3.19.2008

Bros Before H...

Well you know how the saying goes. It gets a bit confusing when you're a woman, though. Freshman year I met one of my closest guy friends because my roommate (the O.R.-- original roommate) braided hair for half of the freshman class. He (K) was among the many. At the beginning of the year I always went with her just so I could meet people... who almost always also happened to be male. I had a long-distance boyfriend (LDBF)(ugh) but I'm a social butterfly so I desired to know everyone on campus if possible. Since it wasn't, I knew many, many people in the freshman class. It actually is quite bizarre how many odd groups cross over. If you know someone, I know at least one person in that crew and for some strange reason, I'm sure.

When my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of freshman year, K took the opportunity to let me know he liked me as more than a friend and had for the entire year but wanted to respect my relationship. I was flattered but not interested. I was newly freed and he wasn't the first person on my radar. He did not let that stop him from continuing to be my friend. Fab!!

Sophomore year we all come back to school SO much older and wiser than we were... ha! I become friends with the person who would be my closest friend at Hampton after Stace left at the end of that year. We'll call her C. The boyfriend and I had gotten back together but around mid-September he just stopped communicating with me-- no email, no phone calls (neither of us had a cell back then), nothing. Of course slick K was there for it! Lol.

When our 2 year anniversary rolled around, LDBF & I had not spoken for 6 weeks. I told K, let's go on a date... on what would've been the 2 year. He was (rightly) a bit wary but willing... except he stood me up. Oh I was HEATED! He was like my bad I was blah blah blah. Some horrid excuse I don't even remember. We decided to give it another shot later in the week (it was a Wednesday). He stood me up AGAIN! Ok no. I was only trying to give him a chance because he liked me. I liked him as a friend but just wasn't into him as more. He acted upset when I told him it wasn't going to work and if we were going to preserve our friendship, no more setting up broken dates, matter of fact no more dates ever. That ship has sailed without anything more than a kiss on the cheek!

K had been around quite a bit because I used to sneak him and his best friend N up to my room after visiting hours (for those of you confused, the vast majority of black colleges do not have 24 hour visitation for the opposite sex). I would usually sign K out, then walk around the side of the building, open the door and let him in again. Hahahaha. Me, Stace, C, K & N would sit in my room listening to music (probably drinking), talking, acting crazy and hanging out. We had so much fun! It felt so collegiate. You know how by sophomore year you may or may not be convinced you're actually in college, living A Different World? That helped!

Around this time C decided she liked K. She didn't want to tell me because we were new friends and she wasn't sure I wasn't really into K... even though I said I wasn't. Shockingly, I actually meant it. You know how people say, "No, go ahead! Talk to him! It's fine!" and they're really seething inside that the person would dare to even ask!! Nope. Not the kid. So after much convincing I hooked them up. He was reluctant to go there, also not sure I wasn't going to suddenly turn into the kid from the exorcist and go off on him. I wasn't! Guys! I'm really ok with it! It was funny. I guess C & I living next door to each other added another element of strangeness.

It turns out though that K was not quite as into C as she was into him. Or he may have been but treated her with even more nonchalance-- sometimes not calling at all for days or whatever. I was friends with both of them and hearing both sides which of course annoyed me. I put a moratorium on one telling me about the other. I don't care! Then C caught extra feelings and for some reason decided she nearly hated K. So much so that it was more than a little uncomfortable for me to be friends with both of them... so despite our longer history (K & I), I chose C.

The odd situation was made even stranger by C continuing to talk to K whenever she felt like it even though I'd mostly cut off the friendship. BIZARRE. Then she became somewhat obsessed with him. Many drunken nights (probably at least once a week) would end with a phone call from C to K, usually involving some yelling and sometimes a visit. She would drive by K's GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE (because by this time he had one). It was awful. I really could not continue to be friends with him after that because I was a bit embarrassed to have brought them together at some point. I wouldn't have if I'd known it would turn out to be a 3-year ordeal. Yes, 3 years. By the end of senior year, K and I were on a hi, bye level.

Now we've somewhat re-kindled our relationship, K & I. Only to the point where we can email, myspace or text each other. We also went to dinner at Homecoming. He was still standing folk up but at least this time I would get a text or phone call. Hilarity. Some things never change. C & I, for no apparent reason, have not spoken a single word, email, phone or otherwise in more than 3 years. Another one who stopped communicating. I don't know how I attract these people but the next one... at least I have the love of God because there would be nothing else to stop me from hunting him or her down and showing them what's what! Now, if you don't want me in your life, I don't want you in mine either. Let's move on.

This is my confession... I was a bad friend to K and really for no reason. I did not have to cut him out of my life so severely. In the future, however, I do not plan on repeating that mistake. My conclusion at the time was that you don't choose a guy over your female friends. Except that's supposed to apply when you're in a relationship and K & I most certainly were not. There's no reason to pick your female friends over your male friends. Neither person has a guarantee of loyalty. I don't have regrets because I believe everything happens for a reason but I don't believe at that time I made the right choice. What's done is done but it didn't have to go down like that.

16 comments:

Vdizzle said...

Jam!! You mean to tell me the worse thing you ever did was be a bad friend? I feel like a big ole slut and not a regular-sized one now.

hmph!

shani-o said...

Ooh, that's a tough one. I've sorta been there, except, I actually liked the guy. I don't speak to the girl anymore and I *barely* speak to the guy.

Desy said...

such a light weight confession- but i dig, i dig.

I honestly don't think that much of the cut off; unless he really tried to keep it going and wanted to talk about why it fell off...haha.. riiiiiight

X Factor said...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
That was, quite possibly, the ABSOLUTE WORST confession I have EVER read!! Jameil, come on... are you conceding the vompetition already?
**and before you say it, I still have until Friday**

1969 said...

Part of the college experience is learning life lessons and growing up. Sounds like you did both.

Opinionated Diva said...

Jam Jam Jam...I'm gonna agree with Vdizz & X. You are a spunky gal and you are DEFINITELY holding back!!!

Ohhhhhh...that other stuff must REALLY be bad! LOL!!!

Regarding the story though...I agree with you. You don't always have to side with the female, but I understand why you did. I'm shocked chick just stopped speaking to you out of the blue though.

Chris said...

maybe my life is tame, but I think that was a pretty heavy confession.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

such a cute confession!

who knew she'd be 'lil crazy' though?

i think most girls would side with the girl too. unless you've know the dude since birth of course.

oh, and the girl version is "chicks before d!ck$"

how do i know this? yo no se (IDK)

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

P.S. do you have a scanner? you need to upload some fabulous pics of sophomore year! I LOVED DuBois Hall!

jameil1922 said...

v, diva, x and desy... i am not lettin y'all into my business like that.

VDIZZLE!! do bloggers even know your real name? just askin...

shani... see? that's crappy.

desy... don't trash my confession then say you dig it. jerk. i take my friendships very seriously.

DIVA!! YOU STARTED A PRIVATE BLOG FOR YOUR CONFESSION!!!! AND YOU DON'T EVEN REGULARLY USE YOUR REAL NAME ON YOUR BLOG!!

she stopped talking to me b/c she's not stable.

x... so bring it.

1969... word.

chris... yes, your life is tame but thank you.

stace... there were certainly signs. i know what yo no se means! i know the girl version but its so uncute. uncouth, too.

no scanner! sorry chica.

Vdizzle said...

Um, like three whole bloggers know my real name. First and Last

Rashan Jamal said...

I know vdizzles gov't name.. Yo, you sound mad. Are you mad?

Why don't I get the vibe from you that it would be okay to stand you up...twice?

Oh the black colleges and their strange no late night visitation rule. I broke that one a few times.

magnoliapeach said...

ahhhhh, black college life got to love it.

I have more male friends than female friends, so that chicks b4 icks never worked too well for me. I usually just try to stay out of all situations and let the chips fall where they may!

Epsilonicus said...

Interesting confession... I cannot call yours lightweight. Mine is kind of lightweight also.

Sparkling Red said...

I don't wish that you had worse things to confess. You're a good person! Hurray!

AND you used the word "nonchalance" in your post, which gave me a little shiver of happiness. ;-)

X Factor said...

Oh my dear little blog prude, it has already been brought...
Rashan is right though, you do seem a bit mad, son. But if my comment was a bit harsh, I apologize. I just figured you had something a WEE bit more out there in the archives that you were willing to share with perfect strangers. We don't know you :) I know VDizzle's government name, too... yay!