"You Can Buy A New Couch!!"

"But what I'm 'posed ta do 'bout my legs, Charlie Murphy!!!"
--- Rick James in the Rick James skit on "Chappelle Show" (betta not bring yo kids!!)

Let the record show my father tried to kill me. But I'm too proud to let him know. Because then he will be walking around like a peacock. Like, "Ha! I showed that young whippersnapper." I called him when I got off on Sunday to say, "Hey, want to go on a walk this morning?" He said sure so I get home and off we go to the park. Two of the "routes" have two giant hills. We traverse up the first one and he says, "I want you to run backwards down that hill." Challllllllllllllenge!

So I start but then the hill is getting progressively steeper. Hold up! Then I start to worry. "Um... dad... I don't think this is safe." "Why not? All that can happen is you fall and skin your elbows." "What?! No. I'm too cute for skinned elbows." "Skinned elbows are a part of growing up." "When you're 5!!" Crazy man. I promptly slowed down and walked backwards down that ginormous hill, but at a brisk pace. Then we took another big hill, I paused to run to the swing set YAY!!! I'm tellin ya. If you're not letting out your inner kid, you've got a problem.

Then we walked up partway through our normal route when we go to this park and he says, "Let's turn around." I said ok quickly. He said, "I didn't have to twist your arm too much." I said, "I didn't want you to feel bad." Hahahahaha. He says, "Well I didn't want to get too far then have to send you for the car." Hilarious. Now at this point I'm already starting to feel my calves tighten up. By the time we get back to the house and he's cooking breakfast, I'm like, "Oh. $#%*!" I'm trying to think of every calf stretch I know. I'm pressing my toes to the edge of a wall with my heel on the ground. I went to the stairs with my heels hanging off... THAT'S ALL I GOT!!

Look folks, don't let the small stature fool you. I've never been an athlete. I don't like to sweat and I don't like to be outside. Sophomore year when I was hanging with my girl C, who was a high school basketball star and always schoolin guys who stepped to her, I kind of got over the no sweat thing and started working out with her on the regular. HOWEVER, my sister was the athlete. Tee-ball, softball, soccer, track, basketball, dance and cheerleading. No. Not the kid. And I thoroughly enjoyed having the house to myself while she was out lettering. I got my band letter and I'm good!! Lol. Band letter sounds so lame.

Yes, I worked out hard first semester sophomore year, but I crossed SGRho 2nd semester and didn't have time to go to the gym anymore. Junior and senior year it was very sporadic, though I LOVED the hap ki do class a set of twins (one Omega, the other Kappa) taught. I would always be nearly crippled after a class, only recovering in time for the next week! It was great. I never thought I would like martial arts, but hap ki do reminded me of dance with all the kicks. If I can do nothing else, I can kick!

I'm on this crazy schedule because the noon producer was off last week and the morning producer is off this week so I did the morning show yesterday and today. That means I work 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. HORRIBLE!! You have to sleep all day and as it is summer, when you wake up, IT'S STILL NOT DARK YET!!! Worst schedule ever. Yesterday I was strong. I'm walking around like I'm cool but I CAN'T WALK!! I wanted to go to the gym because I feel weird if I don't get there in 3 days (even if I've been on a walk) so I decide I'll go just for arms and abs. I'm looking wistfully at the track walkers and elliptical and even the hated bike. :( No bike for you!!

Today, my arms are like, "Word? The legs weren't enough? You want the full-body ouch? Whatever man, your funeral." They hurt, but a good hurt. A working new muscle groups hurt. My legs? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! When I tell you I decided not to even bother to try to mask the pain today, I walked around all day like "Oh. Oh. Oh. Ow. Ahhhhh! What I'm posed ta do about my leeeeeeeeeegs?!?!?" Oh I was crackin myself up!! And I looked a hot mess! It would be hilarious if I didn't have to hobble around and up and down stairs. By the way, down is worse. But I will survive!!! My mantras are crackin me up. I'm soooooo the self-help book of late. Positive affirmations and all that. It's great. Need some advice? I'm available! Lolololol. I just hope I can move in the morning.