It's for your own good.
My moods are cyclical. And a bit violent. I try to suppress them, just a little. Because they kind of scare me. I didn't 2 years ago, but now i understand what my aunt meant when she said there was no way in hell she would do her 20s over again. At the time, it was kind of depressing like "damn! but i'm living those!" But at the same time encouraging because she loved her 30s. And if she could stay one age forever (like in the book we were discussing at the time, The 5 People You Meet in Heaven. No, I don't really recommend it. I wasn't that impressed), she would choose her 30s. I said well, that's still a little piece away and what fun to look forward to!
Now I just really, really understand. This age sucks. There are too many emotions and not enough ways to express them. How do I get it all out?
But somethings help. Vacation is a temporary respite, though I'm thinking perhaps I don't need to go home, because I get depressed before I even leave (right at the end). But I get the same way when I leave Kyle. It's loser week times 8. So depressing. But isn't life in general? Sometimes I just want to throw things. A lot of times. I have so much energy and rage and joy and sadness and guilt and, and, and. Everything is magnified and overfelt. Not bipolar because its not for long periods of time but still quite intense and at times a bit scary. Sometimes blogging helps. Especially the comments. It's nice to connect and eventually no one feels like a stranger. Today I was frustrated because I decided I wanted to visit a church and I wanted to call V to ask what her home church is and I realized 1) I don't really know her and 2) I don't have her number! Bah!
I'm re-reading Sex and Sensibility. It was $1 at Borders. I like their sales because I end up buying things I would've left on the shelves, even though I choose books by their covers because I just never would've found it anywhere. It has 28 romances from the lives of single women but it's not all like you think it would be. My favorite story is "Do You Take This Woman" by Em and Lo. Ride or die friends through all men.
That's Stace (though we don't intend on going through any more men). When I'm at my most insane, I call her and she calms me down. Kyle can do that, but in a different way. Sometimes as a woman, you just need another woman, and only another woman will do, because no matter how great anyone is, he or she can't be everything for you. And when I need it, she'll give me room.