Pregnancy is messing with my head. I have NEVER, EVER had a body image problem. Even at my largest pre-pregnancy size probably 8 or so years ago, I felt beautiful and fabulous. I have surpassed that weight but am probably more fit. I have always thought pregnant women looked AMAZING! So beautiful to see someone growing life! But being pregnant has turned my way of seeing myself all the way around. I understand things pregnant women say so much more now, too. I love pictures of my mom while she was pregnant. She never wanted to take pictures while pregnant so maybe two pictures exist. I never understood this. I get it now. It's not like I won't take pictures because I wish more of those pictures of my own mom were around, but I get it. When you don't feel pretty or like yourself, why would you want to document that???
I also get all of those pregnant people who feel fat. While I know I'm not "fat," I'm pregnant, it still shocks me every time I walk past a mirror. And it's weird to have to roll myself slowly off of a couch or bed so that I don't get nauseous (YES, STILL AT 20 WEEKS!!) or dizzy. It's hard to watch your body gain weight that you have little control over. It's not like you can restrict calories. Theoretically you can eat healthier meals. But maybe you're like me and apples literally make you throw up starting in week 17 whereas in week 16, they were a favored food. I like salad, green beans, asparagus and broccoli now. Pre-pregnancy I would eat any vegetable you put in my face! It's not that I don't want to eat healthy foods, it's that sometimes I physically can't unless I enjoy vomiting. And I do not. At my first visit to my obstetrician's office, the nurse said, "Eat what you can keep down. Your baby gets all of the nutrients it needs, even if it has to take them from your body." Mommy's little parasite! So my baby gets a lot of burgers and fries. And while I love burgers and fries, I long for the variety my diet used to entail. And guys! I don't like water anymore! I used to be able to almost exclusively drink water. Now it has to be super cold or I have to be exercising for me to choke it down.
I'm so, so grateful I'm still able to workout. I know I would feel even more lost without the ability to get some workouts in. It's still hard to slow way down while running. I can probably still out walk you as long as we're not on a hill but running? Not quite. My calves begin to hurt when running, too. My trainer friend said it's probably because I'm planting differently. I can't quite fix that even though technically I should be able to. It's better since she told me that but not completely.
Probably the biggest issue of all? Sleep. I have to go to the bathroom all the time. That means I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time. Max. And I haven't for literally months. I'M ALWAYS TIRED!! I knew it was part of the territory in late pregnancy and when the baby's here. I did not expect it to start at 4 weeks pregnant. And seriously, if one more person tells them I need rest or even better, "Sleep now! Teehee!" I'm going to ask for their phone number so I can call them every time I wake up or need a nap. So 7 times a day.
Trust me, I know I'm being ridiculous so I will end this on a happy note. Rashan is awesome. I have bombarded him with my crazy and he hasn't flinched. He's even known without my saying it that I needed him to tell me I can't be crazy enough to chase him away. I'm amazed at how much my love for him has grown and I can't wait for it to grow even more when I see him with our baby! Just so you know how ridiculous I am... a picture at 20 weeks.
I promise if I read this post from a chick struggling with body image and she posted that picture of herself looking like that halfway through her pregnancy, I'd be reacting as you probably are -- eye rolls and guffaws! LOL Writing this made me feel better so thank you for taking some of the heat off of my love!
