4.01.2010

Advice Needed

As you know, Rashan and I have a great relationship.  We love being together and it's becoming increasingly torturous to be apart.  There's just one problem. 

I really want to get married and it's not that he doesn't because obviously he's an old man, but he's put all these obstacles to us getting married any time soon.  He wants me to be out of school, he wants us to live together first (which I'm opposed to), and he wants us to have at least $5,000 saved toward a wedding and we haven't even started.  I feel like all of these are stalling tactics. 

I know what you're thinking, why would I put our business out like this on the blog?  Especially since I usually eschew blog advice.  Mostly because our relationship started on the blog and we've kept you guys mostly in the loop.  Plus sometimes a person who's a relative stranger is the one with the best advice.  I don't think it's fair to only talk about the great things and leave out the difficult things.  I've blocked him from viewing my blog for the day so feel free to be completely honest.  Do you think he wants to really marry me?  Are these just stalling tactics?  Is he being reasonable and I'm being unreasonable?  What should I do?

15 comments:

Ginae said...

this has April Fools written ALL OVER IT!

now you know we all know you better than this anyway..you are not the type to post something like this on your blog..try again!

womp womp...lol

Jameil said...

Ginae... I'm serious. If you can't help, please don't be negative.

Trish said...

I'm with Ginae! I thought we were a little better than that! Lol!

mellow said...

It's clear to me that he wants to be with you. I'm sure there may be some hesitation, but I think it's probably about "marriage" not marriage to you.
Besides that, men just think differently than we do and I believe that one that wants to provide, wants everything "right". You know, have all their ducks in a row first. I agree with you on the living together, but I'd want you to finish school first as well. Also knowing someone that is getting married, having cash on hand is super necessary. You all will work this out, I'm sure.

Ginae said...

Please...I ain't buying it. Lol at your "please don't be negative" comment too. That ain't you either! Plus we all know how u hate folks bringing these types of subjects up and have even scolded us for it. LOL...but I'll let you have your fun...poor Mellow responded and everything all serious..lol..

Jameil said...

OKAY GINAE. IF YOU WANT ME TO BE REGULAR STANK JAMEIL. STOP RAINING ON MY PARADE. THIS IS WHY I DON'T SAY ANYTHING BECAUSE PEOPLE TAKE ME AS A JOKE. EVERYBODY DOESN'T HAVE IT TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. HAPPY NOW?

Anonymous said...

April's fool.

vanessa's daughter said...

Hello Jameil I read your blog often but I never comment. It really seems like you have an awesome relationship and Ra does want to marry you. Men are more rational than emotional when it comes to matters of the heart. Just try not to get to frustrated with the situation and maybe you two can meet on some common ground. I hope everything works out for the two of you.

The Goddess said...

Ok, so NOW blogger wants to act like it has some sense. UGH!!! I sent you a message on FB because FB wouldn't let me comment or leave a message here. STOOPID!!! Lol

I think Mellow brings up a really good point. Many men see themselves as being the provider (as they should be, but not solely) and if they are not able to provide the way THEY see fit then it creates hesitation. I'm sure he wants to be able to give you the world and if he cant then in his mind it's not the right time.

Let us know when the wedding is. :)

And if this IS an April Fools joke Imma be mad!!!! Lol

Not so Anonymous said...

Happy April Fool's. I look forward to reading tomorrow's post.

Nerd Girl said...

Try again on a different date. I thinketh not!!!

K. Rock said...

Ouch at the comments!!

I am going to jump out on a limb here and actually give some advice.

I can definitely understand your apprehension based on what you have described. But I do think you should try to give it some time. Also give so thought to what he wants. It may be a good idea for you to graduate first and maybe order a few other thing. Take it from someone who did stuff all out of order. It was a struggle trying to get things together.

But on the other hand, if there are too many stipulations, you will never be ready. Sometimes you just have to go out on a cliff and jump. But given you situation, try to do give in to something he wants and see if he will compromise with you for what you want.

The Goddess said...

I agree with you. It's always good to hear other perspectives. Glad you weren't opposed to hearing other peoples opinions.

Hope yall have a good weekend.

laughing808 said...

Better late than never, I suggest compromise from both parties. I can understand his perspective on you finishing school first and I can understand his perspective on living together and having money saved for a wedding.

There's room for compromise and I'm sure you when you two sit down and be open minded you'll find a solution that both parties can agree to.

Good Luck!

Sparkling Red said...

OK, now that I'm sure this isn't an April Fool's joke...

Firstly, I would never marry someone without living with them for at least 2 years. This is based on both my own personal experience and on scientific studies of human relationships.

Secondly, depending on how big a wedding you want, it's really smart to save up before you start planning it. Weddings cost BIG $$$ and fighting over where your dollars are going to go is just one aspect of the crazy stress of wedding planning. You'll make life easier for yourself if you start with money in your pocket and a clear budget.

As for you being out of school, I don't understand why that's important to him. I would want to know the reasoning behind that criteria before I could say what I think about it. In the absence of further information, I don't see why it would make a difference. But Rashan seems like a reasonable guy, so there could be something I'm missing.