Parental Guidance Suggested

You know I believe everything happens for a reason. I also believe in everything there is a lesson.

I know we've had this conversation before but really. I continuously wonder, "Do you SERIOUSLY not remember your pre-baby past?? I mean you reeeeeeeally don't remember when you just did.not.CARE about children not related to you?" Because seriously, I'ma need you to not tell me how your kids had so many Christmas gifts it took 3 days to open when there are children whose only presents all year round come at Christmas and some days their only meals are the free ones at school. Also stop telling me about your kid's loose tooth that you and your husband refuse to pull. It's been dangling for 6 weeks now. I know this because 2 weeks ago you told me it had been hanging for a month and was now discolored but y'all were going to pull it that night. And you giggled when you said, "My son is such a wimp." THAT is not cute. I don't care if he's 6. I'm not saying he can't cry but turning him into that kid? Even less cute.

And don't get me started (don't eeeeeeven get me started) on how everything I say turns into a story about your kids. Please please please please please...


It makes me wonder... are people KIL.LING.ME. with their kid stories because without them I would've been that obnoxious parent boring the living DAYLIGHTS out of every passing person. Well Jesus, I hear you and I'm begging you!! RELIEF!!!

Since I made an SNL reference, may as well show you one of my favorite skits from last week.

And with that... I bid adieu.


Sparkling Red said...

Dangling loose teeth are repulsive, and should be mercilessly plucked from your child's gums as soon as possible. No excuses.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

ew @ the discolored loose tooth! and i feel you...i didn't really like kids before, and even tho i do have a mini-me now, i still don't like other people's kids, so i do not beat folks over the head with mine. its actually backward for me...people beat me to death asking about her and wanting to see/touch/play with her. it really annoys the hell out of me!

SimplEnigma said...

There but for the grace of God go I. I wish there was an electrical shock system that would send a nice jolt to parents who continuously talk about their kids. Tell me why would I care that akid who doesn't even share my blasted DNA took his first crap in the potty last night?


Open Grove Claudia said...

Oh yes. We frequently lose friends to the kid world. There's nothing to talk about except what someone else (i.e., the child) did. It's so unhealthy - for the child, even! ARG!

We finally learned to stop talking about our boyfriends/husbands/significant others as if they were ourselves. Stop talking about your child.

PHEW, thanks for the vent.

CNEL said...

I'm one of those I love kids but not for me. I often have a disdain for crappy parents. And even though I love them I don't want to always talk about them.

Tooth needs to be yanked. There comes a time in all of our lives when we walk around looking like gumby. Why should that child be any different?

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

i liked in one part, the phone was ringing and they exclaimed, "ITS IN THE MOVIE GRAMPA! ITS NOT YOUR PHONE!" lolol

i think you would've been the parent who talked incessantly about your children. i mean, think about how you feel about yourself. your progeny will be that much more awesome to you.

Los Angelista said...

That SNL skit is hilarious! Too funny.

Folks do forget about life pre-child but they need to learn to NOT tell every gory detail. I've had moms describe their child's poop to me. Just gross!

Sha Boogie said...

Gurl..I am so with you! Love my friends kids to death, but heck --ery convo does not need to revolve around them or relate to them in some way! I had folk that wanted to drop out of my book club because the mommies would loose focus and go off on a tangent about their kids!

X Factor said...

I definitely imagine you as that person who talks incessantly about your kids... hate to break it to you, dahlin, but you do it now about yourself :) imagine a little you....

Sandy C. said...

"Discolored tooth?"--TMI!

That clip for SNL had be giggling for a good 20 minutes over the weekend :)

jameil1922 said...


pcd... lmao!! that is so you to be like "get away from my child!!"

SE... oooh!! jolts for all!! and when my coworker told me about her kid's first potty i gave her the look AND told her i didn't appreciate that.

claud... you're welcome!! anytime!! LOL.

cnel... take that tooth out immediately!! i'm just saying, not all the time!!

stace... i also liked when they popped up "hi grandpa!!" tooo funny. well if i was gonna be that parent i'm trying to learn the lesson quickly so we can stop having the preventative action!!

liz... i KNOW!! i've had that too and i'm not a mom!!! its out of control i tell ya. OUT OF CONTROL!!

sha... we are HERE. i would absolutely request the same thing.

x... what else would i talk about on my blog?

sandy... this is what i'm sayin.

Rashan Jamal said...

What Stace and X said...

I hope you still have this blog when you have kids. I can so see you going on and on about them.

X Factor said...

I can't possibly imagine what else you'd talk about.

Opinionated Diva said...

As I read this post, I automatically thought you'd be that mother to create blog posts, utterings, etc. about li'l Jam's every little move, so I completely co-sign Stace, X & RJ. I know I know...you're tired of hearing it.

Seriously though...I am soooooo with you on this though. I had a co-worker that came in one day to tell me her little bundle of joy finally made number two in the potty. Did I really need to know that? NO!

PRO said...

I have kids. *wait was i not supposed to mention them on this particular post* And I feel you on this sentiment. Matter of fact, I have a closely related version concerning this matter. Ima have to share it with you one day. It's along the lines of parents who live and breath their kid; act like the world revolves around them and their activities; trying to make up for their lack of social life. WELL YOU'D HAVE ONE IF YOU PUT YOURSELF INTO THE EQUATION SOMETIME. Parenting is not that damn selfless (unless you count the fact there is less of my skin and SANITY WITHOUT strech marks). I mean come on. How many "last bites" or let you use the potty first cause I don't mind if my pee I've been holding all day runs down my legs in the middle of our Tarjay shopping trip or how about I spend my last $20 on the hot new toy you just have to have, meanwhile I have less than a quarter tank of gas. *Rolls eyes* I could go on, but I will spare both of us. Did I mention I have kids and I still FEEL you on this?

The Goddess said...

All I can say is EWWWW! That dangling loose tooth story was just a little too vivid and dang NASTY!!!

I know people that manage to take everything someone says and turn it into a story about their kids. It is rather quite annoying.

La said...

um... discolored tooth? That's disgusting.

Having a baby is like someone uses that goddamn flashy thingie from Men in Black to erase your memory. Everything before kids is gone. Marriage too.

jameil1922 said...

rj... this is really making me want to do anything but go on and on about them. people wanna know you have something else, ANYTHING ELSE to talk about!!

x... methinks you're being sarcastic. *scowl*

diva... if that's why i'm going thru this I'LL STOP I'LL STOP!! what is it w/parents and the poop!? you're at least the third person to say that in the joint and i had someone tell me about it too!!

pro... sigh. thank you for being a parental voice of reason!! one day people like you and pcd and liz will start to break thru the barriers of the crazy!!

goddess... very annoying!! and they need to get it together!! the tooth girl and the people who can't let a story be about something other than their child.

la... WORD!! you are insane for flashie thing!!!!!!! lolol