The New Books

Amazingly, I am posting something I promised in less than a month. (I was going to finish my post about going home but I've (temporarily) lost my notes and I really can't remember anything without them).

I bought both of these books because they had odd titles. One is so odd I think I have to take it back. It's called Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!: The All-in-One Life Planner from Benrik. Granted I should've known what I was getting myself into from the title alone. Every page is a different age and what you should do (all crazy things). I bought it solely for the page for age 24. It says waste this year. I was like, well! I'm already ahead of the game by NOT wasting this year so let's see what 365 things I should've been doing and how I can make up for lost time with the last bit of time I have left in this 24th year.

One was make up a knock-knock joke. Here's mine.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Jemima who?
OOOOOOh! Nosy! Why don't jemima your own business sometimes!

Pretty good right? Except its for the British kiddies because other than syrup, there aren't a whole lot of little Jemimas running around over here. I was also supposed to make my own bread and jam. What? Pass. My grandmother actually makes apple butter. I think its disgusting so I haven't bothered to ask her how to make it. I'll have you know I have done some of these things: peeled off a beer bottle label, create the ultimate sandwich, revise your signature, floss, change your ringtone (all really just different versions of a traditional ring b/c i have a strong aversion (borderline hate) to ringtones plus my phone is so rarely off vibrate b/c of my strange hours that i would never know the ringtone was me anyway).

The other book has lots of questions in it. Like nearly 200 pages of questions. Since Kyle was not at all a fan of Joy's book of choice, All About Us, I chose this one instead. I have been annoying the crap out of him with the questions ranging from bizarre (do you take oreos apart to eat them? do you dunk them in milk?) to spiritual (do you believe in God?) to maybe scary if you're not ready to learn the answers (what circumstances have led you or would lead you to betray a vow of monogamy?). It's pretty fun because we're learning things about each other we didn't know and may have never asked.

Know what he told me once? Whenever he asks me what's going on in the world (which he does a lot because he NEVER watches the news) and I bring up something he's heard about, he may say he hasn't because he knows I'll give him way more details than anyone else. I LOVE that. I gather details just for that reason. So I can know more than everyone else. :) Or at the very least have a different set of details. I'm the queen of "Ooh! But did you hear!" and "Can you imagine...!" It's fun. So that's me. Coming up soon, (am I really using an update post to tease another post? ridiculous and out of control esp. since I have a list of at least 5 outstanding posts) an update on my progress at the gym.


Anonymous said...

i have the about us book... j actually got it for us when there was no us funny enough ... though i dont touch it much now ... its sits on the book shelf collecting dust ... but from what i remember i liked it alot... or at least the concept!!!

Leela said...

i can't get over that title, lose weight! get laid! find God! now what i'm wondering is if those things are successive. hmmmm...i guess they would have to be. although the latter two could be simultaneous, no? no really though?

Anonymous said...

What is it about people who dont watch the news marrying news junkies?

God's divine plan of balance i suppose.

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

ahem. you take notes...to blog? hardcore woman!

the joy said...

I'm the same way. It doesn't help that headline news is on while I work. People catch a headline and I summarize the whole thing while they get rung up.

What was wrong with "all about us?" just not a fan? We were doing good until we got to the "is there a secret you never told your partner" one. Other than that we found we were on the same page about a lot.

dreamyj said...

ooooh, i'd like to know what else is on the list for the 24th year, i'm in the third month of mine, so i have to get going!

sweet kyle! feeling you on loving to know details. i love details as well.

Vdizzle said...

I'm going to have to check out this book. Even though I'm single, I just wanna know what's in there.

jameil1922 said...

ai... apparently its not for us.

leela... i know. insanity. i don't think its meant to be in that order since it plans each year of your life from birth to 100. how does getting laid help you find God? no crude/crass answers here people!!

dp... did you just use the m word?

rev... i do it w/my trips b/c lots of stuff happens and i wouldn't remember it. i make lists for everything.

joy... i was thisclose to summarizing a news story for these guys at the gym but they were getting on my nerves so i didn't. joy!!!! he just didn't want to do the book!! you can't make us!! we're not joining your cult!!

dreamy... lmao! it does all 365 days so i can't go through them but if you email me your address i'll mail it to you.

v... its not even a couple book. its called "the questions you ask before you jump into bed." there are some good questions in there.

Anonymous said...

I cannot help but watch the news. I watch it several times a day. I read 3 newspapers a day. I am addicted to the news.

That book title is insane. I wonder if you can do the third one and still get the second one.

Sha Boogie said...

You should totally start a book club! I just thought of friends that I know like to read and told them to invite people (cool ones of course) that they know. So far I have 8 people!

Madam said...

Not even gonna get on you about these books...it's too easy. I'm just gonna nod my head and smile...

La said...

That's quite possibly the worst joke ever.

jameil1922 said...

epsi... would you like the religious answer or the common sense answer?

sha... therein lies the rub. i don't know enough people here outside of work and since we all work together... yeah... not really a great demand to spend our offtime together.

madam... what?? you said you posted again? cool.

la... you did too? MY LUCKY DAY!!
passerby: she's such a hater.
psb2: who la?
psb: hell yeah.
psb2: i know. that's why i call her queen hater.
psb: word. i call her hater central.

was that a better joke?

So...Wise...Sista said...

A knock knock joke?!

Uhhhh, pls allow me to come up with a Hot 25 List for you.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

i love that kyle likes your info!! that is so cute!!

i want that book 'all about us'!!