9.14.2010

Huh?

Were we reading the same blog?  This chick said she wanted a dude to be creative on the first date.  She didn't say she needed relationship advice.  She didn't say she had trouble finding a man.  In fact, she said just the opposite.  She's really busy and she doesn't have time for your lazy foolishness.  And somehow it's turned into a massive debate that places all the marrieds and almost marrieds against the single women.  Whatever!!  When you come on someone's blog like a know-it-all, no matter your position, and rudely tell her how wrong she is and that's exactly why she's single, I'm not going to sit back and let it go down like that.  I'm also not going to continue going back and forth.  You made your position clear and so did I.  Let's move it on along. 

10 comments:

GorgeousPuddin said...

I see you are still bothered by the comments. Me too!!!!!!!!!!!

As a single woman(in a relationship) who considers herself "FANCY"!Bwhahahahaha!
(this cracks me up!)
I've set standards for myself that I don't feel there is anything wrong with it.

Why does that make one "fancy" to want a real restaurant? The twist on that song killed me! I'm fancy??????? Well okay! But I am AND????

I don't want to settle for any ole dude. I want the right one for me. This guy will come correct, be imaginative, creative and open minded and of course LOVE me! And in doing so he will enjoy EVERYTHING fancy about me!

I was so disturbed at the viciousness of the attacks by the marrieds and almost marrieds, Such as Do she have a man, that's why she single, you expect too much blah, blah, blah! REALLY?????????????????????????????

It was very messy, unsettling, and disturbing.

I was glad to see you didn't back down when they started denying "they" were in attack mode.

They were and it was offensive!

Trust me my "fancy" self will get married to Mr. creative and it will be all good!

That's my 3 cents!

Not so Anonymous said...

Yay, finally some exciting blog reading from the hospital bed.

I really can't stand when women start talking about, "that's why so many woman are single." Everyone is different...period.

And for the record, I totally agree with you and I feel savvy.

I'm more like that when it comes to men wanting to hit the movies on the first date...really, step yo' game up, lol.

She's Savvy said...

Just thought I'd stop by your blog. I didn't realize a simple opinion was going to be blown into such a big debate and into an "us" (single) vs "them" (married). Thanks for seeing where I'm coming from.

pserendipity said...

I think the tide kinda turned when you pointed out that the marrieds/almost marrieds were telling her that she was wrong, which was not what was happening. There were other people who echoed the same thoughts and who are single, but it seems like the un-single people took all the flack. My opinion would have been the same no matter what my relationship was. Some chicks are single because they lump all guys into the same category and refuse to believe that a good dude can have a different preference than they do. Going to a chain restaurant is not a standard. You don't have to lower your "standards" to eat a steak at Ruth Chris. It's a preference -- you prefer not to. Has nothing to do with my wedding date. If I sounded condescending when I said it, I owe my apologies to the writer. I didn't think I was being condescending or rude at all, but apparently there was a difference of opinion on that. My intent was to convey that good dudes come in all packages and with all different kinds of ideas. So, yeah, I think we were reading the same blog.

I became offended at the stereotype. Which is why I commented on MY blog about it. It happened to be a stereotype presented about dating, so I used my own dating experience. On my own blog. All black people like watermelon, all people with dreads have smelly hair, all moms who let thier kids eat candy are stupid, all men who like chain restaurants have no culture. Either one of those would have set me off. All of them are idiotic statements. The maker of the statement may have tons of sense, but the statement itself was crazy. If you don't want to eat at a chain restaurant, then don't. Do you. But don't make an assinine assumption about every man who would.

I don't know it all, but I do know a lot of things, and one of those is that stereotypes won't get you far in dating, in the corporate world, in school, or wherever. When you sleep on people based on who you "think" they are, that generally comes back to bite you in the bottom. It's not infinite wisdom from the marrieds, its common sense.

Adei von K said...

oooh, i read a comment that got me upset and i had to stop. 6 year dater needs to calm down.

mrstdj said...

I haven't weighed in on either side of the debate because I think it's just become too messy. I think you're last line is a good end to this week hot topic - let's move it on along.

Jameil said...

GP... unnecessarily dramatic. Your standards are as acceptable as everyone else's. You don't need to settle. "That's why you're single" is really rude. Who could respond positively to that?

nsa... LOL. So different! The longer you date, the less you're willing to put up with lameness on the first date.

savvy... I'm sure you were shocked b/c I was, too and I know some of the people on the "other side." You're welcome.

adei... yeah...

mrs. tdj... it's really messy right now. i never got the big deal about the whole situation or how it got so blown out of proportion but I hope it's over now.

Jameil said...

Pserendipity,
Your comment landed in the spam filter on the first go round.

When you say something like, "THAT RIGHT THERE is the reason chicks are still single" how do you really expect me to respond? That's straight up rude. And it's a judgment frequently echoed by people in relationships. It's just as irritating as the question, "Why are you still single?" or "When are you getting married?" or "When are you gonna have some kids?"

For you, it's a preference. For me, it's a standard. I love food. Point blank, period. I've been in relationships where men weren't able to expand their horizons beyond chains and it was a direct reflection on their lack of adventurousness in general. Rashan and I frequently talk about how happy we are to be in a relationship where we can eat great NON-CHAIN food together. It's not a character flaw representative of other unreasonable preferences or standards to say you don't want to eat at a chain restaurant. She said she wanted a dude to be creative. Women dumbing down their preferences, standards, whatever, is why they end up in unfulfilling relationships. No, a chain is not the end all be all, but seeing as I don't know that dude, I need him to show me a reason I should allow him to take up my time.

You don't like the stereotype and commented about it on YOUR blog, great! But you first came at her on her blog like she needed to be schooled lest she remain single. That's her experience, her preference, who cares? You love your man who takes you to chains. That's great!! No shade at all and I'm very sincere when I say that. But everything ain't for everybody and I highly doubt that's why she's still single.

The reason it came down to marrieds/non-marrieds is because that statement wouldn't carry as much weight from someone single. It'd be like, "Yeah, and what do you know?" She didn't ask for advice, she stated she wants a dude who comes out of the box on date number 1.

Then it was taken to another level like why is my opinion not worth anything in dating b/c I'm married/almost married? Shouldn't I be the main one you listen to? Again, what fresh heck??? How did it get there?? There are a lot of things marrieds/almost marrieds have great insight into and I'm not saying dating isn't one of them but as an opening statement, "THAT RIGHT THERE is the reason chicks are still single" isn't one that engenders listening with an open mind. Neither is dropping attacks like "idiotic" and "assinine."

It's not sleeping on people based on who you think they are, but rather who they show you they are. I don't know that dude. At all. He wants to take me to a chain... fail. I don't think there's any lack of clarity in the fact I would let a dude know it's not going down like that. But I'm also using the little I do know about him (he likes chains and finds them acceptable for first dates) to inform other decisions. That's what all of us do in every situation.

{JeLisa} @ Blogging Ever After said...

Yikes.

The single vs. married thing seems so unnecessary. I am so happy {and, apparently, fortunate!} to get along with my single friends just as much as I do with my married friends. Why shouldn't I? And why does one have to be better than the other?

Wherever you are in life {single, married, mom, whatever}, enjoy it and live it fabulously.

happynappybride said...

Wow...I guess I'd better get my self on over to that blog!