Probe

Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): probed; prob·ing
transitive verb
1 : to search into and explore very thoroughly : subject to a penetrating investigation

my alternate def: to pester in a manner as to inflict pain upon, whether physical or otherwise.

Although X has NOT answered my additional questions yet after attempting to play me, I will answer hers. I was going to skirt the answers, evade, perhaps be a bit vague, but La essentially called me to the carpet.

1. What would have to happen for you to go back to Kyle?
I kind of hate you for this question. Ok, I don't hate you, but I'm very, very busy pretending he doesn't exist and this question is not helping. It's almost like a 2nd job. We haven't spoken in more than a week now. That is a very long time for us. It's hard especially with Stacey unavailable in Ghana for a month. I lost my two closest friends in the space of a month. At least Stace will be back. I'm not so sure about Kyle. He would have to be honest to me and tell me to my face what really happened. I don't know that either of us want to go there. He doesn't think it would work out long term. In that case, there's no point and no going back. If you don't think it will work and don't want to make it work, it won't. And we're just in each other's way as the people we are supposed to be with orbit us.

2. You're dying. Do you plan your own funeral?
Yes. I've been doing it for years. I know it's weird, but I like funerals. I'm also very comfortable with death. Not so comfortable that I like it, but I understand it as a part of life. Sometimes it annoys my family, but they should know. And if they do something I don't like, I will haunt them. Lololol. Maybe not haunt them because how will I know and does it really matter? But I plan it anyway.

3. When you look in the mirror, who do you see?
I'm not sure what you mean by this. But I like who I see most of the time. Physically, I'm obsessed with my stomach since I do crunches more consistently now than ever before in life. Spirtually I know I need some work but am a bit afraid to make it happen. (I know that's retarded). Mentally, I'm stronger than I sometimes know.

4. You have a secret. You're in a serious relationship. You know that the probability of the secret ending your relationship is high. But you feel very guilty. What do you do?
Whatever it is, if its going to eat at me, it will eventually end the relationship anyway. I believe in the band-aid method. Just rip it off. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. That's why I wish since Kyle and I had to end that it would've happened earlier. Less attachment would make it easier for us to be friends right now. After a year, you are almost certainly setting yourself up for failure.

5. Do you question God?
No. Everything really does happen for a reason. I may not understand it now but one day I will and I will be grateful for the lesson. Same with regrets. If you're busy regretting, you're also busy NOT learning, negating whatever you just went through. How hilarious is it that you have me sounding like a motivational speaker? Very, I think.