5.10.2008

If You're Ever On TV...

Take your rollers out of your hair.

Put in your teeth.

Spit out your chew.

If inviting a reporter inside, clean up your house. Because they will talk about you.

I hope it's not for committing a crime. The criminals here always seem to rep for the home team though. The descriptions almost always include some sort of para. "6'1 male robbed a 7-11 wearing a S.teelers jersey." Nice.

Criminals also like to do stupid things like describe what the suspect is wearing in a television interview... while they're wearing what they described... there aren't even any words...

Also don't use someone's fake body parts to commit a crime against them. (Allegedly) Especially not your sister.

That is all... for now.
Oh yeah I found a pic of me and Mor after I crossed Ogden. How adorable are we? Too adorable, I think.

15 comments:

Open Grove Claudia said...

This is great advice! :) I was going to ask you what does make a great guest. We could probably make a million dollars writing a book like that. :)

Or at least get me prepared for when/if I need to do press....

SF Trickster said...

Good Advice, I'll print this list and have it with me when Im getting ready if ever asked to be on TV.

Sandy C. said...

Describing what the suspect wears while wearing what they described?? That is pretty special!

Love that photo of you both after crossing Ogden :)

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

STUPID PEOPLE =STUPID NEWS, my fave segment on the morning show i listen too!!

i looooove that pic of you and Morgs!!

and the flags on ogden seem like they'll be a hinderance now...

Mau said...

You forgot "Make a special effort to form complete sentences with correct subject-verb agreement."

Vdizzle said...

You saw my story about the stupid crack heads!! We went nuts in the newsroom.

Like "$150 worth of crack!?!? them cops just saved somebody's life cause they was gonna have a crack blowout party!!"

Chris said...

Agent Ness (Vdizzle) is a damn fool, LOL....but yeah, great advice. They were clowning King James on the Steve Harvey show last week because ol boy didn't have this spot tight when MTV Cribs or whatever came through. Hilarious.

Sparkling Red said...

"Spit out your chew."

LOL - OK, when the cameras come knocking at my door I'll remember to ask them to wait a minute while I run to the trash can. ;-)

jameil1922 said...

claud... hey man. i am a one-woman PSA. let's get to that book! lol

sf... welcome and thx. lol.

sandy... oh this dude actually did that one morning when i was working. "the suspect was wearing red flannel." AND HE WAS. he was eventually convicted. dummy.

stace... lol. don't we look too cute? lol. the flags are blockin son!

mau... yes! that indeed!

v... omgoodness. foolishness!!!

chris... ew. he know he wrong. if you don't hire someone to clean up!!

red... hahahahahaha. girl this place is worse than the south w/chew in every 3rd interview!!!

The Ink said...

I don't know any Yinzers without a Stillers jersey.


Not.one.


My momma got one (yes she got one of my old ones(Rod Woodson)...but still)


GRAMMA got one (I let her wear my old #13 with my last name on it)

You aint gonna get one to take with ya for nostalgia's sake?

Im pondering which jersey ima get this year. I wore white last year...so this year its time for a black one.

Im getting Mrs. Ink a Pink Polamalu jersey since her irrational Crush on Mr. Tomlin made her an official fan.

And can we talk about the gramma letting the seven year old car thief give an interview to CNN after he totaled HER truck?

Rashan Jamal said...

The Atlanta Rules:

Put a shirt on over that wifebeater... Take your do rag off. Don't flash your grill for the camera... Limit usage of the word shawty to 2 or less. Don't say that you were coming from your baby mama's house when the shooting occured. Pull yo pants up, youngin...

Duck said...

I couldn't even get past the headline before I started cracking up...

Ex-Homecoming Queen Beats Sister With Fake Leg In Trailer

Geez Louise, man. Only in western Pennsylvania, home of the transvestites with Home Castration Kits... *smh*

jameil1922 said...

ink... i don't suppose you do. i don't think i do either but i'm sure i know far less of them than you do. no, i will not be getting me one. tomlin is fab. i keep refusing to watch that video.

rj... sigh. SIGH!! shawty is not to be used at all. lmao @ baby mama's. where else?

duck... foolishness, right!? not home castration! too much!!

the joy said...

Ha! I can't stand the people who get on tv as if their old faded tee that they wear to bed is the height of fashion. And teeth! Oh they are so bad down here! Do you remember that clip of the people in Alabama that saw a leprechaun? That was all bad.

jameil1922 said...

no i don't remember a leprechaun clip, crazy!! you are hilarity. people are hot messes. i just need them not to share that w/the world!!