Marriage Material

Two men have proposed to me. One used to do it near daily on campus my freshman and sophomore years. It was actually hilarious. We would be passing each other on campus and he would say something like, "You are so amazing. You are like perfect wife material. Will you marry me? Please?" And I would start cracking up. He was my friend Kevina's friend which is how we knew each other. Then one day he says, "No really you are perfect wife material but I'm not ready to settle down right now. One day though..."

I'm still looking at him laughing as he's saying this. Do you really think that's how it's gonna go down? I'm going to be sitting around with the chastity belt on while you sow your wild oats? You're absolutely right. Please give me a call when wild oats sowing time has ended and I will run to do your bidding. Bath water ready, paper secure, slippers handy, dinner ready. (This guy and I actually hung out a few times senior year but he was still in oat-sowing phase. It was pretty wack.)

I actually started chatting up another guy to amuse Stace. Here's an excerpt of the relevant part of that post.
She was like "Go ask him about infinity," and started snickering. So I did. He started talking to me about how amazing infinity and zero were and something like zero was a social construct and didn't really exist or something insane like that. I kept making eyes at Stace about the hilarity of this whole operation while engaging him in conversation. He offered to let me borrow his books on infinity. How nice of him. Crazy physics major. I'll pass!! Lol.

One time we were hanging out in his room. Not like that 1969! Lol. Though I'm sure he would've liked it. Matter of fact, there was some music on but his taste was so incredibly bizarre that there was no way you could find enough songs to slap together and pass for a seduction mix tape. We had a decent time, but what was chemistry to him was to me just hanging out having fun, being me. Then he pops the question. *blank face* He comes with the, "I don't mean today, but one day. Will you marry me one day?" His wasn't the "because I want to be a whore without recompense sow my oats" proposal. It was more the "I know we don't know each other well enough and you won't be amenable to this idea because it's crazy to you but right to me" proposal. Yeah... Sir. That doesn't really make it less weird. I stopped talking to him regularly after that and the following year he transferred.

I feel like there was another proposal somewhere along the lines of "if we're not married by this age, let's marry each other" and I said ok through hysterical laughter. The problem is I don't remember who I may have made this alleged pact with making said agreement null (unless he's even cuter now than he was then). Stace had a pact like that with this guy from Hampton. They weren't dating, she just thought his aspirations were amazing. What's funny is that when they made the pact we were sitting with this guy I'd been talking to on and off. We were in the middle at that particular time, not on, not off. Just there, but I knew I never wanted to marry him. After making their pact, Stace and her partner in crime looked expectantly at us. I made a face then said, "If neither one of us is married by age 30, let's make a pact to find the other someone to marry." Does that count?
My dad says there is no need to talk about marriage until you have a ring. I don't know about all that but if you're thinking about buying a ring, that's a good time to bring it up. Before that, let's not get into unnecessary conjecture which will eventually doom the relationship. Because if you start bringing up marriage, she's going to start thinking about when and if you're not ready to answer that question, why even bother?

The crux of this post is to give a bit of advice to men. For the love of all that is holy, don't talk about marriage with a woman you either know nothing about or have no current, actualized intention of marrying. I've been with guys before who wanted to talk all about every detail of marriage with me. Sometimes it's not a problem, but sometimes it is. Sometimes you're setting yourself up for unnecessary failure. There are other ways to make conversation that don't plant false hopes. You are absolutely making it harder when the inevitable (if you have no marriage intentions) day of your breakup arrives. You'll get to hear, "But we talked about marriage!" and all sorts of other dramatic, off-putting phrases while you're thinking, "But I was just talking!" Keep your chatter away from kids, kids names, how to raise the children, wedding locations, honeymoons and actual marriage logistics (who takes out the trash, washes dishes, cleans toilets). I'm telling you this so you save yourself a lot of headache in the future. Plus it just annoys me and there's no need for all that! Ladies, I hope there is no need for me to tell you to keep your conversations marriage-free, as well. Thank you all for your cooperation.


Opinionated Diva said...

I have soooooo much friggin work to do today, but I'm lurking and HAD to comment!!!!!

"Keep your chatter away from kids, kids names, how to raise the children, wedding locations, honeymoons and actual marriage logistics (who takes out the trash, washes dishes, cleans toilets). I'm telling you this so you save yourself a lot of headache in the future. Plus it just annoys me and there's no need for all that!"

AMEN - annoys me too...especially if it's early in the relationship that's not even really a relationship yet.

magnoliapeach said...

I hate when dudes do that!!!
I had one conversation with a dude, just one, and he started talking about how I exude the values that he is looking for in a wife and how together we would make a good team, blah, blah, blah. I'm a good conversationalist but slow down little red corvette!!!

I always get the "you're wifey material" comments, usually by man whores and others who want me to wait till they were ready. I say booo to that!

Yeah I made a few packs, just in case the other ones don't work out, a girl has to have options! :) LOL

Oh, and go Team J!!!

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

jameil, you slay me! some guys can be just as over-zealous as some women...it's really creepy. because in this day & age, an off-beat comment can raise the red flag of concern before you even get your feet wet with a new person. OZ's can be really weird or dangerous, depending on the magnitude of over-zealousness...my friend can't even keep a dude because she keeps meeting guys who want to settle down and talk about life goals as a couple on date 2...weird, indeed!

Sparkling Red said...

I have one thing to add: if there is even the slightest possibility that your relationship might be heading towards the long term, it is NEVER too early to talk about who's going to clean the toilet.
Marriage #1: it was not discussed, and I ended up being the only one who cleaned, ever.
Marriage #2: I made it clear from the outset that housecleaning must be split 50/50 or I would be moving right along to a cleaner man. Guess what? It worked!

Open Grove Claudia said...

Great advice. We should include it in every males high school graduation kit! :)

I used to get that a lot - "You'd make a great wife" was a way of saying, "I'm hot for your friend!" lol!

Sha Boogie said...

What the heck is up with those 'one day' marriage proposals? My boy gets UPSET when I'm dating someone because as he says 'I should know one day him and I are getting married' huh? I didn't get that memo! So, I should do nothing but wait for you, while you sow your oats? Hmph!@!

jameil1922 said...

i see only the ladies have commented so far. speak up gentlemen.

diva... lol. girl 3 weeks in is not the time to discuss marital issues!!

mp... no indeed! *dancing* little red corvette! *end dancing* lol. wifey material i hope they know has very quickly played itself out.

pcd... girl! i wrote about a dude who dumped me after 6 wks b/c i couldn't say i would be ready to get married w/in a year. ok crazy!!

red... LMAO!! too funny.

claud... awful!! hahahahaha. love putting this in graduation kits. too hilarious.

sha... i think they think that's what we want to hear. so this is the call to halt because its not!!! lololol.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

I soooooo didn't know Buzz Lightyear (Infinity and beyond! get it??) proposed!!! He would. So bizzare. I want to know what music he was playing!! I'm hearing chinese emo...

"Stace and her partner in crime looked expectantly at us"
*blink blink blink. blinkblinkblinkblink*
Blinking and waiting for y'all to jump on the bandwagon!! and you know what? I got bout 4 more years before i go find my partner...

remember my last serious relationship? with the metro? he talked marriage. sure did fcuk my head up.

Sandy C. said...

Why couldn't this Jameil public service announcement been posted years ago on my college campus?!?!

I agree with you 100%. My senior year in college, an 18 (18!!!) year old proposed to me...with a R-i-n-g!...charged on his parent's credit card!!!!!



Desy said...

hahaha @sandy's label for this post 'jameil's public service anouncement' - perfect

I think i've been proposed to twice in my life- and if i hear that i am wifey material one more time with someone who is no where near desiring a wife who then asks me to wait, i'm gonna explode. Wait for what...?!?!?...

posting on a timely manner like a team capt should...lol

*GO J*

Karamale said...

yeh, uh, i'm waitin on a dude to pop the question myself.


1969 said...

I too think a man should only propose when he is down on one knee. Don't talk about it, BE about it.

And don't worry....I won't tell anyone about your Jodeci, red light bulb dorm visits :)

jameil1922 said...

stace... yes he proposed. they made me feel bad abt talking to him. they said you loved him so i didn't tell you. it probably was emo. i don't even remember. i just remember looking at him sideways. marriage chatter ruins folk.

sandy... stop!! i know his parents weren't happy either!! lmao!! insanity.

desy... lol. i don't get mad about it. they just get the face and the knowing look. yes dear and you're *singing en vogue* neva gonna get it neva gonna get it. neeeeva gonna get it neva gonna get it. neva gonna get it neva gonna get it neeeva gonna get it woo woo woo woooooooooo.

kara... lmao. you are so nutty.

1969... WORD! and YOU JUST TOLD!!!!

Rell said...

Will you marry me?

the joy said...

I got proposed to by a Jamaican who didn't want to go back home after his externship was over. His exact words were, "do you think your boyfriend would mind if we got married?"

Rashan Jamal said...

I've never proposed to anyone, but I have had hypothetical conversations about the wedding a couple of times. Once, I was all into it, the other time I was like word? so who you gonna marry?

I've also been proposed to multiple times by that myspace stalker I showed you. I think she asked me once a week for like 3 months. I shoulda known she was crazy, but I thought she was joking... She wasn't!

jameil1922 said...

rell... HILARITY!!! oh i am crackin up right now!! hahahaha

joy... stop. my friend had a dude ask her that, too.

rj... yeah... those conversations are trouble.

and your stalker definitely wasn't joking. that's a sign.

Duck said...

*le sigh*

What is it with these "You're perfect but I'm not ready" dudes? I'm trying to figure out the logic behind that thinking. That's like going to the buffet, and telling a piece of steak, "Hey Steak, wait here for me, I'ma go get some chicken wings but I'ma be right back"... and then getting mad when the steak is gone.

(Yeah, I think I'm hungry.)

Where is the logic in that? Honestly?!

La said...

OMG. "wifey material"

the singular bain of my existence. If I never hear that again the Earth will flourish and turn.

oh and "prototype". **shudder**

wtf do I look like just chilling at the crib while you go be a manslut off the strength of a half ass promise of marriage "when you're ready"?


jameil1922 said...

duck... i'm always hungry!! nola said "Men think women think that if we think they want, one day, to marry us, we'll be eating out of the palms of their hands. Idiots.

Too bad the men aren't weighing in on this one to defend themselves!!!"

too pitiful.

la... i soo knew you would understand!! "If I never hear that again the Earth will flourish and turn." lmao! you have such a way w/words!