Thunder Thighed Amazon Stallion

So... I really don't like super skinny teeny tiny midget-like people. Because they are bananas. They really don't get it. Now I love my homie I'm bout to talk about. I'm not fat by any stretch of the imagination. I'm a size 4. And I don't have any body image problems. But my home skillet almost gave me some accidentally. I said, "I'm so young. I need a mini-skirt. Why don't I own a mini-skirt?" She said, "Why girl? Because you got them thunder thighs?" "Them what?" "Them thunder thighs." "Excuse me?" "What? That's not a good thing?" "I have no issue w/my thighs but it is inappropriate to refer to anyone's thighs as thunder." "Oh... sorry." "Yeah..." In the same day, she referred to someone tall as a stallion, and another as an Amazon. I'm quite short, too. 5'1 1/4" Yep. That small. Its very cute. But my grandmother and 2 of her sisters are 5'11 or taller. So I'm sensitive to the tall ones. Also, Michelle says I'm a tall person trapped in a short person's body. Can't you tell? Doesn't my personality leap off of your screen? No? Get a higher speed internet.

How I Knew

A common question is how do you know when you're in love. I've been really inspired to write lately. I've just been too tired to get it all out. Here's how I knew....

i knew it was love w/the bf when i couldn't imagine my life w/o him. and when i realized he was my best friend and if i married someone else i wouldn't be able to have the same relationship with him. and when i compared every other man with him. and when i wished every man i was with WAS him. and when no girl was ever good enough for him. certainly not as good as i could be. so i stopped fighting it.

If you asked for the chili recipe, scroll down. Its below.

Chili Recipe

Several of you have asked me for the highly touted chili recipe from the chili cook-off at work. Don't ask why they had a chili cook-off on the hottest week of the year. Shouldn't this be something we do in like October or something? Its starting to get cold there finally. This was my first chili recipe from a mix of two food network recipes. One was called firehouse, the other 6-pack chili. This is very spicy. So if you don't want that level of heat, omit all but one of the jalepenos.

2 tbsp. ea. cumin, oregano, chili powder, paprika
6 cloves garlic, chopped finely
one large onion, diced
1 ea. red/green/yellow bell pepper, diced
3 bottles of beer (I used Amber Bock)
4 tbsp brown sugar
5 jalepenos, seeded and finely chopped
1 small can chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, finely chopped with sauce
1 large can of kidney beans
1 large can of tomato paste
1 large can of tomato sauce
2 1/3 lbs. ground beef
worchestershire sauce
salt
pepper

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine first four dry ingredients, garlic, brown sugar, jalepeno and chipotle peppers, tomato sauce and paste and beer in a large saucepan. Brown ground beef w/last 3 ingredients. Add to sauce. Add kidney beans and another bottle of beer. Saute red, green and yellow peppers with onions. Add to sauce. Bake for 1/2 hour. Add final bottle of beer. Bake another half hour.

Serves one million (i guess). Probably closer to 10-15.

MINDSPACE!

I know you guys have really really missed journeying through my mindspace. So here is another trip. Enjoy the ride.

I have been off for the last three days. I have been soooo productive. Oh its great. I've done... ok I'm lyin. I've done nothing. Sit around and watch tv and get on the internet. Oh and talk on the phone. Today I'm gonna pay some bills. Matter of fact. Let me take care of that right now. Hold on. Ok paid some bills. I've now been productive during my time off. Oh yeah, I'm washing clothes right now, too. Y'all can't see me!!

How bout one of my girls needs to call herself da Illest. She's always catchin some weird disease. In college, she got chicken pox. CHICKEN POX! Those things effect you after 12?? Who knew. Her ass looked so funny. She tried to get on 2 or 3 different planes to go home for the holidays but had been blackballed. Oh it was hilarious!! I was dyin laughin. Her dad had to fly up and drive her 18 hours home. Good times, good times. Then she caught mono. She's also had strep throat a couple of times. I had the other throat disease. I can't remember what its called. Not throat gonnorhea. Tonsilitis! I couldn't remember. I got it every March for the last three years. This March was the first time! Whoo hoo! Anyway. Guess what she has now. Guess. You'll never guess. TB. That's right. My dog has TUBERCULOSIS!! I didn't even know that ish still existed in the free world! LMAO!! She found out when she tried to get a job at a hospital last week. DYING!! She was so pissed. Didn't even want to fill out her meds. But she did. And she starts work in 2 weeks. And wanna know the most hiliarious thing? The hospital was like, "Yeah, you have TB." Really nonchalantly. Like I had the roast duck with the mango salsa for lunch. Fu-NNY!! What's next? Measles, mumps, rubella?

I entered a chili cook-off at work. I didn't win but several people told me it was delicious. My news director said mine was the best by far. One woman even asked me for my recipe! How cool is that?! :) I was so excited. So I'm going to give it to her tomorrow.

Today is the Roots concert. I'm very excited. Its my first Roots concert. I only own one of their cds and I bought that 3 weeks ago when I found out about the concert. I loved them on Dave Chapelle's Block Party. My friends have seen them so I'm tres excited. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to wear. I'm heading to Target today to see if I can find anything interesting. I was thinking abt being a stereotype. Big afro, pick w/the clenched fist, fake kente cloth around my hair, cowrie shell jewelery, shirt that says "black and proud," red/green/yellow wristband, jean skirt and jesus sandals. Think I'll fit in? lmao. So I was thinking about going in a completely opposite direction. J-loed out, pressed hair, pencil skirt, 3 inch stilettos, lots of gold bangles and all gold accessories. Lots of bling. Perhaps I'll meet somewhere in the middle. Can't rock the stilettos b/c its a standing concert at a club-type venue. You know how they do. And tickets were only $10! That's what I'm talkin bout! Ahhhhh yeah!

Wednesday I'm going to see Kelly Clarkson. A girl at work got some really good tickets so I'm going with her. Now I likely will rock the heels to that because I won't have to stand. And you know I gotta be fly.

Can I tell y'all the people are in danger of going crazy here today? The record high for this date is 93. You read that right. How hilarious is that?!! I was dyin laughin. Its already 87 at 12:50 so you know that record is in danger. I've heard all sorts of "hot weather" teases on the different news stations here. So funny.

Ok so remember the wedding I talked about in my last post? Yeah... well I saw the pictures today. Pretty. But scary!!! WTH?!! I was like I can't do this! I just wanted to reiterate the idea of getting married like tomorrow is scary. Do you feel sufficiently re-introduced to my mindspace? No?

Let me tell you how much I love Project Runway!! I neeeeeed it in my life. Like seriously! Wow... And Austin from the 1st season would absolutely be allowed to design my wedding dress if I wasn't designing it myself. How bout I got pissed watching the Best Man the other day b/c that dress looked like the one I have in my head. Now what on earth is that about?!!! I don't appreciate that!! So I'll have to tweak the design. Good thing I have a few YEARS to take care of that!!! hahahahahahaha.

Also... the birthday is a mere month and some change away, AUGUST 23RD BIOTCHES!, and I need some suggestions. Y'all have had some gangsta celebrations. So let's hear it.

The Illustrious Trip Part III: What Everyone REALLY Wants to Know (According to Wise)

Wise says despite the detailed description, i managed to leave out what everyone really wants to know (which i might say is hilarious): How did you feel about the convo about moving closer together?What was the post-visit recap from dear ole Dad?What the hell was this whole diamond tutorial all about? And did you bring him by your job to shut up that loser who was trying to claim you? :)

Let's take it in order. How did I feel about the convo about moving together? I loved it. Despite my confidence in our relationship, everyone needs reassurance we're both interested in the same thing. Human nature. In one of my fave movies, Superstar, Will Ferrell comes to Mary Katherine Gallagher's love interest as God and asks, "Why did I make everyone so insecure?" It was actually quite hilarious. We want to be closer to each other, and are willing to move to make it happen. But it has to be within the bounds of both of our careers. Because neither of us wants the other to sacrifice upward career mobility. We know the other will be around. Not in the sense of taking each other for granted. More in the sense of comfort and stability inherent with the type of relationship we have.

Post-visit recap from dad... It actually had to wait awhile b/c of our conflicting schedules. My dad is wary of him. Mostly b/c he's a man. I said what do you think about him? He said, "Mmm... he seems like an ok young man." What the hell? Really daddy? I had already talked to mommy. So she told me he didn't know what he thought which was hilarious. Then he says, "More importantly, what do you think about him?" I said, "I love him." D, "OOOOOOH! You love him? That's a serious word." "I know." "Well, if you love him, then I guess I better learn to like him." There it is. "Does he always talk like that?" "Like what?" "Like he was talking." "*laughter* No, he was trying to make a good impression." "Ohhhh. Well that's good." I could see his estimation of the bf rising. I value my father's opinion, but it wouldn't be the deal breaker. Mommy would be the deal breaker. And she loves him. I think daddy is afraid the bf will take me away. That's just the wanna be psychologist in me.

The diamond tutorial... Wise was right on this one. This was by far the most commented on. But only by the women. Dudes don't care. It was exciting because its true, diamonds are a girl's best friend. But I didn't look too deeply into it. I learned a lot. The technical aspects and about myself. I hate marquis cut (football-shaped) and anything that looks like a shape not found in nature (i.e. heart or star). I don't like round/brilliant cuts b/c they're boring. I thought I liked emerald cut, but it doesn't sparkle enough. I LOVE princess cut. It looks like a regular square. I now know for certain I don't want anything smaller than 1 1/2 carats. But I don't need a huge ring. Set in white gold. So there it is. I know I want to be with him and vice versa. But neither of us is ready to get married.

This girl from college, one of those serial monogamists, got married this past weekend. She's a friend of a friend. But we were never really close. I started thinking about what it would be like to be married at 24. That is SCARY!! Why would I want to do that? Why rush? That is a permanent commitment for me. There are no practice runs or first marriages. Only marriage. I want to KNOW. And I need to have my independence first. I can't move out of my parents' house and into my house with my husband. This wasn't her situation. These are just things are started thinking about. I want to go to a wedding because I think they're pretty. I'm just in no rush to head down the aisle myself. Just typing that scared the crap out of me. Men are programmed to think women always want to get married. Don't kid yourself. Women like weddings. All women do NOT think you're the one.

Did I bring him to the job to shut up the loser? Nope. He had no desire to meet box boy. Plus when I was asking box boy places to go, he was like, I can show you guys around. I keep the bf apprised of all situations w/men who claim to want to "be my friend" or "show me around." Always lies. So he knows about box boy and was wary of him before I was. Actually I was wary the first day I saw him. But I have this pesky thing about giving people the benefit of the doubt. Its very wack. I really should stop. My first feeling is never wrong. So knowing all of these things, let's say the bf was less than excited abt meeting box boy. As in didn't want to at all. So we didn't. He actually met no one from work. So they probably think he doesn't actually exist. Lololol. Any more questions?

The Illustrious Trip.. Parte Deux!

So... in case you haven't been to my blog in months or years, or even days, the bf came. this is part ii of the illustrious trip. If you haven't been paying attention, catch up: Part I.

When we left off, I was getting ready for the club, wearing pink shirt w/a low back and a halter, drape neck front, cuffed denim, brown faux snakeskin peep toe stiletto heel w/gold chain detailing right? We hop in the whip and head to station square. Now he was requesting a "black club" but there aren't really any of those here. It's always more like black night. And I hate the local radio station parties. Know why? Because you're always in there w/the seedy underbelly of the city. The wack part. Not the cool drug dealers. Joking guys. Lolol. The stuff will be really lame. Not like I've ever been anywhere in Pittsburgh club or party-wise that I was terribly impressed with but that's neither here nor there.

It was either the Strip District (no there are no strip clubs in the strip district. not that i know of anyway), which I had already driven him through, or Station Square. So we headed to Matrix. There's a top 40 room, a reggaton room (for that night), a techno room and an 80s room. PEOPLE!! No knowledge of personal space. I mean, i know we're in a club and all but black people work not to step on your feet and keep walking; not to drop a cup full of ice on the floor; not to step on your open toed stilettos w/extremely ugly black stilettos. I think I would've been happier if at least she had cute shoes. So we had an ok time. I was ready to go pretty soon after we got there b/c I was sleeeepy.

Sunday:
I wake up at 8. I was very proud. That's sleeping in for me now. We went to Cracker Barrel again. Best grits at a place in the north. Thank GOD! I love grits. Yummmmm. After Cracker Barrel, we went to the Mall at Robinson. Walked around, learned about diamonds. The 4 C's (clarity, cut, carat weight, color) and all that. **sidenote: i'm watching run's house right now... one word. lam.bour.ghini!!!!!! gimme now!! mmmmmmm**

We rode around trying to find something to do to kill time before my fellow Hamptonian's parents' cook-out. We rode around downtown and considered going to the regatta. But by the time we got over there, it looked like it was over. So sad. So we head back to my dad's to get directions to the cook-out. I showed him my myspace page and we looked up a few people. Then we bond some more and figure out what we're going to do about being so far away from each other and our future.

We head to the cook-out. Did I neglect to tell you what I was wearing? Black bubble skirt, black chiffon tank w/blue and green flowers on it and a lime green trim, silver flat sandals. She'd told me her parents were having a big backyard barbeque. We pull up and have to park two blocks away because there are so many cars. we walk up to the beautiful house. I didn't know there would be a live jazz band poolside, a dj, and a huge spread of food and most of the liquors you would ever want to taste. Too bad I had to drive. The band was fabulous. Really more of a three-piece combo. Keyboard, alto saxophone, fabulous singer. Smooth, silky voice. Toni pulled up a poolside table for the two of us (me and the bf). It was great. We had to leave early because I had to take the bf to the airport.

I drop him off and we talk about when/where we'll see each other next. I pull off. About 10 minutes later I get a phone call telling me to come back?? His flight was cancelled. WHOO HOO!!! ANOTHER NIGHT TOGETHER!! :) The airline put us up at the Airport Hyatt in a $200/night room. It was beeeeeeeeeyoutiful! We went to the hotel restaurant for dinner. He had the shrimp arrabiatta with a tomato concasse. I had the chicken saltimboca with cheesy polenta and steamed green beans. It was parfait!! So delicious. The room also had on demand and fabulous cable. We tried to stay up all night to watch but fell asleep at about midnight.

Monday: Woke up around 7. Went to the airport for breakfast at this cafe in there. I wanted to go to Au Bon Pain, but he needs actual breakfast options like pancakes. Wow... get it picky. Breakfast was ok. Went back to the room to watch some more tv, chill, relax. I took a nap. We got my car. I dropped him off and left. It was a great trip. I can't wait for the next one! :)

The Illustrious Trip Pt. I

thursday:
i picked the bf up from the airport around 8pm. i made sure i was extra jazzy. rhoyal blue tube dress, gold earrings, gold purse, beige muslin wrap 3 in. wedge heels. gotta help the him remember how much he misses me, my beauty and my fashion sense. this girl told me i had on a great outfit. he had on these fly "s dots" white w/blue and gray checker-type pattern. we went to the telly to get settled in but first he saw the posterboard-sized sign i painted and covered in glitter for him. then we went to the telly. he had a piece of the cake i baked him (vanilla w/vanilla frosting). i couldn't eat any b/c i hate frosting. i will only eat cream cheese frosting and sometimes chocolate. but i'm extremely picky. when i was little, i only got bday cake for my parties b/c everyone else liked it. i never ate any. my mom didn't know this. when she found out, she wouldn't let me do that anymore. from then on it was ice cream cakes (i had a face one year w/a cone as the nose-- adorable!), pound cake and cheesecake.

anyway. y'all know stace calls me sidetrack bob for a reason. we went to a place called "wings, spuds and suds" next to the hotel. got some wings and a pitcher of yuengling. wow... can you spell full. i can. m-e t-h-a-t n-i-g-h-t. dang. both of us. we pretended to go to the club but were too full. and i had been up for nearly 24 hours. i fell asleep. po thang.

friday:
i woke him up at 5 am. i couldn't help it. i was wide awake. and i let him take a nap later. bob evans for breakfast. i had on my green and white polka dot (luuuurve polka dot) tie front silk tank (featured in the bailey's commercial w/jill marie jones where they're looking for a dd) w/low rise jeans and the great shoes. when he wakes up he must have brekky, no matter what time. ain't that crazy? but i love the brekky so i say whatever homie. it was kinda burnt tho. not cool. then we went to heinz field (where the steelers play) and pnc park (where the horrid pirates play. they haven't had a winning season since the 1990s!!) we also looked at the roberto clemente bridge where they have mats on the sidewalk and large banners in the spans. then we walked down to the waterfront to look at the gorgeous view. we had a drink at atrias. horrible bartender. she was not friendly, gave no drink suggestions, and actually made the drinks too strong (ain't that a switch). now i'm a drink connoisseur. so if i say a drink is too strong, its too strong. with a well-made drink you can taste every element. this cosmo had far too much liquer (that's the alcohol-laced flavor additive for you non-drinkers, not to be confused w/liquor).

then we went to oakland (section of the city that's home to university of pittsburgh and carnegie mellon university). i wanted him to see the colleges. and what it must be like to go to college on a ginormous campus in the middle of a large city (pitt). then.... i took him to meet my dad. he (d) did not behave. when i went upstairs for like 2 seconds, my dad said, so... you're the one who stole my baby girl's heart. ok what? baby girl? you have never in yo life called me baby girl. bf: yes, but i gave her mine too. (nice answer!) when i came back downstairs, my dad hummed (quietly enough that i didn't hear, partially because i walk hard and climb and descend stairs like a herd of elephants... a large herd. my nickname as a small child, think from the time i could walk until like five... was "lil poundin feet." i got indian in my family, y'all. LMAO!!) so anyway. he hummed, "here comes the bride." when the bf told me that later, i was ready to fight. like for real.

so dad took us to dinner at this yummy restaurant in monroeville (eastern suburb) called john harvard's brew house. deee-lish. the waitress told me i looked pretty. when we left, the bf told my dad, he plans on being around. isn't that sweeet? i have the sweetest bf in the world, y'all. asleep by 9 again. so sad!! lololol.

saturday:
we just went wild. breakfast at cracker barrel's (my FAVE!! i could eat there 6 days a week. no lie. maybe even 7.) he loved it too. i had on a canary yellow tank w/a sweetheart neckline, jeans, a turquoise scarf around my head, large faux pearls notted around my waist, and silver flat sandals. then we went to kennywood for about 2 1/2 hours. its a very old amusement park-- kind of county fair-ish. i liked it and wanted to stay longer but he didn't so i didn't hold him hostage. we did get a funnel cake, tho. i also discovered i still have allergies. i started sneezing... a lot. i didn't know i still had these allergies b/c i don't go outside. i don't like elements. cold or hot. the weather is parfait here. no warmer than 80 for the last week or two. no colder than 72. that's what i'm talkin about. i don't like to sweat or be cold.

there were some old scary ass rides. i'm not a roller coaster girl. i don't like my stomach dropping. but i don't like to be left out so i go on rides and scream like a banshee the whole time. he begged me to get on the skycoaster-- see amusment park bungee jump. he said, "its so fun! first it feels like you're going to die, for only a couple of seconds, then it feels like you're flying." honey. baby. sweetie. sugar. doll. THAT. is not the way to sell an attraction! you feel like you're going to die?!! die?! what?! naw. you trippin.

anyway next we went to the waterfront shopping complex. we saw "the devil wears prada." the fashion.... OH THE FASHION!!!!! omg!! the fashion!! i'm convulsing on the floor right now. fab. u. lous. for no reason. just wrong. i loved the movie. he liked it too. darker than you might expect, particularly if you read the book (which i did). afterwards we went to the improv to see "sommore." she was hilarious. HILARIOUS!! a lot of sexual humor. i had a cadillac margarita. it was sooooooo yummy. THAT was a well-made drink. i tasted the cuervo (i love tequila), and lime perfectly, with a little salt on the rim. he had a jackie gleason (that ain't nothin but a jack and coke). they had a lot of fun drink names. i wanted one of everything. except whatever the blue one was. it had blueberi stoli and blue curacao and some other crap. i don't like blue drinks. they look like windex.

back to the telly to change. i got super fly. pink shirt w/a low back and a halter, drape neck front, cuffed denim, brown faux snakeskin peep toe stiletto heel w/gold chain detailing (ninewest of course). he looked delish too w/a black and gray vertical striped button down w/dark denim. ok this is getting ridiculously long so we'll have to make this part I. part II to come.