So one year more than a decade ago, my mom decided she wanted to learn how to cook chitlins. YES. Chitterlings. Pig intestines. I was wary because they sound so scary!! I'd been around them at random times but never during the cleaning... until this night. My friend's grandma and mom came over with a bucket 'o chitlins. (I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to use entire words fo' anything concernin' chitlins... see what I mean?)
Anyway so they come over with this bucket and I'm thinking, "One day I might want to be one of those Southern moms who can cook all the best down home foods so I better get in that kitchen and learn, too! And since my mom will be making it, this may be my first time eating it!" Until they opened that bucket.
OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECK NAW!!
Sweet 6 lb. 7 oz. baby Jesus! I KNOW you didn't live and die for us to eat such foolishness on your birthday!!!!!!! Why did it smell like straight up, not rinsed, pure-tee PIG FECES in my momma's kitchen!?!! And not so slowly the smell spread through the entire first floor of the house. SKRRRRRRR! U-TURN!!! I can't. I can't and I won't. I ran upstairs to my room to escape the horrific things happening in there. And almost didn't want to eat anything else to come out of that kitchen that night... but I was hungry... and the rest of it was still my momma's food and therefore awesome. Did I mention the fact that they didn't smell that much better cooked?
WHY WOULD YOU EAT THIS IF YOU'RE NOT A SLAVE????????????? You'd better believe I was not havin' ONE DROP of those chitlins. You go THAT WAY with that plate of poo. *shudder* I'm getting all grossed out again just thinking about it and still have never tried a chitlin. And I'm so straight on it. EW!! And it didn't help hearing the tale of someone's grandfather saying, "Chitlins ain't no good unless they got a little bit of boo boo in 'em!" *PROJECTILE VOMIT* I can't for the life of me remember whose grandpa that was so I'm going to just steer clear of funky food.
*Okay full disclosure, I can't remember which holiday it was for. All I know is there were a lot of people at my mom's house. I was too scarred by what followed to remember the details.