Bros Before H...

Well you know how the saying goes. It gets a bit confusing when you're a woman, though. Freshman year I met one of my closest guy friends because my roommate (the O.R.-- original roommate) braided hair for half of the freshman class. He (K) was among the many. At the beginning of the year I always went with her just so I could meet people... who almost always also happened to be male. I had a long-distance boyfriend (LDBF)(ugh) but I'm a social butterfly so I desired to know everyone on campus if possible. Since it wasn't, I knew many, many people in the freshman class. It actually is quite bizarre how many odd groups cross over. If you know someone, I know at least one person in that crew and for some strange reason, I'm sure.

When my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of freshman year, K took the opportunity to let me know he liked me as more than a friend and had for the entire year but wanted to respect my relationship. I was flattered but not interested. I was newly freed and he wasn't the first person on my radar. He did not let that stop him from continuing to be my friend. Fab!!

Sophomore year we all come back to school SO much older and wiser than we were... ha! I become friends with the person who would be my closest friend at Hampton after Stace left at the end of that year. We'll call her C. The boyfriend and I had gotten back together but around mid-September he just stopped communicating with me-- no email, no phone calls (neither of us had a cell back then), nothing. Of course slick K was there for it! Lol.

When our 2 year anniversary rolled around, LDBF & I had not spoken for 6 weeks. I told K, let's go on a date... on what would've been the 2 year. He was (rightly) a bit wary but willing... except he stood me up. Oh I was HEATED! He was like my bad I was blah blah blah. Some horrid excuse I don't even remember. We decided to give it another shot later in the week (it was a Wednesday). He stood me up AGAIN! Ok no. I was only trying to give him a chance because he liked me. I liked him as a friend but just wasn't into him as more. He acted upset when I told him it wasn't going to work and if we were going to preserve our friendship, no more setting up broken dates, matter of fact no more dates ever. That ship has sailed without anything more than a kiss on the cheek!

K had been around quite a bit because I used to sneak him and his best friend N up to my room after visiting hours (for those of you confused, the vast majority of black colleges do not have 24 hour visitation for the opposite sex). I would usually sign K out, then walk around the side of the building, open the door and let him in again. Hahahaha. Me, Stace, C, K & N would sit in my room listening to music (probably drinking), talking, acting crazy and hanging out. We had so much fun! It felt so collegiate. You know how by sophomore year you may or may not be convinced you're actually in college, living A Different World? That helped!

Around this time C decided she liked K. She didn't want to tell me because we were new friends and she wasn't sure I wasn't really into K... even though I said I wasn't. Shockingly, I actually meant it. You know how people say, "No, go ahead! Talk to him! It's fine!" and they're really seething inside that the person would dare to even ask!! Nope. Not the kid. So after much convincing I hooked them up. He was reluctant to go there, also not sure I wasn't going to suddenly turn into the kid from the exorcist and go off on him. I wasn't! Guys! I'm really ok with it! It was funny. I guess C & I living next door to each other added another element of strangeness.

It turns out though that K was not quite as into C as she was into him. Or he may have been but treated her with even more nonchalance-- sometimes not calling at all for days or whatever. I was friends with both of them and hearing both sides which of course annoyed me. I put a moratorium on one telling me about the other. I don't care! Then C caught extra feelings and for some reason decided she nearly hated K. So much so that it was more than a little uncomfortable for me to be friends with both of them... so despite our longer history (K & I), I chose C.

The odd situation was made even stranger by C continuing to talk to K whenever she felt like it even though I'd mostly cut off the friendship. BIZARRE. Then she became somewhat obsessed with him. Many drunken nights (probably at least once a week) would end with a phone call from C to K, usually involving some yelling and sometimes a visit. She would drive by K's GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE (because by this time he had one). It was awful. I really could not continue to be friends with him after that because I was a bit embarrassed to have brought them together at some point. I wouldn't have if I'd known it would turn out to be a 3-year ordeal. Yes, 3 years. By the end of senior year, K and I were on a hi, bye level.

Now we've somewhat re-kindled our relationship, K & I. Only to the point where we can email, myspace or text each other. We also went to dinner at Homecoming. He was still standing folk up but at least this time I would get a text or phone call. Hilarity. Some things never change. C & I, for no apparent reason, have not spoken a single word, email, phone or otherwise in more than 3 years. Another one who stopped communicating. I don't know how I attract these people but the next one... at least I have the love of God because there would be nothing else to stop me from hunting him or her down and showing them what's what! Now, if you don't want me in your life, I don't want you in mine either. Let's move on.

This is my confession... I was a bad friend to K and really for no reason. I did not have to cut him out of my life so severely. In the future, however, I do not plan on repeating that mistake. My conclusion at the time was that you don't choose a guy over your female friends. Except that's supposed to apply when you're in a relationship and K & I most certainly were not. There's no reason to pick your female friends over your male friends. Neither person has a guarantee of loyalty. I don't have regrets because I believe everything happens for a reason but I don't believe at that time I made the right choice. What's done is done but it didn't have to go down like that.