You, sir, need a diet.
There's just no other way to put it. People call you "Big Snack"? Good grief. Normally I wouldn't talk about you you know as you play for a team I could care less about and are overweight. But you're paid MILLIONS of dollars each year to just show up and tackle people. Instead... you get played by your coach and everyone else and put on the physically u.nable to p.erform list aka PUP. Or as I call it the Packing on Unnecessary Pounds list. It's usually reserved for those with injuries, not ginormous bellies.
And the g that your coach is, he says, "I don't send messages. I just take action." G!!! Okay that is SO about to be my motto.
The run test he failed involved running the entire length of a football field eight times in an allotted time. So my crazy coworkers (who I helped come up with phrases like, Snacking on S.nickers, Hefty H.ampton, Hint: Fork to Mouth Doesn't Count as a Bicep Curl, Buffet-Bound, and Hungry? I Never Wait.) decided to set up our own little run test in the newsroom. One of the engineers set up cones marking off 50 yards and me and two of my coworkers ran it-- in heels! Eat our dust, PUPpy!! Hahahaha!! I was cracking up! We are SO in better shape than you!
And then I went to the gym... WHY did I decide it was time to get back to work training for the 5k? Because it's been so long? I thought since I did so great on the bike (9 miles Saturday and 6.77 an earlier time) I thought I could do a measly 3.2 on the elliptical. The length of the 5k, right? Yeah... about that... The bike is WAY easier than the elliptical. After 1.5 miles I wondered what exactly I'd gotten myself into. After 2.4 I was reasonably certain I was a masochist. At 2.7 I was thisclose to giving up for fear of my imminent death. I did .10 mile countdowns for the last mile. AND I MADE IT! Now we've got to work up to the track. But regardless... I'm still in better shape than the PUPpy and I don't get paid to do it.
I had to turn off my instant messages-- all 3 of them-- because I cannot stand to answer any more questions about my move. I do it all day long. I need a mental break from that. BUT there are 2 more days of work. Count 'em! 1, 2!!! Ack!!!!