Pregnant? Questions!

"How do you feel?" I never know what to do with this question. I don't feel like I should really complain about my symptoms because I know people who have had it much worse. Plus, when I ask someone, "How are you?" I never want the real answer unless it's good. So I'm usually just non-committal. "Pretty good. Good and bad days." That's true, but with no detail. I know my mom and mother-in-law want more details so they get them. Sometimes I feel like people want me to say I feel terrible. That's a weird feeling.

But after that question, the number one question is do you want a boy or a girl. I have no clue. I just want to hold my happy, healthy baby at the end of it. I know that sounds cliché but clichés exist because they're often true. And I definitely don't have a feeling one way or the other about who's inside there. All I know is that it's a baby. Or a velociraptor. One can never be totally sure about these things. Now Rashan? Of course he wants a happy, healthy baby. But he really wants that baby to be a girl. Awwww! I love that he wants a little girl! How adorable is that??

So then of course comes, "When do you find out?" Funny you should ask this... we've made our appointment for the anatomy scan so we'll be able to find out when I'm 21 weeks. (Now 6.5 weeks away, then 8 weeks away.) Rashan said, "That's a long time." I absentmindedly said, "Is it?" I'm just excited we get to see the baby again and add another video to our ultrasound DVD! And to hear that marvelous heartbeat!! We got to hear it at 8 and 13 weeks and it is so AMAZING! The first time I cried, the second time I just smiled like a nut. :DDDD

As much as I like to plan and do this and that to prepare for things, I don't want to find out the gender. And I have no idea why other than I just like the idea of finding out at birth. And I'm not in any rush to know. That's all I got. Know what I'm in a rush to do? Feel this baby move regularly. Even the other reasons people use for why they don't/won't find out are meh to me. I've also heard all of the reasons to find out early, most of which surround the baby shower. None of them move me but the baby shower is the worst one of all. The things a baby needs most of all are very easily gender neutral. And clothes don't expire so you can get them at any point if you so desire. If Rashan could find out the gender on the pregnancy test, he'd be delighted. LOL!

Our options were just he finds out and tells no one or we both find out and tell no one. Both of us finding out and telling everyone was never an option for me. You guys don't know yet how much I like a surprise??? When else will I get a 40-week surprise to build toward??? Only my next pregnancy! Twill be AWESOME!! I've already started composing cryptic announcements to build suspense on delivery day. :) Neither of us finding out wasn't a fair option for Rashan since he wants to know so badly. I really, really don't want to know. After much, much, much, much discussion, we're going with Rashan finds out and doesn't tell anybody. At the anatomy scan, I'll let the tech know I don't want to know but I want him to know.

Am I nervous about only Rashan knowing? Nope! If I couldn't trust him with information, we wouldn't be together. I'm just excited we can both get what we want! Do I not so secretly hope the baby keeps his/her legs closed? Yes. LOL


gradydoctor said...

Hey mama! So much good stuff in this post, I don't know where to start. Laughed at the "When I ask people how are you, I don't want the real answer part." Tee hee hee. And the part about why cliches exist. Real talk.


Let your older friend share something with you. I have seen the "one parent knows and doesn't say anything" thing a few times in my 42 years. And let me just say that I have never, ever seen it work as intended. The issue is that the person who finds out, finds out and then has that information in their conscious and then subsequently, subconscious thoughts. Every single time, I've seen a misunderstanding arise. One of my friends freaked out when her husband used a pronoun to refer to the baby one day. It turns out that wasn't even the gender, but he knew and she was furious that he'd "told." They both say that him being unable to share the joy of the gender with anyone and her hoping he wouldn't misspeak was oppressive. Most that I know suggest all or none. That same couple has three kids -- the first was the he knows/she doesn't, the second was both know, and the third was a surprise at 40 weeks.

Of course, twill be exciting either way. But consider trying hard to convince Rashan to get on board with neither of you finding out for this one and his call for the second. And before you say he keeps a secret like a steel trap, know that that's what all of my friends said, too. This is a different kind of secret. Everyone wants to talk about it and the stakes are high! Oh yeah! And tell him it will be super fun to walk around and have old folks say, "Now that's a boy right there, all day errr day!" and "Gotcha a girl in there, dontcha?" Then you can keep a mini poll on your smart phone to see who wins on delivery day.:)

And that ends my hyperverbose comment. Ha haha. Congratulations. So excited for y'all. Babies rule.

Anonymous said...

Babies! I posted how angry I was with your trick but it didn't save and I didn't have the energy to retype it! I felt bad I hadn't congratulated you when you tweeted it.

Anyway in my opinion...life is filled with VERY few GOOD surprises...I say wait. I think the most wonderful thing is to hear the dr say, "ITS A GIRL/BOY!" instead of knowing the whole time.

I also think its corny when the parents know but don't tell anyone. Believe me, no one cares more than you so why hold on?

In my book...everyone knows or NO ONE knows! But I prefer no one knows.

Of course, I haven't been pregnant so I am sure someone is going to say I can't have an opinion :)

Jameil said...

gd... I'm pregnant and hormonal. I have a misunderstanding with someone either face to face or via the interweb (most likely & without their knowledge) near daily. LOL I know there will be touchy moments where I think he's spilling it and I lose it.

I'd definitely rather both of us not know just as he'd rather both of us know. We have time to get there but I don't forsee it happening. I'm scared to say, "Secret this time, find out next time" because what if I don't want to know next time either??? LOL

I also have this nasty stubborn streak where the more people want me to know, the less I want to know. LOL!!

diva... What trick?? April Fools? LOL! That was the best day! Even better than your birthday on fb and that is the best day! Either way, I want Rashan to announce it's a boy! or it's a girl! awwww!

You would be SURPRISED how many people care! It's actually ridiculous. I don't care either way with other people so I'm actually quite shocked by the number of people who have tried to convince me. Usually the reason is to make their lives easier. o_O I want it to be a surprise just like the name will be.

And OMG how RUDE to say you can't have an opinion b/c you haven't been pregnant before! I definitely had one before I got pregnant and I was kind of surprised to find out it didn't change. I thought maybe I'd be all, "I'VE GOTTA KNOW!" once the person inside me wasn't hypothetical. Nope! I feel even more secure in my decision.

Patti said...

First - the anatomy scan. I love that you called it that rather than "Gender reveal," cause genital equipment is seriously one thing on a veeerrryy long list of things that tech is looking for. And speaking of the tech's list...I ended up having 3 anatomy scans because Ty decided halfway thru his 1st one that he was tired of being sweet for the ultrasound tech. At the 2nd one he would only show us his equipment. And at the 3rd one she could finally finish up the list. I loved visiting with him so often, but I was ready to be done with anatomy scans.

Second - I totally care about how you feel. I'm completely paranoid about having a crappy pregnancy, and since my babyshop is still open, I dont want the bad juju associated with hating on you feeling fairly good (most of the time).

Third - gender. I'm with you. Who cares?! Actually, no. Jason cared. He has a very specific birth order in mind (*eyeroll*) and was OVER THE MOON when we found out we were having a boy. I just figured next time I'd hope for whatever we didnt have the 1st time so I could have a set and be done. But there's no way I'd ever not want to know. Waay to nosey for that.

Fourth - ALL of Ty's important gear is gender neutral - even the sheets on his crib. Honestly, that's the way to go if you can. It took me a long time to pick that stuff out and I wanna be able to use it again and again.

I'm so excited about this baby and these preggo posts!!!

Anonymous said...

People asked all the time did I want a boy or a girl. Didn't matter to me cuz I was only doing it once and I was getting who I was getting. Now, my mom was hell bent on Buddha being a girl, but one day, around week 16 or 17, I had a dream that I was having a boy. I woke up and I knew I was carrying a boy. Period. And my feeling was right.

Keep us posted if you get a feeling for one sex or the other.

Sparkling Red said...

I'm betting on boy because all my friends who are parents had boys first and girls 2nd or 3rd. If you have a girl first I'm afraid we can't be friends anymore. ;-)
From what I've heard about what it's like to be pregnant, it always amazes me how women can keep it a secret for the first three months. So, let's see, you feel like barfing a lot of the time, you're tired almost all of the time, and all sorts of other weird stuff is going on with your body. And you're supposed to just keep going like nothing is unusual? How?!

Jameil said...

p... I can't wait to see that long list but I'll be so displeased if I have to do 3! My goodness! I'm paranoid about that and L&D horrors. I hate people's horror stories! My friend told me her awesome one and I died laughing! I literally need to hear 70 more of those!

I'm amused that Jason has a very specific birth order! I'm usually nosy like that. Everyone who really knows me is shocked I don't want to know. I don't get it either but I just don't.

It's not like you can't temporarily pink or blue it up! There's no reason for it not to be neutral when you're having multiple kids!

tw... LOL @ only doing it once. I love that you dreamt it and knew! I read something about 80% of all moms' dreams about gender are right. I don't know who came up with that stat but I like it!

red... NOOOO WE MUST STILL BE FRIENDS!! Some days it was sooo hard to keep it a secret! But it helped that there were a good amount of people who knew that I could blab about it to. Some people are so symptom-free that they don't even know they're pregnant! I know two women who didn't know they were pregnant for 16 weeks. My body told me almost immediately! It was crazy!

Anonymous said...

We didn't find out because I didn't want to. Smoochy wanted to know, but I figured I held the trump card :)

Loved not knowing and the best moment of my life - my whole entire life - was the moment I delivered and we heard "it's a girl." It was awesome!

Of course, in every dream I had, I dreamed boy. So much for maternal instinct...

Can't wait to meet your little one! And I don't mean virtually :)

Ladynay said...

I am soooooooooooo late but YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY on the baby! So exciting!!!!!!!!

The Second Sixty-Eight said...

That is absolutely WONDERFUL news! Wishing you a very healthy and happy baby! Oh yeah, you and the hubby too!!!

Be sure to post pics sometime!!!

Jameil said...

ng... LOL I decided not to play my trump card. It seems like something I would do but I decided not to. I think it's the sweetest thing that that was the best moment of your ENTIRE LIFE!!! OMG!! SWOON! LOL @ your maternal instinct! Baby will have fun with Auntie NG!

lady... LOL Merci

2nd... thanks!