My dad has said some questionable things in the last week. That's his way. I guess that's everyone's way. With most people, for every gem or every few gems, there is some really off the wall, out of the way, out the box, nonsensical, ridiculous (get the picture?) comment.
But he's also said some things that were really amazing. One definite good thing that came out of the demise of my relationship is me actually sitting down and having a conversation with my father outside of our Thursday Daddy-Daughter nights (apparently since I don't mention them every week, people think they've gone to the wayside. nope. if we're both in town, we go). I'm not really up a whole lot when he's home, but we've been having some really in depth conversations which have let me into a different side of my father.
Although my mother encouraged it, my father and I never really talked about relationships very much. I don't know why. I was never shy talking to my mom about sex or relationships or anything for that matter. She always made it clear if we had any questions we should come to her so we don't get bad information from our friends (apparently I came back from a sleepover in 2nd or 3rd grade with some sort of insanity involving how babies get here). My sister did not take her up on that offer. I did.
My father has also let me into his thoughts on marriage and cohabitation. On marriage he said, "What makes marriage special is going through the leaps and bounds together. You're young together, grow old together, increase your financial stability." He was 35 when he married my 27-year-old mother. He said he was very set in his ways and that he believes the older you are the harder it is for you to blend your life with someone else's. Which makes sense. I just never thought of it like that. I also never thought to ask my father his thoughts on marriage since my parents are divorced. I guess a person with a failed marriage can also know a thing or two about what makes one work.
I was also watching my new crack, Run's House. I love that show. Run and Justine's family is so beautiful. They're fun and funny. Seeing their joy and love improves my outlook on life. It inspires me not to give up. And oddly enough, I was watching the Re-run with Run's daughters Angela and Vanessa doing commentary and Vanessa said something that resonated with me when it comes you achieving your goals. "Sky's the limit. Rock out." I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT! I'm notorious for my ambition and I'm going to make it happen. Everything.
I've also actually started another one of my new year's resolutions. Hm. I thought I put find a church on there. Tsk, tsk. Well that was one of my goals. I went to a church this Sunday recommended by a co-worker. Yeah... no. Not for me. Too small, bad sound system (hush, you have to have goals), too many songs, off-topic preacher, etc. etc. But I was glad I went because it inspired me to find one I DO like. I will be a church hopper until I find the church that's right for me. That means good choir, preferably somewhere close with multiple active ministries, but most importantly, a preacher who makes sense and does not ramble. I can't stand the 30+ minute sermons that relate in no way to the Bible and use 7 different topics. FOCUS! I am accepting suggestions.
16 comments:
My mom used to drive me crazy with her godawful advice. I couldn't understand why she was so negative or why she just couldn't help just saying the WRONG thing. One of the most important things I've realized is that parents give advice as parents. Above all else, especially where a relationship has ended, all they know is their child is in pain. Their advice will be tempered with that knowledge and all their words will be to that end; to get you out of pain, FAST. I couldn't understand why my mama would just tell me all the cliches or at worst, to just get over it. Now I understand it was mostly b/c she just didn't wanna see her child in pain. And most parents, eventually, do get it right.
Just reading your posts lets me know you are still at it. Hope you had a good weekend.
Cant wait to hear your hunt for a decent church in Pittsburgh, Ive been to more than my share in my youth, curious to see how they have evolved.
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I've found that my dad, even with all the horrific stuff I've been through with him, has given the best advice. I have sought him out on numerous occasions to get objective insight--and I wonder if his advice is more potent to me than my mom's because I haven't lived with him all my life, whereas my mom put in her "single mama" time and was involved in my life in too many ways to be able to give concise advice.
I hear you about the church thing, I've been searching for a year. I prefer a place where my spiritual growth is nurtured. The rambling preacher gives me flashbacks from my childhood, lol!
:) well enjoy the time with your dad.. whether you like the advice or not.. you still have your dad.. mine passed when I was a child.. so I had nobody to turn to and only knew my mother.. but I digress.. good thing is you listened enough to get something otu of it :)
now the church thing.. *sigh* no comment.. I have YET to find one down here.. but it doesn't stop my spiritual growth though
My dad does spit knowledge sometimes. Punk. Sorry... Yeah we look at parents as that, and not really human beings. Til we get older and realize they've lived.
I'm there with you on the preachers. Focus guys!
they should have an e-harmony for churches -- where you can put what you want and it just goes and finds it for you.
My dad also gives great advice because he just usually tells me the simplest thing or gives the simplest advice, but it has a way of resonating.
"Do you like the job? Does it pay what you want? Will it help your career? -- Then take it."
That is some sound wisdom! (the older you get the harder it is to blend your life together) I'm going to use that one on Hef!..lol.. He is 8 years my senior, so he is already set in some of his ways *sigh*...
I'm with you on the church thing, a rambling preacher sucks! if your ever in Boston, come to mine! He is awesome, young, stays on topic and our choir is so serious!
Never ever had a Dad he flew the coop before I was born, and died when I was two. One of the most touching things my mother ever said to me was something to the effect that she likes me as a person. She said that even if she weren't my mother I'm the type of person she would talk to. I have called her every day since she left me here in the midwest, and she's kept me grounded. Sometimes not even saying a word just listening and laughing. Her philosophy has always been to allow me to experience on my own, but if I need a word to "check me" she gives it.
I'm with you on a church. My mom's an ex-Sunday school teacher, one of my cousins is a minister, and her husband a pastor. I got no reason not to be put on to something in Bmore.
LOl why was I crackin up at the bad sound system...they can use some funds from the building fund..everyone has one LOL
Pops advice or comments are usually what his little girls need to hear. Much like Rell's, Poppa Diddy Pop is concise with his advice. No maater how they dish it out, I think Poppa Pearls are the best :-) I LOVE your convos w/your Dad
Scenario,
How do you respond to you biological mother practically telling you how much you remind her of your father to the point where it kinda sounds like she wants to have sex with you? I still don't know how to take it...
I call my day every Sunday and we have our 20-30 minute conversation about life. It is good times since I don't go home to Boston that much anymore.
I love Rev Run;s show. I feel as if his family is being the most real. Like the are actually acting like themselves.
You are the only person I know who still remember their New Years Resolution
You are so funny, but I feel your dad on the whole old dog, new tricks thing. The Bishop is 8 years older than me and TRES stubborn. But with that comes a lack of bullshit which I can really respect. Wish my dad were more verbal sometimes. He says things like, "well Monique. You gotta do what you think is best." Uhhh... thanks dad!
As for church, I feel that too. I stumbled onto mine and LOVED it, but in Virginia... that was a tough one. Just keep visiting and DON'T compromise.
How are you, by the way?
just came across your blog and I hear you on the church thing
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