summer. Ol' go-go-gadget-sitemeter self. Remember what I said about peekin in my window!! Get your internet eyes off of my anatomy!! Mostly I don't have one because I don't need another thing to be obsessed with. If you have one, YES I CHECK MANY OF YOUR BLOGS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. Stop stalkin me!

But I need you to update, though.: Hey man. I know I change my blog name 8xs a week, but I usually change the header and/or the color as well so can you pleeeeeeease update your blog roll to reflect said changes? I will sooo love you forever. I didn't like "Unabashedly Me" because its so eh and also because it puts me at the bottom of blog rolls. That's why "All Me All the Time" was great. I was at the top! That means Rell can keep his blog roll as is! Lol. Oh yeah I know I saw this more than one place but I specifically remember Liz updating my name so thank you for subscribing to my madness ($98.95/month)!!!

6'1, 220, muscular, chocolate, chocolate skin (yes, double chocolate), locks, dimples, sparkling eyes to match the sparkling wit: This is mostly for Rashan. crybaby He doesn't like it when women but men specs on their page because he thinks there's a blog double standard i.e. if a man were to do this women would be up in arms! (Some would.) Hahahaha. I think this is hilarious. You know I don't care about that. Men can like whatever they want. I have enough confidence in my FABULOSITY to know some dudes will like me and some won't. You like it, he loves it, honey. Trust and believe. *sashay*

Don't get mad: This isn't beef but it needs to be said. They call me the blog prude for a reason. I don't want to hear about you getting ran all up and through or how you did that to someone else and blah blah blah save it for the locker room. Your wack poetry (scroll about halfway down the screen for the faux poetry in italics. Hilarious!!)? I know you think you're deep. You're not. And when every other word in every single post is a curse word? I can't read your blog. Sorry. I'm not at that place in my life anymore. I'm not saying don't curse. That's your choice. I'm saying if you don't know how to form more than 5 consecutive sentences without using 15 curse words, your meaning is lost and I'm not gonna read it. You don't have to read mine, either if you wanna "show me." (Hmph! I'll show her!!! *snaps and neck rolls*)

Got beef? SPILL IT!


shani-o said...

Jam - LOL... well, I knew if I only posted once and then was like, "hey! I'm back!" you woulda looked at me all kinds of sideways.

Dang, lemme stack a just a lil bit... consistency is key and all that.

(and sleep paralysis? SCAAAAAARY!)

Southerner in Suomi said...

Checker's seasoned fries are the bestest ever!!!

proacTiff said...

Dead at the bottom of the blog roll reference. So right. I have mine bookmarked because I am a territorial blog prude of sorts myself. Developing thick blog skin cause YOU will blog-the-blog-off on a ni99a! Look, ma, no cursing. *LOL*

1969 said...

That was a lot of info....but don't worry, I took notes!

Stop eating all those fries. Right now Missy. You can do it for Lent.

Jameil said...

i can admit when i was a bit overly chatty... lol. yeah... that post was extreme.

shani... hahahaha. you right! that's why i said that point was contradictory. i'm glad you're back tho! you and kara. sleep paralysis is the worst.

v... i just love fries. i'm not very picky at all.

pro... lolol. you're hilarious.

1969... GOOD! all them notes and that's what you came up with? wow... lol. sigh... WHAT ARE YOU GIVING UP!? i gotta have someone in this w/me like the pastor!! lol.

Siobhan said...

I came here via momisodes. Great read, I feel the same way about Lurkers, it bothers me no end. Good luck with Lent!

(P.S. I'm not ON blogger, here's my blog http://abritdifferent.wordpress.com)

the joy said...

I was told it was called post sleep paralysis. It was diagnosed when I DIDN'T have apnea.

Shani snuck the heck up on me. I gotta re-add her to my rolls. And change your name from "just me." I'm way behind...

CNEL said...

I can't give up bread or potatoes that's akin to asking me to stop eating. I'm def a fry guy.

I still don't know what I'm giving up for lent. Hmm better get on that before next week.

Adei von K said...

Shani did come back with the fierceness, didn't she? LoL

OMG, I can't believe you bought sushi!!! WITHOUT ME!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAH!! (sound familiar? LOL)

Sounds like your pastor is dieting and wants y'all to suffer... I mean, join him.

"Ol' go-go-gadget-sitemeter self" fave line in the whole post!!!! CALL 'EM OUT!!

she said no poetry
I can tell she lied
black girl with contacts
you wan blond hair right?


*snaps fingers and exits stage left*

grown said...

Allow me to atone for my blogging sins. I am a lurker but I look at it more like...consistent admiring. I usually only comment when I really feel so moved to do so.

Momisodes said...

OH no! i think blogger just ate my comment :(

It said something like...

*hangs head in shame*...I've updated your blog title on my blog roll.

Good luck with lent....I have an unhealthy relationship with all things carb, and as long as fries are on the $1 menu, there's no hope for me.

Chris said...

you are out of control.

That is all.

M-Dubb said...

what's wit u and this LOOOOOOOOOONG ass post? lol

I'm feeling the fry thing. I can't figure out what I'm going to give up for my 40 day fast tho. It won't be food-related tho. My diet did more than enough of that...

M-Dubb said...

And I think I'm stealin this Blog beef stuff. I got some you ain't tough on.

And yeah, I've been posting randomly, but I got like 6 in the bag just cuz I got on a role the other night.

Sparkling Red said...

Aw, gee, you're welcome so much! Inspirational and life-changing... Shucks! I'm honoured to be of service.

(Did you see how I snuck a Canadian spelling in there for you?) ;-)

I have changed my blogrolls to reflect your new blog title (your wish is my command). I'm always in a big hurry to read your actual post (Must! Have! Fabulosity!) so it's no suprise that I'm skipping over your new blog titles. Just remind me in a comment and I'll take care of business.

Liz Dwyer said...

Your pastor is definitely on a diet. Did someone give him an Atkins book for Christmas or what???

I can't stand lurkers either. I'm not that dang scary that you have to be afraid of me and what I might say in response to your comment!

And LMAO at "sashay"! That's the best!

Anonymous said...

A black pastor in Pittsburgh wants his parishioners to give up sweets and bread for Lent.

Tsk tsk tsk...

And whats up with Protestants giving up stuff for lent?

Yall can have that.

And your next comment on my blog will be your first, hypocrite. And dont start with the whole wordpress/blogger thing...i aint got the only decent wordpress blog in the world. and besides...you dont even need a password.

Rashan Jamal said...

This is gonna look like a spam comment, but I promise you, it's not!

So much to comment on... so little time. I read this at work and was like Yeah! Get 'em Jam!!!

Lets see where do I start? Sleep paralysis? That's sounds scary. Like I need another reason not to sleep...

Hey, look my name in your post! Gotta love that!

Blog Promotion: Like you, I wont go read those people who are like come check me out. Maybe its childish, but I like to do the opposite of what I'm told to do

Comment Love: I feel you on this one. I used to say I was writing for myself, but that's not entirely true. I am a comment whore too.

Staying on topic - Did I ever tell you about that hot mustang I saw the other day?

Don't Call It A Comeback - How bout when you read a blog and every post starts with, I'm sorry its been so long. It's like either write or dont, stop with the bogus excuses. Full disclosure: I did this one last year.

Supersecretspykit: I can't live without my sitemeter. I'm that obsessed. You wanna know how you come up? LOL I actually look at it alot to see where people are finding my blog from. Its strange I'm linked to so many blogger's sites that never even comment on mine. It's like how you find me and if you like me, let me know. singing *let me know let me know* Sorry, had an Isley Brother's moment.

Blogrolls: I guess one day I'll get around to setting up a blogroll. I promise when I do, you will be called Jameil and I will put you first!

The double standard - I'm not being a cry baby. I'm just being real. I know you and your fabulosity would be fine with it, but a lot of our less secure sistas would really hate it if a male blogger did it. For the record, I don't care if thats what they want, but how can they hold their men to that standard when they don't hold the ideal beauty standard themselves.

Blog Prude - I blog how I talk. Depending on how sleepy I am, the curse words are gonna fly. But I know what you mean. I'm blog prude jr with the locker room talk. And the wack poetry jams just kill me.

I love this post if you couldn't tell, probably because it was partially inspired by me, which feeds my already massive ego. LOL

Jameil said...

Siobhan... thx and thx! and welcome!

joy... same thing. i had to add shani back AND thx for your compliance! lol

cnel... get on it! i didn't say potatoes. just fries. slow down patnah!

stace... yes! ol sneaky self! it was good, too girl! but i put some to the side. i can't sit here and eat 7 pieces at once. i don't have your fiend-like tendencies. lmao @ your poetry. he sooo wants us to suffer on his diet!

grown... lol. when you put it like that!! i guess i can't be mad. thx for saying something at least once!

sandy... thx for the update! lol. its just potatoes for me. every other carb (other than burgers and sandwiches) are very eh-- this means bagels too.

chris... again. you are notorious for commenting w/o saying anything but steady crying foul if people don't comment and be VERY VERY specific on yours. stop the madness.

mw... i don't do diets.

red... lolol. thx and thx! the change and the fabulosity compliment? love them both.

liz... lol. i'm soo not joking abt asking him that! you're very scary! sashay!!

ink... you are aware its not just a catholic/episcopalian thing, right? we did penance for lent and i grew up AME.

never got confirmation that you fixed that and am i really going to check daily when i have to look and not be heard? that's a no. fix it so you dont' have to log in w/a wordpress account and i'll be back. until said time, you'll keep waiting for that. i don't have this issue w/any other wordpress pages. get it together. ask fresh or 1969 or jamar.

rj... SPAMMER!!!!!!!!!! the crybaby comment was mostly to rub it in your face that i know how to use strikethru and you don't. the "sorry its been too long" are sooo annoying!! shut it and get back to work!! i wouldn't read your blog if it was super offensive. there aren't any i regularly read and comment on that fall into that category.

JOB said...

Ms. Jameil, I have sinned and seek absolution. I know my posts are few and far between.

Sha Boogie said...

Love it! That was fantastically hilarious, not the sleep thing, def the ode to fries and checking the pastor on his sneak diet tactics..lol. I'm a cursor! I can't help it, I like to accentuate my points, but in my own defense I spell out curse words to my mother, last night I wanted to say that was some real nigga 'Shi..' and I spelled it..LOL!
Oh, and I just got a new yellow mustang! :)

La said...


I think I agree with most of these.

Most importantly, I HATE when people come promote their own shit thru my comments. Did I ask you for that? I need to turn on comment approval but I'm far too damn lazy, lol.

I don't mine the I just got some/I wanna get some posts so much... If they're tasteful. You know, a well placed innuendo here, at least something well written. What I CANNOT stand is a play by play of every single little second of your sex life. I don't need those details. Bah.

I would hate on the people who read and don't comment but sometimes I'm guilty too. *shrug*

My biggest blog pet peeve. What I call the "We as a people..." blogs. You know, where the entire format of the blog is nonsensical ranting and raving about Black people and our plight and how we're behind, imprisoned, and indebted in every way by the white man and why we as a people can't get it together. I am a revolutionary with the best of them but jesus... can we get some positivity please?

Anonymous said...

I have another beef. I came up on blog WhErE SoMeOnE wRoTe LiKe ThIs. I cannot stand that at all!!! Write like you have some sort of education!

BK said...

LMAO.. hahahaaaa

let the fries go for lent.. and forever!!! they are NOT good for you!

Dopelikelouboutins said...

dang I feel like I should do one of these but you and Rashan have covered 90% of my gripes. The only thing I have is the love/hate relationship with comments, Eh you can't make people do it no matter how many times you ask I guess its just a courtesy or polite thing, kinda like speaking to the home owner when you're at someone's house, some people just don't do it.

Sherlon Christie said...

lol @ "calling the pastor out in bible study tomorrow when q&a comes around"

I've been to a few heated bible studies where you know people had to go home and pray forgiveness evne after they just came out of church.

p_nami said...

LOL....you read my post...you know how I feel about comments

But I did read that post you referred to and someone said...i hate word verifications. I thought...so do I...so why the eff do I have it on my page?! So I took it off:-)

You sure you don't want to hear about how I'm going to scare the isht out of my prude classmate by taking him to a sex shop today? :-)

Jameil said...

job lol. just let me know when you're posting regularly b/c i'm sure i deleted your blog on one of those thursdays where i just got crazy.

sha... ha! glad you like it. lmao @ you spelling curses to yo mama!! that is so ig! you silly, guh!

la... i can't do comment verification. its so STIFLING for the comment communication! plus like i said i don't need anything to encourage the crazy! so you never want to see another state of black america post????

epsi... LMAO! i hate that, too!!!!

diamonds... what an appropriate description!! DON'T BE WALKIN UP IN MY HOUSE SLEEPIN IN MY GUEST ROOM EATIN UP ALL MY FOOD AND NOT SPEAKIN!! lol.

sp... it must be done. just by sitting and being quiet at church people just let go with all their business and i just eavesdrop. its insane.

doll... great. i guess that means i don't have to comment on yours anymore! you can write abt your field trip but don't expect me to comment on it should i find it unnecessary. like i said, your blog, do what you want. i don't let people come of here trying to run anything and they need not come over here expecting that either!!

So...Wise...Sista said...

"ran all up and through"

Such a mess.

La said...

A post would be lovely. 365 days of "why Black People suck?


Jameil said...

wise... lolol. i was extra colorful back in my day. man you shoulda seen it.

la... come on! you don't want me to tell you why hip hop videos objectify women and why WE WON'T BE CALLED NIGGAS ANYMORE!!, and how music is the downfall of our people and how freedom isn't free-- from poverty! you don't want these posts?!?! hater.

Karamale said...

after all this, i have nothing to comment about. but i didn't want to violate your lil rule comment love because YES MY MFkn MAMA DID TEACH ME SOME MANNERS. and cain't nobody say she did't.

Jameil said...

lmao kara!! you are insane and you know i love it!

yet another black guy said...

tell Boo!

and i'll print these out to make sure i never cross the 11th commandment: pissing Jameil off!