State of Black America Part XI: High Yella Women Stealin' All the Men

"It's so typical, you know? You walk into an event hoping to meet some nice men your age with good jobs, and they're all attached to high yella or white women. It just makes you so mad!!!"

This woman actually tried to have this conversation with me last week. Maybe you thought because we're both brown-skinned ladies (heeeeeey Mos), there would be some sort of solidarity. You are older than me by about 10 years (or more) so I would hope that you would have this out of your system by now. But you don't. I know you have your issues. I know color is something we all have to deal with, but I really can't do it.

We all know black people come in a range of hues. My Uncle James is very dark skinned, my uncle Ferdinand is so pale his childhood nickname was "Banana." Knowing this, how is it possible that you don't have any light-skinned friends and family members? Though the phenomenon called passing is not unusual, it still smacking children and grandchildren in the face when they learn their supposedly white fathers or grandfathers were actually black. Black people have always known about it. For centuries, many white people have just incorrectly assumed they would be able to tell.

To those of you with personal color issues I say this, you should first take a minute to know who you are talking to. For me, when you malign men picking light-skinned women, you are hitting a little too close to home. My mother and sister are light-skinned. So is my grandmother. Do you know why my grandmother is light-skinned with blue eyes? Because her father, John Dixon, was half-white. Yeah. Oh. He is the product of the "union" between a slave and a slave owner with the last name Moffat. I just looked it up on the internet and that's a Scottish last name. Interesting. My great-grandfather's uncle made him a slave on his plantation. That's right, he owned his nephew. Yes, he knew John was his nephew. Great-granddaddy John ran from his home in Arkansas to Mississippi, changed his name, and started a new life. He told his first set of children (from his first wife who died) one thing about his parents and his second set of children another thing about his parents. So we don't know which of his parents was white. If you look at pictures of him, even though they are black and white, you can tell he was very pale.

This next part I will say at the risk of sounding like a white person i.e. "Some of my best friends are black." Besides my family, some of my closest friends are some of these "high yella women stealin all the men." I said to her, "I've honestly never had that issue." She says, "Well you know what I'm saying. I'm not saying you've had a problem finding a date, but you've seen it, too." "I can't worry about other people's actions. A man who is only chosing a mate based on her color is not the man for me." (I seem to be having some version of this conversation a lot lately.) Did it ever occur to you that some people actually have a connection regardless of their complexions? One of my friends recently got married. At the reception her new husband said, "It was like God sent an angel into my life right at the time when I needed her." Pretty sure God doesn't care about your skin color.

None of this is to deny the fact that yes, some men will date women solely because of their skin color. But I will not jump on the bandwagon against the women as a result. That's what the slave owners were aiming for when they started the house negro and field negro separation between the light and dark slaves. I'd rather not keep it going.

State of Black America:
Part X: Noosely Speaking
Part IX: Let Someone In
Part VIII: Nappy-Headed Hos
Part VII: "I'm A Conservative"
Part VI: Education
Part V: Names
Part IV: Rapists and Child Molesters
Part III: Hair
Part II: Katrina
Part I: The Athlete