Nature's No Confidence Vote

Friday night after the 2nd years, soon to be graduates, in my program screened their thesis films, we all (or most) gathered to have one (to ten-- not me! I had considerably less than 10, but I'm quite sure some of them who were graduating were in that 10 range) more beer together and talk about our futurely defunct department (yes you can still sign the petition). We were outside from about 9:30 until 2:30. I was, anyway. Some were there considerably less time. That is probably the longest amount of time I've spent outdoors in literally years and I now understand why.

I came inside and sneezed or blew my nose for the good part of an hour to an hour and a half. OUTRAGEOUS!!! I don't like being the snotty girl at the party!! I sneezed 2-3 times while I was out there but, seriously? I have to come home to this? Becoming a mouth breather because my nose is too incapacitated? Not tasting food because I can't smell it? (Hands in the air if you thought this was my biggest issue...) NOT COOL, NATURE!! And then it hit me. THIS is the reason I don't like being outdoors. I haven't done it in so long that I couldn't remember the origin of the no nature rule I have. I thought it just applied to hiking because the thought of animals attacking is kind of a problem with me and when I was younger I didn't like to sweat. It turns out I don't like to go back to those days when I never sneezed without needing a tissue. It's not fun to have a tissue box attached to the hip because you WILL need it. To wake up like I did with rings of crust around my eyes from them trying to expel these foreign irritants. (Sounds like you won with me not coming this weekend, huh, Rah? LOL!! I'm a sexy beast!)

Side note: I had a dream about a lot of ladybugs Friday night (see what happens when you make me be in nature?) which is supposed to mean good luck and happiness in work but I was shooing them off this guy I didn't really know but was someone I thought I should know and he was creeped out. I thought they were cute until I kept shooing and shooing and shooing and more just kept appearing! Then I was like, "What is the deal???" He said, this happens to me a lot. It's because of my dandruff." Dude... you might want to fix that...

Anyway, I'm now realizing from the nature fail that I knew a long time ago that nature = kiss of death for me and avoid it at all costs. At least it gives me a much better excuse for not going camping that doesn't sound like I'm a big girly baby. So nature, it's official, from me, you have the no confidence vote. One time for Dave Chappelle, "Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate." Don't we all feel better now? I would... but I still have a nose full.


Sparkling Red said...

Rings of crust? Ai ai ai - it's all bad!

That is some weird dream. At least it wasn't snails. Snails are cute when there's just a few, but lots of snails? At a certain point they become creepy.

Anonymous said...

When you came in, did you have to "Go wash that OUTSIDE smell off you?" My Grandma would not let us in for 10 minutes without a bath smelling like "outside."

Rashan Jamal said...

I still wish I was there, snot and all. I coulda slipped a claritin in your OJ, and it woulda been all good.

I'll pass on outside too. In ATL, if it aint the pollen, it's the smog. During the summer they actually have bad air alerts almost every day.

Jameil said...

red... right?? too much of anything creeps me out. 1,000 cute babies? who's gonna change all those diapers!? margaritas? WE CAN'T LET ALL THAT LIQUOR GO TO WASTE AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE TONIGHT!! krispy kremes... they're only good hot!! SOMEONE HELP ME EAT THESE! PLEASE!! i could go on... lol.

pseren... smelling like outdoors is sooo nasty to me! yuck!

rj... awww! such a sweetie. but when you're snotty i'm saying ew. i'm bein real. glad you're not an outdoors person!