A Bit Disappointed: A Walk Down Memory Lane

There was a guy I "talked to" for 2 years on and off. Give or take a few months. It started with me liking his friend with the unusual name, and the beautiful hair, who was brilliant and also from our home state. I thought they were both cute but the friend, we'll call him, G, was quite to my liking. Until I found out he had a girl. Granted, at this time, I had a boyfriend. A long distance boyfriend. My high school sweetheart. I had no intentions of cheating on him, but I did like to look, and I certainly liked to flirt. The boyfriend had already told me how I could light up a room with my smile so I used that to my advantage. (I know I will get some flack for that sentence!)

It eventually ended with the boyfriend early sophomore year. By that time I'd shifted my attention to G's friend, we'll call him J. I will forever blame G for J. Is that too confusing? Let's give J a full name. Jamal. I kind of like that name. I really like guys named Jamel, as strange as that sounds. I've met more than one cutie whose name was pronounced the same as mine, but spelled differently. Heeeey Jamel! *insert winning smile* Lol.

So Jamal. Very unlike his actual, quite white bread name, but we'll go with it because I've never dated a Jamal. I think I flirted with a Jamal before. I know I flirted with a Jamal before, but I never dated one. I also knew a boy named Jamal who had a friend named Bobby. I called him Bobby Digital. One night my girl had a "surprise" birthday party (she'd asked us to give her one) and all of Bobby Digital's friends came separately and told me he'd been asking about me. That was flattering then weird but mostly flattering. He went to a school about 45 minutes away. It didn't work out.

Back to NC Jamal. Toward the end of sophomore year, his interest in me grew. He gave me his number at the end of the semester and asked me to call him over the summer. He didn't think I would, but one night I was bored. So I did. We talked for hours that night. And the next night. And the next. And the next. For the entire summer, we stayed on the phone for hours. This isn't really anything new for me. I can always keep people on the phone for hours. And usually connect with the type of talkative people who are amenable to such chit chat. The person I don't stay on the phone for hours with is really more of the anomaly.

Jamal and I talked our faces off the entire summer. He was a talker and actually a good listener, too. When we got back to school, it was only natural that we spend some time together in person. We started with walks along the waterfront and around the campus. Hahaha. Not as romantic as it sounds. It could be, I guess, but I loved the water so much I would walk around with anyone. That was not a sign of my affection for you. He had a habit, though, of saying chauvinistic things which never works for me. I would get mad and not talk to him for months, then we'd be cool again, then off again and on again and on and on for 2 years. We would go days or weeks or months without talking.

Finally I lost it for good in September 2003 (fall senior year). Me and my friend went to his house to We were listening to this Luda song (warning: not for young ears and eyes) and arguing. Read the lyrics if you want to understand why I got a more than a little bit upset when he started singing the chorus in my direction. Of course when I react he says, "I wasn't talking about you." I stormed out of his house leaving my friend behind and an alleged hole in the wall. I only heard about it afterwards because I was so busy making an exit. I never saw it so to me it didn't exist. On the way out I said, "If you see me on the street, act like you don't know me. I mean it."

And I was so sincere. Of course he didn't believe me because though I'd never been quite that definite with my choice of words, like I said we had been off and on for 2 years. You know how everyone has that one person they just can't eradicate from their lives? That was Jamal for me. But this time I was serious. When he saw me, he would speak and I would ignore with the "I hear nothing" face and keep walking. He played himself hard in the union on more than one occasion with that one. Since he lived off campus and our majors were completely dissimilar, we rarely saw each other on campus making it even easier to stick to my word.

Fast forward to the day before graduation. We had our last union jam (though it was in the student center and the first union jam freshman year was in the temporary union... no matter) and of course he was there. He was very intoxicated. He tried the whole speaking thing and got ignored again. He grabs my arm and you know the room went dark. Well it was night and we were outside so I'll say I saw red. I told him to take his hands off of me. Dramatic and I don't like scenes so I was pissed about that. He says, "Come on baby," (whoa. don't call me baby.) "You still mad about that?" I can't remember the whole conversation but he tried to get his friends to convince me to talk to him, I refused. I went about my merry way before some things really popped off.

Despite all of this, I didn't see him at homecoming and I was kind of disappointed. Why? Because I've been working out and know the physique is faaaabulous AND I have a job others find impressive. Plus, you know I wanted to make it rain with my business cards. I could've done that right in front of his face. I would've been nice and calm and cordial. It would've been so fabulous. We were with his homie all weekend long! But alas, it was not meant to be. I don't plan on going to homecoming this year so who knows when the opportunity will present itself again. At the time I was a tad disappointed. Now I'm very que sera sera, c'est la vie and who cares! Fabulosa strikes again!