Why does my father try to kill me every time we go on a walk together? I really don't understand. Hence the stuttering. Once we get done walking I get this fear that if I don't immediately stretch every single limb, I will wake up like a pretzel and be unable to untangle myself. This means standing stretches, sitting stretches, lying down stretches, leaning stretches.
This week I worked out at the gym on Monday and Wednesday. I did TaeBo on Thursday. YIKES!! Don't sleep on the TaeBo. I mean I already knew this. I learned it in college when I was less fit and was subsequently unable to use stairs for a week. I hadn't been able to work out regularly for 2 weeks prior to this week because of my wisdom teeth and then my trip to Florida. That meant kicking my own butt was not advisable. Friday, my dad and I went on a 45-minute walk. Today I can walk, but I'm also quite aware of my legs. WHAT I'M S'POSED TO DO ABOUT MY LEGS, CHARLAY MURPHAY?!?!
With my triumphant return to the gym and park, I've noticed some things I must speak out about.
* Thou shalt not wear a fanny pack under any circumstances. DON'T DO IT! RECONSIDER! READ SOME LITER.ATURE ON THE SUBJECT!
* Thou shalt not wear spandex shorts. I don't care what your physical condition is, it's just not attractive!!
* Thou shalt not wear belly shirts. Vomit. If you are overweight, it's just unappealing to the eye and can't make you feel good about yourself. If you are fit, you're just showing off.
* Thou shalt not talk on your cell phone the entire time you are there. Look, if you can't take an hour out of your "busy pants dropping schedule" (name that movie!!) to work on your fitness, minus the phone, there is a problem. But guess what? We're too far from downtown for your work to really run your life like that so I know it's not work related. That means, YOUR MOM CAN WAIT!!
* Thou shalt not move slower than the speed of sound. Dude. How will you ever get in shape when you're being lapped by the lady with the cane who's here for physical therapy? Are you not ashamed to let someone's not fit grandmother show you up like that!?!?
* Thou shalt not stare. Can I do squats without you eyeing my nether regions? YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDFATHER, YA NASTY!! Sigh. This is why I do half of my stretches in the locker room and that ain't right!!