Hola mi amigos! One day I was bored at work and I realized I know random words/phrases in 5 languages other than English. Isn't that strange? I don't know how I keep meeting all these people who teach me strange languages. Spanish, French (know that one best), German, Italian and Japanese.

Soooo there was this crazy girl at work right? She was new. She asked me to get her a cup of coffee. A what? What does this look like? Its self-serve trick! I was shocked. How bout in case you didn't know, slavery is over. I don't drink coffee. I can't make coffee and I sure as hell can't get your coffee. I directed her to the pot. Don't try me. But I don't have to worry about her. She irritated the hell out of everyone by not doing her job and got fired the next day. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Last week was the week from hell. It was honestly the worst week of my short work career. The entire thing was enough to make me want to jump off of the tower. Me, the morning and the noon producers were all going to hold hands and jump together. Did you know people in Japan have been making suicide pacts? They meet on the internet and agree to meet together to kill themselves. They either get in a car and let it run in an enclosed place or pill overdoses. Now that's just crazy talk. Clearly you could not pay me to commit suicide. One because it would do no good. Not like you can take it with you. And two because its not that serious. I will not let my surroundings drive me to that. But the week was terrible. 56 hours but it felt like 70. I don't even want to think about it anymore. So that's it. I won't even tell you about the horridnessosity.

I will be home on Wednesday. WEDNESDAY FOLK!!! I can't wait. I'm like a kid waiting for Christmas. My mommy and her friend will be making ribs, green beans, mac and cheese, potato salad, and broccoli-rice casserole. I can't wait. I will also be attending the Northeast Regional Conference for Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. I bought a FABULOUS royal blue dress w/a blue and gold brooch to wear to the banquet. My girls will be going out with me. I should see some of my fellow Hamptonians. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!! I will also need to hit up my fave hometown restaurants, or at least places I can't eat at in Pittsburgh. Showmars, Bojangles, Backyard Burger. My mom was like, I'm mad all you're talking about is food! Lolol. Ok also, Nordstrom, a decent-sized Nine West store, Dillard's, Hecht's, go back and see my Express people. That shall be great fun!! Can't wait! And I get to see my line sister!!!!!!!

Speaking of the l.s. how bout she just joined a new church, right? In the new members class, the dude said, "Did you know 58,000 people go to hell a year?" HAHAHAHAHA!! God gives annual reports? That's AMAZING! Who knew? Not me! Can I sign up? Wow... is that how you get people to give their lives to Christ? By making up random stats? Nonsense. I told her she should have walked out. But then I would not have that gem for my blog, so I guess its good she stayed through her skepticism. LOLOLOL!

Omg! and I found out me and the b.f. are even more compatible than I thought/knew we were! He's at home right now and went to visit his neighbor and her new baby. His mom asked him if that made him want to have a baby. He said, "No, if anything it turned him off." Then, are you ready? He said, "I want to skip fatherhood and go straight to grandfatherhood." YESSSSS!! That is so hot! I was going to link you to the post where I said I only want to be a grandma and skip motherhood so then I could give them back. But I couldn't find it. Sorry guys. But yeah, isn't that beautiful?! Lolol.

Also, I would like to issue an apology for all of you who have ever been the recipient of a drunk dial from me. The b.f. drunk dialed me 5xs in one night. Luckily I didn't have to go to work the next day. But I was still like, I'm going to cause bodily harm to you!! He's the sweetest, though. He would pass people on the street and say, "I'm on the phone with my girlfriend who I love very much!" I told him to quit talking to strangers. Do you know then some white guy was like, "Hey that's great man! I know all about you guys my best friend is black." What the fu.....??" What is it with white people. Back at home I laughed in this white girl's face when she said that to me. I was like how is it that all white people have a black best friend? If that was true, racism wouldn't exist. That's bullshit. And its amazing how your black best friend wasn't able to tell you he is not the representative for all blacks. We're not a homogenous body and you should shut the *boop* up.


Anonymous said...

horridnessosity - What a word!!!!

I cannot believe that dude said that to your bf. Wow!!

I cannot wait to go home. I miss the great weather there!!

Chris said...

White folks are scary, because sometimes these fools really don't know any better. Anyway, glad that you're getting to go home.

CNEL said...

"I know random words/phrases in 5 languages other than English."
-Teach me some Italian.

"She asked me to get her a cup of coffee."
-Tell her to hire an intern.

"Did you know people in Japan have been making suicide pacts?"
"Clearly you could not pay me to commit suicide."
-Me either.

"My mommy and her friend will be making ribs, green beans, mac and cheese, potato salad, and broccoli-rice casserole."
-I love home cooking!

"God gives annual reports?"

He said, "No, if anything it turned him off."
-Try working with them.

"Also, I would like to issue an apology for all of you who have ever been the recipient of a drunk dial from me."
-LoL. I wish someone would, I'd dial a shoe at their head when I saw them!

CNEL said...

Thanks for listening to my shows too by the way. Your support means a lot. Have fun in the Queen City!

Anonymous said...

As someone who has never been drunk. I am especially insensitive to those who call me and are not in complete control of their facilities. invariably, the second I notice something is awry, they get the following quote.

"I'm sorry but you arent sounding quite yourself, so I will catch you in the morning when youve had some time to get back to who you are."

Enjoy your time away from the burgh.

Suicide pacts...just like the Japanese to make something like suicide more efficient.

Jameil said...

epsi... ha! you love it!

chris... me TOO!!!!!!!!

cnel...LMAO off try working w/them!! no thanks! that's why i don't. i would have a new motto: shake and choke.

ciao bella = bye beautiful. any girl would love that. and that girl had the same job title as me. intern my ass! stop bein lazy! and you're welcome. i'll be emailing you my critque later today.

dp... HAHAHAHA!! good ol japanese efficiency!! and you KNOW i will enjoy my time away from da burgh!

i used to have far more tolerance for the drunk when i used to do it frequently in college. but i would dial peeps who wanted to talk to me. and ordinarily were drunk themselves. that's if all my dialing recipients weren't already w/me. except the roomie. she was never drunk, but she would always talk to me. that's a good roommate for you! she was the best!

4EverJennayNay said...

God releases reports? Who knew? 58,000 a year huh? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, get your house in order so you dont be come one of those hellacious stats.I had a good laugh at that one. That was good to me!

I wasn't drunk, but had some alcohol in my system this weekend. Can't remember the last time I went out drinking, so you know I had a hard time holding my liquor. I called up the x... I realized that even tho we've been split up for years, I like to argue with him. Not a healthy habit.

I wont be able to make it to regionals... There was a choice between regionals and a car payment. Guess what won out. But I will be at nationals!!! YEAH!

Adei von K said...

You know what I would've done to Coffeemate Chick? made her the nastiest coffee EVER! condition her never to try me like that again! It would've been either too salty or ridiculously too sweet. Or even better, put vinegar in it! MWA HA HA HA! I'm crazy, don't act like you don't know. People are going to get enough of trying me one day.

Girl, the food at home NO MATTER WHERE YOU'RE FROM is ALWAYS what's up! I can't wait to get some Miami Subs, Pollo Tropical, Shells Seafood, and even chains like IHOP. Hmmmm, griddle cakes.

Duh! God sends reports to cult leaders!!! Sheesh, where have you been Jamie?? This year, the numbers will go up to 63,501 b/c FEMA officials along with anyone who had anything to do with the horridnessosity of the Gulf Region aftermath (or NOT to do with relief efforts) is going to Inferno...skip the purgatory.

I still can't believe you don't know we ARE a homogenous body named Keisha & Jamaal. We all have direct ties to Africa, OJ is our hero, we all excel in sports and we still want Jesse Jackson for President with Al Sharpton as his running mate.

Veronica Marché said...

"Did you know 58,000 people go to hell a year?"

I'm sorry... what?! Were they serious? What report did they cull that from? Was it a non-profit think tank or a partisan advocacy group? What was their method of research? And most importantly... where are the numbers on the people that go to heaven? Balance, people, balance....

Your b.f. might be sweet... even if he is a drunk dialer. I've gotten those calls... can't say I have much patience for them... unless I find myself being entertained by it. But you're calling me, drunk, angry AND crying, I might have to catch you on the flip side.

White folk... psh. That's all I got to say. LOL.

Adei von K said...

i just read dp's comment. "just like the japanese to make something like suicide more efficient." HUH-LAR-I-OUS!

Veronica Marché said...

Co-signing with Stacie.

Ignorance. Everywhere. LOL.

Ladynay said...

You and the BF are a trip....skipping parenthood but wanna be grandparents!!!! HAHAHAHAHA

Superstar Nic said...

¡Hola Jameil! ¿Como esta?

How are you? I hope everything is all good!

Sherlon Christie said...

I'm with you on the coffee thing. Coffee is N-A-S-T-Y!

Miguel said...

not only do i enjoy spitting out random words & phrases in foreign languages that i really don't understand, but i'll toss out the occasional "plethora", "cornucopia" or "shenanigans" too.

Miguel said...

and "tomfoolery"

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

this had me rolling - nice blog

Mrs A. said...

ok, so first off, you bessa be gettin theys coffee when they askssess you! and secondly, i am soooooo using "horridnessosity" in future conversations!

Rell said...

jumping off the tower, no matter how intriguing just isn't a good idea :-)

sweetness said...

hi just passin through. don't worry girl i'm always thinkin about the food as well.
i'm glad u and ur man have things in common. my bf i just cant stand him.
i'll definetely come back and read more.

Supa said...

You're funny girl.

I wanna learn how to cuss in all those languages. I only have the key spanish words down....

Karamale said...

"now that's just crazy talk!" you sound like one of the steel magnolias.

and will y'all negroes PLEASE learn how to spell the foreign words you quote. i hate when the colombos misspell english shit, so we gotta be extra on-point with our appropriations. the word is BUON GIORNO!

holla black, niaka.