Empty Womb, Please

Going home made me realize something. I am not ready to be a mother. I mean I already knew that because every time someone tells me she's pregnant, I get this deer in the headlights look and ask, "Are you scared?" It's really quite pathetic. I mean I'm just four months shy of my 25th birthday and the thought of carrying a child, eventually having it leave my body and being responsible for him or her for the next 21 years (they will be going to college and who is really self-sufficient in college? They are few and far between)... Frankly, the thought makes me a bit ill.

One of my friends from middle school had a baby in December. I was so excited when I found out she was pregnant that I wanted to immediately rush home. But I couldn't (no vacation), so I was forced to wait until after she had the baby. Finally in March, I was able to go home. I got home Wednesday night and made plans to get together with M, spend the day together on Thursday and finally meet Tristan. Kyle asked me, "Is this going to make you want a baby?" I said, "Of course!" What else will I say when you ask me such an insane question? He said, "I knew it." Hahahaha. I mean truly, I don't know.

I've been around babies before, of course, but not a lot. On both sides my cousins are around my age, no babies really. My sister and I are in the youngest bunch on my dad's side. I have some second cousins my age and older. On my mom's side, most of my cousins live in Mississippi and are about my age, but even if they weren't we wouldn't see them enough for me to spend a significant amount of time around babies. I don't have any friends who had babies as teenagers. Of course babies were in and out of my periphery, but I've never even changed a diaper. I hold them for a few minutes, then hand them back, especially if they start crying, and go gossip.

Thursday, M pulls Tristan out of the car seat and my first reaction was joy. He is a beautiful baby. All 3-month-old fat, chubby cheeks, sweet little cherub. He held onto me, let me hold him and just looked up into my face, blinking in the warm March southern sun (shout out to the sun, light winds, 75+ degree days, flowers, green grass, I hope to see you again soon). So adorable! I felt flooded with love, then instantly confused because I mean, this isn't even my child. But he's the child of one of my closest friends and our first baby in the group I've known since I was 13. I love his mom so I guess the love just transferred. I take a closer look at M and she's glowing. Motherhood really suits her.

We spend the day at the mall shopping and talking after our pedicures. This is one of the best babies. He doesn't cry or fuss, if the car moves, he's knocked out. I'm not crazy. I know babies sleep a lot and have good days but I really like this one!

Then it starts.

The strangers. I am not at this point in my life equipped to deal with dozens of people a day peering into my stroller to comment on the appearance of my child. "Oh he's so cute!" Of course he is, you see his mother. I mean come on! Is it not obvious? How could he be anything but? The best, though? The grown black man who walks up, bends slightly at the waist, and bellows, "Look at that juicy baby!" Juicy? Juicy?!! Huh uh. I had to walk away. Once we reunited, I said, "Tristan, how do you feel about being called juicy?" M says, "What do I look like lettin another man call me juicy?" LMAO!!!! That's why this is my girl.

I asked her, "How do you deal with all the strangers?" She says her pregnancy helped because people like to say and ask some normal, but mostly bizarre and probing questions. Things like, "Is the father still around?" "Will you breast feed?" "Are you having twins? You're huge!" (Have you seen that commercial? It cracks me up). But I've still determined I am not anywhere near ready to be with child. For now, I'll take "Empty Womb, Please, Alex for 2000." Thanks.


Amber Ileene said...

can i get dibs on the empty womb for 2000 too?! i feel ya on this one! but someday ... just not someday now!

Golden Silence said...

That's fine. Better to not have a kid than have one when you're not ready.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Anytime I hear that someone's knocked up I shut down. Quite frankly I dont have many friends who are at all prepared to be parents (not including family members). And the effed up thing is that lots of the ones I know who are, really do SUCK at it. :( I just bad for the kid inheritting their mama and daddy's chaos.

Sha Boogie said...

I can defenitley dig the 'confused' feeling, I get it all the time! One minute I'm like gosh, they are so darn cute. Then I see a little monster raising hell and I'm like whoa. Keep the rubber on buddy...LMAO!! Especially since it seems like every time I turn around someone I know is pregnant or just had a baby. I hope they aint contagious, I dont want to catch one yet!

Vdizzle said...

I know too many people with babies right now and 97 percent of them should not reproduce.

And I'll take the empty womb as the double jeopardy option and bet the whole pot. NO BABIES FOR VDIZ...ever!!

I was a horrendous child and everyone in my family and some friends from high school have determined that I have to have babies so that I can pay for my childhood, which has been nicknamed "The Terror." Nuff said huh?

Bklyn Diva said...

LMAO well you can always borrow mine although they are much older and can clean and cook :) LOL

don't rush to have babies.. by the time I was 25 actually shortly after my 25th birthday I gave birth 2 my second child.. and now I'm DONE.. no more babies for me.. its now time for me to play AUNTIE.. spoil them and send them home.. just like my siblings did to me when I had my kids LOL

Enjoy being kidless.. if I could do it again I probably would have waited until my 30's to have my kids BUT I don't regret having them when I did..

CNEL said...

I'm always near little ragamuffins.

I don't want kids, and before you say it's natural cause I'm young. Pretend for a second that I'm your age, okay got that mental image, and you have me saying I still don't want them.

Love working with them, but love even more giving them back, and kids love me, but I know it's all an act, LoL.

I'm also going to be the best damn godfather there is, no question.

DollFace said...


Toni Phoenix said...

I have been around babies for a most of my life. So I don't want any right now cause I know its no joke. But someday... I want a bunch! Shout out to the name "tristan" thats one of my twin nephews names... They are Tristan and Jaydan and part of the reason why I don't want any kids yet :)

La said...

Girl yes! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!! WTF is up with everyone having babies?!?! I can't take it. Everytime I'm around one my girls are like, is this gonna make you want babies now?


If nothing else it further convinces me that 30 sounds like a good age to become a mom.

the joy said...

Man, we are just the opposite on that. I can't wait to have kiddies. I think about them all the time. But I have a big family. I have a new cousin biyearly. Its ok, it'll grow on ya. Right now you remind me of my friends who were virgins cuz they thought it would hurt. Now they're nymphos.

Southern Girl said...

LMAO @ "(shout out to the sun, light winds, 75+ degree days, flowers, green grass, I hope to see you again soon)"....damn near spit out my water!!

J, all of my friends have kids. Let me rephrase that...all the black girls I hang (hung) out with (we've had this discussion) have kids. Plural. Can't imagine what I would do with one, let alone two or three. I'm with you on this one...FOR REAL:)

Waking Up said...

Now this is funny. I named my new
daughter Tristan.

yeah the stupid comments when you have kids are annoying as hell. I think the stupid filter gets turned off when people see a pregnant women or a woman with a baby/kids.

I can say its good to wait if you are not ready. I have three but I also was at a point in my life where that worked for me...travelled, etc all that out of the way. Do what works for you girl!! :)

TrinaBeingTrina said...

First of all I'm mad that you gave a shout out to the sun!!! That was hilarious because I know exactly how you feel.

Second, I'll also take empty womb for 2000 Alex. And the bad part is I have a 13 year old! But the very thought of me bringing another child into this world all over again it cripples me with shear fear. That probably sounds crazy as hell but I really mean it. It has actually caused problems between me and past boyfriends. Especially the ones that didn't have any children. But I would rather loose a boyfriend than to gain another child.

Honey-Libra said...

LOL you are funny. I love babies they been in my life for ever..my sis has two LOL..well one is not a baby anymore he's a big boy now LOL..but it does make me want to have one...not now though I like buying more than one pair of shoes when I shop and you know that's gonna have to stop LOL

Epsilonicus said...

Kids are scary. They carry a bunch of diseases. They eat all your food. They take all your money. I like the fact that the money I spend goes to strippers, college textbooks, night clubs, and other college expenses.

DP said...

Parenthood is a finely honed science.

it is time consuming and makes you yearn for your single days.

Um...i wouldnt trade it for ANYTHING.

but you dont walk into it UNTIL you are ready.

and married.

Enjoy yourself.

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

empty womb for 2000??? LOLOL I love it!

as for me, dog... i'm bout to get a diploma so whatever decided to come my way, i'm sure i'm as ready as i'll ever be. i don't think you EVER ready for a baby so i don't shun and empty womb cause i figure everything happens for a reason. now am i poking holes in condoms?? hell naw! i'm not THAT ready!!