My freshman year Hampton homie Sha-boogie's favorite saying is, "Jesus, take the wheel."
I invoked this the other night when the cops here decided to hold the largest D.U.I. checkpoint in city history ON MY ROUTE TO WORK. They shut down two of the 3 lanes and closed off the only exit to escape. That means it took me an HOUR to drive, count 'em, one-two miles!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right. TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!! And guess how far I was from work. That's right! Two miles. JESUS! Take the wheel. And guess what? It calmed me down. LOVE IT!
Today. I'm headed home on the parkway and the oldest red Ford truck still on the highway is piled to high heaven with stuff. I mean stuff piled so high, he can't even see out of his rearview. Strapped to the top of this pile is a mattress. I guess it's the cherry. He barrels past me doing at least 70 and what happens? Stuff starts flying off his truck. The first thing looks like a piece of particle board, you know like you make those cheap bookshelves with. The car in front of me misses that. The second thing is a BAR STOOL!!!!! A. BAR. STOOL!! I'm on the phone with my line sister and gasp and slam on the breaks to avoid this three-legged monstrosity that barreled toward me. Mind you, it's the highway, there are cars behind me and this is a 55 mph zone, so I'm going 60.
I BARELY avoid it and keep going without a scratch, but I'm breathing HARD! And I'd blacked out. Not literally. In the sense that emotionally I kicked straight into survival mode. I don't even remember what came out of my mouth but my l.s. said it was "all kinds of m.f.-er." That's a direct quote. Sorry Jesus. I sped up, got the license plate, and called the police to report lil crazy who thinks he should move the contents of a room in one trip. Then I reflect on what just happened and think, without my asking, Jesus TOOK the wheel! Holla!!!!