Dumb and Sexy

In college I had this huge crush on this guy (no, not this one lolol! That post STILL cracks me up!) ... we'll call him Dave. Because all black Daves are sexy. I would aspire to marry one except I'm kind of holding out for the hot Mexican chef. Sorry black Dave.

*Side note: I just found a hilarious post about that wack "date" with G(ym guy). I think he may have gone to jail because I haven't seen him in at least six weeks. It doesn't help that I haven't been going to the gym on any sort of regular pattern. Maybe he just got a new job but doesn't it make it more interesting to finish that "date" story and all the other ridiculous ones about him with, "Oh and then he disappeared one day and I found out he went to jail"? You know it does so don't deny it.

One day I'm gonna call someone something and say, "We'll call him -- because that's his name." Today, however, is not that day.

Let's remember I was queen crush a lot in my heyday. (First linked post above.) Honestly, if I was in any city with successful black people I would probably still be that. Who knows. Maybe I would grow up and suddenly FOCUS (lol) but somehow I doubt it. Likely because my mother insists I came out of the womb liking boys. There was no awkward not sure if I like boys, would rather climb trees and have spitting contests with them phase. Oh no. Not the kid. I distinctly remember and there are pictures of me flirting with my god sister's older brother as young as 3. He is at least 12 years older than me. (He's Tony in that first post I linked to.) Aim high I always say.

So... what are we calling this dude again? Oh yeah, Dave. I called him Dave with the hair because he had this amazing long thick hair he would wear in a giant afro when he didn't have cornrows. Yes, folks, it was the era of the corn rows. Lol. I've always been big into hair... but only on guys. My own exasperates me to no end.

*Another side note: I couldn't go to the gym yesterday because I went to bible study so I used this giant wrench I found in the studio at work. It is at least 16 inches long and 12 pounds. I was doing curls and tricep extensions. My forearms are yelling at me! Which forced me to pay attention to them today. They're really skinny. Of all the skinny body parts to have, why that one? Who says, "Did you see Jameil? MAN she got some sexy forearms! Whooo! Make ya head blow!" That's right. No one.

I used to braid Dave's hair when he couldn't find anyone else. I knew how to braid hair but didn't broadcast that fact because there were so many guys with braids I didn't like it that much and didn't want to spend all my time dodging them like the O.R. had to do. That meant only friends were asking me to braid their hair every once in a while. That I can deal with. Dave with the hair was in the same major as me so we had lots of classes together and lots of opportunities for me to daydream about him. Lol. One day after class we were standing around talking about something and he said something outrageous. Wow... what a sentence. Hahahaha. What it was wasn't important but what came out of his mouth was so incredibly vapid it forced me to collapse into giggles and write on the board, "Dave is dumb," erase it and write "Dave es dum." He adds, "and sexy." DYING!! And that is how dumb and sexy became the term it is today.

Dumb and sexy guys are so not for me. You could be a model. You could be the unholy trifecta of Denzel, Blair and George... and I'll make an exception!! Wait no. You could be that hot Mexican chef. Sigh. But if you are dumb... we have a problem. I can't do it! I dated this guy we'll call L... because that's his name! Hey! I did it! Hahahaha. That's what he told me to call him anyway. He was quite attractive. And for our first date he made macaroni and cheese and fried chicken and something else for me. I don't remember what the rest of it was because those two were DELICIOUS!! We dated for about month but I wouldn't get extra fresh with him so he dumped me. I was about to dump him because he was dumb and sexy. We could never hold an extended conversation. It also didn't help that he had been to jail on drug charges (I used to give people chances so they wouldn't think I was stuck up. I don't care anymore.), admitted to selling crack to his friend's mom (his justification: so she wouldn't get some bad stuff from someone else that could kill her... I almost (I know the almost brings my sanity into question...) broke up with him on the spot), AND he told me he wanted to holla at my sister before he started talking to me. NO YOU DIDN'T. See where the dumb part comes in? You should be kicked. Swiftly and repeatedly. The moral of this story? Don't be dumb and sexy.