1.23.2008

The Fat Tour

This morning one of my coworkers asked me if I knew what fastna.cht is. (Same one who was boosting my head up.) Some PA D.utch tradition that's essentially the same thing as Mardi Gras but you eat doughnuts instead of a king cake. Whatever. Yesterday we were talking about our childhoods and she told me they used to go to the south every summer including Mississippi and South Carolina. I was like "Mississippi!?!? You grew up in PA! What are you doing in MS!?" "My mom loves plantations."


SKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!


Stop the record. Er what? Yo. How do you look a black person in the face and tell her your mom likes plantations? I would rather you lie to me. OR since after that you told me she had friends in Natchez (one of the places my mom lived), you could've just left it at that. But no, you had to tell me about your mom's love of plantations. PLANTATIONS?!?! You mean that place where my ancestors were forced into unpaid labor for centuries, not allowed to read and repeatedly raped? Just making sure.

My response other than raised eyes, "Wow. My mom's from Mississippi and I've NEVER been to a plantation." Considering the fact that I'm from North Carolina, and not far from the SC border, I probably grew up not too far from some. Still never seen one. You know how I feel about Colonial Williamsburg. Then today same coworker said, "My father has one of those cars [Duke.s of H.azzard] with a Dixie flag on it." This time I just raised my eyebrows and walked out of the room. And I've met her parents. It just makes me wonder what they were saying about me behind my back. Bet it started with an n.

What I've previously said about the confederate flag: "it's a symbol of racism in that it was proudly waved when fighting to keep Black people enslaved, burn and bomb Black homes and crosses in Black yards as intimidation and during the lynchings of Black men. It is also currently used by skinheads and members of the KKK. If that's the "history" you want to remember and the legacy you want to uphold, please allow me to distance myself from you. Thanks."

Ugh.

Anyway while looking at her little Dutch tradition, they referenced Krispy Kreme and suddenly I had to have some. YUM!!! But they're so out of the way here that you have to PLAN to go to them. So I said to myself, "Self! It's my Friday; let's do a fat tour!! Go to the fattening places and eat fattening food!" Mmmmmm. First I got my case of Honey Brown. Then I headed to out of the way KK for my half a dozen glazed donuts (polished 2 of those bad boys off in the car), then out of the way SONIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've had neither of these in many many months. They just added Sonic to Pittsburgh in the last few months and I hadn't been yet. Cheeseburger, tater tots and limeade!!!!! YAY!!

You know how I have this psycho schedule, right? I go to bed around 4 p.m. and wake up around 11:45 Monday through Wednesday. Off 'days' are Thursday and Friday. Except I have to be there by 11:30 Friday night so I usually go to bed around 1:30 p.m. Laaaaaaaaaaame! It has turned me into a very boring person. (I read some of my old posts yesterday. Ouch. Very painful. The complete reason I didn't do a recap of 2007. Even some from 2006.)

Anyway, I put my phone on vibrate and stick it outside my closed door when I go to sleep. For some reason there is no silent on my phone. This way I don't miss any calls and the phone doesn't disturb me when people call. Yes I can hear it vibrate if it's in the room. I wouldn't necessarily classify myself as a light sleeper but I'm definitely not a heavy one unless I'm extremely sleepy. AND no matter how deeply I'm sleeping I can always hear my name. I used to scare my friends in college because in the dorm I never locked my door when I was in the room unless I was getting dressed so they would usually just walk in. If I was sleeping, they'd just call my name and I'd immediately wake up. That's on the off chance I didn't hear the door open. OR if I was sleeping and they were in there and it was time for the end of my nap. Crazy times man. College was so fun.

"Last night" aka around midnight, I woke up and checked my missed calls. I had one from G (gym guy)! He wanted to see if I would work out this afternoon or evening. I called him back this morning to say sure but we changed it to tomorrow morning. So I have a morning gym date... hence today's fat tour! Lol. Actually the fat tour was already in place when I thought we had an afternoon workout. I said, "I'll just eat until my heart's content and then go show off." Except he keeps testin my gangsta!! He's like, "Yeah I usually run on Thursdays but I don't know if you can keep up." Woooord?!?! He knows I don't do running but I said, "Well maybe I'll do it anyway just because you think I can't!!" Hahahaha. He liked that. I'm lying. I'll do it a little... well we'll see. He goes extra hard. You work out 6 days a week to my 3. You have fun with that.

20 comments:

Always.Funky.Fresh said...

Plantations huh? Interesting. Very interesting.

I wonder if the parents response, after you leave the room is, "is that dere one of the dem good negroes".

I'm saying......

Sha Boogie said...

Ohh..fat tour. I'm in the midst of a two week tour right now!..lol.. I start a month long fast in Februry that consist of me only eating fruits and vegetables...yum.

Elle Willa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Ink said...

A sonic? In Pittsburgh? GIIIITOUTTA here.

Must be out in the Burbs.

the joy said...

Woo look at yall flirting and whatnot!

Oh no, let's not say crazy slightly racist things, coworker! That's bad work relations. "my mom loves plantations?" smh.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

wow. my mom likes plantations. i would've made co-worker feel uncomfortable with, "is it the whipping posts or lynching trees that she likes?"

that fat tour sounds like fun! i don't like any of the places you mentioned but the fact you're doing it is bomb!!

Rell said...

That's pretty hilarious. I wonder how she would react if you told her you LOVED to visit "white-people killing stations" in rural America.

After all, they are so pretty and have so much history behind them.

Rell said...

side note is "fabulosity" a word? If not, you should make it one.

Could be 2008's word of the year...

shani-o said...

Just stopping by to say hi!!! before I run back through your archives to catch up.

(Don't hate me, but I think some plantations are pretty. I guess I've got some house negro in my blood.)

Rashan Jamal said...

Word? Your mother likes plantations? I gotcha. I'm making mental notes to stay far away from you...

LMAO @ the fat tour.

I always wake up when I hear my name too. Mine is a more paranoid thing though, like why are you talking about me while I'm sleep. Are you plotting to kill me?

1969 said...

Plantations? **sigh**

As for gym man stepping up and calling and already locking you down for a date? Yeah....me likey.

Miss B said...

How about just reading Krispy Kreme made me want one??!?!

Thanks...now I gotta go out of my way this weekend for some...YAY!!!

Sooooo jealous that there's a Sonic up there...How about we(in MD) have Sonic AND Jack in the Box commercials and don't have notaone :-(

Karamale said...

yo, can a bruh get a box-o-krispies mailed down here to colombia? choclit glazed, please.

you should tell coworker that you and your friends are organizing a slave revolt re-enactment and ask if her mother would like to join in.

Sandy C. said...

LOL! I think I just joined you in your fat tour....Just had Burger king with a heart attack on the side...

Gym date? woohoo! can't wait for the update....

X Factor said...

Fabbulosity is DEFINITELY a word- made famous by one of my American idols: Kimora Lee Simmons!!!
But on another note... I like plantations too. Really, I love them. My mom and her best friend used to take me on weekend trips to look at the furniture and art; her friend was really into collecting art, and she also bought houses. She and her husband owned a BEAUTIFUL plantation in Gloucester before they divorced- but I think she lost it in the settlement. Anyway... perhaps your coworker meant that her mom loved plantations on that level?

So...Wise...Sista said...

I trust that you know what kinda white folk you dealing with, and therefore what her mom might be like...but is it possible to honor our history in a way that doesnt proclaim racism?

Full disclosure: I have a large confederate flag on display in my crib. It's jarring. It's provocative. Always elicits compelling convo. Just like the 'Colored Only' sign by my bathroom. Ive been to plantations and find them fascinating. Full Disclosure: I find the audacity of racism fascinating, often hilarious. Mindless. *shrug*
(and you've inspired yet another post. Thanks!)

jameil1922 said...

funky... i was wondering, too... but with the other n word...

sha... mmm fat tour!! those only fruit and veggie things scare me.

ink... i know! pittsburgh mills and washington.

joy... i know. lol. why did my mom say some of them are pretty? uh... if you say so. i got chills just looking at the battery in charleston where they brought in the slaves for auction. and it was night too? i had to almost sprint away. no lie.

stace... HILARIOUS!! i love that!! done @ you not liking that stuff. DONE!

rell... HILARIOUS!! and x answered your question tho I had already used that word before everyone knew kimora claimed to coin it.

shani... i got some MASTER in my blood. still they make me nervous. i can't believe you're back. bizarre. but welcome!

rj... YOU'RE CRAZY!! lmao @ the sleep thing.

1969... I know! And he called me tonight, too. Hope it wasn't to cancel. I'm going tomorrow morning anyway.

b... go get some! i just had another. lol. no. 3 of the day. they loooove putting sonic commercials where they have no restaurants. they call it product placement/building a brand. i call it TORTURE!!

kara... LMAO!! I bet that would cost like a million dollars!! But the next time I go I will buy some and send them immediately. Email the address. i only do the regular glazed.

and looooooove the slave revolt idea!! y'all are hilarious.

sandy... yes!! fat tour for everyone!! lol. i'm excited about the gym date, too.

x... hm. i still cannot separate that grim history. its tongue in cheek to own one but yeah... no thanks. my eyes instantly narrow when I see a plantation.

jameil1922 said...

very thought-provoking comment, wise. very. my cousin has a confederate flag shirt that says "its a southern thing, you wouldn't understand." my aunts HATE it. i thought it was a bit tongue in cheek and a little amusing. kind of like TAKE THAT RACIST! it takes a lot for racism to be funny to me. i just have very empathic and painful connection to slavery and the civil rights era. Not hot.

Sparkling Red said...

I'm jealous of your Sonic. We don't have them in Canada, but the ads taunt me on American TV. *drool*

yet another black guy said...

damn that fat tour sounds delectable. homeboy sounds promising. and your coworker? i think you know what she sounds like.