My dad has said some questionable things in the last week. That's his way. I guess that's everyone's way. With most people, for every gem or every few gems, there is some really off the wall, out of the way, out the box, nonsensical, ridiculous (get the picture?) comment.
But he's also said some things that were really amazing. One definite good thing that came out of the demise of my relationship is me actually sitting down and having a conversation with my father outside of our Thursday Daddy-Daughter nights (apparently since I don't mention them every week, people think they've gone to the wayside. nope. if we're both in town, we go). I'm not really up a whole lot when he's home, but we've been having some really in depth conversations which have let me into a different side of my father.
Although my mother encouraged it, my father and I never really talked about relationships very much. I don't know why. I was never shy talking to my mom about sex or relationships or anything for that matter. She always made it clear if we had any questions we should come to her so we don't get bad information from our friends (apparently I came back from a sleepover in 2nd or 3rd grade with some sort of insanity involving how babies get here). My sister did not take her up on that offer. I did.
My father has also let me into his thoughts on marriage and cohabitation. On marriage he said, "What makes marriage special is going through the leaps and bounds together. You're young together, grow old together, increase your financial stability." He was 35 when he married my 27-year-old mother. He said he was very set in his ways and that he believes the older you are the harder it is for you to blend your life with someone else's. Which makes sense. I just never thought of it like that. I also never thought to ask my father his thoughts on marriage since my parents are divorced. I guess a person with a failed marriage can also know a thing or two about what makes one work.
I was also watching my new crack, Run's House. I love that show. Run and Justine's family is so beautiful. They're fun and funny. Seeing their joy and love improves my outlook on life. It inspires me not to give up. And oddly enough, I was watching the Re-run with Run's daughters Angela and Vanessa doing commentary and Vanessa said something that resonated with me when it comes you achieving your goals. "Sky's the limit. Rock out." I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT! I'm notorious for my ambition and I'm going to make it happen. Everything.
I've also actually started another one of my new year's resolutions. Hm. I thought I put find a church on there. Tsk, tsk. Well that was one of my goals. I went to a church this Sunday recommended by a co-worker. Yeah... no. Not for me. Too small, bad sound system (hush, you have to have goals), too many songs, off-topic preacher, etc. etc. But I was glad I went because it inspired me to find one I DO like. I will be a church hopper until I find the church that's right for me. That means good choir, preferably somewhere close with multiple active ministries, but most importantly, a preacher who makes sense and does not ramble. I can't stand the 30+ minute sermons that relate in no way to the Bible and use 7 different topics. FOCUS! I am accepting suggestions.
5.30.2007
5.24.2007
everything for a reason
when i was deciding to go to college, i had a choice to make. i could continue to be with the same people i'd been with for the last 13 (k-12) years of my life, or step out on my own. i applied to carolina because i'd been to project uplift, drank a bit of the kool-aid and said maybe. but i continued my senior year in advanced placement and academically gifted classes surrounded by ignorance (stupid black people questions) and said i can't do this. i'd also applied to hampton because my mom went there. i was heavy into hbcus in my search but i knew i didn't want to go to n.c. a&t or n.c. central because those schools are notorious for accepting anyone AND i knew i had to get out of north carolina. spelman wasn't an option because i CANNOT go to a school where there are no men in the classes. i just need eye candy. across the street isn't good enough.
once i got to hampton i had to go through DRAMA to get to my final dorm, Virginia Cleveland Hall. VVVVVVVVVVVVV-C! CUUUUUUUUUTIES! LOL. that was for my hampton heads. but once i was there i made some fantastic friends who were there for the long run. one of them is wynel. by the time we got to senior year, we were still cool, still had fun and invited each other to parties etc., but we weren't as close as freshman year.
in the three years since graduation (WHAT?!! WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?!! i should stop... my mom just celebrated her 30th HU reunion. 2nd generation hamptonians stand up!), wynel has become one of the people who best understands me and my struggles. bloggers, you have helped immensely. that's why i shared this with you, as hard as it may have been. it was a coping mechanism (and because rev. run says you should). wynel took it to a whole new level tonight. i don't know how much its going to cost me for that 3 hour conversation when i had no minutes, but it will be worth every cent. i have a new outlook and i am ready to take over the world. WATCH OUT. i'm still a work in progress. for some reason, nights are easier for me, but any progress at all is cause for celebration.
once i got to hampton i had to go through DRAMA to get to my final dorm, Virginia Cleveland Hall. VVVVVVVVVVVVV-C! CUUUUUUUUUTIES! LOL. that was for my hampton heads. but once i was there i made some fantastic friends who were there for the long run. one of them is wynel. by the time we got to senior year, we were still cool, still had fun and invited each other to parties etc., but we weren't as close as freshman year.
in the three years since graduation (WHAT?!! WHEN DID I GET SO OLD?!! i should stop... my mom just celebrated her 30th HU reunion. 2nd generation hamptonians stand up!), wynel has become one of the people who best understands me and my struggles. bloggers, you have helped immensely. that's why i shared this with you, as hard as it may have been. it was a coping mechanism (and because rev. run says you should). wynel took it to a whole new level tonight. i don't know how much its going to cost me for that 3 hour conversation when i had no minutes, but it will be worth every cent. i have a new outlook and i am ready to take over the world. WATCH OUT. i'm still a work in progress. for some reason, nights are easier for me, but any progress at all is cause for celebration.
5.23.2007
the him-free existence
this morning i called and left him a message asking him not to call me. i don't know what its going to take for me to heal but i have to try cutting off communication. i have to try anything. my chest gets tight everytime i think about it. really think about the fact that he's ok being without me. he chose it.
yesterday i cleaned. i threw out bags and bags of papers, shoe boxes, magazines, clothes not fit to give away that i'd never wear again (why should i if its not in good enough condition to give away? and don't think i'm wearing broke-looking clothes). i filled a giant american eagle bag with clothes i haven't worn in more than a year. somethings i hadn't worn in 2 or more years.
for some reason its hard for me to get rid of t-shirts. i have loads and loads of them, mostly free from various stages of my life, conventions, leadership conferences and things of that nature which give them sentimental attachment. some dating back to 6th grade. (yes i know its bizarre that i can still fit in clothes from 6th grade). i threw out a 7th grade tee because it had a hole in it. i only wore it to bed but i felt proud. keep in mind how i dress and how i feel about fashion. i hate tees. i wear them only to the gym and to sleep in so this attachment is really ridiculous.
i have a lot of film that i need to get developed. so the new plan. if i have any pictures of me wearing the tee-shirt, unless is says hampton or sgrho, its out the door. i can't keep holding on to this crap and dragging tee-shirts around the country forever.
i started cleaning because his cards are everywhere. i wanted to throw them out. but i partially heard joy's voice (blog voice that is) and partially my mom's. and ashli's since i talked to her the next day. someday i'm sure i'll want to relive these memories. right now i just want them out of my sight. i thought about mailing them to him. not saying anything else, just mailing them to him. but i don't know if he'd throw them out since he's a chucker. you know one of those people who will throw something away if he can't figure out where it came from. so if i want the memories back one day, i don't want him holding them hostage or for them to be in a landfill somewhere. i'm thinking about turning the necklace into a ring. i'd just rather not wear the vestiges of his love around my neck. know what i mean? i can still wear the earrings because hey, i love earrings. the bratch? eh. see that post? i had it bad. AND I MEAN BAD.
i guess that's why i still feel physically ill. but jamar is really helping me through this. ashli has been monumental because she actually made me feel a little better. my friend from home, meagan. my mom when she's letting me go through this in my own way. i have a support system.
however, i'm concerned about the people who've felt the need to reach out to me in case i'm suicidal. uh... folks. it's never that deep. ever. that is not love to want to kill yourself. i'm a bit vain so someone leaving pushes me to make them want me more. and to succeed and push myself to that next level. only to say, you missed your chance. we broke up for a reason. if nothing's changed, then we can't go back. i've always held that position.
i didn't always necessarily stick to it, but i believed it. i'm not willing to be that girl. i don't do break-up to make-up. if you felt strongly enough about whatever we went through to end it, then you have to live with your decision. that's partly why i called him this morning to ask him not to call. you chose not to have me in your life like that. it's hard because we've talked at least 3 times a week for the last 4 years. so to go cold turkey is just like a drug addict. you feel the need to dip back. even now i'm struggling not to pick up the phone.
but i have to do it. i was feeling strong (I AM STRONG! STRONG! I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM WOMAAAAAAAAAN!! lmao. my 10th grade world history teacher played that song for us and we couldn't stop laughing. i think we just couldn't imagine a world where (though its still true today in some ways) women had to fight so much for their rights. you know i know about civil rights. for me i think it was more how she sounded. PUT SOME BASS IN YOUR VOICE!!)
my strength was there. i was cleaning up, ironing, washing clothes, changing my sheets, making plans to take back my life. then he called. i stared at the phone. i kind of smirked because my dad was wrong. he did call. but then i felt dread. i wondered what he could possibly say to me. stace asked why i answered. b/c if i didn't i just would've called him back to find out what he wanted. i could've just let him leave a message.
my mom told me i didn't have to call him to tell him not to call but i'd already made up my mind to do that. she said just don't answer. i don't know if i can. but i know i can't answer when you don't call. i'm starting to think maybe she was right, but what's done is done. yesterday he called to tell me that he'd fractured his foot and sprained his ankle playing basketball. i laughed (wryly) because i'd been telling him for years to stop playing injured and that one of these days he was really gonna hurt himself. he laughed too and told me not to laugh. i stopped because i didn't want to do this yet. i can't be your friend yet.
he called me just to tell me that. to tell me the biggest news in his life right now. and to tell me the latest with his mom. YOU DON'T SEE THAT ENORMOUS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM? the carcass of our relationship you just stepped over to nonchalantly make that call? what am i supposed to say to you? sorry you hurt yourself? that's for friends and girlfriends. right now i'm not much of either. i guess you could feel that for a stranger. but i need to feel nothing for you because i don't like my stomach in knots. i don't like the pounding headache that ensued when you called like nothing happened. and i'm sitting there wondering if this is how it's going to be. if you're just going to act like we never had anything. is this our life? and i wasn't ready for that.
it set me back. i'd woken up ready to go to work. and suddenly i was back. back in the moment. reliving what happened. i put the phone on speakerphone while i ironed, then my friend meagan called and i said i'd call him back but i knew it wouldn't be yesterday. i didn't know when. and even as i write this, i'm going back and forth. but i have to give myself a chance.
i was also amazed that while i was sitting in the house crying, and trying to finally sleep (for now i can only sleep once i get to the point of absolute exhaustion because my mind finally stops going. that means 24 hours after i woke up), you were out playing basketball. it slapped me in the face that this was really over for you. you've made your peace with it and moved on. i want that too. i don't want to be here anymore. but i can't do that if you're still here. i don't know what's going to work for me. but i've got to try something.
yesterday i cleaned. i threw out bags and bags of papers, shoe boxes, magazines, clothes not fit to give away that i'd never wear again (why should i if its not in good enough condition to give away? and don't think i'm wearing broke-looking clothes). i filled a giant american eagle bag with clothes i haven't worn in more than a year. somethings i hadn't worn in 2 or more years.
for some reason its hard for me to get rid of t-shirts. i have loads and loads of them, mostly free from various stages of my life, conventions, leadership conferences and things of that nature which give them sentimental attachment. some dating back to 6th grade. (yes i know its bizarre that i can still fit in clothes from 6th grade). i threw out a 7th grade tee because it had a hole in it. i only wore it to bed but i felt proud. keep in mind how i dress and how i feel about fashion. i hate tees. i wear them only to the gym and to sleep in so this attachment is really ridiculous.
i have a lot of film that i need to get developed. so the new plan. if i have any pictures of me wearing the tee-shirt, unless is says hampton or sgrho, its out the door. i can't keep holding on to this crap and dragging tee-shirts around the country forever.
i started cleaning because his cards are everywhere. i wanted to throw them out. but i partially heard joy's voice (blog voice that is) and partially my mom's. and ashli's since i talked to her the next day. someday i'm sure i'll want to relive these memories. right now i just want them out of my sight. i thought about mailing them to him. not saying anything else, just mailing them to him. but i don't know if he'd throw them out since he's a chucker. you know one of those people who will throw something away if he can't figure out where it came from. so if i want the memories back one day, i don't want him holding them hostage or for them to be in a landfill somewhere. i'm thinking about turning the necklace into a ring. i'd just rather not wear the vestiges of his love around my neck. know what i mean? i can still wear the earrings because hey, i love earrings. the bratch? eh. see that post? i had it bad. AND I MEAN BAD.
i guess that's why i still feel physically ill. but jamar is really helping me through this. ashli has been monumental because she actually made me feel a little better. my friend from home, meagan. my mom when she's letting me go through this in my own way. i have a support system.
however, i'm concerned about the people who've felt the need to reach out to me in case i'm suicidal. uh... folks. it's never that deep. ever. that is not love to want to kill yourself. i'm a bit vain so someone leaving pushes me to make them want me more. and to succeed and push myself to that next level. only to say, you missed your chance. we broke up for a reason. if nothing's changed, then we can't go back. i've always held that position.
i didn't always necessarily stick to it, but i believed it. i'm not willing to be that girl. i don't do break-up to make-up. if you felt strongly enough about whatever we went through to end it, then you have to live with your decision. that's partly why i called him this morning to ask him not to call. you chose not to have me in your life like that. it's hard because we've talked at least 3 times a week for the last 4 years. so to go cold turkey is just like a drug addict. you feel the need to dip back. even now i'm struggling not to pick up the phone.
but i have to do it. i was feeling strong (I AM STRONG! STRONG! I AM INVINCIBLE! I AM WOMAAAAAAAAAN!! lmao. my 10th grade world history teacher played that song for us and we couldn't stop laughing. i think we just couldn't imagine a world where (though its still true today in some ways) women had to fight so much for their rights. you know i know about civil rights. for me i think it was more how she sounded. PUT SOME BASS IN YOUR VOICE!!)
my strength was there. i was cleaning up, ironing, washing clothes, changing my sheets, making plans to take back my life. then he called. i stared at the phone. i kind of smirked because my dad was wrong. he did call. but then i felt dread. i wondered what he could possibly say to me. stace asked why i answered. b/c if i didn't i just would've called him back to find out what he wanted. i could've just let him leave a message.
my mom told me i didn't have to call him to tell him not to call but i'd already made up my mind to do that. she said just don't answer. i don't know if i can. but i know i can't answer when you don't call. i'm starting to think maybe she was right, but what's done is done. yesterday he called to tell me that he'd fractured his foot and sprained his ankle playing basketball. i laughed (wryly) because i'd been telling him for years to stop playing injured and that one of these days he was really gonna hurt himself. he laughed too and told me not to laugh. i stopped because i didn't want to do this yet. i can't be your friend yet.
he called me just to tell me that. to tell me the biggest news in his life right now. and to tell me the latest with his mom. YOU DON'T SEE THAT ENORMOUS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM? the carcass of our relationship you just stepped over to nonchalantly make that call? what am i supposed to say to you? sorry you hurt yourself? that's for friends and girlfriends. right now i'm not much of either. i guess you could feel that for a stranger. but i need to feel nothing for you because i don't like my stomach in knots. i don't like the pounding headache that ensued when you called like nothing happened. and i'm sitting there wondering if this is how it's going to be. if you're just going to act like we never had anything. is this our life? and i wasn't ready for that.
it set me back. i'd woken up ready to go to work. and suddenly i was back. back in the moment. reliving what happened. i put the phone on speakerphone while i ironed, then my friend meagan called and i said i'd call him back but i knew it wouldn't be yesterday. i didn't know when. and even as i write this, i'm going back and forth. but i have to give myself a chance.
i was also amazed that while i was sitting in the house crying, and trying to finally sleep (for now i can only sleep once i get to the point of absolute exhaustion because my mind finally stops going. that means 24 hours after i woke up), you were out playing basketball. it slapped me in the face that this was really over for you. you've made your peace with it and moved on. i want that too. i don't want to be here anymore. but i can't do that if you're still here. i don't know what's going to work for me. but i've got to try something.
5.21.2007
forget him
ah mommy. if it were that easy, my stomach wouldn't be in knots everytime i reentered the scene of the crime (my house, by the way). i wouldn't have just gotten in the car to go get something to eat, sat there listening to "Beyond the Veil" by Darryl Coley on my ipod, driven half a mile only to turn back around because i couldn't figure out what i wanted.
when i usually feel like this, i call kyle. i've had to stop myself from calling him today too many times to count. for the last 6 years, i've called him when some guy hurt my feelings or annoyed me. when anyone hurt my feelings or annoyed me. when i was bored. he was the one who helped me through it. now he's the one who did it.
since my phone is always on vibrate, i rest it against my thigh while i drive. we usually talk on my way in to work since its the one time our schedules almost always collide. today i put my phone in its usual position, then glanced at it to make sure i still hadn't missed a call, just like i always do. then i remembered. i picked up the phone and threw it in my bag as the tears rolled down my face.
"it's because you're strong." i don't want to be strong all the time. i don't have to be. i know i'm strong but right now i need to grieve. not so much for the lost relationship but for our lost friendship. things will never be the same. whether that's for better or worse, remains to be seen, but for now i just feel lost.
this is why i've always held my male friends at arms length. we become great friends, even the best of friends, but we don't take it past there. why ruin a friendship for something that may or may not work out. but i took a chance with him. because i already loved him. and i was tired of looking in other men for what i already had with him. because i knew that if i married someone else, our relationship would have to change. because i knew that i couldn't stand him being with another woman who didn't appreciate his worth. because i loved him. and i knew he loved me.
and because i thought he wouldn't hurt me. but he did. and i won't say just like all the rest and i won't say i regret it because without experiencing anything, how can you grow? if you spend your life regretting, you are blocking your blessing. i know there is a reason this happened. i just don't know what it is yet.
i thought about not posting this but like rev. run said, we can't share the good things without sharing the bad. right now i just need some time to deal with this loss. my love, but more importantly, my friend.
5 minutes later.
my father is home. apparently him and my mother think i'm ruining my life by being bothered by this. he did bring up a good point though. if i haven't talked to him today, that means he hasn't called. damn... it really is over. i'll be back at work and in fighting form in no time. what a friend.
when i usually feel like this, i call kyle. i've had to stop myself from calling him today too many times to count. for the last 6 years, i've called him when some guy hurt my feelings or annoyed me. when anyone hurt my feelings or annoyed me. when i was bored. he was the one who helped me through it. now he's the one who did it.
since my phone is always on vibrate, i rest it against my thigh while i drive. we usually talk on my way in to work since its the one time our schedules almost always collide. today i put my phone in its usual position, then glanced at it to make sure i still hadn't missed a call, just like i always do. then i remembered. i picked up the phone and threw it in my bag as the tears rolled down my face.
"it's because you're strong." i don't want to be strong all the time. i don't have to be. i know i'm strong but right now i need to grieve. not so much for the lost relationship but for our lost friendship. things will never be the same. whether that's for better or worse, remains to be seen, but for now i just feel lost.
this is why i've always held my male friends at arms length. we become great friends, even the best of friends, but we don't take it past there. why ruin a friendship for something that may or may not work out. but i took a chance with him. because i already loved him. and i was tired of looking in other men for what i already had with him. because i knew that if i married someone else, our relationship would have to change. because i knew that i couldn't stand him being with another woman who didn't appreciate his worth. because i loved him. and i knew he loved me.
and because i thought he wouldn't hurt me. but he did. and i won't say just like all the rest and i won't say i regret it because without experiencing anything, how can you grow? if you spend your life regretting, you are blocking your blessing. i know there is a reason this happened. i just don't know what it is yet.
i thought about not posting this but like rev. run said, we can't share the good things without sharing the bad. right now i just need some time to deal with this loss. my love, but more importantly, my friend.
5 minutes later.
my father is home. apparently him and my mother think i'm ruining my life by being bothered by this. he did bring up a good point though. if i haven't talked to him today, that means he hasn't called. damn... it really is over. i'll be back at work and in fighting form in no time. what a friend.
5.20.2007
so that's it.
we broke up. i'll explain it all later but i just needed to let it out right now. quick math. one year, 5 months, 10 days down the drain. maybe along with 5 previous years of friendship.
5.15.2007
I Understand
No secret. My boyfriend lives far away. Pittsburgh to Bristol, CT far. 438.69 miles far (thanks mapquest). See you at most once a month because our schedules so infrequently match. Spent too many thousands of dollars visiting each other in the last 17 months far. So when you are talking to me about my long distance relationship and you say, "I know, because when I say bye to my boyfriend on Sunday, I'm always like, (sigh) I guess I'll see you on Friday," or "I have a friend who has been in a long distance relationship. I don't know how y'all do it," I think, "That's very the same at all." See how that made no sense?
I get a little pissed. Y'all know I'm sensitive about questions. (Skip to the last paragraph if you don't read a lot of not totally related stuff).
Oh to have the luxury of living in the same city as my boyfriend. Oh to have the luxury of seeing him every week... or more than once a month. OH TO GUARANTEE I COULD SEE HIM EVEN ONCE A MONTH. But for now I can't. I seriously try not to complain about it because right now its the best we can do. Plus is complaining going to make it any easier? And no one wants to hear that crap.
I also know this is preparing me for something else. I just don't know what. At the very least its a lesson in something. Everything we endure is. As much as I hate cliches, they seem to pop out rather a lot and this one is hideously true: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have never felt so loved (family and friends excluded of course) and I have been in positive relationships. Or at least one anyway before him. I appreciate what we have.
It's not like I don't consider the people who let this stuff pop out of their mouths my friends. But sometimes, I just wish they'd think a little bit. Because it hurts when they don't. If you haven't been there, you don't understand.
One girl was asking me about my relationship yesterday and she just said "Wow... that's really hard" and I felt instantly better. I don't always need commiseration, but every once in a while CAN I BE ACKNOWLEDGED?!?! I can't help that I'm bratty. It's who I am. Know what people say to me all the time? "You are so spoiled!!" They mean loved. They get tongue-tied.
There's another guy who has been in 3 long-distance relationships of 2 years or more. YOU understand. YOU are allowed to talk about it. The rest? You really don't even have to say anything. If I want to talk about my relationship, I will. 9xs out of 10, I won't bring up the distance. If he's getting on my nerves, guess what? That likely has nothing to do with it. It's because he's a person and that's what people do. So let's not let "Is it the distance?" pop out every time we talk okay? Our relationship is not defined by that and our love is not built on it.
It's built on this. (From May 2, 2006)
We went to Hampton together. Met freshman year and became friends thru several mutual friends. Got closer soph. yr. b/c we were in the same major, had a lot of classes together, and would give each other love/relationship advice. It was really great. Over the course of soph, jr and senior years, he became one of my closest friends and confidantes. He tried to convince me to kiss him (he claims once a semester, but i know it was more than that) but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. He was one of my few male friends to keep in touch with me throughout the summer. We went to Sr. Ball together. The night of graduation we stayed up all night talking and listening to music in his car. (Hmmm.... That's strange. He had an apt. I have no idea why we stayed in his car).
The year following graduation, we stayed close and in touch. Continuing to talk to each other at least twice a week for at least an hour and a half, and up to four or five hours. What the hell do we talk about? We try to figure this out everytime we have a marathon session (including yesterday's 3 hour convo). We talk about music a LOT, sports, work (those two go hand in hand for him), rachael ray (LMAO!!), tv. I think that's about it. But probably not. So about a year ago, maybe even a year and a half, I started thinking about him in "that way." As more than a friend that is. And it took me about a year, from about October 2004 to August 2005 to convince myself it was ok to love him beyond our friendship love; and that it wouldn't ruin our friendship. So I sent him a letter. It was only one page but it said everything I needed it to. He didn't know how to take it. So we just kind of ignored it.
He sent me a package for my bday in August and it was just what I wanted. I was home alone w/no friends as I had just moved to Pittsburgh. So he talked to me from 1130 pm on August 22nd until about 3 hours into my birthday. In October, we made plans to meet in the middle for the first time. It was our first time seeing each other in a year and a month and a half. I knew then and he says he did too but we weren't honest with each other. We both acted like it was nice but not really a big deal. Then he called me in November to ask me if I wanted to fly in to see The Color Purple on Broadway w/him. Of course I said yes. We saw the play on December 5th. I went home on the 6th. The 10th he told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend. So it has been nearly 5 months.
I get a little pissed. Y'all know I'm sensitive about questions. (Skip to the last paragraph if you don't read a lot of not totally related stuff).
Oh to have the luxury of living in the same city as my boyfriend. Oh to have the luxury of seeing him every week... or more than once a month. OH TO GUARANTEE I COULD SEE HIM EVEN ONCE A MONTH. But for now I can't. I seriously try not to complain about it because right now its the best we can do. Plus is complaining going to make it any easier? And no one wants to hear that crap.
I also know this is preparing me for something else. I just don't know what. At the very least its a lesson in something. Everything we endure is. As much as I hate cliches, they seem to pop out rather a lot and this one is hideously true: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have never felt so loved (family and friends excluded of course) and I have been in positive relationships. Or at least one anyway before him. I appreciate what we have.
It's not like I don't consider the people who let this stuff pop out of their mouths my friends. But sometimes, I just wish they'd think a little bit. Because it hurts when they don't. If you haven't been there, you don't understand.
One girl was asking me about my relationship yesterday and she just said "Wow... that's really hard" and I felt instantly better. I don't always need commiseration, but every once in a while CAN I BE ACKNOWLEDGED?!?! I can't help that I'm bratty. It's who I am. Know what people say to me all the time? "You are so spoiled!!" They mean loved. They get tongue-tied.
There's another guy who has been in 3 long-distance relationships of 2 years or more. YOU understand. YOU are allowed to talk about it. The rest? You really don't even have to say anything. If I want to talk about my relationship, I will. 9xs out of 10, I won't bring up the distance. If he's getting on my nerves, guess what? That likely has nothing to do with it. It's because he's a person and that's what people do. So let's not let "Is it the distance?" pop out every time we talk okay? Our relationship is not defined by that and our love is not built on it.
It's built on this. (From May 2, 2006)
We went to Hampton together. Met freshman year and became friends thru several mutual friends. Got closer soph. yr. b/c we were in the same major, had a lot of classes together, and would give each other love/relationship advice. It was really great. Over the course of soph, jr and senior years, he became one of my closest friends and confidantes. He tried to convince me to kiss him (he claims once a semester, but i know it was more than that) but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. He was one of my few male friends to keep in touch with me throughout the summer. We went to Sr. Ball together. The night of graduation we stayed up all night talking and listening to music in his car. (Hmmm.... That's strange. He had an apt. I have no idea why we stayed in his car).
The year following graduation, we stayed close and in touch. Continuing to talk to each other at least twice a week for at least an hour and a half, and up to four or five hours. What the hell do we talk about? We try to figure this out everytime we have a marathon session (including yesterday's 3 hour convo). We talk about music a LOT, sports, work (those two go hand in hand for him), rachael ray (LMAO!!), tv. I think that's about it. But probably not. So about a year ago, maybe even a year and a half, I started thinking about him in "that way." As more than a friend that is. And it took me about a year, from about October 2004 to August 2005 to convince myself it was ok to love him beyond our friendship love; and that it wouldn't ruin our friendship. So I sent him a letter. It was only one page but it said everything I needed it to. He didn't know how to take it. So we just kind of ignored it.
He sent me a package for my bday in August and it was just what I wanted. I was home alone w/no friends as I had just moved to Pittsburgh. So he talked to me from 1130 pm on August 22nd until about 3 hours into my birthday. In October, we made plans to meet in the middle for the first time. It was our first time seeing each other in a year and a month and a half. I knew then and he says he did too but we weren't honest with each other. We both acted like it was nice but not really a big deal. Then he called me in November to ask me if I wanted to fly in to see The Color Purple on Broadway w/him. Of course I said yes. We saw the play on December 5th. I went home on the 6th. The 10th he told me he loved me and asked me to be his girlfriend. So it has been nearly 5 months.
5.10.2007
The New Books
Amazingly, I am posting something I promised in less than a month. (I was going to finish my post about going home but I've (temporarily) lost my notes and I really can't remember anything without them).
I bought both of these books because they had odd titles. One is so odd I think I have to take it back. It's called Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!: The All-in-One Life Planner from Benrik. Granted I should've known what I was getting myself into from the title alone. Every page is a different age and what you should do (all crazy things). I bought it solely for the page for age 24. It says waste this year. I was like, well! I'm already ahead of the game by NOT wasting this year so let's see what 365 things I should've been doing and how I can make up for lost time with the last bit of time I have left in this 24th year.
One was make up a knock-knock joke. Here's mine.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Jemima.
Jemima who?
OOOOOOh! Nosy! Why don't jemima your own business sometimes!
Pretty good right? Except its for the British kiddies because other than syrup, there aren't a whole lot of little Jemimas running around over here. I was also supposed to make my own bread and jam. What? Pass. My grandmother actually makes apple butter. I think its disgusting so I haven't bothered to ask her how to make it. I'll have you know I have done some of these things: peeled off a beer bottle label, create the ultimate sandwich, revise your signature, floss, change your ringtone (all really just different versions of a traditional ring b/c i have a strong aversion (borderline hate) to ringtones plus my phone is so rarely off vibrate b/c of my strange hours that i would never know the ringtone was me anyway).
The other book has lots of questions in it. Like nearly 200 pages of questions. Since Kyle was not at all a fan of Joy's book of choice, All About Us, I chose this one instead. I have been annoying the crap out of him with the questions ranging from bizarre (do you take oreos apart to eat them? do you dunk them in milk?) to spiritual (do you believe in God?) to maybe scary if you're not ready to learn the answers (what circumstances have led you or would lead you to betray a vow of monogamy?). It's pretty fun because we're learning things about each other we didn't know and may have never asked.
Know what he told me once? Whenever he asks me what's going on in the world (which he does a lot because he NEVER watches the news) and I bring up something he's heard about, he may say he hasn't because he knows I'll give him way more details than anyone else. I LOVE that. I gather details just for that reason. So I can know more than everyone else. :) Or at the very least have a different set of details. I'm the queen of "Ooh! But did you hear!" and "Can you imagine...!" It's fun. So that's me. Coming up soon, (am I really using an update post to tease another post? ridiculous and out of control esp. since I have a list of at least 5 outstanding posts) an update on my progress at the gym.
I bought both of these books because they had odd titles. One is so odd I think I have to take it back. It's called Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!: The All-in-One Life Planner from Benrik. Granted I should've known what I was getting myself into from the title alone. Every page is a different age and what you should do (all crazy things). I bought it solely for the page for age 24. It says waste this year. I was like, well! I'm already ahead of the game by NOT wasting this year so let's see what 365 things I should've been doing and how I can make up for lost time with the last bit of time I have left in this 24th year.
One was make up a knock-knock joke. Here's mine.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Jemima.
Jemima who?
OOOOOOh! Nosy! Why don't jemima your own business sometimes!
Pretty good right? Except its for the British kiddies because other than syrup, there aren't a whole lot of little Jemimas running around over here. I was also supposed to make my own bread and jam. What? Pass. My grandmother actually makes apple butter. I think its disgusting so I haven't bothered to ask her how to make it. I'll have you know I have done some of these things: peeled off a beer bottle label, create the ultimate sandwich, revise your signature, floss, change your ringtone (all really just different versions of a traditional ring b/c i have a strong aversion (borderline hate) to ringtones plus my phone is so rarely off vibrate b/c of my strange hours that i would never know the ringtone was me anyway).
The other book has lots of questions in it. Like nearly 200 pages of questions. Since Kyle was not at all a fan of Joy's book of choice, All About Us, I chose this one instead. I have been annoying the crap out of him with the questions ranging from bizarre (do you take oreos apart to eat them? do you dunk them in milk?) to spiritual (do you believe in God?) to maybe scary if you're not ready to learn the answers (what circumstances have led you or would lead you to betray a vow of monogamy?). It's pretty fun because we're learning things about each other we didn't know and may have never asked.
Know what he told me once? Whenever he asks me what's going on in the world (which he does a lot because he NEVER watches the news) and I bring up something he's heard about, he may say he hasn't because he knows I'll give him way more details than anyone else. I LOVE that. I gather details just for that reason. So I can know more than everyone else. :) Or at the very least have a different set of details. I'm the queen of "Ooh! But did you hear!" and "Can you imagine...!" It's fun. So that's me. Coming up soon, (am I really using an update post to tease another post? ridiculous and out of control esp. since I have a list of at least 5 outstanding posts) an update on my progress at the gym.
5.07.2007
Help a Sista Out
Guess who wore a thick, black, cable-knit, long-sleeved sweater this morning? Yeah. That would be me. Know why? Because it was 38 degrees this morning. 38!!! ON MAY 7TH!!! I made a petition to boycott the weather back when it was cold as all hell. The high today is 71, tomorrow the high is 75 I think, but the low tonight is 45. Scuse me!! God? Can I get some real May temps? Love the 70s, you know this, but the 30s in May? I really can't get with it.
My line sister, fantastic and ambitious as she is, is creating a book club for when she moves to Syracuse in the fall for grad school (she wants to be the editor-in-chief of a magazine (see what I mean by fantastic and ambitious?)). She needs a name. So help. Here's what she said about it "(For) women on the graduate level. Probably age 23 and up. Whatever the name is, I would like to call it a literary society because free black women during the time of slavery called their reading groups that. I really just want it to have some fun name that doesn't sound like something you'd have to do a whole lot of extraneous work for. I want it to be a reading group for Black women to relax and acheive personal improvement." Out of this world. Help her out.
On an unrelated note, I love this commercial.
Cracks me up. "That's what's s... n-f." Hilarious. Because I work in tv, I see probably millions of commercials a year. Sometimes I wish I was exaggerating but I see a lot. At least 1/2 a million. I won't go any lower so don't try to make me!!! I realized I'm so used to a million tvs being on at once that I probably watch/listen to about 70 hours of tv a week. See why not watching tv is odd to me? Not not watching tv is odd, its more that people act like they're superior when they say they don't. Boooooooo. That doesn't make you smarter. I still read like a fiend. But I used to watch just MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE 15 hours per week. And that may be a stretch.
My line sister, fantastic and ambitious as she is, is creating a book club for when she moves to Syracuse in the fall for grad school (she wants to be the editor-in-chief of a magazine (see what I mean by fantastic and ambitious?)). She needs a name. So help. Here's what she said about it "(For) women on the graduate level. Probably age 23 and up. Whatever the name is, I would like to call it a literary society because free black women during the time of slavery called their reading groups that. I really just want it to have some fun name that doesn't sound like something you'd have to do a whole lot of extraneous work for. I want it to be a reading group for Black women to relax and acheive personal improvement." Out of this world. Help her out.
On an unrelated note, I love this commercial.
Cracks me up. "That's what's s... n-f." Hilarious. Because I work in tv, I see probably millions of commercials a year. Sometimes I wish I was exaggerating but I see a lot. At least 1/2 a million. I won't go any lower so don't try to make me!!! I realized I'm so used to a million tvs being on at once that I probably watch/listen to about 70 hours of tv a week. See why not watching tv is odd to me? Not not watching tv is odd, its more that people act like they're superior when they say they don't. Boooooooo. That doesn't make you smarter. I still read like a fiend. But I used to watch just MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYBE 15 hours per week. And that may be a stretch.
5.03.2007
Loser Week Over!
Geez that took a long time. I needed something else to look forward to. Scroll through most of April and you'll see a myriad of "woe is me" ridiculous posts. I use this thing as a diary of sorts sometimes. My MOST personal thoughts don't often show up on here but those were definitely highly personal with me. BUT apparently all of blogger is going through a quarter-life crisis of sorts so it seemed appropriate. Lol. We are so dramatic! How did our ancestors survive without all this self-help crap and life crises for every milestone? Oh yeah, they worked. But this is a far different time. Good in some respects, bad in others. Sometimes there can be such a thing as too much introspection, yes?
Yesterday I fulfilled one of my goals for the new year: I finally met a blogger! WHAT?!! 15 trials and it finally happened. Veronica hit me up via email, let me know she was gonna be in the 'burgh and we went to a Pirates game. It was fun, despite their 7-1 loss to the Cubs(??? of all teams!) We each had a $3.50 nutty butty and I had a $6 16 oz. Yuengling. Outrageous. I also paid $15 for parking. Ouch. But we had great seats (sorry I left my camera in the car!) See that third pic? We were on that side of the ballpark and that was our view. Hot right?! It was fantastic. But HOT! Not Charlotte hot, but hot nonetheless since we were sittin in the sun. I got a mini tan. WHOO! I look a little more chocolate. The problem w/my tans is I don't stay in the sun anymore after the first time and promptly lose them within a few days. Booooooooooo. Can I get chocolate? Is that so much to ask?
I also had to get on V about not blogging. What is this? I gotta track y'all down to ask you personally to blog? I have to go to Connecticut to get Ashli, Jerz to get X (is that where you are? X where the *beep* are you guh!) and Mama A and DC to shake Madam (oh the jokes for that one! Blogger got its own DC Madam!!!!) Stace already called the folk out and y'all STILL slackin. I've gotta go to IOWA to get Dream, Houston for La. I mean I even got to travel to Colombia (YES THE COUNTRY!!!) to get Karamale. I've had to rearrange my favorites because y'all folk trippin. Get it together!!!!
I'm realizing part of my funk. I NEED TO GET OUT THE HOUSE!!! That's just how I am. I need to interact with people outside of work. That's why college was so fun. Built-in friends right there. And I had some fantastic ones. Still do. And they love to go out just as much as I do. Can't wait to have that again. Anyone want to move to Pittsburgh?
What do I have to look forward to now? Well... I just bought my latest ticket to Connecticut. I'll see Kyle on June 6th. Yes I know that's more than a month away but I will survive. At least I know when I'll get my reprieve (its like a prison break or parole or something). Woot woot! I'll also see the lovely Ashli! Weeee! And the new condo she just bought. Yay! AND Kyle says he bought me something he will only give to me in person. Hurray! So exciting. But its not jewelery. Poo. Hahahaha. But anything from him will have meaning because it will show he's been listening to me. Love him.
I also bought two funny books from Urban Outfitters. I don't really ever find things I like in that store for the price I want to pay. All their weird clothes are always so overpriced. But sometimes I like their strange books. Oddly enough, one of them provided some clarity I didn't expect. I'll tell you all about them another time! Hahahaha. I know you hate when I offer something (I do too because then its so rare for me to actually write about it). Oh well. You'll survive. Just remind me when there's a post you need! Kisses!
Yesterday I fulfilled one of my goals for the new year: I finally met a blogger! WHAT?!! 15 trials and it finally happened. Veronica hit me up via email, let me know she was gonna be in the 'burgh and we went to a Pirates game. It was fun, despite their 7-1 loss to the Cubs(??? of all teams!) We each had a $3.50 nutty butty and I had a $6 16 oz. Yuengling. Outrageous. I also paid $15 for parking. Ouch. But we had great seats (sorry I left my camera in the car!) See that third pic? We were on that side of the ballpark and that was our view. Hot right?! It was fantastic. But HOT! Not Charlotte hot, but hot nonetheless since we were sittin in the sun. I got a mini tan. WHOO! I look a little more chocolate. The problem w/my tans is I don't stay in the sun anymore after the first time and promptly lose them within a few days. Booooooooooo. Can I get chocolate? Is that so much to ask?
I also had to get on V about not blogging. What is this? I gotta track y'all down to ask you personally to blog? I have to go to Connecticut to get Ashli, Jerz to get X (is that where you are? X where the *beep* are you guh!) and Mama A and DC to shake Madam (oh the jokes for that one! Blogger got its own DC Madam!!!!) Stace already called the folk out and y'all STILL slackin. I've gotta go to IOWA to get Dream, Houston for La. I mean I even got to travel to Colombia (YES THE COUNTRY!!!) to get Karamale. I've had to rearrange my favorites because y'all folk trippin. Get it together!!!!
I'm realizing part of my funk. I NEED TO GET OUT THE HOUSE!!! That's just how I am. I need to interact with people outside of work. That's why college was so fun. Built-in friends right there. And I had some fantastic ones. Still do. And they love to go out just as much as I do. Can't wait to have that again. Anyone want to move to Pittsburgh?
What do I have to look forward to now? Well... I just bought my latest ticket to Connecticut. I'll see Kyle on June 6th. Yes I know that's more than a month away but I will survive. At least I know when I'll get my reprieve (its like a prison break or parole or something). Woot woot! I'll also see the lovely Ashli! Weeee! And the new condo she just bought. Yay! AND Kyle says he bought me something he will only give to me in person. Hurray! So exciting. But its not jewelery. Poo. Hahahaha. But anything from him will have meaning because it will show he's been listening to me. Love him.
I also bought two funny books from Urban Outfitters. I don't really ever find things I like in that store for the price I want to pay. All their weird clothes are always so overpriced. But sometimes I like their strange books. Oddly enough, one of them provided some clarity I didn't expect. I'll tell you all about them another time! Hahahaha. I know you hate when I offer something (I do too because then its so rare for me to actually write about it). Oh well. You'll survive. Just remind me when there's a post you need! Kisses!
4.30.2007
Do Something
The speaking sabbatical has been partially disengaged. I'm still only talking to a select few and using my words fairly sparingly, but I have turned my phone back on. I still am steering clear of instant messenger. I don't need to be that attached to the world just yet. I'm getting a lot of thinking done and I really like it.
Right now I'm reading Radical Equations: Civil Rights from Mississippi to the Algebra Project by Bob Moses. I'm only about halfway through and already I'm thinking about basing my master's thesis on it when I go to grad school. It's about the connection between the voters' rights struggles and math literacy. Essentially Moses believes math, algebra in particular, holds the key to tangible progress for poor children of any color. By tracking children and taking them away from college prepatory math, we are handicapping them, making them ill-equipped to cope in an increasingly technological world. While explaining the connection, he goes into a bit of history which I'm mildly obsessed with as well, particularly concerning black people, and the Civil Rights Movement. It's amazing to me how recent this all was and that there is still work left to be done.
(This is actually one of the books I found floating around at work. That's one of my favorite things about work. All the interesting things to read. Y'all already know I'm obsessed with the AP wires.)
I had a disturbing conversation last week that's really stuck with me. A guy told me how he believes "one person, one vote" is a bunch of b.s. and he doesn't really participate in the political process. I can understand the disenfranchisement, particularly with this generation, of the voter. However, I can't seem to get an answer to this question from anyone who doesn't believe in voting. If voting truly lacks importance, why did white people fight and KILL (Medgar Evers, James Chaney, Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman ring a bell? There are many more.) to keep us from doing so for so long? Why was voting a part of the process of keeping black people subservient if your vote truly does not count? Why not just let the "nigras" vote if it keeps them quiet and doesn't mean anything anyway? Why institute poll taxes and require literacy tests? Why was a Voting Rights Act necessary to ensure equal access and a more fair political process?
Today I contributed to my first political campaign. I feel so proud and like I actually accomplished something. Go Barack. I like John Edwards, too, but I can't lie, the $400 haircuts really threw me off. I know he's embarassed about them, but you still got them. Can you imagine how much Hillary spends on her hair? I'm sure its an equally assinine amount. Barack? He's not spending my money on hair. What black barber do you know who charges more than $10 or $20 for a haircut? PLUS he's Barack. The probably give them to him for free and brag about how they cut his hair and they'll do anything to support him.
That was an unnecessary tangent but you know how I get. The point is, I'm very excited about "Decision 2008" and am looking forward to narrowing down the field. If you are a Democrat and your name is not Barack, Hillary or John, kindly sit down. You do not have a chance. If you are a Republican and your name is not Rudy (Guiliani, one of the most Democratic Republicans when it comes to abortion and gay rights. Southern Repubs will HATE that), John (McCain, used to like him, he's now starting to rub me the wrong way, plus he's old as dirt and still supports the Iraq war WITHOUT A PLAN FOR WITHDRAWAL), or Mitt (Romney, former Massachusetts governor). I can't wait for DP to add his two cents on this. Rock the vote, people. Get your vote on, whatever. Do something.
Right now I'm reading Radical Equations: Civil Rights from Mississippi to the Algebra Project by Bob Moses. I'm only about halfway through and already I'm thinking about basing my master's thesis on it when I go to grad school. It's about the connection between the voters' rights struggles and math literacy. Essentially Moses believes math, algebra in particular, holds the key to tangible progress for poor children of any color. By tracking children and taking them away from college prepatory math, we are handicapping them, making them ill-equipped to cope in an increasingly technological world. While explaining the connection, he goes into a bit of history which I'm mildly obsessed with as well, particularly concerning black people, and the Civil Rights Movement. It's amazing to me how recent this all was and that there is still work left to be done.
(This is actually one of the books I found floating around at work. That's one of my favorite things about work. All the interesting things to read. Y'all already know I'm obsessed with the AP wires.)
I had a disturbing conversation last week that's really stuck with me. A guy told me how he believes "one person, one vote" is a bunch of b.s. and he doesn't really participate in the political process. I can understand the disenfranchisement, particularly with this generation, of the voter. However, I can't seem to get an answer to this question from anyone who doesn't believe in voting. If voting truly lacks importance, why did white people fight and KILL (Medgar Evers, James Chaney, Michael Schwerner, Andrew Goodman ring a bell? There are many more.) to keep us from doing so for so long? Why was voting a part of the process of keeping black people subservient if your vote truly does not count? Why not just let the "nigras" vote if it keeps them quiet and doesn't mean anything anyway? Why institute poll taxes and require literacy tests? Why was a Voting Rights Act necessary to ensure equal access and a more fair political process?
Today I contributed to my first political campaign. I feel so proud and like I actually accomplished something. Go Barack. I like John Edwards, too, but I can't lie, the $400 haircuts really threw me off. I know he's embarassed about them, but you still got them. Can you imagine how much Hillary spends on her hair? I'm sure its an equally assinine amount. Barack? He's not spending my money on hair. What black barber do you know who charges more than $10 or $20 for a haircut? PLUS he's Barack. The probably give them to him for free and brag about how they cut his hair and they'll do anything to support him.
That was an unnecessary tangent but you know how I get. The point is, I'm very excited about "Decision 2008" and am looking forward to narrowing down the field. If you are a Democrat and your name is not Barack, Hillary or John, kindly sit down. You do not have a chance. If you are a Republican and your name is not Rudy (Guiliani, one of the most Democratic Republicans when it comes to abortion and gay rights. Southern Repubs will HATE that), John (McCain, used to like him, he's now starting to rub me the wrong way, plus he's old as dirt and still supports the Iraq war WITHOUT A PLAN FOR WITHDRAWAL), or Mitt (Romney, former Massachusetts governor). I can't wait for DP to add his two cents on this. Rock the vote, people. Get your vote on, whatever. Do something.
4.26.2007
Speaking Sabbatical
Every once in a while I get pensive. This is not tied to moodiness. It's not tied to any whims or anything other than my need to think without interference from other people's words. Anyone who knows me in life finds this preposterous. While at times I have a propensity for verbosity, I am also a thinker. And sometimes my mind is working so quickly and in so many directions that I need silence and time for reflection with only myself.
At least two years ago was the first time I enacted the speaking sabbatical. I was still in Charlotte. I'd moved back after graduation. I was working at Express and sending out resumes and cover letters like mad. I don't remember if this was the first summer after graduation or the second summer after graduation but I was feeling trapped and confused about my life.
It must have been the second summer. The first summer I was free and living off of my graduation money. So summer 2005. My mother was getting increasingly annoyed with me and she wasn't exactly my favorite person, either. I imagine it was hard seeing her progeny, her firstborn, in that state. I was working at a film company but for experience only. It's a fledgling business and I just wanted to do anything I could to get some experience so when I finally got an interview, the interviewees wouldn't ask what have you been doing for the last year only to hear me hem and haw. It turned out to be an excellent experience. But at some point, you have to make some money.
My sister came home that summer. She's only 19 months younger than me. That means there were 3 women under one roof, two of them still growing into themselves. The weariness that was that household. I stopped speaking to get some peace. I left a note on the kitchen table announcing my speaking sabbatical. I spoke at work minimally (I worked in the stock room) and only when I had to. Once I got home, silence. I've always been a talker and a writer. I would get in trouble for talking at school. I would talk, talk, talk during recess. My kindergarten teacher told my mom I was the only student she'd ever seen who could convince other students to PLAY school during recess. Then I would come home and talk and talk and talk more. On the phone to my friends to hours, to my mother's chagrin. To my parents when they got home from work. They never had to worry about me hiding anything or what was going on in my life because I was always willing to talk about it. I would perch on the edge of my mom's bed and chatter away.
But the summer of 2005, I finally had enough. It was freeing. For the first time in my life, I was silent. No talking, no television, just books, writing and my mind. It lasted for 3 days. I loved it. Once I started talking again, I wished I could enact the sabbatical again.
Now I don't proclaim sabbatical, I'll just retreat to my room. My schedule is so bizarre that whenever I'm in my room my father leaves me alone in case I'm sleeping. I think if I declared sabbatical on him he would be quite upset. My mother was overjoyed. Maybe that's extreme but she thought it was a good idea. She's borne the brunt of my talkative nature. My dad is a talker, too, so he loves it.
Now is one of those times, though. I've turned off my phone. I went on a walk around the neighborhood while listening to "Mama's Gun" on my ipod. I didn't go to the gym because I didn't want to risk being bothered. I needed some peace. My mind was still going a million miles a minute and I probably need to just put pen to paper and let it out but I write so infrequently now that typing is the best way to do it. I will get this figured out. I want to welcome 25 with open arms. Lucky you, the sabbatical does not extend to writing but if you call I may not answer and I likely won't be on instant messenger. Last time I think Kyle was exempt from the sabbatical, this time I think he's included.
At least two years ago was the first time I enacted the speaking sabbatical. I was still in Charlotte. I'd moved back after graduation. I was working at Express and sending out resumes and cover letters like mad. I don't remember if this was the first summer after graduation or the second summer after graduation but I was feeling trapped and confused about my life.
It must have been the second summer. The first summer I was free and living off of my graduation money. So summer 2005. My mother was getting increasingly annoyed with me and she wasn't exactly my favorite person, either. I imagine it was hard seeing her progeny, her firstborn, in that state. I was working at a film company but for experience only. It's a fledgling business and I just wanted to do anything I could to get some experience so when I finally got an interview, the interviewees wouldn't ask what have you been doing for the last year only to hear me hem and haw. It turned out to be an excellent experience. But at some point, you have to make some money.
My sister came home that summer. She's only 19 months younger than me. That means there were 3 women under one roof, two of them still growing into themselves. The weariness that was that household. I stopped speaking to get some peace. I left a note on the kitchen table announcing my speaking sabbatical. I spoke at work minimally (I worked in the stock room) and only when I had to. Once I got home, silence. I've always been a talker and a writer. I would get in trouble for talking at school. I would talk, talk, talk during recess. My kindergarten teacher told my mom I was the only student she'd ever seen who could convince other students to PLAY school during recess. Then I would come home and talk and talk and talk more. On the phone to my friends to hours, to my mother's chagrin. To my parents when they got home from work. They never had to worry about me hiding anything or what was going on in my life because I was always willing to talk about it. I would perch on the edge of my mom's bed and chatter away.
But the summer of 2005, I finally had enough. It was freeing. For the first time in my life, I was silent. No talking, no television, just books, writing and my mind. It lasted for 3 days. I loved it. Once I started talking again, I wished I could enact the sabbatical again.
Now I don't proclaim sabbatical, I'll just retreat to my room. My schedule is so bizarre that whenever I'm in my room my father leaves me alone in case I'm sleeping. I think if I declared sabbatical on him he would be quite upset. My mother was overjoyed. Maybe that's extreme but she thought it was a good idea. She's borne the brunt of my talkative nature. My dad is a talker, too, so he loves it.
Now is one of those times, though. I've turned off my phone. I went on a walk around the neighborhood while listening to "Mama's Gun" on my ipod. I didn't go to the gym because I didn't want to risk being bothered. I needed some peace. My mind was still going a million miles a minute and I probably need to just put pen to paper and let it out but I write so infrequently now that typing is the best way to do it. I will get this figured out. I want to welcome 25 with open arms. Lucky you, the sabbatical does not extend to writing but if you call I may not answer and I likely won't be on instant messenger. Last time I think Kyle was exempt from the sabbatical, this time I think he's included.
4.25.2007
"She Wants Her Own Day"
The doctor pronounced my mom's due date as August 5, 1982. My mom said the 15th was more like it. If I'd been born on the 17th, it would've been my Uncle Jake's (dad's side, on my mom's side its Uncle Jacob). My dad said, "No, she'll be born on my birthday, the 21st." When I skipped that day, he said, "Ok, our anniversary. She'll be born on the 22nd." If I'd been born on the 26th, I would've shared a birthday with my older sister. But I took my own damn day: August 23rd. Fitting, right?
My middle school crew included A, whose birthday is August 3rd, M is on the 21st, same as D (dad), S is the 27th, T is the 30th. August babies unite! I don't really talk to A anymore. Not because we fell out or anything but we just kind of grew apart and we were never that close. She's getting married next month (allegedly) so I'll probably send her a gift. Just because I'm sweet like that.
I've done a myriad of things for my past birthdays. I finally got the surprise party I've always wanted on my 24th birthday. This year, me, M and T are all going to Beverly Hills for the big 2-5. We're staying at the Tower. I want to go see Ellen, too. I love Ellen. She cracks me up.
Love her! Stacey taught me how to embed video. I'm so excited. I also love Issac Mizrahi!!
Do yourself a favor and scroll through some of those quotes on that page. A few classics, "Gay equals lavender," "Style is 75 percent confidence and 25 percent... I don't know." What??? So funny.
I also love Nia Long. I will be her in my next life. I was trying to find a clip of her on Isaac because that was one of my fave episodes. She's so cute and fantastic and funny. I love her. Black people should really get on youtube more doing something other than shakin it. I could only find one clip that wasn't a trailer.
On a side note, shout out to my Hampton homie who just got his first published article on espn.com!! Wheeeee!!
Back to the bday. I'm always excited about my birthday. Not this year. This year I'm apprehensive. And it's not just because I'm older. My aunt turned 60 this year and LOVES her birthday. She celebrates for the entire month of February. It's great.
How depressing that I'm not looking forward to this one. Especially since I have plans. AND with people who actually come through when they make plans. We say we're going to do something, we're going to do it. We had a great time hanging out almost every day I was at home. (I really will finish that post b/c I have more pics to share). But I just want something else. I definitely need some black friends in this city. I don't have a single one. Isn't that horrendous? I've been here a year and a half and I don't know any black people. I know some but we're not friends. I don't call them up for lunch or just to chat or anything. It's pretty sad. Something's gotta give. I've always been the girl of a million acquaintances and a core group of friends. I know, I know. You pare those down to the basics. I know this but STILL! Sometimes it's just annoying.
My middle school crew included A, whose birthday is August 3rd, M is on the 21st, same as D (dad), S is the 27th, T is the 30th. August babies unite! I don't really talk to A anymore. Not because we fell out or anything but we just kind of grew apart and we were never that close. She's getting married next month (allegedly) so I'll probably send her a gift. Just because I'm sweet like that.
I've done a myriad of things for my past birthdays. I finally got the surprise party I've always wanted on my 24th birthday. This year, me, M and T are all going to Beverly Hills for the big 2-5. We're staying at the Tower. I want to go see Ellen, too. I love Ellen. She cracks me up.
Love her! Stacey taught me how to embed video. I'm so excited. I also love Issac Mizrahi!!
Do yourself a favor and scroll through some of those quotes on that page. A few classics, "Gay equals lavender," "Style is 75 percent confidence and 25 percent... I don't know." What??? So funny.
I also love Nia Long. I will be her in my next life. I was trying to find a clip of her on Isaac because that was one of my fave episodes. She's so cute and fantastic and funny. I love her. Black people should really get on youtube more doing something other than shakin it. I could only find one clip that wasn't a trailer.
On a side note, shout out to my Hampton homie who just got his first published article on espn.com!! Wheeeee!!
Back to the bday. I'm always excited about my birthday. Not this year. This year I'm apprehensive. And it's not just because I'm older. My aunt turned 60 this year and LOVES her birthday. She celebrates for the entire month of February. It's great.
How depressing that I'm not looking forward to this one. Especially since I have plans. AND with people who actually come through when they make plans. We say we're going to do something, we're going to do it. We had a great time hanging out almost every day I was at home. (I really will finish that post b/c I have more pics to share). But I just want something else. I definitely need some black friends in this city. I don't have a single one. Isn't that horrendous? I've been here a year and a half and I don't know any black people. I know some but we're not friends. I don't call them up for lunch or just to chat or anything. It's pretty sad. Something's gotta give. I've always been the girl of a million acquaintances and a core group of friends. I know, I know. You pare those down to the basics. I know this but STILL! Sometimes it's just annoying.
4.19.2007
Empty Womb, Please
Going home made me realize something. I am not ready to be a mother. I mean I already knew that because every time someone tells me she's pregnant, I get this deer in the headlights look and ask, "Are you scared?" It's really quite pathetic. I mean I'm just four months shy of my 25th birthday and the thought of carrying a child, eventually having it leave my body and being responsible for him or her for the next 21 years (they will be going to college and who is really self-sufficient in college? They are few and far between)... Frankly, the thought makes me a bit ill.
One of my friends from middle school had a baby in December. I was so excited when I found out she was pregnant that I wanted to immediately rush home. But I couldn't (no vacation), so I was forced to wait until after she had the baby. Finally in March, I was able to go home. I got home Wednesday night and made plans to get together with M, spend the day together on Thursday and finally meet Tristan. Kyle asked me, "Is this going to make you want a baby?" I said, "Of course!" What else will I say when you ask me such an insane question? He said, "I knew it." Hahahaha. I mean truly, I don't know.
I've been around babies before, of course, but not a lot. On both sides my cousins are around my age, no babies really. My sister and I are in the youngest bunch on my dad's side. I have some second cousins my age and older. On my mom's side, most of my cousins live in Mississippi and are about my age, but even if they weren't we wouldn't see them enough for me to spend a significant amount of time around babies. I don't have any friends who had babies as teenagers. Of course babies were in and out of my periphery, but I've never even changed a diaper. I hold them for a few minutes, then hand them back, especially if they start crying, and go gossip.
Thursday, M pulls Tristan out of the car seat and my first reaction was joy. He is a beautiful baby. All 3-month-old fat, chubby cheeks, sweet little cherub. He held onto me, let me hold him and just looked up into my face, blinking in the warm March southern sun (shout out to the sun, light winds, 75+ degree days, flowers, green grass, I hope to see you again soon). So adorable! I felt flooded with love, then instantly confused because I mean, this isn't even my child. But he's the child of one of my closest friends and our first baby in the group I've known since I was 13. I love his mom so I guess the love just transferred. I take a closer look at M and she's glowing. Motherhood really suits her.
We spend the day at the mall shopping and talking after our pedicures. This is one of the best babies. He doesn't cry or fuss, if the car moves, he's knocked out. I'm not crazy. I know babies sleep a lot and have good days but I really like this one!
Then it starts.
The strangers. I am not at this point in my life equipped to deal with dozens of people a day peering into my stroller to comment on the appearance of my child. "Oh he's so cute!" Of course he is, you see his mother. I mean come on! Is it not obvious? How could he be anything but? The best, though? The grown black man who walks up, bends slightly at the waist, and bellows, "Look at that juicy baby!" Juicy? Juicy?!! Huh uh. I had to walk away. Once we reunited, I said, "Tristan, how do you feel about being called juicy?" M says, "What do I look like lettin another man call me juicy?" LMAO!!!! That's why this is my girl.
I asked her, "How do you deal with all the strangers?" She says her pregnancy helped because people like to say and ask some normal, but mostly bizarre and probing questions. Things like, "Is the father still around?" "Will you breast feed?" "Are you having twins? You're huge!" (Have you seen that commercial? It cracks me up). But I've still determined I am not anywhere near ready to be with child. For now, I'll take "Empty Womb, Please, Alex for 2000." Thanks.
One of my friends from middle school had a baby in December. I was so excited when I found out she was pregnant that I wanted to immediately rush home. But I couldn't (no vacation), so I was forced to wait until after she had the baby. Finally in March, I was able to go home. I got home Wednesday night and made plans to get together with M, spend the day together on Thursday and finally meet Tristan. Kyle asked me, "Is this going to make you want a baby?" I said, "Of course!" What else will I say when you ask me such an insane question? He said, "I knew it." Hahahaha. I mean truly, I don't know.
I've been around babies before, of course, but not a lot. On both sides my cousins are around my age, no babies really. My sister and I are in the youngest bunch on my dad's side. I have some second cousins my age and older. On my mom's side, most of my cousins live in Mississippi and are about my age, but even if they weren't we wouldn't see them enough for me to spend a significant amount of time around babies. I don't have any friends who had babies as teenagers. Of course babies were in and out of my periphery, but I've never even changed a diaper. I hold them for a few minutes, then hand them back, especially if they start crying, and go gossip.
Thursday, M pulls Tristan out of the car seat and my first reaction was joy. He is a beautiful baby. All 3-month-old fat, chubby cheeks, sweet little cherub. He held onto me, let me hold him and just looked up into my face, blinking in the warm March southern sun (shout out to the sun, light winds, 75+ degree days, flowers, green grass, I hope to see you again soon). So adorable! I felt flooded with love, then instantly confused because I mean, this isn't even my child. But he's the child of one of my closest friends and our first baby in the group I've known since I was 13. I love his mom so I guess the love just transferred. I take a closer look at M and she's glowing. Motherhood really suits her.
We spend the day at the mall shopping and talking after our pedicures. This is one of the best babies. He doesn't cry or fuss, if the car moves, he's knocked out. I'm not crazy. I know babies sleep a lot and have good days but I really like this one!
Then it starts.
The strangers. I am not at this point in my life equipped to deal with dozens of people a day peering into my stroller to comment on the appearance of my child. "Oh he's so cute!" Of course he is, you see his mother. I mean come on! Is it not obvious? How could he be anything but? The best, though? The grown black man who walks up, bends slightly at the waist, and bellows, "Look at that juicy baby!" Juicy? Juicy?!! Huh uh. I had to walk away. Once we reunited, I said, "Tristan, how do you feel about being called juicy?" M says, "What do I look like lettin another man call me juicy?" LMAO!!!! That's why this is my girl.
I asked her, "How do you deal with all the strangers?" She says her pregnancy helped because people like to say and ask some normal, but mostly bizarre and probing questions. Things like, "Is the father still around?" "Will you breast feed?" "Are you having twins? You're huge!" (Have you seen that commercial? It cracks me up). But I've still determined I am not anywhere near ready to be with child. For now, I'll take "Empty Womb, Please, Alex for 2000." Thanks.
4.18.2007
The 'Ville :)
So... the long-awaited Kyle and Jameil trip.
He was flying back from Cleveland for the women's Final Four. He had a layover in D.C. First his flight from Cleveland was delayed for hours. I was worried he'd miss his connecting flight. He was scheduled to get back to Hartford at 3:30, wash some clothes, get on the road by 7:30 or so, arrive in the middle (Danville, PA) by 11. But you know how things work with us.
He gets to Dulles and its straight. He's on time for his connecting flight! Score! But its cancelled. The next flight won't get him to Hartford until around midnight. Curses! Son of a! He calls the travel agent who tells them to go to Reagan. That flight is delayed too!!! I'm bout to throw stuff now. I ask him if we're still gonna meet. He says yes. So I say, fine, I'll leave now. He wants me to wait until he gets back to Hartford to leave. Why drive at night for no reason?
He finally gets back to Hartford at the same time I get to Danville. He gets pissed because he wanted me to wait and I guess I kind of implied that I would BUT HE DOESN'T SAY ANY OF THIS, just gets an attitude. Sigh. I really started to call him back and tell him not to come if he's going to have an attitude when he gets here. I drove 4 hours there, I don't mind driving 4 hours back. I do, but if it's gonna be unpleasant once he's there after I was already in kind of a bad mood, and feeling the need to evaluate my life? Stay where you are.
He finally gets on the road at 11:30. 4 HOURS LATER THAN ORIGINALLY PLANNED!! He calls at 2 a.m. to say he's stopping at a gas station to take a nap that will be at most 2 hours. I'm sleeping on and off anyway so I'm like ok... (still sensing the stank attitude). He calls at 4 and says "Where are you?" I'm like, at the hotel (half asleep). He's like, "I mean what room?" "Oh." So I tell him the room number. He knocks on the door, I open it, let him in and quickly shut the door, IT'S COLD!!!! 20s and 30s in April is not cute. (BTW, today, Apr. 18th, 45 degrees. COME. ON!!! Is this really what passes for spring in Pittsburgh? GTFOHWTBS. Now).
He reaches out his arms for a hug. I give him one. I'm still feelin him out. I know how he can get when he's cranky. We hug some more and he says, "All the traveling is already worth it." I died. DIED! Damn I love this man. It was a 20-hour work in progress to get to me and after 10 minutes he was already happy. That's love. We went to Applebee's. I had this ridiculous bruschetta burger with fantastic parmesan garlic fries. OMG burger love on my fave bread. Focaccia is the TRUTH!!
We also went to see Blades of Glory. Of course it was so silly. Worse? The two girls I saw that night with open-toed shoes. One of them also had on a bubble coat. Fool. Stop. It. Now. HATE when people don't dress for the weather. We mostly slept while we were there. Then the next day we got up, went to breakfast and left.
Know my least favorite question? "When are you going to see Kyle again." I rarely know the answer and it reminds me how far we are apart. The last thing I need is a reminder that we are 8 hours apart. Way to depress me, kiddos! Thanks.
He was flying back from Cleveland for the women's Final Four. He had a layover in D.C. First his flight from Cleveland was delayed for hours. I was worried he'd miss his connecting flight. He was scheduled to get back to Hartford at 3:30, wash some clothes, get on the road by 7:30 or so, arrive in the middle (Danville, PA) by 11. But you know how things work with us.
He gets to Dulles and its straight. He's on time for his connecting flight! Score! But its cancelled. The next flight won't get him to Hartford until around midnight. Curses! Son of a! He calls the travel agent who tells them to go to Reagan. That flight is delayed too!!! I'm bout to throw stuff now. I ask him if we're still gonna meet. He says yes. So I say, fine, I'll leave now. He wants me to wait until he gets back to Hartford to leave. Why drive at night for no reason?
He finally gets back to Hartford at the same time I get to Danville. He gets pissed because he wanted me to wait and I guess I kind of implied that I would BUT HE DOESN'T SAY ANY OF THIS, just gets an attitude. Sigh. I really started to call him back and tell him not to come if he's going to have an attitude when he gets here. I drove 4 hours there, I don't mind driving 4 hours back. I do, but if it's gonna be unpleasant once he's there after I was already in kind of a bad mood, and feeling the need to evaluate my life? Stay where you are.
He finally gets on the road at 11:30. 4 HOURS LATER THAN ORIGINALLY PLANNED!! He calls at 2 a.m. to say he's stopping at a gas station to take a nap that will be at most 2 hours. I'm sleeping on and off anyway so I'm like ok... (still sensing the stank attitude). He calls at 4 and says "Where are you?" I'm like, at the hotel (half asleep). He's like, "I mean what room?" "Oh." So I tell him the room number. He knocks on the door, I open it, let him in and quickly shut the door, IT'S COLD!!!! 20s and 30s in April is not cute. (BTW, today, Apr. 18th, 45 degrees. COME. ON!!! Is this really what passes for spring in Pittsburgh? GTFOHWTBS. Now).
He reaches out his arms for a hug. I give him one. I'm still feelin him out. I know how he can get when he's cranky. We hug some more and he says, "All the traveling is already worth it." I died. DIED! Damn I love this man. It was a 20-hour work in progress to get to me and after 10 minutes he was already happy. That's love. We went to Applebee's. I had this ridiculous bruschetta burger with fantastic parmesan garlic fries. OMG burger love on my fave bread. Focaccia is the TRUTH!!
We also went to see Blades of Glory. Of course it was so silly. Worse? The two girls I saw that night with open-toed shoes. One of them also had on a bubble coat. Fool. Stop. It. Now. HATE when people don't dress for the weather. We mostly slept while we were there. Then the next day we got up, went to breakfast and left.
Know my least favorite question? "When are you going to see Kyle again." I rarely know the answer and it reminds me how far we are apart. The last thing I need is a reminder that we are 8 hours apart. Way to depress me, kiddos! Thanks.
4.15.2007
Give Her Room
Seriously.
It's for your own good.
My moods are cyclical. And a bit violent. I try to suppress them, just a little. Because they kind of scare me. I didn't 2 years ago, but now i understand what my aunt meant when she said there was no way in hell she would do her 20s over again. At the time, it was kind of depressing like "damn! but i'm living those!" But at the same time encouraging because she loved her 30s. And if she could stay one age forever (like in the book we were discussing at the time, The 5 People You Meet in Heaven. No, I don't really recommend it. I wasn't that impressed), she would choose her 30s. I said well, that's still a little piece away and what fun to look forward to!
Now I just really, really understand. This age sucks. There are too many emotions and not enough ways to express them. How do I get it all out?
But somethings help. Vacation is a temporary respite, though I'm thinking perhaps I don't need to go home, because I get depressed before I even leave (right at the end). But I get the same way when I leave Kyle. It's loser week times 8. So depressing. But isn't life in general? Sometimes I just want to throw things. A lot of times. I have so much energy and rage and joy and sadness and guilt and, and, and. Everything is magnified and overfelt. Not bipolar because its not for long periods of time but still quite intense and at times a bit scary. Sometimes blogging helps. Especially the comments. It's nice to connect and eventually no one feels like a stranger. Today I was frustrated because I decided I wanted to visit a church and I wanted to call V to ask what her home church is and I realized 1) I don't really know her and 2) I don't have her number! Bah!
I'm re-reading Sex and Sensibility. It was $1 at Borders. I like their sales because I end up buying things I would've left on the shelves, even though I choose books by their covers because I just never would've found it anywhere. It has 28 romances from the lives of single women but it's not all like you think it would be. My favorite story is "Do You Take This Woman" by Em and Lo. Ride or die friends through all men.
That's Stace (though we don't intend on going through any more men). When I'm at my most insane, I call her and she calms me down. Kyle can do that, but in a different way. Sometimes as a woman, you just need another woman, and only another woman will do, because no matter how great anyone is, he or she can't be everything for you. And when I need it, she'll give me room.
It's for your own good.
My moods are cyclical. And a bit violent. I try to suppress them, just a little. Because they kind of scare me. I didn't 2 years ago, but now i understand what my aunt meant when she said there was no way in hell she would do her 20s over again. At the time, it was kind of depressing like "damn! but i'm living those!" But at the same time encouraging because she loved her 30s. And if she could stay one age forever (like in the book we were discussing at the time, The 5 People You Meet in Heaven. No, I don't really recommend it. I wasn't that impressed), she would choose her 30s. I said well, that's still a little piece away and what fun to look forward to!
Now I just really, really understand. This age sucks. There are too many emotions and not enough ways to express them. How do I get it all out?
But somethings help. Vacation is a temporary respite, though I'm thinking perhaps I don't need to go home, because I get depressed before I even leave (right at the end). But I get the same way when I leave Kyle. It's loser week times 8. So depressing. But isn't life in general? Sometimes I just want to throw things. A lot of times. I have so much energy and rage and joy and sadness and guilt and, and, and. Everything is magnified and overfelt. Not bipolar because its not for long periods of time but still quite intense and at times a bit scary. Sometimes blogging helps. Especially the comments. It's nice to connect and eventually no one feels like a stranger. Today I was frustrated because I decided I wanted to visit a church and I wanted to call V to ask what her home church is and I realized 1) I don't really know her and 2) I don't have her number! Bah!
I'm re-reading Sex and Sensibility. It was $1 at Borders. I like their sales because I end up buying things I would've left on the shelves, even though I choose books by their covers because I just never would've found it anywhere. It has 28 romances from the lives of single women but it's not all like you think it would be. My favorite story is "Do You Take This Woman" by Em and Lo. Ride or die friends through all men.
That's Stace (though we don't intend on going through any more men). When I'm at my most insane, I call her and she calms me down. Kyle can do that, but in a different way. Sometimes as a woman, you just need another woman, and only another woman will do, because no matter how great anyone is, he or she can't be everything for you. And when I need it, she'll give me room.
4.12.2007
State of Black America Part VIII: Nappy-headed Hos
By now, you've heard over and over about (irrelevant) radio shock jock Don Imus calling the Rutgers' women's team "nappy-headed hos" and others on his show referring to the team as "rough hos" and "hardcore hos," even going so far as to compare the team to the Tennessee women's team calling it the jigaboos vs. the wannabees. Spike Lee doesn't like being dragged into it, but calls for an immediate boycott of all advertisers. Rutgers is not happy. The coach is not happy. Tennessee's Women's Coach is not happy. (Please don't make Pat mad. She really looks like she could harm you.) The NCAA is not happy. The Washington Post had a very interesting live online chat.
As with anything, I get a little less pissed, but a little more contemplative with each passing day. I'm absorbing a lot of information and the changes keep coming. It started with the boycotts and protests, then CBS and MSNBC suspend him for 2 weeks. Then advertisers, including Staples, Bigelow Tea and Proctor and Gamble pulled their support. Now MSNBC has pulled its simulcast after taking "into account many conversations with our own employees. What matters to us most is that the men and women of NBC Universal have confidence in the values we have set for this company."
And yet the questions continue. Is Imus so relevant that it hurts for him to call any educated Black woman a nappy-headed ho? No, he's not that relevant, or even relevant at all to me. I only knew who he was prior to the incident because there is a giant bank of televisions covering every news station at work. Every morning I look up and he's on. Yes, he's a shock jock. But at what point do we say enough is enough? Where do we draw the line? Not knowing the sexual proclivities of the women in question, can you really call them hos? Or does that border on slander? Nappy-headed is also in question considering 2 of the people on the team are white. At the very least, he's inaccurate and NOT FUNNY.
I was amazed when I first heard it, then shocked, then really, really pissed off. I have, and love my, natural hair, and I don't like when my own father calls me nappy-headed. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's the implication. Nappy as in unclean or undesirable. Some would disagree. But that's what you meant right? Or what did you mean? Let us know. Then the "they say it so I can" argument is foolish. It's okay to just go along with everything everyone says? Come on. There has to be something that is not okay to you. What is it? Where is the line?
This is not the first time he's made questionable comments. According to wikipedia, Imus may be familiar with the word nigger. He previously pledged not to engage in further racist talk. He has repeatedly apologized, but is it enough? Now the shock jock is upset that the most recent incident is clouding his record of community service. This is true. In many articles, if mentioned at all, his service record is relegated to the final paragraph, which in media terms means first to be cut if there is a space or time issue. Here's a tip. When you make incendiary comments, that is precisely what happens. Any positive impact you have becomes clouded by controversy.
The context also matters. When Imus, a 66-year-old white male, used the airwaves, television and radio, national television, a nationally syndicated radio program to denigrate a group of black women and say they looked like men (didn't hear that part? He and members of his radio program said the women looked like the Toronto Raptors. One took it further and said the Memphis Grizzlies), there is a problem. Take heed. I wouldn't like it if some black people said it either, since so many have chosen to bring rappers into the mix. I'll get to that in a minute.
I'm not clear, however, on how Al Sharpton can say, I will complain to the FCC. On what grounds? FCC indecency standards are somewhat convoluted. I think the better complaint would go to the stations themselves and the advertisers. Imus makes a lot of money for these stations. Do I think he should be fired? I don't know. What does Imus think should happen?
If you've been watching any of the coverage of this issue, I'm sure more than once you've heard the question, but what about the rappers? Black people have got to stop saying it themselves. We're back to this again? Like with nigg(a)(er), right? Trust and believe, there are many black and white people calling rappers to the table on a regular basis for their community-destroying lyrics. Search music on many of my regular bloggers' pages and you'll find great disdain not only for the music and their "artists," but also the media outlets that play them. At some point, you get tired of being nigga-ed, bitched and hoed, not to mention encouraged to sell drugs and smack asses. We've covered that. But since you want to ask, let's go to the source.
On Hollywood.com, Rapper Snoop Dogg refused any comparison to Imus. Snoop went so far as to say "(Rappers) are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about hos that's in the 'hood that ain't doing s**t, that's trying to get a n**ga for his money. These are two separate things."
It's a bit clearer now, but do go on. "We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthaf**kas say we are in the same league as him. Kick him off the air forever."
I kind of hate you right now Snoop. Maybe even more than I did when you brought those women to the MTV Awards on a leash. You have a wife and I'm pretty sure, a daughter. So, though you are not referring to them when talking about hos, surely you see the problem with leading a WOMAN around on a LEASH. I suppose at this point, you are still saying it's not your wife or daughter, but what message are you sending? Can you really get mad if your daughter shows up on someone's leash one day?
But let's get back to the point at hand, an elderly, white, male radio personality referred to a group of young, educated black women as hos. This is not just a black issue. He made it racial by adding the nappy-headed part, but not only black people are up in arms over this. True, some people are weighing in for their own personal gain, but that's neither here nor there.
Barack Obama called the comments "divisive, hurtful, and offensive to Americans of all backgrounds." Kind of pat, but a response nonetheless. Hillary Clinton dedicated space on her website for people to send their support. The National Organization of Women jumped on the bandwagon, too. Though a bit late to the party, the Journalism and Women Symposium also added their two cents.
I think the bottom line is for you not to come out of your mouth against a group of women who did nothing to deserve it. The team captain is a straight-A student who plays the piano, bass guitar, drums and saxophone. The team includes All-Americans, a future attorney, a psychology major a player of the year. And this is how they are rewarded.Talk about kicking someone while they're down. They'd just lost the national championship. You are talking about someone's sister, someone's daughter. Do you know how I would react if someone attacked my sister or child like this?
Black people have a tendency to group identify. When you attack one black person, many feel like you're attacking all black people. This particular incident also has a sense of no matter what you accomplish, to some people you are still nothing but a nappy-headed ho. So maybe there is a lesson in this after all.
For Previous State of Black America posts, go here.
As with anything, I get a little less pissed, but a little more contemplative with each passing day. I'm absorbing a lot of information and the changes keep coming. It started with the boycotts and protests, then CBS and MSNBC suspend him for 2 weeks. Then advertisers, including Staples, Bigelow Tea and Proctor and Gamble pulled their support. Now MSNBC has pulled its simulcast after taking "into account many conversations with our own employees. What matters to us most is that the men and women of NBC Universal have confidence in the values we have set for this company."
And yet the questions continue. Is Imus so relevant that it hurts for him to call any educated Black woman a nappy-headed ho? No, he's not that relevant, or even relevant at all to me. I only knew who he was prior to the incident because there is a giant bank of televisions covering every news station at work. Every morning I look up and he's on. Yes, he's a shock jock. But at what point do we say enough is enough? Where do we draw the line? Not knowing the sexual proclivities of the women in question, can you really call them hos? Or does that border on slander? Nappy-headed is also in question considering 2 of the people on the team are white. At the very least, he's inaccurate and NOT FUNNY.
I was amazed when I first heard it, then shocked, then really, really pissed off. I have, and love my, natural hair, and I don't like when my own father calls me nappy-headed. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's the implication. Nappy as in unclean or undesirable. Some would disagree. But that's what you meant right? Or what did you mean? Let us know. Then the "they say it so I can" argument is foolish. It's okay to just go along with everything everyone says? Come on. There has to be something that is not okay to you. What is it? Where is the line?
This is not the first time he's made questionable comments. According to wikipedia, Imus may be familiar with the word nigger. He previously pledged not to engage in further racist talk. He has repeatedly apologized, but is it enough? Now the shock jock is upset that the most recent incident is clouding his record of community service. This is true. In many articles, if mentioned at all, his service record is relegated to the final paragraph, which in media terms means first to be cut if there is a space or time issue. Here's a tip. When you make incendiary comments, that is precisely what happens. Any positive impact you have becomes clouded by controversy.
The context also matters. When Imus, a 66-year-old white male, used the airwaves, television and radio, national television, a nationally syndicated radio program to denigrate a group of black women and say they looked like men (didn't hear that part? He and members of his radio program said the women looked like the Toronto Raptors. One took it further and said the Memphis Grizzlies), there is a problem. Take heed. I wouldn't like it if some black people said it either, since so many have chosen to bring rappers into the mix. I'll get to that in a minute.
I'm not clear, however, on how Al Sharpton can say, I will complain to the FCC. On what grounds? FCC indecency standards are somewhat convoluted. I think the better complaint would go to the stations themselves and the advertisers. Imus makes a lot of money for these stations. Do I think he should be fired? I don't know. What does Imus think should happen?
If you've been watching any of the coverage of this issue, I'm sure more than once you've heard the question, but what about the rappers? Black people have got to stop saying it themselves. We're back to this again? Like with nigg(a)(er), right? Trust and believe, there are many black and white people calling rappers to the table on a regular basis for their community-destroying lyrics. Search music on many of my regular bloggers' pages and you'll find great disdain not only for the music and their "artists," but also the media outlets that play them. At some point, you get tired of being nigga-ed, bitched and hoed, not to mention encouraged to sell drugs and smack asses. We've covered that. But since you want to ask, let's go to the source.
On Hollywood.com, Rapper Snoop Dogg refused any comparison to Imus. Snoop went so far as to say "(Rappers) are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We're talking about hos that's in the 'hood that ain't doing s**t, that's trying to get a n**ga for his money. These are two separate things."
It's a bit clearer now, but do go on. "We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthaf**kas say we are in the same league as him. Kick him off the air forever."
I kind of hate you right now Snoop. Maybe even more than I did when you brought those women to the MTV Awards on a leash. You have a wife and I'm pretty sure, a daughter. So, though you are not referring to them when talking about hos, surely you see the problem with leading a WOMAN around on a LEASH. I suppose at this point, you are still saying it's not your wife or daughter, but what message are you sending? Can you really get mad if your daughter shows up on someone's leash one day?
But let's get back to the point at hand, an elderly, white, male radio personality referred to a group of young, educated black women as hos. This is not just a black issue. He made it racial by adding the nappy-headed part, but not only black people are up in arms over this. True, some people are weighing in for their own personal gain, but that's neither here nor there.
Barack Obama called the comments "divisive, hurtful, and offensive to Americans of all backgrounds." Kind of pat, but a response nonetheless. Hillary Clinton dedicated space on her website for people to send their support. The National Organization of Women jumped on the bandwagon, too. Though a bit late to the party, the Journalism and Women Symposium also added their two cents.
I think the bottom line is for you not to come out of your mouth against a group of women who did nothing to deserve it. The team captain is a straight-A student who plays the piano, bass guitar, drums and saxophone. The team includes All-Americans, a future attorney, a psychology major a player of the year. And this is how they are rewarded.Talk about kicking someone while they're down. They'd just lost the national championship. You are talking about someone's sister, someone's daughter. Do you know how I would react if someone attacked my sister or child like this?
Black people have a tendency to group identify. When you attack one black person, many feel like you're attacking all black people. This particular incident also has a sense of no matter what you accomplish, to some people you are still nothing but a nappy-headed ho. So maybe there is a lesson in this after all.
For Previous State of Black America posts, go here.
4.09.2007
Drooling
May I eat for a living? Because I really could do that. I love food. Like love it. You know the query, "do you live to eat or eat to live?" THE FORMER! It's insane. Thank God for high metabolism. And for actually liking some of the things that are good for you. Like wheat bread (hate white bread, it's so bland. bastion of flavorlessness). Did you know when you eat wheat bread, it should have no less than 2 grams of fiber PER SLICE? Otherwise it's just white bread with grain in it and then what's the point? You've still got the bleached flour and it's not even that good for you. Don't even get me started on taste again. I also prefer baked chicken over fried chicken nine times out of 10. This is partially because my mom makes some ridiculously good baked chicken. So delicious. But I love chicken fingers with honey mustard sauce. That is joy on a plate.
Salad? SUCH a fan. I also like spinach (yes, you can eat spinach again)... though I prefer baby spinach leaves... partially because they sound so hilarious, but because the taste is much less harsh. I definitely had to get used to eating what really looks like large leaves out of your yard.
Before you get all whiny with me and say something like, "that's not fair she only eats healthy anyway," let me say my greatest vice is french fries!! Love them!! Love them!!!!! People eat sweet potato fries which I guess is okay but I really want the savory (see: salty) flavor without getting sideswiped by the sweetness. I'm definitely a savory girl. I also like frozen french fries and tater tots. When I choose what fast food restaurant I'm eating at, I usually just figure out which fries I'm in the mood for. I like all of their fries on different days. (Side note: Paula Deen drives me insane. Batter-dipped fries? For what? Everything she makes is dripping, rolling, roasting, baking, frying or marinating in fat. It gets disgusting after a while).
Part of the basis of this post were two particularly outstanding fry cases of late. One at Zink American Kitchen in Charlotte, flavored with oregano, and these fries that came with my homie Tyler Florence's bruschetta burger at Applebee's (I won't start on how much I love siddity burgers and sandwiches or we'll be here all day). Oh. My. Gah. Crispy garlic fries topped with shaved parmesan cheese... WHAT????!!?! Forget healthy. That meal was one of the best in a while. Also today's Panera Bread sandwich, the turkey and artichoke panini? Never fails to satisfy. Also the catalyst for this drool-worthy blog.
I do have one thing though. Soup. Please don't try to feed me your gourmet soup. Your strawberry soup? Sweet potato cumin soup? Stop. Cream of broccoli, mushroom, or chicken or chicken noodle. Potato soup, black bean soup. Things that make sense. I cannot wrap my mind around your fruit soup...
*shudder*
*I also saw Kyle on my off days. Recap of that and the rest of the Charlotte trip are forthcoming. What? You know I get lazy. It's loser week AGAIN so close to the last one. How sad.
Salad? SUCH a fan. I also like spinach (yes, you can eat spinach again)... though I prefer baby spinach leaves... partially because they sound so hilarious, but because the taste is much less harsh. I definitely had to get used to eating what really looks like large leaves out of your yard.
Before you get all whiny with me and say something like, "that's not fair she only eats healthy anyway," let me say my greatest vice is french fries!! Love them!! Love them!!!!! People eat sweet potato fries which I guess is okay but I really want the savory (see: salty) flavor without getting sideswiped by the sweetness. I'm definitely a savory girl. I also like frozen french fries and tater tots. When I choose what fast food restaurant I'm eating at, I usually just figure out which fries I'm in the mood for. I like all of their fries on different days. (Side note: Paula Deen drives me insane. Batter-dipped fries? For what? Everything she makes is dripping, rolling, roasting, baking, frying or marinating in fat. It gets disgusting after a while).
Part of the basis of this post were two particularly outstanding fry cases of late. One at Zink American Kitchen in Charlotte, flavored with oregano, and these fries that came with my homie Tyler Florence's bruschetta burger at Applebee's (I won't start on how much I love siddity burgers and sandwiches or we'll be here all day). Oh. My. Gah. Crispy garlic fries topped with shaved parmesan cheese... WHAT????!!?! Forget healthy. That meal was one of the best in a while. Also today's Panera Bread sandwich, the turkey and artichoke panini? Never fails to satisfy. Also the catalyst for this drool-worthy blog.
I do have one thing though. Soup. Please don't try to feed me your gourmet soup. Your strawberry soup? Sweet potato cumin soup? Stop. Cream of broccoli, mushroom, or chicken or chicken noodle. Potato soup, black bean soup. Things that make sense. I cannot wrap my mind around your fruit soup...
*shudder*
*I also saw Kyle on my off days. Recap of that and the rest of the Charlotte trip are forthcoming. What? You know I get lazy. It's loser week AGAIN so close to the last one. How sad.
4.02.2007
My Body Is Pissed
All these changes. So I told you how when I left Pittsburgh and got to Charlotte, there was about a 25 degree temperature difference right? Not reallllly a problem because, who complains about 72 degree weather? Not me! Spend the week in Charlotte, its in the 70s and 80s the entire week and rain free! Fantastic!
I get on the plane from Charlotte at 625am and its about 60 degrees, 8 am, we get to Cleveland on the layover, I had loafers on and jeans, ankles exposed, blazer but no coat (packed it away) and do you know I shivered when I stepped off the plane? 40! BRRRR! Not like back in February. 40 is no longer fun. Someone getting off the plane behind me said, "I forgot it was still winter here." I'll say. Once I got to Pittsburgh it was about 50, I had to pull out my coat b/c the wind was so extravagant. STOP THE MADNESS!!
It's been in the 50s and 60s since I've been back. Today 68, cool, I can get with it. Tomorrow, 75, HOORAY!! Wednesday night, drops to 29!! IT'S APRIL!!! This shan't be allowed. It shan't! I haven't reached the best part. Thursday, it's supposed to snow, we could have a white Easter (who ever even HEARD of such a thing) AND with a high of 45, Easter will be colder than Christmas.
*drops mic, then picks it back up and throws it against a wall, shattering it into only 3 or 4 pieces, they don't break down to much so its unsatisfactory. picks up 50 inch mirror, throws it into the street as a tractor trailer barrels by at 70 mph. there. much better. turns around, glides back into house with stunner shades (i'm so mad this website exists) on like nothing happened.*
I get on the plane from Charlotte at 625am and its about 60 degrees, 8 am, we get to Cleveland on the layover, I had loafers on and jeans, ankles exposed, blazer but no coat (packed it away) and do you know I shivered when I stepped off the plane? 40! BRRRR! Not like back in February. 40 is no longer fun. Someone getting off the plane behind me said, "I forgot it was still winter here." I'll say. Once I got to Pittsburgh it was about 50, I had to pull out my coat b/c the wind was so extravagant. STOP THE MADNESS!!
It's been in the 50s and 60s since I've been back. Today 68, cool, I can get with it. Tomorrow, 75, HOORAY!! Wednesday night, drops to 29!! IT'S APRIL!!! This shan't be allowed. It shan't! I haven't reached the best part. Thursday, it's supposed to snow, we could have a white Easter (who ever even HEARD of such a thing) AND with a high of 45, Easter will be colder than Christmas.
*drops mic, then picks it back up and throws it against a wall, shattering it into only 3 or 4 pieces, they don't break down to much so its unsatisfactory. picks up 50 inch mirror, throws it into the street as a tractor trailer barrels by at 70 mph. there. much better. turns around, glides back into house with stunner shades (i'm so mad this website exists) on like nothing happened.*
3.30.2007
Home Again! Part I
(You knew it would have to be at least 2 parts! I was gone a week!)
I finally get on the plane headed to Cleveland... do you know this is the smallest plane in the world? I know I'm using a lot of absolutes here but deal. I walk out onto the tarmac and this plane seats 15 people! Wait a minute. I work in news. I watch lots of news. America's most frequent plane crashes are with small planes. Granted, they're 2-4 seaters, not commuter planes, but STILL! I don't need to hear the propellers for my entire ride. Geez. I get to Cleveland, then I wait more for my flight to Charlotte. FINALLY!! We are boarding! The pilot says its 72 degrees in Charlotte!!! Wheeeeeee! That's compared to 47 in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. As we approach Charlotte Douglas International Airport, I spot the red clay of my hometown.... WELCOME HOME!! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm finally back!! 11 months since my last visit, I have returned. All shall rejoice! I didn't bother to contain my excitement and clap excitedly.
I'm fielding phone calls before I even get off the plane good. I mean I have walked 8 steps inside the airport and one of my friends is shrieking in my ear! That's love, folks! Then I talk to my mom and she is still at work! Mommy!! I get my luggage quickly (I wasn't flying US Air) and wait about 15 minutes. I threaten to mug this guy for his Bojangles, but decided not to. Self control people. It's miraculous.
Thursday:
Friday:
Too cute.
I know you guys missed me. I missed you too! I am smacking down face first into loser week, you know, the first week back from vacay. You realize your actual life is not nearly as fun as your vacay life. Alas... I shall start recapping my lovely time in the Queeeeeeeen City and only one day after my return!! Aren't you guys excited! This may be a record for me.
Wednesday:
I wake up and it is ridiculously cold. I mean 30s cold. So despite the fact I don't plan on needing a coat or gloves, I am forced to take them. HOWSOMEVER (tell me that's not the funniest word in America), I refused to take the earmuffs.
Because its just too much. I mean really people. I'm trying to EMBRACE spring. I'll go with cold ears for a few minutes enterring and exiting buildings just so I don't have to add another thing for me to carry. My bag was HEAVY!! For no reason. In fact, when I got to the airport, I found out it was 68 lbs... that's 18 lbs. over the limit. That means I had to pay a $25 fee. Whatev. Just get me to Charlotte!!! I had a while to wait so I went to Friday's to get a cobb salad. (instead of rocquefort, mine had blue and cheddar cheeses... blue I understand but the cheddar was an odd substitute... still good, but odd). I was feenin for some avacado. I LOVE AVACADO!!! MMMMM. I also had a mojito! LOVE mojitos. Muddle away! Cheers!
I finally get on the plane headed to Cleveland... do you know this is the smallest plane in the world? I know I'm using a lot of absolutes here but deal. I walk out onto the tarmac and this plane seats 15 people! Wait a minute. I work in news. I watch lots of news. America's most frequent plane crashes are with small planes. Granted, they're 2-4 seaters, not commuter planes, but STILL! I don't need to hear the propellers for my entire ride. Geez. I get to Cleveland, then I wait more for my flight to Charlotte. FINALLY!! We are boarding! The pilot says its 72 degrees in Charlotte!!! Wheeeeeee! That's compared to 47 in Pittsburgh and Cleveland. As we approach Charlotte Douglas International Airport, I spot the red clay of my hometown.... WELCOME HOME!! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!! I'm finally back!! 11 months since my last visit, I have returned. All shall rejoice! I didn't bother to contain my excitement and clap excitedly.
I'm fielding phone calls before I even get off the plane good. I mean I have walked 8 steps inside the airport and one of my friends is shrieking in my ear! That's love, folks! Then I talk to my mom and she is still at work! Mommy!! I get my luggage quickly (I wasn't flying US Air) and wait about 15 minutes. I threaten to mug this guy for his Bojangles, but decided not to. Self control people. It's miraculous.
Mom and I head to Wal-Mart so I can buy a digital camera (and subsequently take 1,324 pictures of myself). Then we go home and I talk to Kyle for the 3rd time that day. Joy of joys.
Thursday:
I wake up, read a little bit, my homie MJJ comes to pick me up and I meet the adorable Tristan!! He is the sweetest little 3-month-old butterball in the world. So cute. I was glad too. I didn't have to lie. You know all babies are not cute. M, Tristan, and I head to Showmars!!!!! Wheeeeeee! They're only in NC and SC. I have a gyro with cucumber sauce and fries. MMMMMMMMMMM! So delish.
Then MJJ and I go get our pedicures (I brought nothing but open-toed shoes!) and while she's looking at my pics, her pedi lady asks to see them... are you insane? For what? Do you know these people? So bizarre. Next stop, Southpark Mall... *the heavens just opened and sun beamed down* NORDSTROM!!!!!!!!! I love Nordstrom. Saw the cutest Nanette Lepore jacket... but it was $450 so I left it there. M tried on this cute dress at Bebe, then left it for 20 minutes to think about it, came back and it was GONE! So we had to trudge halfway across the world (or the city, whatever) to Northlake Mall, Charlotte's newest mall to get her size. Then home again. Talked to Kyle 3xs this day. Wheeeeeeeee!
Friday:
PARTY TIME!! I started off the day with more reading. So far I've read In Style magazine, 4 Blondes (crap, don't waste your time), and started Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. That's actually a good book. It's a series of essays by writer David Sedaris. I bought both books because they were $1 at Borders. The second I bought because I was intrigued by the title and cover. I ALWAYS judge books by their cover. I say its the only way.
I take a walk around the neighborhood. With the hills and valleys, its a great workout. Especially since only half the neighborhood is a 2 mile walk. So I did half the neighborhood, and that's mostly because it was HOT! The high was 78 or 80 and it was near that by the time I took my walk. Heat wears you out... So I took a nap. Hurray naps! M came to pick me up so we could head Uptown... interesting thing about Charlotte... what everyone else in the world would consider downtown, we call uptown. Wikipedia just told me why! Center City (Trade and Tryon) is the highest point of elevation. You're going UP to town. How interesting. Looky there. Learning is key people! M and our other homie T are going to the Jamie Foxx concert. Tickets were $70 and he was the only performer... I'll pass. So I took a walk around uptown instead to reacclimate myself with my homeland. I was wearing cigarette pants, a polka dot shirt, and these shoes...
Too cute.
I LOVE partying in downtown (hush. yes I interchange the names). I head to the Graduate to watch the games (college bball) and have a few drinks. First drink: Patron Rita (lime juice, Patron, Grand Marnier) mmmmm, 2nd drink: Imagination (3 Olives Grape Vodka, Absolut Citron, pineapple juice, cranberry juice)... no thanks. Not tasty. Then my mom came downtown for dinner. We ate at Zink's. Mom had the cuban sliders, I had a chicken panini with these fantastic fries flavored with salt, pepper and oregano. Yum.
Guess what? It was also my Sigmaversary! I've been in my sorority for FIVE years now. That's insane. I feel old and young at the same time. My chapter just brought in 10 girls. So congrats to Spring '07.
My mom dropped me off near Bobcats Arena to meet up with my crew. I saw one of my Hampton homies I didn't even know lived in the area! and one of my Hampton little brothers (almost everyone at Hampton had a little bro or sis, I always picked ones from Charlotte except the year I was a student leader).
We head down to Menage for the official afterparty. I hate this club. First I stopped going because there were some allegations of the managment firing the Power 98 d.j. because they didn't like the increasingly Black crowd. It was starting to become a hot spot for the young black professionals. I don't know why that would be a problem but whatever. So this was my first time back there since those allegations. We go in and it's all right. I had a sex on the beach, a blue motorcycle (essentially a blue long island ice tea minus the coke), a tanqueray and tonic, then a Michelob. We were there from 11 until about 2:30. It didn't get fun until the end, though I did here some good music from my homeland!! Whooo!! I saw this guy I grew up with. Some guy asked me if my boyfriend was there with me. What? Such an odd question. Does it matter if he's here? If I'm going to give you some attention, any boyfriend is irrelevant. Unfortunately for you, I'm NOT going to give you any attention. Sorry about that.
Then we went upstairs to the "VIP" area. Yeah right. I saw Emeka Okafor and thanked him for playing for the Bobcats (hilarious), then I tapped him on the shoulder again, he bent waaaaaay down and I said, "And no matter what happens, Duke is still better than UConn." He laughed. So fun. He's cuter in person. I need him to stop getting injured!!!! Afterward M and I got up with one of her friends to eat at Waffle House. Vomit. I hate that place. They are so dirty. But at 3 in the morning, breakfast is fantastic. I got home at 4, talked to Kyle (again) for 1/2 an hour. He said he said to me, "I was going to eat something quick like a sandwich, but maybe I'll just go to sleep." I said, "I'm sleepy too, bye! *click*" Hilarious. I do not recall that but if you say so!
Anyhow, I have a headache right now from all these links and pics. Part II to come soon! You'd like a preview? Ok. Hanging with cousins, more cute shoes, ribs, macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs, potato salad, sweet potato pie, transformating (sic)!, oh my! Prepare yourselves.
3.20.2007
TOO. MUCH. TO. DO!!
I gave up on working out today because I mean really. I don't want to. I'm going walking with my mom at home. I went on Sunday in case I didn't get to go again this week. I need to wash my hair, finish packing (amazed that I actually started yesterday. I'm so proud of that. I NEVER pack early.), my last load of clothes is in the washing machine.
Speaking of which, AMAZING!! I realized I have too many clothes. I know, I know! I, too, say there's no such thing!! But I had 6 loads and still had clothes to choose from. That's too many clothes. And yet... still nothing to wear! Hahahaha. I also counted the shoes I bought and know I want to take back and haven't been to Charlotte and I only counted 6. There may be more but those are the ones I'm sure of. One pair I bought at the end of the season for $20 at my fave store, Nine West (my mom says she goes in sometimes to see what I've bought recently. How cute is that?), and I FORGOT I HAD THEM! I left them in the box for the season and had never worn them. SO excited. Can't wait to wear them.
Anywho. I'm going home tomorrow. I'm sure I'll get to post again in the next week but I'm not sure when so this may have to hold you for the next week! Browse through the archives. Pick a topic, any topic. I'm sure you'll find something you like. I'm soooooooo interesting. :) Lolol. I'll miss you all mucho!
Speaking of which, AMAZING!! I realized I have too many clothes. I know, I know! I, too, say there's no such thing!! But I had 6 loads and still had clothes to choose from. That's too many clothes. And yet... still nothing to wear! Hahahaha. I also counted the shoes I bought and know I want to take back and haven't been to Charlotte and I only counted 6. There may be more but those are the ones I'm sure of. One pair I bought at the end of the season for $20 at my fave store, Nine West (my mom says she goes in sometimes to see what I've bought recently. How cute is that?), and I FORGOT I HAD THEM! I left them in the box for the season and had never worn them. SO excited. Can't wait to wear them.
Anywho. I'm going home tomorrow. I'm sure I'll get to post again in the next week but I'm not sure when so this may have to hold you for the next week! Browse through the archives. Pick a topic, any topic. I'm sure you'll find something you like. I'm soooooooo interesting. :) Lolol. I'll miss you all mucho!
3.16.2007
BUGGIN
See definitions 1-4.
Is it hilarious to anyone else that there is an urban online dictionary and you can just submit your definitions? That cracks me up.
Let's talk about a few problems. One: Tuesday it was 74 degrees. That night the low was 61!!! Ok. I'm not crazy. I know this is Pittsburgh. I don't expect that to happen everyday. Maybe in August. Summer is about 2 weeks here. That's from a Pittsburgher. I LOVE summer here. It's not oppressive like it is at home. But winter? And "spring"? Keep it. TODAY, March 16th, it is SNOWING (2-4" expected) and 27 degrees. MAKE IT STOP!! (btw I think there should be a degree on the keyboard and a cent key.)
Two: iTunes hates thugs. I will tell you how I know this. I went about researching for my trip by looking at radio website countdowns in Atlanta, DC, Houston and Dallas (Charlotte's Power 98 was not at all helpful which made me very unhappy!!!) Also remember all the help I asked my favorite hoodrats for (some of my favorites did not help at all! hmph!)? Well, I went looking for some of those things, particularly the Heizman (thanks V!!!!) because that dance and song CRACK. ME UP!!!!!! and I love that video, but guess what? Unavailable. I was also not able to find DJ Khaled's song with Baby and Lil Wayne, Da Shop Boyz or Huey's Pop Lock and Drop It. That one was on there but there was some odd version of it. IT'S NOT RIGHT!! So. I have no other choice but to conclude iTunes hates thugs. This is a problem when I'm trying not to be the wack one in the club.
I WAS able to add a few Unk songs. And not 2 Step or Walk it Out. I think both of those are stupid. I also got Mike Jones song Mr. Jones which cracks me up, Break 'Em Off by Paul Wall, though I normally don't like him, I like this song. The remix to Throw Some D's On It. Rock Yo Hips (Chris is celebrating, probably throwing up gang signs), and the Make it Rain Remix. That will have to do for now.
Three: I just realized on Wednesday that not only have I not been home in almost a year, I have not taken a week long trip since I came home for spring break in 2004. Do you know how many clothes and shoes and purses that is? I have to bring home every single pair of shoes I've bought in the last 11 months. I mean it's only 12 pairs or so but in addition to the normal shoes, COME ON!!!! Lol. Someone just looked at the screen like this girl is crazy.
I haven't bought anything in several weeks to prep to buy things at home which means I will also need to save room in my suitcase to bring back the spoils. NORDSTROM!!! There isn't one in Pittsburgh and I LOVE their shoe department in Charlotte. DIVINE. I'm gonna have a blast. AND one of my Hamptonians is having a wine and cheese the Sunday I'm home. Oooh la la! That's the same day my mom is cooking for everyone. I will have to dip out after a few hours. That's ok. I know I'm the guest of honor, but HELLO! I'm the social butterfly, this is how life is for me. Hang on for the ride or jump off! I can't wait y'all! Even if I just see my cousins, my friends, the beautiful Tristan Joshua and my mom, I will be overjoyed. I know we will go out at least one night which means I will have a BALL!! T minus 5 days!!
Guess what Chris? I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW!!!! Lol.
Is it hilarious to anyone else that there is an urban online dictionary and you can just submit your definitions? That cracks me up.
Let's talk about a few problems. One: Tuesday it was 74 degrees. That night the low was 61!!! Ok. I'm not crazy. I know this is Pittsburgh. I don't expect that to happen everyday. Maybe in August. Summer is about 2 weeks here. That's from a Pittsburgher. I LOVE summer here. It's not oppressive like it is at home. But winter? And "spring"? Keep it. TODAY, March 16th, it is SNOWING (2-4" expected) and 27 degrees. MAKE IT STOP!! (btw I think there should be a degree on the keyboard and a cent key.)
Two: iTunes hates thugs. I will tell you how I know this. I went about researching for my trip by looking at radio website countdowns in Atlanta, DC, Houston and Dallas (Charlotte's Power 98 was not at all helpful which made me very unhappy!!!) Also remember all the help I asked my favorite hoodrats for (some of my favorites did not help at all! hmph!)? Well, I went looking for some of those things, particularly the Heizman (thanks V!!!!) because that dance and song CRACK. ME UP!!!!!! and I love that video, but guess what? Unavailable. I was also not able to find DJ Khaled's song with Baby and Lil Wayne, Da Shop Boyz or Huey's Pop Lock and Drop It. That one was on there but there was some odd version of it. IT'S NOT RIGHT!! So. I have no other choice but to conclude iTunes hates thugs. This is a problem when I'm trying not to be the wack one in the club.
I WAS able to add a few Unk songs. And not 2 Step or Walk it Out. I think both of those are stupid. I also got Mike Jones song Mr. Jones which cracks me up, Break 'Em Off by Paul Wall, though I normally don't like him, I like this song. The remix to Throw Some D's On It. Rock Yo Hips (Chris is celebrating, probably throwing up gang signs), and the Make it Rain Remix. That will have to do for now.
Three: I just realized on Wednesday that not only have I not been home in almost a year, I have not taken a week long trip since I came home for spring break in 2004. Do you know how many clothes and shoes and purses that is? I have to bring home every single pair of shoes I've bought in the last 11 months. I mean it's only 12 pairs or so but in addition to the normal shoes, COME ON!!!! Lol. Someone just looked at the screen like this girl is crazy.
I haven't bought anything in several weeks to prep to buy things at home which means I will also need to save room in my suitcase to bring back the spoils. NORDSTROM!!! There isn't one in Pittsburgh and I LOVE their shoe department in Charlotte. DIVINE. I'm gonna have a blast. AND one of my Hamptonians is having a wine and cheese the Sunday I'm home. Oooh la la! That's the same day my mom is cooking for everyone. I will have to dip out after a few hours. That's ok. I know I'm the guest of honor, but HELLO! I'm the social butterfly, this is how life is for me. Hang on for the ride or jump off! I can't wait y'all! Even if I just see my cousins, my friends, the beautiful Tristan Joshua and my mom, I will be overjoyed. I know we will go out at least one night which means I will have a BALL!! T minus 5 days!!
Guess what Chris? I'm listening to it RIGHT NOW!!!! Lol.
3.13.2007
This is Why
I love him...
He calms me.
I was on 10. I mean really, really angry around 11:15 this morning. I saw my whole day disentegrating. I was more than an hour behind schedule. I needed to go to the gym, go eat, go to the DMV, wash my hair, wash clothes, blog, talk to my mom and maybe Kyle. I might have worn him out yesterday. We hadn't talked, talked in days because he was so busy putting together the Gym Gems of the Year... (did anyone see them? They were magnificent!! And I don't just say that because I love him. I'm not that kind of girl. I can be blunt and slightly harsh... I'm sure you hadn't noticed that about me) We'd talked about his progress on them and various random other things, but it was usually a quick and dirty conversation (not that kind of dirty you pervs), 15-20 minutes and done. I NEED SOME SUBSTANCE!!
(sidenote: we ordinarily talk a minimum of 25 minutes a day with 2-3 days of 90 minute plus conversations. Once a month (maybe less), we talk 3 or more hours. Yes I know its insane. Usually by the end, even we have no idea how we talked that long and about what. It was the same way when we were just friends).
THE POINT!
I called him to vent but he didn't answer so I just yelled at his answering machine for about 4 minutes. I felt slightly better but still not as good as talking to him. I was talking to one of my work homies sitting outside the gym when he called back so he left a message.
I had a half smile at the start of the message, a dreamy look in the middle, then a full on cheese, giant smile at the end. The message was only about 3 minutes but I was ready to go have a productive work-out and just relax.
One of my father's best traits is the ability to listen without judgement when you really need it, then give stellar, calming advice. I'm so grateful to have found that in the man I love.
He calms me.
I was on 10. I mean really, really angry around 11:15 this morning. I saw my whole day disentegrating. I was more than an hour behind schedule. I needed to go to the gym, go eat, go to the DMV, wash my hair, wash clothes, blog, talk to my mom and maybe Kyle. I might have worn him out yesterday. We hadn't talked, talked in days because he was so busy putting together the Gym Gems of the Year... (did anyone see them? They were magnificent!! And I don't just say that because I love him. I'm not that kind of girl. I can be blunt and slightly harsh... I'm sure you hadn't noticed that about me) We'd talked about his progress on them and various random other things, but it was usually a quick and dirty conversation (not that kind of dirty you pervs), 15-20 minutes and done. I NEED SOME SUBSTANCE!!
(sidenote: we ordinarily talk a minimum of 25 minutes a day with 2-3 days of 90 minute plus conversations. Once a month (maybe less), we talk 3 or more hours. Yes I know its insane. Usually by the end, even we have no idea how we talked that long and about what. It was the same way when we were just friends).
THE POINT!
I called him to vent but he didn't answer so I just yelled at his answering machine for about 4 minutes. I felt slightly better but still not as good as talking to him. I was talking to one of my work homies sitting outside the gym when he called back so he left a message.
I had a half smile at the start of the message, a dreamy look in the middle, then a full on cheese, giant smile at the end. The message was only about 3 minutes but I was ready to go have a productive work-out and just relax.
One of my father's best traits is the ability to listen without judgement when you really need it, then give stellar, calming advice. I'm so grateful to have found that in the man I love.
3.12.2007
Help a Sista Out
I NEED NEW MUSIC!! My ipod is begging me AND I'm getting bored of my workout (ahem, Madam, WHERE is this new site?). I am just 9 days from going home and am terrified at how wack I will be in the club. Soon as I figure out what dance it is all the kids are doing around me, the song is off never to be heard again. DAMNDAMNDAMNJames!!!!!! Sigh. So I need all of you, especially the Southerners (this includes you La, my favorite hoodrat) and Southern transplants. WHAT is going on down there??????
Can I tell you how much I love food? I can't wait to go to Showmars and Bojangles. MMMMMMM. Oooh! And Lupie's. And MY MOMMA'S!! Oh buddy. If you're gonna be in Charlotte March 21st-28th, holla at me. March 25th? Food party!!!!!!!! Oh yeah. Ridiculous. I'm gonna lose my mind when I go home. I'm already on the verge.
*Side note: someone PLEASE tell Justin Timberlake to sit down. You can NEVER be bad enough to come at Prince. EVER. You are out of your mind. Makes me want to throw away your cd because you have no respect. LIL' BOY YOU ARE TRYING TO STEAL HIS STEEZE AND THAT OF EVERY OTHER BLACK SINGING ICON!! SIT. DOWN!!
Can I tell you how much I love food? I can't wait to go to Showmars and Bojangles. MMMMMMM. Oooh! And Lupie's. And MY MOMMA'S!! Oh buddy. If you're gonna be in Charlotte March 21st-28th, holla at me. March 25th? Food party!!!!!!!! Oh yeah. Ridiculous. I'm gonna lose my mind when I go home. I'm already on the verge.
*Side note: someone PLEASE tell Justin Timberlake to sit down. You can NEVER be bad enough to come at Prince. EVER. You are out of your mind. Makes me want to throw away your cd because you have no respect. LIL' BOY YOU ARE TRYING TO STEAL HIS STEEZE AND THAT OF EVERY OTHER BLACK SINGING ICON!! SIT. DOWN!!
3.07.2007
Jameil and Kyle
Wednesday I see Kyle has called me 2 additional times since the first 3 calls to let me know he'd actually gotten out of Hartford this time (gasp!) I got worried. Was there some snow on his layover I'd forgotten to ask the weather people about? (It's so convenient to work somewhere where there are meteorologists on site who can tell you these things. Even more convenient when they like you enough to look it up! Hurray!) I call back because I'm sure he'll only be on the ground a few more minutes. He prefers when I listen to his messages, THEN call him back (annoying).
He answers, then asks if I listened to his message. Sigh. I explain the above. He says, "Please go listen." ARGH!!!!!! I listen... "blah blah blah... cancelled flight (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)... blah blah blah, but transferred to earlier flight, blah blah blah, I'm here. " Huh? YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! There's also one talking about how he can't even think straight because he needs something to sleep! Hilarious. Po sleepy baby. But I'm WIDE awake.
I head to the airport. Scoop my darling, then head to Robinson Towne Center, eat some Chick-Fil-A. I buy a speaker for my iPOD so we can have something to listen to in the hotel room. Then we head to the hotel. He falls asleep within minutes and stays knocked out for 4 hours. BORING. I nap, then read some of In An Instant. He finally wakes up, remember when I said I hope he can tell I've been working out and Epsi said he wasn't going to mention it? He did mention it! He said he could tell I was smaller all around. Knew it. I had already told him he better notice, but I could tell he wasn't just talking.
We get dressed and head to South Side Works and McCormick and Schmick's for dinner. He had pecan encrusted tilapia with mashed potatoes. I had salmon penne with asparagus and mushrooms. Both delicious.
I'd called my work homie Lauren to meet us on the South Side to hit a couple of bars. I was the d.d. so I had one beer the whole night. Aren't you proud?! :) Our first stop was Fat Head's. We watched another dismal Duke loss... sigh. They are so pitiful this year. But I still love them. We also watched another one of Kevin Durant's insane games. Acie Law lost his mind as well. Double OT. Fab game.
Next stop, Casey's. Sigh. This bar is known for something referred to as Midget Madness. An excerpted description from BarSmart, "When someone buys the bar a shot for ten dollars, Man Boy comes out of his box at the end of the bar and poors a shot into everyone's mouth!" Man Boy is a midget... they keep him in a CURTAINED BOX?!?!!?!?!?! Foolishness. He was not in the box this night, just walking around. But there were all kinds of other uncomfortable things in there including a GIANT CONFEDERATE FLAG. Interestingly enough, I haven't discussed my feelings about the confederate flag. In an nutshell, it's a symbol of racism in that it was proudly waved when fighting to keep Black people enslaved, burn and bomb Black homes and crosses in Black yards as intimidation and during the lynchings of Black men. It is also currently used by skinheads and members of the KKK. If that's the "history" you want to remember and the legacy you want to uphold, please allow me to distance myself from you. Thanks. Only good thing: $1.50 Yuenglings. Not enough to entice me back.
Final stop, Tiki Lounge. By the time we were headed back to our hotel in Greentree around 2 a.m., the bf was quite tipsy. Another time asleep within minutes. Wow... YOU ARE BORING!! Lol. I tried to wake him up at 8. What? I was awake. I was not successful. I tried again at 9. No dice. 10 am!!! HEY!! Finally awake. THANKS!! We lay around for hours and hours and hours until both of us are so hungry we are eating each others' arms. (too strange to eat your own, right?)
We finally make it to my fave breakfast/trip place, Cracker Barrel, yay!! We both got breakfast, of course. Then we headed to Mt. Washington to ride the incline and see the view. Uhh.... we did NOT have that view. It was a typical Pittsburgh day... cloudy and overcast. It was still fab-o looking at the city from that high up (he was not the fan, too high for his taste, which is odd since I consider myself afraid of heights). He also said, "Ehh... it would be prettier if the water wasn't brown." LMAO!!! This ain't Cabo, baby. Speaking of lovely water, anyone else need a Bahamavention? I love those commercials and that website. Paroxysms of joy I tell you, paroxysms!!!
Anywho... then we went to the South Side again to attempt to see a movie but nothing good was playing. So we left, went back to the telly to watch... telly... and giggle and be silly. It was inordinately fun. Quite possibly my fave part of the trip. I LOVE hanging with him. He is fantasmirawesomlous. It's great. We watched most of Just Friends, mildly amusing and laugh out loud funny at times, and Prime featuring Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman. It was amusing. The only reason we didn't finish "Prime" is because SOMEBODY could not take the hunger 5 minutes longer. WHAT fresh hell? So we went to Subway. Guess what he asked me the next day. "What happened at the end of the movie?" You are joking right? Hilarious! Who does this?
We ate our sandwiches at the telly, then went to sleep for a few hours, woke up at 3:30 a.m., ate breakfast together, then I took him to the airport. Lovely trip. Can't wait to see him again.
He answers, then asks if I listened to his message. Sigh. I explain the above. He says, "Please go listen." ARGH!!!!!! I listen... "blah blah blah... cancelled flight (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!)... blah blah blah, but transferred to earlier flight, blah blah blah, I'm here. " Huh? YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! There's also one talking about how he can't even think straight because he needs something to sleep! Hilarious. Po sleepy baby. But I'm WIDE awake.
I head to the airport. Scoop my darling, then head to Robinson Towne Center, eat some Chick-Fil-A. I buy a speaker for my iPOD so we can have something to listen to in the hotel room. Then we head to the hotel. He falls asleep within minutes and stays knocked out for 4 hours. BORING. I nap, then read some of In An Instant. He finally wakes up, remember when I said I hope he can tell I've been working out and Epsi said he wasn't going to mention it? He did mention it! He said he could tell I was smaller all around. Knew it. I had already told him he better notice, but I could tell he wasn't just talking.
We get dressed and head to South Side Works and McCormick and Schmick's for dinner. He had pecan encrusted tilapia with mashed potatoes. I had salmon penne with asparagus and mushrooms. Both delicious.
I'd called my work homie Lauren to meet us on the South Side to hit a couple of bars. I was the d.d. so I had one beer the whole night. Aren't you proud?! :) Our first stop was Fat Head's. We watched another dismal Duke loss... sigh. They are so pitiful this year. But I still love them. We also watched another one of Kevin Durant's insane games. Acie Law lost his mind as well. Double OT. Fab game.
Next stop, Casey's. Sigh. This bar is known for something referred to as Midget Madness. An excerpted description from BarSmart, "When someone buys the bar a shot for ten dollars, Man Boy comes out of his box at the end of the bar and poors a shot into everyone's mouth!" Man Boy is a midget... they keep him in a CURTAINED BOX?!?!!?!?!?! Foolishness. He was not in the box this night, just walking around. But there were all kinds of other uncomfortable things in there including a GIANT CONFEDERATE FLAG. Interestingly enough, I haven't discussed my feelings about the confederate flag. In an nutshell, it's a symbol of racism in that it was proudly waved when fighting to keep Black people enslaved, burn and bomb Black homes and crosses in Black yards as intimidation and during the lynchings of Black men. It is also currently used by skinheads and members of the KKK. If that's the "history" you want to remember and the legacy you want to uphold, please allow me to distance myself from you. Thanks. Only good thing: $1.50 Yuenglings. Not enough to entice me back.
Final stop, Tiki Lounge. By the time we were headed back to our hotel in Greentree around 2 a.m., the bf was quite tipsy. Another time asleep within minutes. Wow... YOU ARE BORING!! Lol. I tried to wake him up at 8. What? I was awake. I was not successful. I tried again at 9. No dice. 10 am!!! HEY!! Finally awake. THANKS!! We lay around for hours and hours and hours until both of us are so hungry we are eating each others' arms. (too strange to eat your own, right?)
We finally make it to my fave breakfast/trip place, Cracker Barrel, yay!! We both got breakfast, of course. Then we headed to Mt. Washington to ride the incline and see the view. Uhh.... we did NOT have that view. It was a typical Pittsburgh day... cloudy and overcast. It was still fab-o looking at the city from that high up (he was not the fan, too high for his taste, which is odd since I consider myself afraid of heights). He also said, "Ehh... it would be prettier if the water wasn't brown." LMAO!!! This ain't Cabo, baby. Speaking of lovely water, anyone else need a Bahamavention? I love those commercials and that website. Paroxysms of joy I tell you, paroxysms!!!
Anywho... then we went to the South Side again to attempt to see a movie but nothing good was playing. So we left, went back to the telly to watch... telly... and giggle and be silly. It was inordinately fun. Quite possibly my fave part of the trip. I LOVE hanging with him. He is fantasmirawesomlous. It's great. We watched most of Just Friends, mildly amusing and laugh out loud funny at times, and Prime featuring Meryl Streep and Uma Thurman. It was amusing. The only reason we didn't finish "Prime" is because SOMEBODY could not take the hunger 5 minutes longer. WHAT fresh hell? So we went to Subway. Guess what he asked me the next day. "What happened at the end of the movie?" You are joking right? Hilarious! Who does this?
We ate our sandwiches at the telly, then went to sleep for a few hours, woke up at 3:30 a.m., ate breakfast together, then I took him to the airport. Lovely trip. Can't wait to see him again.
3.05.2007
Guess Who's Back?
Ahhhh yeah! So the weather is doing its best to beat the crap out of any residual joy I may have over those days in the 40s and one or two in the 50s over the last week. Today? Wind chills in the single digits and teens with snow! PASS!!! Sick of it. Ready for spring like yesterday.
Kyle and I had a great time! I'll touch on that when I have more time. I will say the last couple of hours before he leaves are uber depressing. Like smother me with a cornhusk pillow then kick me in the spleen depressing. Sigh.
I just finished ABC News anchor Bob Woodruff's book with his wife, Lee, called In An Instant. It was really good. Did you know he was in a coma for 36 days after he was injured by a roadside bomb while covering the war in Iraq? That's insane. He also had traumatic brain injury and had to re-learn much of his vocabulary. His recovery is ongoing as it is for all traumatic brain injuries. Another good biographical TBI book is Where is the Mango Princess? It was my first TBI book and I loved it. It was fascinating. I pick all books by their titles which explains why I even picked that one up in the first place. The Woodruff's book also made me look at my own journalistic aspirations. Very good book. I consider it a must read for all journalists and aspiring journalists.
16 days until I go home!!!!!!!!! Can't wait. I'm about to lose my mind. Vacay is great.
Kyle and I had a great time! I'll touch on that when I have more time. I will say the last couple of hours before he leaves are uber depressing. Like smother me with a cornhusk pillow then kick me in the spleen depressing. Sigh.
I just finished ABC News anchor Bob Woodruff's book with his wife, Lee, called In An Instant. It was really good. Did you know he was in a coma for 36 days after he was injured by a roadside bomb while covering the war in Iraq? That's insane. He also had traumatic brain injury and had to re-learn much of his vocabulary. His recovery is ongoing as it is for all traumatic brain injuries. Another good biographical TBI book is Where is the Mango Princess? It was my first TBI book and I loved it. It was fascinating. I pick all books by their titles which explains why I even picked that one up in the first place. The Woodruff's book also made me look at my own journalistic aspirations. Very good book. I consider it a must read for all journalists and aspiring journalists.
16 days until I go home!!!!!!!!! Can't wait. I'm about to lose my mind. Vacay is great.
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