You know how sometimes you just get to a point where you feel like your life is just bursting with opportunity just waiting for you to take hold of it? I'm there again. I didn't feel like this when I graduated from college. I just felt lost. Upset that my group of friends was being scattered across the country-- two to Fort Wayne, IN (I know, right?), one to Georgia (or did she go to Dallas first? I think it was Georgia then Dallas "What was her name? What was her name?? Don't get involved with me. I can't remember the name of a woman I was such good friends with I wouldn't get involved with her boyfriend... Amanda Reese!!" If you can name that movie I will love you for the rest of my life.), one to Baltimore, me to Charlotte, Stace was already in Florida since she deserted us junior year, one to Hartford. Scattered.
They all had jobs. Me? Not so much. I wasn't jealous. I didn't want to work. I did, but I didn't. I was scared. Mostly of being an adult. The day of graduation I felt a bit odd. Like this is it? This sheet of paper sums up the last 4 years of my life? What does it all mean? Very melodramatic and existential, I know. Speaking of existentialism. That is the oddest concept ever to me. Do I really exist? Do any of the people around me really exist? Is this an alternate universe and the real universe is something we aren't even aware of? Like the Matrix. I'm sure you philosophy types love that movie. I live in the here and now. I need practicality. (Except in fashion.)
Me and Stace knew this guy at Hampton who probably loves that movie. She told me all about him one night at 28B (the place where you could always go for people to talk to-- I think sophomore and junior years were the height. They got kicked out partway through senior year and even before that it wasn't the same). She was like "Go ask him about infinity," and started snickering. So I did. He started talking to me about how amazing infinity and zero were and something like zero was a social construct and didn't really exist or something insane like that. I kept making eyes at Stacey about the hilarity of this whole operation while engaging him in conversation. I can do that with anyone. If someone's really interested in a topic, ask 3 open-ended questions and they can talk forever. Plus he was cute. That always helps. He offered to let me borrow his books on infinity. How nice of him. Crazy physics major. I'll pass!! Lol. He also tried to get me back to his place. I'm cool on that, too. We did hang out a couple of times, but that night it was all about my homies.
Moving to Pittsburgh was another crossroads. It had become clear that getting a job in my field was not going to happen in my hometown. I had a huge fight with my sister to precipitate me leaving my retail job and heading up north to live with my father. A month later I was employed in my field doing exactly what I'd always wanted!! Yay!! I don't know what's coming next but I think it's coming sooner than I think. It could have something to do with this...
In its simplest form, my purpose is to create compelling documentaries about the lives of African Americans. I want to create the sort of films people not only want to see, but that by watching, they learn, feel and become absorbed in. I want to create films that can tell a story while leaving the viewer room to draw their own conclusions. One day documentaries will be my life. Right now my crossroads might just be me completely understanding Britney and shaving my head.
*NABLOPOMO IS OVER!!!!!! (Was this post good enough for you La?) I want to give a shout out to all my readers who came here everyday and left comments. You really kept me going. If no one was reading, I wouldn't be writing as frequently. I would also like to give a big WASSSSSUPPP!! to the bloggers-- new and old-- who joined me on this journey and posted daily or near-daily in no particular order: Joy, Liz, Agent Ness, Amber, Rashan, Pro, Sandy, Sparkling Red. Hope I didn't leave anyone out!! You are all fabulous!! It's like the Academy Awards. Thanks to all my fans!! *Tear!* Or a Miss America wave. *elbow elbow, wrist wrist* Combo even. The poo poo platter of thanks. Did I ever tell you I hate blog awards? I wouldn't mind getting one (lol) but I hate the campaigning for them. I always stop reading people when they start campaigning for these fake awards you can't do anything with. Will you print them out and put them on your refrigerator for your children's approval? More importantly, does the internet even exist? Or is it a part of an alternate realm? Do my bloggers exist? Is any of this real? Lolol. I couldn't resist.*