Blog Beef!

"Yo kid I love you kid but don't ever talk to me like that again in your life son!"
"Break yo'self fool!"
"If --- wanna act, we can act! If --- bust gats we bust gats! If --- wanna ride we ride!"

Bloggers have been coming with it the last few days. I mean y'all are hitting me with blog ideas left and right, right and left! I'm feeling very very inspired of late, not to mention me actually beginning to get a life!!! WOW!!! It's amazing. I should try, I don't know, GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE, more often. It's a good look for me. I'm such a social person and actually benefit from *gasp* human interaction. I went to breakfast with one of my fave coworkers today and we get along so well! We chat like crazy AND I had a brie & apple omelette with potatoes and wheat toast and bacon. I know that's a lot of food but yum! Actually the apples were tarter than I wanted and didn't go with the saltiness of the meal so I pulled them out. The rest was delish. Afterward we went to Trader Joe's. Mmmm. Yes I bought more chipotle salsa. Stace... I also bought sushi!

How about my pastor wants us to give up sweets, sugar and bread for lent. The first two I shrugged. Those aren't my vices anyway and y'all know I like to test myself with things like that. I mean really, what's 40 days? Nada. I've been consecutively blogging for more than twice that long (90 days and counting). I thought I'm not really a bread girl, either, I can do that. Except then I realized I LOVE BURGERS AND SANDWICHES!! He said if you don't want to give up those things or they're not your vices, pick something else. My mom said, "You should give up burgers and fries. Or fast food." Hater. Do you know I eat fries almost every single day? When Stace was here we bought 5-pound bag. Son. We only ate maybe 15% of that bag. Less than a month later, by myself it's gone. And that's with me still getting fries from outside sources. (Sometimes you have to outsource your fries. Add some competition. Make em act right.) I will eat just about anyone's fries. And if you try to get gourmet I will get excited. Mmmm fries. So maybe I should. That would be an actual challenge.

But please believe I will be calling the pastor out in bible study tomorrow when q&a comes around a la our investigative reporters. "So pastor are you really just on a diet and don't want to do it alone?" "What made you pick those three particular things to give up?" "Sunday you said 'If you have special dietary needs you can be excused but as far as I know, no doctor has prescribed a chocolate cake diet.' Have you met my doctor? Because he did. Do I need to bring in a note?" (I actually don't like chocolate cake (or chocolate) that much. When I crave it once every 5 months, I have maybe 4 bites and am done.)

Before I get into the actual post (Stop groaning. If your attention span isn't long enough, click the x.), I want to thank one of my post inspirations, Sparkling Red. Ever since I read her post on sleep paralysis, I discovered I HAVE THAT, TOO!! I never knew what it was called, I've just always been aware that sometimes I'm awake and know I'm awake, but can't get my body to realize that. My limbs feel extra heavy and it takes a ridiculous amount of concentration to move any part. It's scary. For years and years it's happened every once in a while. I can't tell you with what regularity because I try to block it out when it happens. Now that I think about it, it must have been at least once a week, maybe more. And when I'm in a room with someone when it happens, i.e. once when I was 12 or so at a sleepover that I can vividly remember, I can't actually talk. I'm trying to talk to ask them to just move my arm (because once I get one part to move, the rest of my body "wakes up") but all that comes out is a moan. Very frustrating but some people also have smothering sensations which HOW SCARY IS THAT?! Glad not to have that particular side effect.

It turns out one of the ways to prevent it is not sleeping on your back-- which I love to do but I stopped. One time in the last month I almost fell asleep on my back and felt my body falling into that sleep paralysis. I panicked a bit, which another tip is you're not supposed to do that, but I hurried up and woke myself up and rolled onto my side. Other than that, I've been okay. Life-changing I tell you and I'm not being facetious. I was honestly thinking this morning, that is one of the most helpful blogs I've ever read in the thousands I've read in more than 2 years. Amazing. THANK YOU SO MUCH SPARKLING RED!!!

So the point of this post-- BLOG BEEF SON! Rashan was talking about it the other day: things that tick you off about blogging/bloggers. Some of these will be repeats and my version of his but you know I have some!

When you come to my blog to promote yours: Don't do that. That is so rude. If I want to come to your blog, I will, but don't do that. If you're commenting on my blog, I'm going to read your blog. HOWEVER, if you specifically try to direct me to your blog, I will make you wait or not go at all.

Comment love: When people come to my blog and don't comment I get a bit heated. I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR MY HEALTH. Actually I am. It increases my mental sanity for me to get this all out. BUT YOU'RE ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS YOU COULD LEAST OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEAK! DIDN'T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANY MANNERS?!?! Lol. Sorry for yelling but I just had to get that off of my chest. Also if I'm commenting all up and through your blog and I don't get so much as a peep out of you? That makes me mad.

You're out of pocket. Stace tell 'em. "GET BACK IN!!": Yo. Don't come over her off topic. If I'm posting about apples, don't come talking about the hot Mustang you saw yesterday that was canary yellow. Make some sense. If you didn't read it, what exactly is the point of your comment? (I don't care if that contradicts the previous one.)

Don't not post for 8 months and not tell somebody you're back until you've stacked 40 posts: *ahem, Shani. Lolol.* This will be full of contradictions so get ready. On the one hand, y'all not posting for three weeks mugs LOVE to say, "I'm back" then post 2 days and disappear for 3 more weeks. That makes me extra mad. On the other, you know I delete y'alls blogs from the roll when you don't act right so when you come back, put a little whisper in the interweb (how hilarious is that word?) ear. Comment on more than one post and at the end say "BTW-- GUESS WHO'S BACK!? Guess who guess who guess who guess who guess who's back? Yoooo what's up?!"

Supersecretspykit!: Sitemeters scare me. They're so invasive! All I-know-what-you-did-last-summer. Ol' go-go-gadget-sitemeter self. Remember what I said about peekin in my window!! Get your internet eyes off of my anatomy!! Mostly I don't have one because I don't need another thing to be obsessed with. If you have one, YES I CHECK MANY OF YOUR BLOGS MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. Stop stalkin me!

But I need you to update, though.: Hey man. I know I change my blog name 8xs a week, but I usually change the header and/or the color as well so can you pleeeeeeease update your blog roll to reflect said changes? I will sooo love you forever. I didn't like "Unabashedly Me" because its so eh and also because it puts me at the bottom of blog rolls. That's why "All Me All the Time" was great. I was at the top! That means Rell can keep his blog roll as is! Lol. Oh yeah I know I saw this more than one place but I specifically remember Liz updating my name so thank you for subscribing to my madness ($98.95/month)!!!

6'1, 220, muscular, chocolate, chocolate skin (yes, double chocolate), locks, dimples, sparkling eyes to match the sparkling wit: This is mostly for Rashan. crybaby He doesn't like it when women but men specs on their page because he thinks there's a blog double standard i.e. if a man were to do this women would be up in arms! (Some would.) Hahahaha. I think this is hilarious. You know I don't care about that. Men can like whatever they want. I have enough confidence in my FABULOSITY to know some dudes will like me and some won't. You like it, he loves it, honey. Trust and believe. *sashay*

Don't get mad: This isn't beef but it needs to be said. They call me the blog prude for a reason. I don't want to hear about you getting ran all up and through or how you did that to someone else and blah blah blah save it for the locker room. Your wack poetry (scroll about halfway down the screen for the faux poetry in italics. Hilarious!!)? I know you think you're deep. You're not. And when every other word in every single post is a curse word? I can't read your blog. Sorry. I'm not at that place in my life anymore. I'm not saying don't curse. That's your choice. I'm saying if you don't know how to form more than 5 consecutive sentences without using 15 curse words, your meaning is lost and I'm not gonna read it. You don't have to read mine, either if you wanna "show me." (Hmph! I'll show her!!! *snaps and neck rolls*)

Got beef? SPILL IT!