About a month ago, Rashan's mom texted him for my number. This made me feel weird. We have what feel to me like strange interactions. It shouldn't be strange that she welcomes me so openly but it kind of is. I'm not used to hugely demonstrative displays of affection like her infamous 10-second hugs. Rashan and I showed my mom how long his mom's hugs are and she was pushing me away after 5 seconds. LOL. That sounds so much worse than it is. Whereas they are physically expressive, my family is emotionally and verbally expressive. They have a strict DADT policy. Us? Start talkin!
So Rashan didn't give his mom my number until she asked for it again about a week ago. She called to ask me for one of the recipes I used for Christmas dinner. Rashan & I both felt weird about it. Couldn't we have discussed that on fb like we do everything else? Don't you know me & Rashan met on the internet??? Hold up. I'm not sure she does know we met on the internet. DADT...
Cue Monday afternoon. I leave training to see she called. I text Rah like, "Why is yo momma callin me????" He's clueless. Fat lot of help he is!
I call her back curiously and say, "Hello?"
She sounds confused as well, "Hello?"
"Yeah... a couple of days ago."
Color me confused... "Oh..."
"Is everything alright."
More confused. Hesitantly, "Uhhh... yeah."
Pause. Does she have some sort of creepy sixth sense that I'm in a mood? Did Rashan call her? "Yeah."
"You sound out of breath."
Oh. LOL. That. "I just got done working out."
"Oh. Why didn't you take your husband with you?"
Hold the phone. HUH???? I know you said you already claim me as your daughter but this is just WEIRD. "Uhhhh... I have a trainer. He works out at home."
"Oh really? I didn't know that."
Why would you???? It starts to get a little cloudy here because my mind is racing (along with my heart rate) as I try furiously (and valiantly I might add) to figure out WHAT in the sam hill she's talking about!!
"Did you guys move yet? When are you moving?"
WHAT???? "Huh?" You can tell I have 2.5 degrees, can't you?
"Are you still living with your parents?"
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?!? "No..."
"Where are you living?"
THE SAME PLACE WE WERE 4 MONTHS AGO!! "Oh! Um... Winston-Salem."
"Huh? Wait a minute... Who...?"
This... two and a half of the most awkward minutes of my life... THIS is where we both realize she has no clue who she's talking to.
Simultaneously. "Who is this?" "This is Jameil!"
"Oh! I thought you were Rah's brother's wife!"
Relief! Sweet, beautiful milk dotting the mouth of a six pound, 10 oz. baby Jesus relief! I just... I just don't know WHAT to say I'm so relieved! So I start laughing. Really loudly. LOLOL.
"My pocket book must have called you!"
Insert 30 seconds of only slightly less awkward explanations about how she thought I was her youngest son's wife, a quick, well I like to talk to you, too!
And then, a merciful goodbye!
I sigh with joy and attempt to get my body to stop trying to simultaneously fight and flight.
Rashan's response to the whole thing? "I feel uncomfortable just listening to you tell this story!" How does he think I felt??? And then, "She doesn't have caller i.d.??"
Him = theeeee worst.