My freshman year Hampton homie Sha-boogie's favorite saying is, "Jesus, take the wheel."
I invoked this the other night when the cops here decided to hold the largest D.U.I. checkpoint in city history ON MY ROUTE TO WORK. They shut down two of the 3 lanes and closed off the only exit to escape. That means it took me an HOUR to drive, count 'em, one-two miles!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right. TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! And guess how far I was from work. That's right! Two miles. JESUS! Take the wheel. And guess what? It calmed me down. LOVE IT!
Today. I'm headed home on the parkway and the oldest red Ford truck still on the highway is piled to high heaven with stuff. I mean stuff piled so high, he can't even see out of his rearview. Strapped to the top of this pile is a mattress. I guess it's the cherry. He barrels past me doing at least 70 and what happens? Stuff starts flying off his truck. The first thing looks like a piece of particle board, you know like you make those cheap bookshelves with. The car in front of me misses that. The second thing is a BAR STOOL!!!!! A. BAR. STOOL!! I'm on the phone with my line sister and gasp and slam on the breaks to avoid this three-legged monstrosity that barreled toward me. Mind you, it's the highway, there are cars behind me and this is a 55 mph zone, so I'm going 60.
I BARELY avoid it and keep going without a scratch, but I'm breathing HARD! And I'd blacked out. Not literally. In the sense that emotionally I kicked straight into survival mode. I don't even remember what came out of my mouth but my l.s. said it was "all kinds of m.f.-er." That's a direct quote. Sorry Jesus. I sped up, got the license plate, and called the police to report lil crazy who thinks he should move the contents of a room in one trip. Then I reflect on what just happened and think, without my asking, Jesus TOOK the wheel! Holla!!!!
17 comments:
no wonder you e-mailed me with Jesus take the wheel last week, LOL....I wish I had a holy saying to remix the foul language that flows from my mouth when I'm pissed. As Steve Harvey would say, "I ain't that good a Christian yet."
Thank god you're still here girl! A stool? Not the sexy. Ida been cussing too!
My saying is "Jesus be a fence," like in the gospel song.
Wow, I would have lost all of my religion with that situation. I'm that impatient driver that you see cussing the guy next to him out for going to slow, even though he can't hear me.
STOP SNITCHIN!!!!
Thats too much. Im glad you did call the police.
I want a holy saying!
So...did the worlds largest DUI check point WORK?
my saying is, "Jesus, keep me near the cross." Preferably uttered in my usually reserved country twang, eyes rolled to the heavens and one hand on my chest
NO!!! You simply cannot have "Jesus keep me near the cross." You CANNOT. Lawdhavemercy. We're turning into Jameil and Stacie. The cross... the cross.
That. was. hilarious!!!
I'm very glad you're ok. Or else I wouldn'tna been laughing so hard, I promise.
I'm with Chris and La!
chris.. lol. you DO know that "breathe in Jesus, breathe out peace" is my saying, right?
joy... I KNOW!!! sometimes i like to sing that song just for fun.
infamous... lol. you and stace. i'm not a road rager.
x... LMAO!! you got the shirt, too?? you need to be glad i'm still around to snitch!!!
epsi... me too!! hmmm... i don't know what your saying should be. there are lots of good ones but i can't tell you what will speak to you.
dp... well when you inconvenience that many people, i'd hope you'd arrest more than 22 people. so i'm going with not really.
la... lmao!! ghetto country is the best!!
x... lol. y'all can't share???
V.... I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!! lolol.
cnel... lol
he sure did girl!
HA! And ya'll think I say it as a joke..lol.. No, seriously, Jesus take it because I can't deal right now, HAHA! To funny...I am mad at the truck and the foolishness..trying to move in one trip..your a riot!
Glad you are okay. Crazy folks on the road...
i might have to start using that one in cali ... you get so angered and perplexed here u just gotta say something quick and then call on Jesus afterwards ...lol at the black out ... i know those moments ... glad all is well!
Glad you are alright after that mess. Folks need to learn to just pony up the money for a UHaul.
I had a JTTW moment today watching some parents show up in their hoochie costumes at the costume parade at my kid's school. Who in the world comes to the school in a belly dancing outfit...and has her daughter in a matching one! Yes, indeed, Jesus Take the Wheel!
m... WHOOOOOOO!!
sha.... thanks for the phrase girl!! its my car phrase. also... you and v!! i don't know why this is so amusing for y'all!! crazies!
69... me too!!
cali... call on Him girl! He'll hook you up!
liz... seriously!! or make MORE THAN ONE TRIP!! it's really not cute to risk my life like that. NOT the 5 y.o. belly dancer w/matchin belly mama. sigh. i guess you should be glad they weren't strippers. maybe the baby is princess jasmine. no?
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