Fresh AzImIz

I know its wrong and uncharacteristic for me to quote lil Bow Weezy but work with me here people. I'm just sayin. Pittsburgh ain't fresh az i'm iz. It just ain't. I'm sayin. So this dude from a place i frequent but don't really interact with the people has been tryin to get me to go out with him damn near as long as I've been here. I was bored out of my mind and I finally cracked.

Don't worry guys. I'm not ruining the relationship. I talked it over with the b.f. first. So the dude, we'll call him Jake. Lol. Jake. That's a funny name. So yeah, Jake and me decide to meet up at this place called "High Rollers, Inc." I looked it up on the internet. Sounds hot right? But it doesn't have a website. That's already a no no. Call me siddity or whatever, but I'm somewhat internet savvy and I just expect a place that wants my patronage to have a website. That's all I'm saying. (btw I said siddity around some white people and they gave me the blank look. How hilarious is that?! I didn't know that was a black word! Lolol.) So then I'm looking for the place. I call Jake like what does it look like, what am I looking for? He says, "There's no sign out front." I'm like, "Wait, you do know I went to Hampton right? So you know my standard?" He agrees but then we get to this bootleg hole in the wall place and I'm just so less than pleased its not funny. There are about 15 people in this place that I can see the back of when I walk in the door.

Everyone's at the bar, the dance floor is empty, and the sound system is like someone's stereo hooked up to a big speaker. I mean damn. My dad had a better sound system in his house in Charlotte. Matter of fact, we have a better sound system in this little ass apartment we live in right now. We could blast them out w/the quality. Without a doubt or breaking a sweat. So whatever. Me and Jake head to the bar. I get a Tanqueray and tonic w/a lime. Not the tastiest drink, but I at least need to be able to taste my liquor. Its cute and people are always impressed when you order it. When you don't know what kind of bartender you're working with, that's what you have to do. Get something that you know you can taste and is pretty hard to mess up. You already know how I feel about Long Islands. Not cute. So me and Jake are talking. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. (I had already asked him to stop sitting so close to me). That's regardless.

Men, let me give you a little hint. Personal space is very important. I don't want you invading mine when I don't know you. I'm not giving you any clues that I want you that close to me. I know I'm not. Here's some help. These are clues that I want you close. 1) I'm looking in your eyes with "the look." You know the one. Where my eyes are half-lidded and you're pretty sure I want to get you home. 2) I'm leaning toward you. Body language is so important its not funny. If we're sitting down and my legs are crossed away from you, bad body language. That says I'm still not that comfortable with you. Arms crossed? Same thing. If I'm leaning away from you, not making eye contact... I do not want you making body contact of any kind. DON'T TOUCH ME!! Don't listen to Amerie. DO be afraid to touch. I just don't like strangers touching me anyway. If we've never had a conversation more than an hour, you're a stranger. Get away! So obviously he's breaking these rules because I have given him none of these clues. Very bad body language. And conciously.

If I have to ask you to give me some space, that's bad. I had to tell this dude at Hampton to get away from me. If you're a nerd before you join, you're still a nerd to me! Male or female. You are who you are, letters don't change that. So anyway. I was like, "Geez. You're such an invader of personal space!" He was always touching me w/his clammy hands talking about, "Heeeey Superstar! How are you? You're number one!" Ugh! I know you know my line name and number. Now please stop touching me!! But do you know what he said when I said that to him? "I know! Isn't it great!?" Heeeeeeeeeell no negro, or I wouldn't have said anything. Ugh. Stop invading my space!! Filthy McNasty.

Anyway. So partway through the time at the alleged High Rollers, he asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say yes. He asks how long. I say we've been best friends for 3 years, known each other for 5 and been together for a month. (Hursh I know it makes no sense). So that's out of the way. He knows. Then he starts with the comments. Well, let him know he's a lucky guy. Yeah he knows. And some other typical bullshit men say when you have a man and they're still tryin to get at you. Look here little man. I love my man. What don't you understand about he's been my best friend for THREE YEARS? Three years? That's no bullshit. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't want to. So what fresh HELL makes you think any whack game you kick can do anything to make me want you? It can't. I'm not going anywhere. So back off.

I want to see Pittsburgh, but not that bad. Ugh. STOP TOUCHING ME!! I just wanted to scream that. But then I'd be overreacting. Bitches. And its 153 as I'm finishing this. I've been typing for how long? I've been home for at least a half hour. That's ridiculous. Jake also took me to "Rumshakers." Has a website, but is soooooooooooo small. You see how ghetto the website is? And the dj? Damn ridiculous. Awful. No thanks. I'll pass on that again. So the moral is... I will go out in Pittsburgh again, but not with Jake unless I can get him on the same page (i.e. you have NO chance unless pigs begin to fly in hell without turning into bacon). And I will not be heading to either of those "establishments" (I use that term loosely) again. There are enough in Pittsburgh that I can try about 5 more that I've heard more about.

And another thing, I was accused of being too serious. The atmosphere you're exposed to me in is a serious one. WTF? You want me to be shuckin and jivin in there? I don't get it. Shut up. Ugh. I'm gonna shake someone. Its time for me to go to bed. How sad. Lolol. Actually, in retrospect, it wasn't THAT bad (the places). But I definitely could have had better music. I was just glad to get out the damn house. But I still don't want him touching me. We've already established I ain't got no southern hospitality. I'm rude.

********EDIT****************
I had originally planned to go out alone (see post below). Stay with your instincts people!! Also lol. i can't believe i titled a post fresh azimiz. How ghetto is that? i should've gone out by my damn self. but i'm glad I did this b/c I now know that i could've had way more fun by my damn self. I could've had a great damn time alone. So from here on out, expect a crazy story once a week about my adventures in Pittsburgh. I'm not waiting for no more boring ass people to remember I'm here.