Who Needs A Whole Toenail? or The Night I Befriended Classy Jojo

For a long time I used to see Classy Jojo and think, "Why is she so hyper?" I didn't know her but I didn't like her because she was ALWAYS on 10 (like a hyper scale goes 1-10, 1 being the lowest). Always. I'd see her in the cafe, the lobby of our dorm, whatever and be like I need her to calm it on down. But one night me and the drankin patnah (it used to be drinking partner until the Youngbloodz decided to come out with that cd while we were at HU) decided to go out with Z, D and A. D was another who was usually on 10, or at least 9.5, but for some reason I liked her. I think because I got to know her. I didn't know Classy Jojo was gonna be there, too, I was just down for whatever in college when it came to going out. If we were friends and you invited me, the answer was yes. That is a large part of why I had a blast and knew a huge swath of random people.

Anyway so I knew J was in my abnormal psych class and that was the closest I'd been to her, but this night we were at a "house party." I use that term loosely because it was really just a bunch of people sitting around an apartment drinking with music happening to be in the background. I guess that's as much a house party as the ones where we danced all night because I definitely went to enough of both. I think of the former of more of an every day gathering. Regardless, we went there and got the night started but our level of excitement far surpassed the super low key "party" so we decided despite being juniors and normally thinking ourselves above such things, we decided to go to the gym jam.

Best decision EVER!! Lol. By this time we were all feeling quite happy and I was loving J. I thought she was hilarious! Of course I blamed it but after that night she didn't annoy me anymore and we had a blast from there on out and now that she lives in Charlotte (for now), we always hang out when I'm in town. We are RIDICULOUS together as Rah can attest. LOL!!

Back to that night. We headed to the gym jam. I see this freshman, Six (because he was the 6th... yeah...) who I'd asked already if I could call him Dynasty or the Roc or some other crazy names. He said no to all of them but I'm pretty sure I said I wasn't gonna call him what everyone else called him and called him Dynasty anyway most of the time. Lol. I can't remember why I knew him. I think b/c I was a student leader. No matter. I see him and I say hey, give him a hug. He steps on my toe and I feel a tug. I look down at my flip flop-clad feet and I'M BLEEDING! Thanks big 6-0, 250 lb. dude! Half of my big toenail is hanging off!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! I'm freaking out! Not because it hurts. I barely feel it. Because it looks scary!! Lol. Since we're all blaming it that night, we create a faux E.R. situation in the gym. We run downstairs to the locker room giggling and overreacting (it is entirely possible that someone, likely J, was doing a siren even though I don't remember this) where I contort myself to put my foot in sink to run cold water over it and stop the bleeding. A brings a cop downstairs. I'm like, "What?!? Why????" She's like, "She hurt her toe! Do you have a first aid kit!?" He's very bored and says no. I shoo him away and out of the ladies locker room and go about my business. (She was by far the funniest blamer of the night. HILARIOUS while drinking.) I go for it and rip the toenail off, since I can barely feel it anyway. It hurts but only for a minute and just a little. I wrap an outrageous amount of toilet paper around it, mummy-style and... keep the party going.

HAHAHAHA!!! Yes I did!! I tell Six what he did and he's aghast and apologizing. I'm like, "It's cool! I had a little bit to drink and can hardly feel it!" He looked at me like I was nuts. Lol. But that's why to this day I only have half a big toenail on my right foot.

Sike! Just playin. I'm fully toenailed up. But that was a funny night! And still cracks me up! Lol.

Oh! And I forgot to say, I met fave roomie through Classy Jojo!


Mau said...

From: Mau
To: Rah

Brother, you are a strong man. Just reading about this woman's exploits makes me tired!

Either that, or I'm just getting old and crotchety, OR having a child is skewing my perspective. Could go either way, depending on the day.

Know What I'm Sayin'??

Now think about it, I think it's that third one. I'm definitely not old, and I MOST definitely have my share of stories running around Tallahassee in varying ratios of drunkenness/sobriety.

Rashan Jamal said...

wow, tell the story with all the digressions like you did when you told me. LOL

Yeah, you and Classy JoJo together = red bull, crack and crystal meth.

Anonymous said...


Adei von K said...

that was gross.


you know you bit off the other half, stop frontin.

Momisodes said...

I winced and everything!

You had me fooled.

Opinionated Diva said...

Why is she called Classy Jojo? Is there a Ghetto Jojo?

I'm so with you on needing overly excited people I don't know to calm it down...lol.

glad to hear you are fully "toenailed up"! lol @ that term!

1969 said...

I officially will be checking your toenails out when we meet. Just warning you.

Sha Boogie said...

OMG -- all i remember is being hot and sweaty at my first gym jam, hilarious!

Jameil said...

mau... how you gon address my bf on my blog??? act right. all i did was lose a toenail 6 years ago! geez! and you're really not that much further removed, either.

rj... you are such a hater. were you born like that? lol @ your jojo impression. hilarious.

pseren... why?

adei... what i do?? YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CONTORT THEIR MIDGET BODY LIKE THAT!! (not much of a contortion when you're only 4'8 huh?)

momisodes... lol!

diva... no. there was a trashy hoho when it was time to blame it! lolol.

1969... LOL!! check away.

Sha... what about that one in the temporary student union??? THAT WAS HORRID! it was like 190 degrees in that mug!!

RunningMom said...

this story reminded me of the time I lost a finger nail (acrylic + the real nail underneath) playing football while intoxicated.. lol

I didn't care because it didn't hurt at the time... thankfully it grew back!

Broken toenails in the summer are tragic. That's when you have to find someone who will fix it with acrylic.