6.17.2007

Probe

Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): probed; prob·ing
transitive verb
1 : to search into and explore very thoroughly : subject to a penetrating investigation

my alternate def: to pester in a manner as to inflict pain upon, whether physical or otherwise.

Although X has NOT answered my additional questions yet after attempting to play me, I will answer hers. I was going to skirt the answers, evade, perhaps be a bit vague, but La essentially called me to the carpet.

1. What would have to happen for you to go back to Kyle?
I kind of hate you for this question. Ok, I don't hate you, but I'm very, very busy pretending he doesn't exist and this question is not helping. It's almost like a 2nd job. We haven't spoken in more than a week now. That is a very long time for us. It's hard especially with Stacey unavailable in Ghana for a month. I lost my two closest friends in the space of a month. At least Stace will be back. I'm not so sure about Kyle. He would have to be honest to me and tell me to my face what really happened. I don't know that either of us want to go there. He doesn't think it would work out long term. In that case, there's no point and no going back. If you don't think it will work and don't want to make it work, it won't. And we're just in each other's way as the people we are supposed to be with orbit us.

2. You're dying. Do you plan your own funeral?
Yes. I've been doing it for years. I know it's weird, but I like funerals. I'm also very comfortable with death. Not so comfortable that I like it, but I understand it as a part of life. Sometimes it annoys my family, but they should know. And if they do something I don't like, I will haunt them. Lololol. Maybe not haunt them because how will I know and does it really matter? But I plan it anyway.

3. When you look in the mirror, who do you see?
I'm not sure what you mean by this. But I like who I see most of the time. Physically, I'm obsessed with my stomach since I do crunches more consistently now than ever before in life. Spirtually I know I need some work but am a bit afraid to make it happen. (I know that's retarded). Mentally, I'm stronger than I sometimes know.

4. You have a secret. You're in a serious relationship. You know that the probability of the secret ending your relationship is high. But you feel very guilty. What do you do?
Whatever it is, if its going to eat at me, it will eventually end the relationship anyway. I believe in the band-aid method. Just rip it off. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. That's why I wish since Kyle and I had to end that it would've happened earlier. Less attachment would make it easier for us to be friends right now. After a year, you are almost certainly setting yourself up for failure.

5. Do you question God?
No. Everything really does happen for a reason. I may not understand it now but one day I will and I will be grateful for the lesson. Same with regrets. If you're busy regretting, you're also busy NOT learning, negating whatever you just went through. How hilarious is it that you have me sounding like a motivational speaker? Very, I think.

14 comments:

JOB said...

Know what a "fake-up" is? When people break up only to get back together 3+ more times - which ends up getting everyone else annoyed.

"Oh, whatshisname broke up with whatshername again."

"Sure they did."

I know this, because I've been there. Been dumped by an ex only to go back. TWICE!

Honestly though, you never get over that sting of the initial rejection, but you go back because it's comfortable.

I/we tried to play it off like we were "meant" to be together. BS. It was comfortable, plain and simple, and in my heart, I never forgave her for rejecting me that first time (for another guy, of course.) It really ate away at me, and I know I took it out on her. I was probably just angry with myself for settling back when I should have stayed broken up with her.

I'm not sure ANYONE could get over rejection like that. If you are being set aside so they can pursue some other interest, you are no longer their first choice, and you will never be again.

jameil1922 said...

i don't do breakups to makeups either. you're right. its never the same. there will be no going back twice. oh hell no. i've done the back and forth before. its unhealthy for both parties. but i post this stuff so you guys can help me through it. i, too, am a work in progress.

Vdizzle said...

Wow, those questions were kinda...wow. I don't know what else to say except:
-it's good to plan funerals, mines is gonna be a big ass party afterwards
-I don't ever question God either. She knows what she's doing

Oh and interview me please.

spchrist said...

@jameil1922....aww...damn...you broke up? I feel for you homie...you already saw my situation. If you are coming to Las Vegas in August...I got you for a drink. Stay strong.

Chris said...

that was a seriously in-depth interview, kudos to X. I always wonder what the afterlife is like personally. Like I'm scared to die, but I want to know there's the other side so I can stop worrying about it? My funeral? The song will be "Doing it to death" by Fred Wesley and the JBs, because that's what I will have done, LOL.

La said...

Oh yes. X is on my "Bitches I Hate This Week" list.

jameil1922 said...

v...
1) you get your dream job, where is it and what are you doing?
2) you met this man 8 months ago and you just know he's the one for you. you guys are in love and everything. he proposes, do you say yes?
3) how long is too long to be in a relationship without moving forward (marriage)?
4) how do you keep yourself motivated toward your goals despite any setbacks?
5) what was the best thing about being a student athlete? y'all have some crazy perks.

jameil1922 said...

sp... where the hell have you been? it's been almost a month.

chris... i want the song "sooner than you think (jesus is coming)" and if my friend sheena's mom is still around and sangin i want her to sing it. her voice is off the chain. everyone will be boohooin (more). i mean it is my funeral. the church will be incosolable. lol. i was around so much death at an early age that my mom really helped us prepare for it (as much as you can).

la... hahahahahahahaha! i love you!

X Factor said...

Damn guys... "Bitches I hate????" ***sniffling and backing away*** I'm sorry :( Jameil, my bad. I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to be deep, and maybe I went too far. I should've known better about the whole thing with the ex because I've been there. No more, really. Consider me properly chastised. And as for the follow up questions, I'm on them pronto.
Now La: et tu, Brute? What did I do to you? That's what I get for trying to keep up :(

Sha Boogie said...

I am a firm believer in 'who knows what the future holds'. Hef and I broke up 2 years ago. He has never gotten back with an ex, so I thought we were as good as done. Wrong. So, you never know whats going to happen with Kyle, thats what I love about life, the mystery of it all!

jameil1922 said...

x... we still love you. we don't mean bitches in the "bitch i'll kill you" way. we mean it in the i love you way. promise.

sha.. yeah i know. but right now i gotta focus on mellymell and what's best for me. i can't live my life in terms of what if. nah mean?

spchrist said...

Sorry...I've been on blogger hiatus for a minute. I'm back for the summer now..

memphiz said...

Hey this is probably random but w/e but i used to be scared spiritually but i just took my time with it.

Mademoiselle M said...

great answers. I too am a believer that everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up girl. You have a great future ahead of u