1.26.2011

*Taps Mic** Is This Thing On??

About a month ago, Rashan's mom texted him for my number.  This made me feel weird.  We have what feel to me like strange interactions.  It shouldn't be strange that she welcomes me so openly but it kind of is.  I'm not used to hugely demonstrative displays of affection like her infamous 10-second hugs.  Rashan and I showed my mom how long his mom's hugs are and she was pushing me away after 5 seconds.  LOL.  That sounds so much worse than it is.  Whereas they are physically expressive, my family is emotionally and verbally expressive.  They have a strict DADT policy.  Us?  Start talkin!

So Rashan didn't give his mom my number until she asked for it again about a week ago.  She called to ask me for one of the recipes I used for Christmas dinner.  Rashan & I both felt weird about it.  Couldn't we have discussed that on fb like we do everything else? Don't you know me & Rashan met on the internet???  Hold up.  I'm not sure she does know we met on the internet.  DADT...

Cue Monday afternoon.  I leave training to see she called.  I text Rah like, "Why is yo momma callin me????"  He's clueless.  Fat lot of help he is!

I call her back curiously and say, "Hello?"
She sounds confused as well, "Hello?"
"Hi!"
"Hey darlin!"
"You called?"
"Yeah... a couple of days ago."
Color me confused... "Oh..."
"Is everything alright."
More confused.  Hesitantly, "Uhhh... yeah."
"You sure?"
Pause.  Does she have some sort of creepy sixth sense that I'm in a mood?  Did Rashan call her? "Yeah."
"You sound out of breath."
Oh.  LOL.  That.  "I just got done working out."
"Oh. Why didn't you take your husband with you?"
Hold the phone.  HUH????  I know you said you already claim me as your daughter but this is just WEIRD.  "Uhhhh... I have a trainer.  He works out at home."
"Oh really?  I didn't know that."

Why would you????  It starts to get a little cloudy here because my mind is racing (along with my heart rate) as I try furiously (and valiantly I might add) to figure out WHAT in the sam hill she's talking about!!
"Did you guys move yet? When are you moving?"
WHAT????  "Huh?"  You can tell I have 2.5 degrees, can't you?
"Are you still living with your parents?"
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!?  "No..."
"Where are you living?"
THE SAME PLACE WE WERE 4 MONTHS AGO!!  "Oh! Um... Winston-Salem."
"Huh? Wait a minute... Who...?"

This... two and a half of the most awkward minutes of my life... THIS is where we both realize she has no clue who she's talking to.

Simultaneously. "Who is this?" "This is Jameil!"
"Oh! I thought you were Rah's brother's wife!"
Relief! Sweet, beautiful milk dotting the mouth of a six pound, 10 oz. baby Jesus relief!  I just... I just don't know WHAT to say I'm so relieved!  So I start laughing.  Really loudly.  LOLOL.
"My pocket book must have called you!"
Insert 30 seconds of only slightly less awkward explanations about how she thought I was her youngest son's wife, a quick, well I like to talk to you, too!
And then, a merciful goodbye!
I sigh with joy and attempt to get my body to stop trying to simultaneously fight and flight.

Rashan's response to the whole thing?  "I feel uncomfortable just listening to you tell this story!"  How does he think I felt???  And then, "She doesn't have caller i.d.??"

????????????????????

Him = theeeee worst.

11 comments:

K. Rock said...

I shudder thinking about talking to my mother-in-law on the phone. We probably only talk about once every 15 months but that 60 seconds is the most awkward 60 seconds ever. So I can totally relate to this.

Not so Anonymous said...

I guess I'm confused. Why was it akward that she asked for your number. You and her son live together and what if something happens and she/the family can't get in touch with him? It makes sense to me that she'd have your number.

Now if you two don't have a comfortable relationship then I can understand how her calling to shoot the breeze would be weird.

And, it seems more weird to me to have most of your interactions via FB. Maybe she's trying to get to know you more and wanted to have a voice to voice about your delicious meal and how she can recreate it? I dunno.

The part where the both of you are talking and confused is hillarious, though.

Sha Boogie said...

BWAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Don't you just love those awkward mother of your lover conversations? I find them exhilarating, lol. Lots of 'uhmms...' and empty spaces where you wish you had something witty to say. 15 minutes later you're left wondering why you're still on the phone..

Sparkling Red said...

Epic confusion!

I hardly ever have to talk to my MIL on the phone, thank goodness. She and I can get along pretty well during social occasions, but we're not "close". Certainly there is no hugging. 10 s. hugs??? I don't know anyone who does that except lovers in the glow of first love.

Ladynay said...

Nice basic layout ma'am. Probably changed it a couple of times since I posted.

I forgot you were in WS. So far but yet so close. I am slowly working on being more personal life social. Maybe I'll take a road trip and you can teach me about food and fashion.

I would not have called her back. Don't ask why. Rude? Probably, but I wouldn't have called. Even though I carry better conversations with Snookums mom than he does!

I read this and the one before so If I jump around, oh well! *smile*

What is DAHT?

Replace taking a pic a day to a pic a month.

My personal trainer is under the weather so I will probably have the weekend off. Glad to hear you are doing awesome still.

My family is good mix of physical and verbal affection. I am definitely more physical. Gotta work on telling my peeps I love them. *mental note to add to 2011 goals*

Naima said...

I needed that laugh just now. And boy, was it a hearty laugh!!

And this..."Sweet, beautiful milk dotting the mouth of a six pound, 10 oz. baby Jesus relief!" absolutely KILLED me. I'm still laughing.

And oh yeah -- I like the new layout! I blame Google reader for my lateness (don't judge me).

Jameil said...

k... lolol! that's so long! what on earth would you need to talk about in those ridiculous intervals???

nsa... b/c she doesn't even talk to her son on the phone. why does she need to talk to me? we both knew she wasn't asking for my number for that practical reason. she wanted to talk about something. neither of us knew what. fear of the unknown. we're not uncomfortable but like i said, if you don't talk to him like that, why do you need to talk to me? WEIRD. we planned the menu on fb so why wouldn't we exchange recipes on fb? again, me & rah met online which now makes ZERO fb-style interactions w/his family awkward to me. those are actually much easier.

sha... OMG!! PLEASE DON'T CALL HIM MY LOVER!! I'm going Modern Family on you!! "We don't like lover." MOBF is so awkward! We've never been on the phone that long and usually in person she's not still that long. LOLOL

red... seriously! 10 seconds! it's so crazy!

lady... thanks! i'll be changing it some more. i don't really like it yet. so close yet so far! lolol. i love fashion/food lessons! but we should meet in the boro instead of raggedy WS! I thought about not calling her back but I decided to be nice. Don't ask, don't tell. A pic a month??? I take more than that now!! Like 100xs that! But usually a bunch on one or two days instead of spread out. i'm more physical than my mom. add up!

nai... lol! hursh! & thank you! i didn't announce it so the reader peeps wouldn't trudge over here to be disappointed with the layout. i was SO tired of the last one. so this is temporary!

Not so Anonymous said...

Well in that case, it is weird, lol. Since my mom calls me a thousand times a day I guess I forget that not everyone has a phone relationship with their peeps...haha.

SincerelyGo said...

Half way through the conversation I was starting to wonder if she knew who you were or did you dial the wrong number. Craziness. Girl you better hug your mother-in-law, I couldn't stand mine with her none-cooking *** are asterisks okay on your blog?

Go

Jameil said...

NSA... yeah... extra weird.

go... can we do a shorter hug since she's not my MIL yet? i'll allow asterisks.

mrstdj said...

Hilarious!! My MIL and I only talk on the phone as necessary and we try to limit the interactions to 2 mins or less.